Chapter 8 #2
Rachel stopped walking and turned to face him. “Jack, that's months away.”
“I know.” He cupped her face in his hands. “But I hate the idea of never getting the future we always talked about.”
Rachel's voice was small. “We've spent more time apart than together over the past couple of years. What if this is just us holding on to something that doesn't work anymore?”
“Does it feel like it doesn't work?” Jack asked, his thumb stroking her cheek.
Rachel closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. “No. Whenever I’m with you, it feels like coming home. But when we’re apart, it feels like… we’re broken.”
Jack rested his forehead against hers. “Let's just... take it one day at a time.”
He leaned in for a kiss. It was soft and slow, full of promise and regret. When they finally pulled apart, both breathless, Rachel smiled.
He drove to their beach, stopping at the end of the wooded lane just before the dunes. Laying the back seats down, he spread out a blanket left over from when he was hauling some items for a buddy at the Academy.
She wasted no time as she crawled to the back and lay down, her arms raised to him. He followed, gathering her into his arms.
“I love you,” he said against her hair. “I never stopped.”
“I love you too.” Rachel pulled back to look at him.
Jack kissed her, deeper this time, with all the longing and love he'd been holding back for months. Rachel's hands fisted in his shirt, pulling him closer, and Jack went willingly. Then he settled beside her, propping himself up to look at her in the moonlight.
“You're so beautiful,” he murmured, tracing the line of her jaw.
Rachel's breath whispered over his cheek. “So are you.”
They lay, looking out as the stars twinkled over the sparkling bay, time seeming to slow as they held on to each moment.
“When will you find out where you’ll be stationed after you graduate?” Her voice was soft, tentative.
Jack stilled as a heavy sigh left his lungs. “I don't know. The truth is...” He took a breath, steeling himself. “I’m hoping for Norfolk, but it could be anywhere. And… no matter where, when I'm out to sea, you'll be alone.”
Rachel’s gaze searched his face. “You don’t have any say in where you go?”
“No… none.”
“When you’re at sea, how long would you be gone?”
“Months at a time.” He watched her face, seeing the realization dawn, hating he couldn’t give her more assurances. “Rachel, I want this to work. I want us to work. But I can't ask you to wait around for someone who's going to be gone more than he's here.”
“We’re not really making things better on ourselves, are we?” Rachel's voice was tight.
Jack's chest constricted. He'd thought he could navigate college, his career, and his relationship. But looking at Rachel now, seeing the resignation in her eyes, he knew he was being selfish.
“I guess we need to be realistic.” The words felt like glass in his throat. “You've got another year of college. I'm starting my career. The future is murkier than I want to admit.”
Tears slipped down Rachel's face. “I want to believe that what we have is worth the distance and the waiting and the difficulty.”
Jack wanted to say yes. He wanted to promise her everything. But the image of Rachel sitting alone in an apartment while he was on the other side of the world, unable to call or visit or be there when she needed him, made his chest ache.
“Christ, I have no idea what to do,” he said finally, wiping her tears with his thumbs, each one branding a trail on his heart.
She nodded slowly. “Me either.”
“I'm sorry,” he said. “I'm so sorry.”
“Me too.” Rachel held his gaze. “Is this goodbye, Jack?”
The finality in her voice broke something inside him. “I don’t want it to be goodbye. Maybe just…”
“The continuation of a time-out,” she said with a forced smile.
He nodded, each movement feeling like a nail in a coffin.
Climbing back into the front seat, they faced the front as he started the engines. They drove in silence to Shiloh and Joseph’s house, parking outside.
Turning to face her, he raked his gaze over her face. Things had seemed so easy in high school. Now, as adults on different career paths, it was difficult to navigate the churning waters of their relationship.
He walked her to the front porch and cupped her cheeks, having no idea when they might see each other.
His dad had taken time off, and tomorrow, he and his family were traveling to the mountains for a holiday that, hopefully, involved skiing.
By the time they returned, he would have to pack to head back to the Academy.
He poured everything he had into the kiss, never wanting her to doubt his love, even if it was goodbye.
Jack read his assignment after graduation. Naval Base San Diego. California.
