Chapter 14
I walked up the park path toward the gazebo and came to a dead stop when a line filled with strollers, bouncing kids, and flustered moms stood impatiently waiting. I had to excuse my way through the line to continue up the path, and then it hit me. Santa’s sleigh was in the park. I climbed the stairs to the gazebo and stood by the railing. Sure enough, at the back of the park was a giant sleigh, sans reindeer, with the jolly man himself in the driver’s seat. An elf of unknown gender and name stood taking pictures of Santa and the child on his lap.
I grinned and leaned against the railing, watching the kids climb up onto the sleigh and pose. Some did so with great enthusiasm and some did it with great distrust. The scene was chaotic, but Santa sat unflustered, smiling for the camera, talking to the kids, whispering in their ears, handing out candy canes, and waving goodbye to each child, making them promise to be good. I couldn’t hear much other than his ho-ho-hos, but the kids were all smiling and the park was buzzing with excitement.
“Addie,” Ivy called, waving from the opposite direction I had come. She pointed at the crowd. “I forgot about Santa in the park today. Looks like no one else did. This place is a zoo!”
I hugged her and patted her belly. “You’re not kidding. I came in the wrong way and had to fight my way through the line of moms and kids. I guess the chamber was onto something.”
“For sure. I heard the first three Saturdays will be during the day, and the last one, Christmas Eve, will be at four once the tree lights are on. Santa is going to have real reindeer and the whole nine yards.”
I raised a brow. “Wow, that will be a night to remember. Remind me not to be here. I can’t even imagine what the crowd will be like.”
She chuckled but watched Santa on the sleigh. “I think it will be like the tree lighting ceremony on steroids. They asked me to work the coffee hut. I couldn’t tell them no.”
I put my arm around her in solidarity. “Then I’ll be there to help,” I promised. “You name it and I’ll do it.”
“You sure?” she asked, her eyes on me now. “It’s Christmas Eve.”
“I’m sure. I’ll help you at the coffee hut since you know my mom and Stan are going to be here anyway. Once we’re done, we’ll join in the carol singing they do at eight and head back to Stan’s. I’m sure by then Holly will be ready for bed before Santa comes anyway.”
“Speak of the devil,” Ivy said, pointing down the path where Mel and Holly clung to each other’s hands while they worked their way through the crowd. “Guess they forgot about Santa in the park, too.”
“Oh!” I exclaimed excitedly. “Thanks for the picture yesterday. It was nice to see Baby Lund, even if it was just a white blob.”
She laughed and patted her tummy. “Hard to believe that white blob will be a living breathing human in a few months, isn’t it? It’s a good thing too or I’d throw in the towel. This pregnancy thing is for the birds.”
I rubbed her back and leaned my forehead on her temple. “I’m sorry it’s so rough on you. Let me know if I can help fill in the gaps in any way. Whether it’s a shift at the diner or picking up groceries for you. I’ll do whatever you need. My mom and Stan are here for you, too. So are they,” I said, when Mel and Holly broke through the crowd, a smile on both of their faces and laughter on their lips. It did my heart good to see Holly smiling instead of crying.
“Thanks, Addie. I’m trying my best, but I might need to call in a few favors as the months go on.”
“Hi, Addie,” Holly waved excitedly. “I’m happy to see you.” She climbed the stairs and ran right to me, hugging me tightly.
I rubbed her back and winked at Mel. “I’m happy to see you, too. I’m glad you came today.”
She stared up at me with her big blue eyes and grinned. “I told Mom it was okay to get married as long as I didn’t have to go to Ivy’s,” she whispered, her eyes flicking to Ivy who was talking to Mel.
“I’m glad you were able to tell her that. It’s important to talk about our feelings. My feelings tell me I’m happy you came today!”
I rubbed her back vigorously as Mel and Ivy came over to us. “So am I,” Ivy said, hugging the girl. “We have a lot to do and not much time to do it.”
Mel motioned around the space. “Really, ladies, there’s not much to do here. With the lights on the tree and the twinkle lights filling the gazebo, it will be magical.”
Ivy nodded and pointed at the sleigh. “Just think, the sleigh will be there next Friday, too. What awesome pictures those would be for your new family.”
Mel grinned as though she hadn’t thought of it. “You know what, you’re right! See, like I said, magical.”
