Chapter 7
Rachel shifted her backpack on her shoulder as she walked across the Eastern Shore Community College campus, the late spring sun warm on her face.
Almost two years down. She'd done it. Ready to finish her associate degree with good grades, new friends, and a clearer sense of who she was becoming. She was working toward her degree in education. She loved the idea of teaching young people, and it hadn’t escaped her attention that she would be able to use that degree anywhere Jack was stationed.
But it would mean three more years to obtain her master’s degree. As she approached the parking lot where Jack's old truck waited, her chest felt tight with an emotion she couldn't quite name.
He leaned against the driver's side door, dressed in jeans and a USNA T-shirt that seemed crisp despite the Virginia heat.
When he saw her, his face lit with that smile that still made her heart skip.
Even after years together and everything they'd been through, Jack could undo her with a single look.
“Hey, beautiful.” He pushed off from the truck and pulled her into his arms, lifting her slightly off her feet.
Rachel wrapped her arms around his neck and breathed him in. She was addicted to his scent and still slept with one of his T-shirts to keep it close to her. “I missed you.”
“Missed you too.” Jack set her down but didn't let go, his hands settling on her waist. “How was your last exam?”
“Good. I think I aced it.” She studied his face, noting the new lines of exhaustion around his eyes. The Academy was demanding. Baseball season had just finished, but between practices, games, and his coursework, Jack barely had time to breathe. “How long do you have?”
“Just the weekend.” His expression shifted, something heavy moving behind his eyes. “I need to spend time with my parents. And Beth and Carson.” His parents had another baby now, and he adored his young siblings.
“Of course.” Rachel knew he was right and forced brightness into her voice. “You need to spend time with them. I'll be fine.”
“Rachel.” Jack's thumb traced circles on her hip. “I want to see you too. Shiloh and Joseph are going away for the weekend, right?”
She nodded. Joseph had planned a surprise trip for Shiloh, whisking her away for a romantic weekend at some bed-and-breakfast in the Blue Ridge Mountains.
Joseph’s parents were keeping Shiloh’s little ones, Alex and Rebecca.
Rachel was happy for them. They'd gotten married during her freshman year in high school and started a family.
Seeing Shiloh so in love had filled Rachel with joy.
But she was thrilled she and Jack would have the house to themselves when he could spare the time alone this weekend.
“I'll call you after the family stuff,” Jack promised. “Then I’ll come over?”
She breathed a sigh of relief and nodded. “Yeah. That sounds good. We’ll have the place to ourselves.”
He walked her to her car and kissed her properly. Long and sweet and full of promise. “I love you,” he whispered against her lips.
“I love you too.”
They stood there for another moment, neither wanting to let go. Finally, Jack kissed her forehead and released her.
Rachel settled behind the steering wheel and drove to the house she shared with Shiloh and their family. Her thoughts roamed to the upcoming time with Jack. But underneath the normalcy, Rachel felt a distance growing. Not just the physical miles between Annapolis and Baytown, but something deeper.
Their time together was precious but also rare.
She accepted the changes in their relationship...
new friends and experiences that she wasn’t a part of.
Their lives were separate, only intersecting during brief phone calls and visits home.
Thank God for email… that allowed her to connect with him whenever she could, knowing he’d do the same.
She walked into the house, and the silence felt oppressive.
Jack called the next afternoon, his voice tight with exhaustion. “Hey, family time was good, but the kids ran me ragged. Plus, Mom tried to feed me until I burst. Can I come over in a little bit?”
“Sure. Of course.” Rachel didn’t even try to keep the excitement from her voice. “As soon as you can.”
“You're the best, Rach.”
He arrived twenty minutes later, looking worn and rumpled in jeans and a Baytown HS T-shirt. But when Rachel opened the door, the tension she’d noticed the previous day seemed to ease.
“Come here,” he said, pulling her into his arms right there in the doorway.
They stood for a long time, just holding each other. Then Jack pulled back and cupped her face in his hands. “I'm sorry. This weekend has been crazy.”
“It's okay. You needed to be with your family.”
“I needed to be with you too.” His thumb brushed her cheek.
They settled on the couch in the quiet living room, Rachel tucked against Jack's side.
He told her about the Academy, about the baseball season ending with a tough playoff loss, and about his summer training schedule, on top of all his other classes and the demands of being a cadet.
