Chapter 10
The diner loomed in front of me. I paused on the now snowy sidewalk to decide if I should keep walking or commit to my lunch date. I wanted to keep walking, but that wouldn’t solve the problem. I sighed and dropped my shoulders then slogged toward the door and threw it open, stepping inside to stomp off my boots. Ivy was behind the counter by the bakery case and popped up when she heard the bell.
I waved, happy to see the face I was praying would be here. “Hey, Ives. How are you feeling?” I asked, hugging her gently.
“Much better, thanks for asking, Addie. I can even manage to stand in the dining room and not toss my cookies.” Her nose scrunched and I chuckled, the image funny even if it was unpleasant. “Do you need lunch?” she asked, grabbing a menu.
“I’m meeting my mom for our Friday lunch date. We’ll take a booth.”
She grabbed a second menu and walked with me to booth six in the far back. “Do you guys want coffee?”
“Sure, that would be great, thanks,” I agreed, taking my coat off.
She sat on the edge of the other booth seat and tapped the table. “Have you talked to Loretta yet about your father?”
I shook my head and held the menu to my chest. “No, I haven’t seen her since we talked about it, but I plan to bring it up today.”
She raised a single brow in question. “You’re sure a public place is the best place for that?”
“I’m positive. She can’t yell and act like a crazy woman in the diner. She saves that for home.”
She pointed at me and grinned. “You make an excellent point. I’ll get your coffee and once I see the discussion turn heated, I’ll make sure everyone steers clear.”
I reached over and squeezed her hand. “Thanks, Ivy. I appreciate your support.”
“I’m always here for you, Addie. Hey, did you hear? Mel convinced Mason to get married at the gazebo!”
I jumped up, excitement replacing the apprehension I’d had in my gut. “Oh, yes, yes, yes!” I exclaimed doing fist pumps. “I’m so excited!”
She grinned and grabbed my hands so I didn’t hurt someone. “Me, too. I know we can make it super special. I was thinking maybe you, me, and Mel could go check out the gazebo tomorrow during the day and decide on decorations?”
I held out my hands. “Sure, I have clients until noon but then I’m free. The gazebo is already decorated for Christmas though.”
“I know, but I was thinking we could add some special touches to it just for them. We can also get an idea about where they want the heaters to go.”
“Sounds perfect. We’re still on for Friday the ninth?” I asked and she nodded.
“Ceremony at seven, adoption ceremony following that, then pictures and back here to the diner for dinner and cake!”
“I’m so excited I can hardly stand still. Feels like a long time coming for those two.”
“Five years is too long!” Mason yelled from the kitchen and we both snickered at him.
“One week and you’re a married man, buddy. How does it feel?”
“I’d do it right now if the two ladies in my life would go for it,” he said, hanging out the window from the kitchen. “They aren’t going for it.” He winked and ducked back into the kitchen while Ivy and I laughed.
“Guess he’s ready. I suppose Mom will be here soon.” I wrung my hands nervously and focused on deep breathing.
Ivy put hers over them to calm me. “It’ll be fine, Addie. Just stay calm and remember, you’re not asking anything that you don’t deserve to know. She doesn’t have to like it, but she does have to respect it if she ever wants respect from you again.”
I blew out a breath and sighed. “You know I’d never cut her out of my life. If she won’t tell me then I guess I’ll have to let it go. Ellis gave me some ideas about how to approach it with her so she doesn’t get defensive.”
“Ellis, huh?” she asked, both her brows going up. “Have you been seeing him a lot?”
“Not sure how you define a lot, but a few times a week? We hung out and had tacos on Wednesday night. He’s not at all who you think he is,” I said, shaking my head.
“No one knows much about him. He keeps his private life close to the vest, but I did hear a rumor.”
I snorted derisively. “Shocker, a rumor in Bells Pass. I didn’t see that coming. I’m sure it isn’t true.”
She rested her hip against the booth and held my eyes. “I heard he was staying in a travel trailer at the campground.”
“Ivy, you and I both know the campground is shut down for the season. It’s December. It snowed!” I said, motioning out the window.
She held up a finger. “I said was staying. Since they closed, I hear he moved the camper behind the studio but hasn’t rented a place yet.”
“I’m sure the rumor mill just hasn’t caught up to his new living situation,” I said, rolling my eyes.
She crossed her arms and shook her head. “Don’t think so. There aren’t any places for rent right now. Unless he wanted to live in a different town, which doesn’t make sense when his studio is here.”