I took Holly’s hand and smiled. “Hey, do you want to see Santa? Once the line goes down a bit, I’ll take you so Mom doesn’t have to stand on her feet the whole time.”
Holly shook her head, her eyes traveling to Mel’s instead of mine.
Mel put her hand on Holly’s shoulder. “She doesn’t believe in Santa. My parents made sure of it.” She rolled her eyes where Holly couldn’t see and my mouth formed an O.
“That’s okay, maybe we can go get some hot cocoa a little bit later then,” I said, moving on with the conversation. “In the meantime, we need to make sure we all know what our jobs are and we still have to get this monkey a dress!” I tickled her side while she squealed.
Holly jumped up and down twice. “I have one! Mom,” she said, dragging out the M, “show them the picture!”
Mel whipped out her phone and grinned. “She wanted to go shopping this morning,” she said, her eyebrows raised at me, “so Mason and I took her. We found this at the secondhand shop she insisted we go into. I guess she must have sensed this dress was waiting for her.”
She turned the picture toward us and we grinned. It was absolutely perfect.
With the wedding plans made and the assignments handed out, Ivy took off to go lay down for a bit before the city employee Christmas party tonight. Shep was hesitant about them going, so she wanted to be rested to prove she was ready. She didn’t want him to miss the biggest event of the year for his job. Mel and I made her promise to take it easy and she gave us a salute before she headed down the path. The crowd for Santa was gone and I took Holly’s hand, patting Mel’s shoulder. “Let me get her some hot cocoa and then you can head out?”
Holly hung back on my hand and shook her head. “I’m okay. I think Mom should get back in the car before her feet get cold, but thanks, Addie.”
I stared into her eyes and saw that it had nothing to do with her mom and everything to do with the fact that Santa was by the hot cocoa filling his travel mug.
“Sure, no problem,” I promised, letting go of her hand. “You’re probably right about her feet.”
Holly slipped her hand into Mel’s and nodded once. “Have you talked to Ellis about yoga yet?” she asked, her eyes still trained on Santa who was working his way over here now that the families were all gone.
“I haven’t, but I’ll ask him about Wednesday night after school?” I asked, glancing at Mel who nodded. “I’m sure you guys will be busy with last-minute stuff on Thursday.”
Mel shrugged. “Probably, but it wouldn’t be anything we’d need her help with. She could go Thursday if that’s when he has an opening.”
I gave them both a thumbs up. “I’ll check on those two days.”
Santa paused by the gazebo and finger waved at Holly who froze in place. “Well, I don’t remember talking to Holly today. Santa would definitely remember talking to Holly Murano.”
Holly gasped and glanced up at her mom in shock before she looked back to Santa. “How do you know my name?”
“I know every little one’s name,” he said, sitting on the steps and resting his candy cane mug next to him. It was a candy cane mug I recognized and my heart started to race. I took a moment to eye him now that he was up close and personal and I definitely recognized those chocolatey eyes and white brows. I bit back a smile to avoid giving away his true identity.
“But, but,” Holly whispered, her head swinging between Santa and her mom, “I don’t believe in you.”
His shoulder shrugged nonchalantly then he took a sip of the hot cocoa and let out a loud ahhhhh. “You don’t have to believe for me to know your name. There are a lot of little kids who don’t believe in me. I still believe in them.”
She eyed him suspiciously. “How come you never brought me a present before then? I’m eight and never did I get a present from Santa.”
Santa held up his white-gloved finger. “You see, Santa can’t bring presents to kids who don’t believe. First, you have to tell him what you want.” He held his hands out, palms up. “That’s just how it works.”
Holly’s lips pursed as she thought it over. “I suppose that’s true. You wouldn’t know what I wanted if I didn’t tell you.”
Santa pointed at her and did his signature wink. He looked up at me while Holly was thinking this over and threw me a wink as well. I grinned and winked back, letting him know I was fully aware of who he was.
Santa started patting down his chest and digging in his giant coat pockets. “I know I have a candy cane in here somewhere,” he muttered about as only Santa could. “Would you like a candy cane?” he asked, just as a jingle bell rolled from his pocket and down the path.
“I’ll get it, Santa,” Holly exclaimed and jumped down the stairs. She chased the wayward jingle bell down the path.