She told him about her classes, about the job she'd picked up at the coffee shop, and about Cindy's plans for them to be roommates when Rachel transfers to ODU after she earns her associate degree at the community college.
“Damn, you and Cindy together at ODU.” He chuckled, but the mirth didn’t reach his eyes. “That’ll be a whole new experience.”
Underneath the humor, Rachel sensed something shifting. Some unspoken weight that Jack carried. “Jack, you know that I want to teach. Well, if I stay in college for a fifth year, I can earn my master’s degree.”
“Another year?”
She felt his surprise, then he hugged her.
“Honestly, Rach, that’s so good for you. I know it’s another year apart, but that will set you up for teaching, and that’s what you need to do.”
“Well, that’s not all. I was considering not going to ODU. I thought I would look into a college near the Academy. That would make it easier for us to see each other.”
Jack said nothing, and she felt a chill run through her veins. She expected excitement, not silence.
“Rach, we need to talk.”
She was suddenly cold despite the warmth of the room. “About what?”
Conflict was written across his face, and her stomach dropped.
“About us,” he murmured. “About how hard this has been.”
She stared, no words coming as she waited to see what else he would say.
“I think we might need a break.”
She tried to breathe, but it was as though the oxygen had been sucked from the room. Her body shivered.
“Not forever.” Jack rushed, desperation pouring out in the words.
“Just... this is so hard. The distance, the schedule, trying to maintain this when we barely see each other. There’s no summer break.
I thought it would get easier, but it's not. And I think it might be less pressure on both of us if we have one less thing to focus on.”
Her chest constricted. “One less thing?” she whispered hoarsely. “That's what I am to you? A thing?”
“No. God, no.” He reached for her hands, holding tightly as agony crossed his expression.
“You're everything to me. But I can barely keep up with my own life right now, and I hate that I'm not giving you what you deserve. You should be having fun with your friends, not waiting around for me to have a free weekend. Maybe… shit… maybe even date other people.” His face scrunched as though the words caused him physical pain.
“I don't want to date other people.” Rachel's voice came out small, broken. “I just want you.”
“I want you too.” Jack's expression crumpled. “I don’t want you not to go to ODU. If I get stationed at Norfolk and you’re not at ODU, then we’d be separated again.
And if I don’t get assigned to Norfolk, then we’ll be separated by a much larger distance until you finish your master’s.
” He gulped as though the air was hard to drag into his lungs, but he kept going.
“Maybe we need some space to figure out who we are separately. And then when we graduate, when things are less crazy, we can—”
“Don't.” Rachel stood, wrapping her arms around herself. “Don't make promises about someday while you're breaking up with me now.”
“It's not a breakup. I didn’t explain it right. It's just a… a time-out.”
“It feels like a breakup.” Tears burned her eyes, but she tried to keep them from releasing. “I don’t understand the difference.”
“I don’t know…” He battled for words. “A time-out just means that we release the pressure of trying to make time for each other when we both are overwhelmed with the demands of our lives right now. A breakup is more permanent. That’s not what I want.”
“Do you want to be with others? Is there someone else waiting for this time-out?”
Anguish crossed his face. “No. There’s no one else. I… I have no idea what our time-out looks like, Rach. But I can’t keep you from making new friends and discovering new relationships.”
The air rushed from her. “That’s not what I want.”
Jack stood too, closing the distance between them. “Please remember, I love you. That's not changing. But this? Us trying to hold on to something when we're both stretched so thin? It's not fair to either of us.”
Rachel wanted to argue. Wanted to tell him they could make it work, that love was enough. But looking at the exhaustion in his eyes, the guilt and pain etched across his face, she knew he'd already made up his mind.
“Is this what you want?” she asked quietly. “Really?”
Jack was silent for a long moment. Then he nodded. “I think it's what we need.”
The distinction wasn't lost on her. What they needed, not what they wanted. But maybe he was right. Maybe they did need this. She was forced to admit how hard it was to always feel like she was waiting for scraps of his attention when he was overwhelmed.
“Okay.” The word tasted like ashes.
“We’re still best friends.” Jack's voice cracked. “I can't lose you completely during this time-out. I don’t want you erased from my life until we can make time for us to be together in the future.”