Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
PIECES FROM THE PAST
J ack pulled away from her mouth to find Mick bearing down on them. Not far behind waddled Maude the Shunner.
“Really, Mick? When did you have those installed?” Jack asked, gesturing towards the screeching speaker system and red flashing lights attached to the side of Hawthorne Hall.
“They’ve been here for weeks. Inside, too.” Mick replied before turning to the cameraman. “Are we rolling? Okay. I’m sorry, Dani, but Article Two Sections One, Two, and Three of the Regency Rules of Decorum state: ‘All expressions of physical affection must be instigated by the Vermin of the State. Hugging is permitted only after the first date. And kissing is only permitted after the fifth elimination ceremony.” You have neglected these rules and have thus been deemed shun-worthy by the producers and society at large. Maude…”
While the rest of the women filtered out of the house and into the sideyard, seemingly to find the source of the alarms, Maude yelled, “Tsk-tsk! Tut-tut! Your time tonight is done! Tsk-tsk! Tut-tut! For now you have been shunned!”
As the cackling old crow dragged her towards the darkness of the forest, Dani kept her eyes fastened on Jack and reassured him, “It was worth it. I’d happily do it again!”
To which Jack mouthed the words, “I’ll wait for you.”
“What did she do?” Izumi asked.
“You’ll need to ask her when she gets back from the Shunning Place at the conclusion of tomorrow’s challenge.”
When Dani and Maude were out of sight, Naia led the rest of the girls - with Jack and Mick in tow - back towards the front of the house. There, they found Zuri sitting in a metal chair, playing a game on her phone.
“Mick! Bring back the Shunner!” Chloe screamed, pointing at Zuri.
Beyond looking up from her phone to shoot Chloe one glare of a glance, Zuri did not respond.
“Mick!” Chloe demanded once more. “She’s using a phone! She’s violating the Regency Rules of Decorum!”
“Oh no!” Jack said with a solemn face but an ecstatic heart. “Why…that means…we have to postpone our fifteen-minute date until…until after tonight’s elimination ceremony. Why did you do it, Zuri? Why?!”
“Now, Jack,” Mick interceded, “Zuri didn’t know about the Regency Rules of Decorum.”
“I think she did. Right, Zuri?”
Seemingly realizing there may be a way out of having to spend fifteen minutes with him, Zuri shot out of her chair and feigned comprehension.
“I did. I really, truly did!”
“You see!? She admits it! I thought you cared about me, Zuri. I thought you wanted this date more than anything. But to throw it all away for a phone…”
“Jack, how could she have known the rules if she still has her phone? Don’t you think I would have taken it from her, like I did with the rest of the contestants, as soon as I explained to them the rules?”
“My sweet Mick,” Jack sighed. “My sweet, lovely, forgetful Mick. Of course, you told her. Of course, you took her phone. She just stole it back.”
“I did steal it. I really, truly did!”
“I knew it!”
“Jack, stop. Take a deep breath, go on your fifteen-minute date, and then we’ll have the elimination ceremony ,” Mick said with large, reminding eyes.
His not-so-subtle reminder calmed Jack’s troubled heart. He didn’t need to get Zuri sent to the Shunning Place, where she’d probably just try sabotaging his chances with Dani. All he had to do was survive their date and then be free from her forever. After this realization, Jack stopped wasting time, took Zuri by the arm, and quickly walked her away from the rest of the group.
“Don’t touch me,” she demanded through gritted teeth.
“Don’t flatter yourself,” he whispered back. “We just need to play this off until we get out of sight. Quick! Laugh at what I just said.”
“Oh…Hahahaha, you’re hilarious, Mr. Adamson!”
“Hahahahaha! I know!
“Hahahaha!”
“Hahaha HA !
As they walked away, Jack heard Mick addressing the crew behind him.
“And cut! Everyone, listen in for a second. We don’t need any cameras on them at the moment. I think we have enough solid material from the previous dates to work with. Instead, I need one of you over at the Shunning Place, getting some shots of Dani preparing for tonight’s elimination. I need the rest of you setting up your shots in the upstairs library for…”
When Jack and Zuri reached the west side of Hawthorne Hall’s exterior, they pulled away from each other with the violent speed of a stewardess being sucked out of a broken airplane window.