“That’s a pretty righteous jingle bell,” I said to Santa and he grinned, his eyes laughing.
“Here you go, Santa,” Holly said as she held the bell out at arm’s length. I suspected it was the closest she had ever gotten to the man in red before.
“Thanks, Holly, but you keep it. Mrs. Claus says I have so many jingle bells I can’t even keep track of them. I guess she’s right.” He laughed softly so as not to scare her and ho-ho-hoed.
Holly’s hand curled around the jingle bell and held it tightly. “Thank you, Santa. I’ll hang it on our Christmas tree.”
Santa, being smart about how apprehensive she was, stuck his hand out for her to shake. “I’d like that, Holly. Consider it your first gift from Santa.” Holly hesitated but finally gave his hand a firm shake. “Would you like to tell Santa what you’d like this Christmas? If you tell me what you’re wishing for then I can stop at your house. Maybe I’ll even see my bell again on your tree.”
Holly shook her head, taking a step around him and climbing up to the top step. “No thank you, Santa. There’s nothing I need for Christmas.”
Santa furrowed a brow. “Now Christmas isn’t a time for need, Holly. Christmas is a time for wishes.” He motioned at the tree by the gazebo. The late-day sun that shone down on it made the snow sparkle like magic.
Holly shrugged and shifted from foot to foot. Mel laid a hand on her shoulder to comfort her. “My wish isn’t something Santa can bring,” she finally said softly. “But thank you for offering.”
Santa laid a finger alongside his nose and a bell jingled on his coat sleeve. “Why don’t you risk it and tell me anyway?” he asked, quite seriously now. “Santa grants wishes, even if they aren’t simple wishes like a doll or a train. I’m really, really old you know. I have lots of answers in this noggin,” he assured her, tapping his temple.
Holly glanced up at her mom who shrugged like why not? It can’t hurt. Holly turned back to him, sitting down on the step, two steps away from him. She whispered something and Santa strained to hear, but he shook his head.
“I can’t hear you so far away. Maybe you could talk louder or come closer?” he said, staying hands-off.
Holly moved down a step and whispered her wish again. Santa leaned in, his ear turned toward her. When he still couldn’t hear her, she huffed with frustration and leaned down into his ear, her hand cupped around it, making it obvious she didn’t want us to hear her. When she leaned back, Santa’s eyes were filled with an emotion I couldn’t name.
He clasped his hands in front of him and stared at the girl for a long beat. “You were right, Holly. I’m sorry, but Santa can’t bring you happiness and he can’t make your sadness go away.”
Holly nodded with satisfaction, as though it was a test. Something told me she’d be testing the town of Bells Pass for years to come. She was smarter than all three of us combined. “That’s what I thought,” she said but there was a bit of disappointment in her words.
Santa leaned back on the step with his elbow and crossed his ankles where his big black boots were shined to a reflective glow. “Here’s what Santa can tell you,” he said and Holly leaned in, suddenly curious that maybe he had something for her after all. “You’re the only person who can make you happy. You have to remember that, but you also have to remember that sadness is important.”
Holly crossed her arms and huffed, rolling her eyes. “Not in my world.”
Santa smiled and winked at her, patting her foot, to which Holly didn’t freak out. “In everyone’s world, Holly. Sadness is actually very important to our happiness.”
“What?” she asked, her brow furrowed. “Santa, you’re talking nonsense now. You need a nap.”
Mel and I almost burst out in giggles, but we slapped our hands over our mouths and waited.
Santa yawned and took another drink of his hot cocoa. “You’re right, I am a little tired, but that nap will have to wait until I’m back at the North Pole. I’m not talking nonsense though. You see, when we feel sad that’s because our hearts are healing.”
Holly leaned forward on her thighs to eye him closely. “You mean sadness happens because our hearts are broken? Like our hearts can literally break apart inside our chest and then go back together?”
Santa did the so-so hand. “It feels like that sometimes, doesn’t it?” he asked to dodge the question and she nodded. “When we’re sad because of something that happened, our hearts are broken. Sometimes it only takes a few minutes to feel better, but sometimes it takes a long time for that sadness to fly away.”
“How come?” she asked, suddenly invested in the conversation.