I chewed on my lip with indecision. “He did say after the fire that he might start staying at the studio to protect it. I begged him not to, but now I wonder.”
She shrugged and glanced out the front door. I followed her gaze and my mother was walking down the street. “I’m just telling you what I heard. It’s not legal to live in a business like he has. He’d be breaking the law if anyone caught him.”
The bell tinkled over the door and I closed my eyes, swallowing down the fear and need to run away from the impending confrontation. “I’ll deal with him after I talk to Mom,” I promised.
She nodded, touched my arm, and disappeared as my mom approached. “Hi, baby,” she said in her sing-song voice. “I’ve missed you.” She hugged me tightly and patted my back. “It’s been a whole week.”
We both scooted into the booth and she took her coat off and stuffed it next to her.
“I know. I’m sorry I had to pass on dinner at Stan’s the other night. We had dress shopping with Mel.”
She brushed my comment aside and grinned as she leaned over the table. “Trust me, dress shopping was a whole lot more fun than pork chops with old people.”
“Mom, you know I love having dinner with you and Stan, but we were in a time crunch. The wedding is a week from today.”
“And I heard there was a venue change. Did you have something to do with that?”
I giggled just as Becca approached our booth. “Hello, ladies. What can I get for you this fine Friday?” she asked, her pad still in her apron pocket.
“Hey, Becca,” Mom greeted her. “What’s the special today?”
“Turkey club with a cup of cheesy wild rice soup or a salad.”
“Sounds great.” Mom handed her a menu. “I’ll have the soup with it.”
I handed Becca my menu and nodded. “I’ll do the club but with a salad and a Sprite.”
“You got it, girls,” she promised and scurried away.
I was about to launch into my speech when mom leaned forward on the table. “As long as we’re waiting, I had some ideas about our wedding. Do you want to hear them?”
I smiled to cover the tremor in my voice. “Absolutely, sounds great,” I agreed, and she launched into ideas for the when and where of their wedding.
I listened, tuned in, but thinking about the discussion we would inevitably have today. I could be patient, but it would happen.
I leaned back against the booth and sighed, my food mostly gone and my Sprite almost empty. “I’m stuffed.” I sighed and rubbed my belly. The turkey club had been overflowing with turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomato, and mayo and stacked high on home-baked wheat bread.
“It was flipping amazing, as always,” Mom agreed, putting her napkin down. “Mason is no slouch in the kitchen.”
“Mel’s a lucky girl,” I agreed, laughing.
“She’s no slouch either.” She pointed at me like gotcha and I grinned.
“I can’t wait to see what she comes up with for a wedding cake next week. Whatever it is, you know it’s going to be to die for.”
“Speaking of the wedding, are you bringing a date?” she asked nonchalantly, getting money out of her purse and laying it on the bill.
“Mom, really?” I asked, still laughing.
She held up her hands. “I’ve heard some rumors.”
“It is Bells Pass, so that doesn’t surprise me. If you have a question, why don’t you just ask?”
She nodded and tipped her head to the left. “Okay, fine, I’ll ask. The rumor is you’re dating Ellis David, the yoga guy.”
“And for once the rumor mill is somewhat accurate,” I answered in kind.
She leaned forward again immediately, her breath coming out in a huff. “And you didn’t bother to tell your mother?”
I held my hands out to my sides. “I was actually going to tell you about it today, not that there’s much to tell. We’ve gone out on a few dates, that’s all. I enjoy spending time with him. He’s always polite.”
“Not what I heard,” she muttered, handing Becca the bill. “Keep the change,” she said sweetly, to cover her earlier muttering.
“Mom, if you have something to say, say it.”
“What the rumor mill really said was you were making out in full view of the street the other night.”
I snickered and shook my head. “Tacos do that to a girl,” I answered, leaving it at that.
She rolled her eyes and I laughed full out. “Mom, relax. It was just an innocent kiss. It wasn’t like we were swallowing each other’s tonsils or anything.” We totally were. “You know how the gossip gets carried away in this town.”
“I hope it was just the gossip mill getting carried away. You’d tell me if it was more, right?”
I crossed my heart like Ivy does and had to work hard not to snort at myself. “I would, I promise. Listen, Mom, there was something I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Sure honey, anything,” she said taking my hand like she was worried about my mental health.
“Well,” I began, swallowing over the dry lump in my throat, “you know I’ll be twenty-six in a month.” She nodded and her eyes went slitty, as though she knew something was about to change. “In light of the fact that I’m a grownup, I have my own business, and I’m a responsible adult, I was hoping you’d finally tell me what my father’s name was.”