“Ew! I hate you for touching me!” she exclaimed.
“I hate me for touching you! Do you have any hand sanitizer or anything?”
“Nothing strong enough. Wait! What are you doing!?”
“I’m taking off the clothes you touched and burning them!”
“Jack! Put your shirt back on this instant!”
“No! Hand me that lantern! The one up there on the wall!”
In all the commotion, he thought he saw Zuri’s eyes fixing on his washboard stomach for more than just a passing glance. Not that he could blame her. He was a specimen - the best thing to happen to her eyes since LASIK.
“Oh, grow up, Jack! Put your shirt back on now before I tell the rest of the women exactly why I’m here.”
“Psshh! You wouldn’t.”
“Oh, I would! Admittedly, it would take a lot. For some reason, my silly brother loves you and wants to help you. Plus, the sooner you’re off the market, the sooner you can stop torturing these poor women, and every other woman in this world who thinks your money will somehow make up for who you are as a person!”
“Shows how little you know,” he fired back. “None of these women even know about my wealth.”
“Oh…well, then I take it all back! The women who knew nothing about you, who were flown out to the UK, put up in a luxurious mansion to live their regency dreams, and get a chance to be on telly…those women have no incentive whatsoever other than the glorious prize of ending up with Jack Adamson - the broken millionaire.”
Jack tried to keep a stoic expression, but she’d struck a nerve. For a moment, he thought he might have saved face until he noticed Zuri’s countenance soften. Her suddenly relaxed brow seemed to indicate astonishment at Jack’s capacity to feel. But such sympathy was short-lived.
As Jack put on his shirt with angry emphasis, Zuri said, rather than screamed, “It’s bad enough you used to embarrass me in front of my friends and Thomas. Now, if this show airs, you’ve embarrassed me in front of the whole world with that ridiculous story, all while I was standing there doing you a favor.”
“Oh, lighten up! Your friends and family will know nothing could be further from the truth than Zuri Burke having an undying love for Jack Adamson - the broken millionaire.”
“Just…stay out of my way. Don’t talk to me. Don’t touch me. Don’t even look at me for the rest of the time I’m here, or I promise…I will get you back. And not just for the lie you told today: for everything you’ve ever done to me.”
With that, Zuri turned to walk the rest of the fifteen-minute loop without him.
“Not if I get you first,” he muttered to himself.
As the cameras started rolling, Jack walked into the library to two rows of extravagantly clad women and Dani - who stood there in rags, mussed hair, and dirt on her face in place of any powder or rouge. No doubt a part of her punishment for having neglected the rules. But it didn’t work. She looked just as stunning as ever. They all looked too elegant for Mick not to have permitted a modest amount of modern makeup during elimination ceremonies. Even Zuri deserved a glance, but only a brief and cold one.
“Mr. Adamson…ladies…welcome to our first elimination ceremony. You didn’t have much time with our vermin, but with the time you did have, I hope you all made a wonderful first impression.”
“They really did, Mick.” Jack recited. “This was probably the most difficult decision I’ve ever had to make in all my life. And to be honest…I’m not so sure I’ve even made it yet.”
“Are you telling me…it might come down to a last-second decision?”
“Yes, Mick. I am.”
“Wow. This…is intense!”
“I know. I just hope I make the right choice.”
“I’m confident you will. Alright, ladies. Let me explain how this is going to work. There are nine of you, but in the bowl next to…oh, come on! Cut! Owen!”
“Yeah?” someone named Owen answered offscreen.
“Where are the forget-me-nots?”
“I uh…I’m so sorry, Mick. I guess I forgot to buy them.”
“You forgot them?”
Owen nodded.
“How could you forget them? The reminder is in their very name, man!”
“I’m sorry. I’ll run into town right now and…”
“Oh, don’t bother. There’s no time. We need to shoot this scene now. We’ll just have to find something else.”
“Would these work?” came a meek voice from the library doorway.
Avi Mackinnon stepped forward with a handful of lavender and cream-colored puzzle pieces.
Mick looked them over for a moment before an inspired smile consumed his face.
“I love it!” he said. “So simple! So unique! Where did you come up with the idea, my dear?”