The West Coast. About as far from Virginia as he could get without leaving the country.
Jack sat on his bed, staring at the letter.
San Diego. Where he'd spend his time training and preparing for deployment.
Where he'd be when Rachel graduated from ODU and started her teaching career.
Where he'd be when she moved on with her life, possibly finding someone who could actually be there for her.
The distance felt like a death sentence. But maybe that was for the best. Clean break. No chance to make this harder than it already was.
His phone sat heavy in his pocket. He could text her. Tell her about San Diego. Jack pulled out his phone, his thumb hovering over Rachel's name in his contacts. The photo attached to her profile was from two summers ago. Her smile was bright, her eyes full of trust and love.
He wondered if she'd ever look at him that way again. Finally, Jack typed out a message. Short. Simple. All he could manage without falling apart.
I'm being assigned to San Diego. I’m sorry I can’t tell you in person. He hit Send before he could second-guess himself. His phone rang immediately.
“Oh, Jack… I don’t know what to say,” Rachel cried. “I’m happy for you… and sad for us.”
“Yeah.” That was all he managed to get out.
“This really is a break, isn’t it?”
He heard the heartbreak in her voice, but he couldn’t lie to her. “Yeah, Rachel. I’d hoped we could have stayed close enough to keep trying, but this distance…”
They were silent for a moment, and he wasn’t sure if she was still on the phone. Finally, she said, “I’ll always love you, you know.”
“Same to you, Rach. Always, my love.”
They talked for several more awkward minutes, the silences punctuated with tears and promises to keep in touch. Finally, his fellow midshipmen who had also received their assignments filled the air with shouts of excitement.
“You need to go,” she said softly. “I can hear that it’s time for celebrations.”
“Yeah,” he muttered, torn between wanting to keep talking and wanting to see who else was heading to the West Coast with him.
“Goodbye, Jack,” Rachel said, the words barely heard over a sob she emitted just before she disconnected.
Before he could process what the distance truly meant to them, his room was filled with friends clamoring to find out his assignment.
It was later that day when he called his dad to give him the news. He preferred his dad relaying the information to his mom. She would be happy, but would hate that he wouldn’t be close to home for years… and that he and Rachel were no longer a couple.
“You doing okay, son?”
“As good as I can, I suppose.”
“A final breakup with someone you love is never easy,” Colt said quietly. “Even when you think it's the right thing to do.”
“It is the right thing.” Jack's voice came out hoarse. “She deserves someone who can be there. I can't be that person.”
“Maybe not right now. But Jack, if she's the one, the timing will work out eventually. And if she's not, then you'll both move on and find your own paths.”
“What if I don't want to move on?”
“Then you won't.” Colt's expression was understanding. “But you'll live anyway. You'll serve your country, build your career, and become the man you're meant to be. And maybe, when the time is right, your paths will cross again.”
Jack wanted to believe that. Wanted to think there was a future where he and Rachel could find their way back to each other. But standing in the cold, thinking about a life that would take him to California, it felt impossible.
“What if she hates me?” Jack asked. “What if I've hurt her so many times that she never wants to see me again?”
“Then you'll have learned a hard lesson about love and loss.” Colt's voice was gentle but firm. “But Jack, I've seen the way that girl looks at you. And I've seen the way you look at her. That kind of love doesn't just disappear, even when it needs to take a break.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“Anytime. And Jack? Don't close the door completely. Leave it open just a crack. You never know what might walk through.”
Months later, after he walked across the stage at his graduation, celebrated with friends, and went to dinner with his family, he felt his phone vibrate with a text.
When he looked down at the screen, his heart stuttered to see it was from Rachel.
They had continued to text occasionally and talk on the phone once or twice, but a chasm had grown between them, and he wondered if it would ever heal.
Congratulations. I hope life brings you everything you’ve hoped for. Your future is bright. Take care of yourself, Jack. I'll always love you.
Jack read the message three times, then carefully saved it before putting his phone away.
He would always love her too. That was the problem. But sometimes love wasn't enough. Sometimes you had to choose duty over desire, career over comfort, and the right path over the easy one.
But he would pray that someday, somehow, their paths would cross again when the timing was finally right.