She swung her head back and forth instantly. “No, I told you, I’ll never tell you his name.” Her arms crossed over her chest in finality.
“I know you did, but Mom, listen. I don’t care about him. I’m not trying to have a relationship with him, but what if he had other kids? I could have siblings out there I don’t even know I have.”
“Half siblings,” she corrected and I shrugged.
“Family is family and family means everything, Mom.”
“I’m your family. Stan is your family. Mel, Mason, Holly, Ivy, they’re your family. That’s all you need.”
“And you are all wonderful, but having extra family never hurts. Not to mention, I’d like to know if there are any genetic conditions that run in the family before I have children. Look at Ellis, he has a syndrome that nearly killed him.”
She tipped her head and suddenly looked interested again. “What syndrome?”
“Romano something?”
“Romano-Ward?” she asked and I snapped my fingers nodding. “That’s a condition that messes with the electrical system of the heart.”
I laughed, but not in an amused way. “It sure did. Damn near killed him. He has a pacemaker now. Please, don’t distract me with talk of Ellis. My point is, I want to know if I could pass something like that on to my kids before I have them.”
“I can tell you he doesn’t have any other kids, Addie, and now he’s too old to have any.”
I licked my lips, not done with the conversation. “You keep track of him?”
“I used to,” she admitted. “I wanted to make sure he didn’t come after you.”
“When did you stop checking on him?”
“When you were sixteen. It no longer mattered when you were that close to being an adult. Once you were an adult, I couldn’t stop him from contacting you. I didn’t think he’d bother though, and I was correct. He doesn’t care about us, Addie. Don’t open this can of worms.”
“You’re telling me the last time you checked on him was almost ten years ago. A lot can change in ten years. Besides, men are never too old to have children. He’s only in his forties.”
She shook her head. “Let me be clear because this won’t change, you’ll never know his name.”
“Mom, I know you think you have to protect me, but you don’t. I’m a grown woman and I have no intention of asking him to be part of my life. I just want to know about the piece of me that’s missing. If you knew someone out there had a piece of information that would put to rest all the questions you’ve asked about yourself for years, wouldn’t you do anything to get that information?”
“Let it go, Addie. He was a sperm donor, nothing else.”
“You’re wrong, Mom,” I hissed, my chin trembling with anger more than anything. “He was my father. I know he hurt you when he walked away and I would never disrespect the pain, anger, and hard work you had to go through to raise me alone, but he was something to me. I’m only here because of him and I think I deserve to know his name.”
“No, you want to know his name, there’s a difference.”
“There’s also a difference between protecting and disrespecting, Mom. When I was a kid, you were protecting me. Now, you’re just disrespecting my wishes and needs in order to protect your own.”
She sat back against the booth as if I’d physically slapped her. “Addison Nicole Collop, now who is being disrespectful?”
“Still you, Mom,” I said, my voice steely cold. It had to be or I was going to break down in tears and never get answers to the questions that had eaten at me slowly for years. “I understand that you’re with Stan now and the idea of my father walking back into our lives scares the ever-loving crap out of you, but what does it matter at this point? It’s been twenty-six years. He had plenty of chances to walk back through that door and he never did. He doesn’t want us.”
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you!” she exclaimed loudly, too loudly.
Ivy glanced at us sharply and I held up my hand to keep her from coming over.
“And I’m trying to tell you I understand that I’m not going to have a running through the field of flowers reuniting with him scenario. I’m after information, nothing else. If I do a dig and find out he has no kids, then I’ll do some public record searches to see what his relatives have died of in the past and make a list of possible issues. If there’s something glaring, like a large number of family members dying of the same thing, then there might be a concern for a deeper contact to find out why. I can do the initial digging without him ever knowing. That’s why we have the internet.”
“There’s a reason he’s not on your birth certificate, Addie,” she answered as if she hadn’t heard a word I said.
“I know, so that I wouldn’t know his name, who he was, or where he lived. It was also so I wouldn’t ask questions you didn’t want to answer when your heart was already broken by him. I get it, Mom. I’ve never claimed not to, but that doesn’t change the fact I only know half of myself. The rest of me feels like a mystery I can never solve if I don’t know his name.”
She stared me down for a long minute before she dug in her purse and pulled out a pen and a slip of paper. She wrote on it and then put her pen back in her purse and pulled on her coat. She stood and slid the paper upside down on the table toward me and paused, her hand still on it.
“Here is his name. Let me be clear. If you bring him back into our lives, you’re out of mine.”
She turned and walked away, but there were tears on both of our faces.