“I was…doing a puzzle in the next room?”
“What a revelation! Thank you for saving the show!”
Avi mustered a nervous nod and left the library, passing Thomas on her way out.
“Alright, let’s take it from, ‘Wow. This is intense.’”
“Actually,” Jack interrupted, “could we take it from ‘Yes, Mick. I am?’ I just felt like I came off a little too robotic there.”
“Nonsense. You were wonderful. Ready? And…action! Wow. This…is…”
“Cut,” Jack said.
“What? Jack, I told you: you said your line perfectly.”
“Sorry, it’s not that. I just had an idea for the show. The whole Vermin of the State thing just sounds kind of…I don’t know…strange? And it’s a tad confusing. But if you’re going to make puzzle pieces the symbol of the show, why not take the opportunity to change the name of the programme? Call it ‘Pieces from the Past’ or ‘The Last Piece’ or something like that?”
“But…I’ve already made up all the merch. Is it really that bad?”
“Um. Kind of.”
The women nodded in agreement.
More hurt than annoyed, Mick conceded, “I suppose we could talk about it later…”
“Great. That’s all I ask. Thank you. And action!” Jack shouted before Mick could get set.
“Uhh, yes, well…Wow. This…is intense!”
“I know. I just hope I make the right decision.”
“I’m confident you will. Alright, ladies. Let me explain how this is going to work. There are nine of you, but in the bowl next to Mr. Adamson are only eight puzzle pieces. If he deems you worthy of holding a piece of his heart…” Mick said as Jack shot him a quick complimentary glance for his improvisational prowess, “…he will give one to you, deeming you safe from elimination. However, if you still don’t hold a piece of his heart when the bowl is empty, that means your time with us in the Regency Era has come to an end. And you will be expected to leave for the twenty-first century immediately. Mr. Adamson, the floor is yours…”
Jack removed the first puzzle piece from the bowl. He took a deep breath, paused to let the tension build, and called the first name.
“Izumi.”
With obvious relief, she stepped forward.
“Izumi,” Jack said, “sa pirasong ito, kinukumpleto mo ako.”
“Hahaha. Oh my gosh! Perfect Filipino!”
“I learned it just for you. Will you accept this piece of me?”
“I will,” she said with a smile before giving him the show’s first authorized hug.
After she returned back to her spot amongst the contestants, Jack pulled out the second piece and said, “Dani. Dani, they can shun you out of the house, but they can’t shun you out of my heart.”
Zuri let out a scoffing snort.
Ignoring her, Jack continued, “Dani, will you accept this piece of me?”
“Of course.”
After a brief hug, Dani wasn’t even allowed to return to her spot in the second row. Instead, Maude appeared and escorted her out of the room.
The process continued. Jack called Naia next. Then Connie. Then came Lily, followed by Chloe.
“Elena,” Jack announced, leaving only Zuri and Mackenzie standing there without a puzzle piece. “Elena, to your parents, you’re one of twelve. But to me…you’re one of one. Will you accept this piece of me?” he asked.
“Absolutely.”
As he wrapped his arms around her, Jack couldn’t help but notice Zuri’s bored and stupid face over Elena’s right shoulder. He could not wait to be rid of her. As such, he ended the hug early, grabbed the last piece, and opened his mouth to say…
“Ladies,” Mick interrupted. “This is tonight’s final piece of Mr. Adamson’s heart. Jack…”
Finally, the moment had come. He looked Zuri square in the eye, opened his mouth, and…had an idea - a very risky and sinister idea…
“Zuri,” he said.
Zuri seemed too petrified to move, yet somehow, she was able to shake her head using only her facial expression.
“Mackenzie, I am so sorry. You lift me up, literally over your head. But I can’t pass up a woman who is willing to embarrass herself in front of the entire world by committing a minor crime…just for a chance at love with me. But I would be honored if you’d give me a goodbye hug.”
Mackenzie came forward and lurched over him before wrapping her massive arms around his comparatively childlike body. She waved goodbye to the women, then to Jack, and then she passed Thomas and the rest of the crew into the hallway, where a cameraman followed her out.
“Zuri, you smooth criminal…you’ve tres-passed the test. Will you accept this piece of me?”
Jack always considered himself a master poker player even when no one else did. He prided himself on reading people, knowing when to go all in, and calling bluffs, and he felt like he’d just done all three with Zuri. The stakes were high. If he called when he should have folded, she could blow the whole show up with little more than a short list of incriminating facts. It all came down to whether or not she loved Thomas enough to keep her mouth shut. Jack was ninety-one percent sure she did.
“Zuri…I said, will you accept this piece of me?”
She looked to Thomas, who kept looking back and forth between his sister and best mate, with an expression just as confused as hers. After a few seconds, Zuri set Jack in her sights and mustered a single nod.
“Oh! Hazzah!” Jack exclaimed.
“Zuri B,” Mick said, “please step forward and claim your piece of Mr. Adamson’s heart.”
“Come on, Mick. Obviously, the lady is so overcome with shock that the man of her dreams would choose her over a woman of such virile beauty. Zuri, don’t worry. I’ll come to you.”
Jack left Mick’s side and approached Zuri with her puzzle piece. He then took her by the hand, placed the piece in her palm, closed her fist shut, and extended both arms for a great, big, hellish hug. Upon embrace, Jack leaned in close and began the quietest war of words ever uttered in human history.
“Got you first,” he whispered.
“I’m not just going to get you. I’m going to end you,” she murmured back.
“You can’t compete with me, Zuri. Everything you can do, I can do better. You know why?”
“Why?”
“Cause I can do everything better than you.”
“No, you can’t.”
“Yes, I can.”
“No, you can’t.”
“Yes, I can,” Jack said.
“I can watch ET without crying better than you. I can sleep in a top bunk without developing a fear of heights better than you. I can drink water before bed and hold it better than you.”
“SHHHH! I conquered most of those things years ago! And if my ears are plugged before the bad scientists start shocking ET’s heart, then I’ve conquered all of them!”
“Yeah? I bet you still cover your ears when you hear the aliens from Signs.”
“No, I don’t.”
Zuri used her mouth to create a series of bubbles, pops, and clicks as Jack writhed in agony.
“Alright, stop. Stop. Stop!” he angrily begged.
“Tosser!”
“Twit!”
Their quiet clash continued until Mick pulled them apart. It was probably for the best. Jack knew no one else could hear the content of their belligerent exchange, but it also must have appeared as though they were whispering sweet nothings into one another’s ears. If it continued any longer, not only would the real contestants become unnecessarily jealous, but Thomas might develop a bout of brotherly rage.
“And cut! Alright, we just need post-elimination-reaction interviews from each of you downstairs, and then you can get some sleep. I recommend not staying up too late. We start bright and early tomorrow morning.”
As Jack watched the women file out of the library along with some of the members of the crew, his attention turned to Thomas, who was weaving in and out of the crowd in Jack’s direction.
“Jack…what was that?”
“What was what?”
“You know…choosing my sister. You’re not…”
“Not what?”
“You’re not…developing feelings for her, are y?—”
“No!” Jack interrupted. “Gross! Thomas, I was just messing with her! She made some silly threats earlier, and I just needed to remind her not to mess with the king. I figured there was no better way to ruin her day than to keep her on for another one.”
“Well…alright. Just…just take it easy on her, okay? She’s here to help me help you.”
“I know. I know. And I am grateful. I’ll make it up to her somehow when this is all over. You know, buy her a car or a boat or something.”
“Or you could just be nice to her. She really is quite amazing once you get to know her.”
“Alright, fine. I’ll try to let bygones be bygones.”
“And try not to embarrass her when she gets eliminated tomorrow, will you?”
“You’re asking a lot, pal.”
“Jack. Please. For me.”
Jack engaged in an internal debate with his conscience, let out a defeated sigh, and said, “Fine. Fine. I’ll let her go with some dignity.”
“Thank you, mate. Now,” Thomas said as he threw an arm around Jack’s shoulder and led him out of the library, “I’ve got a little time before Talia or Tae wakes up wanting something…”
“What? You ready for me to start helping you help me?”
“It’s what I came for, isn’t it?”
“So you say.”
“Let’s start with this Dani lady. I saw how you looked at her. Tell me everything, and I’ll tell you whether or not she was worthy of making my best mate look at her that way.”