“Well,” Santa said, sitting up again. “If we’re sad because a friend canceled a playdate or if our favorite show isn’t on TV, it doesn’t take very long to forget about it and do something else, right?” he asked and she nodded. “In those situations, our hearts weren’t broken, they were just disappointed.”
“Oh, so that’s not really being sad, that’s being disappointed,” she said, trying to understand.
Santa touched her nose with his gloved finger. “Bingo. But when our hearts are broken. Say when we have a big fight with someone we love or someone we love dies, then our hearts kind of …” He made the explosion motion with his hands.
“Explode,” she said softly and he nodded.
“Into tiny little pieces and sadness is the only thing we feel.”
She nodded, her head tilted to the side. “Sometimes it really hurts here,” she said, holding her fist to her chest.
“Do you know what that hurt is?” She shook her head and he winked. “That’s sadness.”
“Then I still don’t like sadness.”
“No one does, Holly, but you have to think of sadness kind of like little butterflies.”
“Butterflies?” I swear you could hear her thoughts by looking at her face. She thought Santa had lost his mind.
But Santa just nodded once. “Butterflies, or birds, elves, little doctors with needle and thread, however you want to think of it, but what sadness is doing is stitching all the pieces of your heart back together.”
“Really? Like with thread?”
“Butterflies don’t need thread. The butterflies just flit in and out between the pieces and bring them back together. The doctors, they’d use thread because that’s what they do. Elves, well, they’d use magic nails and their teeny tiny hammers. The result is the same though.”
“Your heart is back together again?”
He nodded, every bone in his body dead serious. “Slowly, as sadness works to put your heart back together, even if it takes a long time, you start to feel a little bit better each day. Then one day, maybe when you’re listening to your favorite song or staring up at the big beautiful Christmas tree, your sadness will just fly away and you’ll feel happy again.”
“My sadness will fly away?” she asked skeptically.
He linked his hands together like a butterfly and flew them through the air. “Yep, it just flies away because sadness has finished its job. It made your heart whole again so you could fill it up with happiness.”
“Do you mean once sadness flies away then it won’t come back?” she asked, her hands clasped together again.
He shook his head, patting her hand, which she didn’t seem to mind. “No, sadness might come back a few times here and there to check and make sure it got all the holes sewn up and nothing is leaking through. Like when we have a memory of someone we love, or when we see something that reminds us of them, but eventually, even when that happens, we will stop feeling the sadness and remember how happy that person used to make us feel.”
“Really?”
Santa nodded. “Really. See, the sadness will only come back to check on our hearts a few times. After that, it knows we have enough happy stored up to be okay when those memories remind us of a sad time.”
“Oh,” Holly said, suddenly all of it clicking into place, “you mean the happy will be stronger than the sad and that will make it feel more like disappointment.”
“Now you got it, Holly,” Santa said, holding his hand out for a high five.
She gave him one and dropped her hand, a smile tipping her lips. “Do you think my sadness will fly away soon?”
Santa was back to lounging on the steps again. He touched her nose with gentle caring. “I think your sadness will fly away as soon as your heart is healed. Not a second before or a second after, little Holly. We can’t rush these things because hearts are really important. Without them, we can’t keep loving the people we love.”
She tapped her chin. “That’s kind of true.”
“It’s totally true, so you see, being sad isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as long as you don’t get lost in the sadness. Remember to smile at least twice every day. Remember to laugh once a day. Remember that you won’t feel this way forever because as soon as that heart of yours is all stitched, hammered, or flitted back together …” he linked his hands again and she followed suit, both flying them off into the sky.
“Happiness,” she whispered.
“Happiness,” he agreed.
“Thank you, Santa,” she said. “That helped me, a lot. I guess you can do more than bring dolls and trains.”
Santa winked at her and she put her arms around his neck for barely the blink of an eye. He patted her back and sat up, picking up his mug. “I suppose I better be on my way back to the North Pole. Mrs. Claus is going to wonder where I am. Don’t forget to hang that jingle bell on your tree now, Miss Holly,” he said, pointing at her hand, which still held the bell.
She stood slowly from the step. “I won’t, Santa.”
“Good girl. Sometimes, jingle bells from Santa hold all kinds of magic you don’t expect. Remember, smile twice a day–”
“And laugh once,” she repeated solemnly.
He pointed at her. “You got it. If you need anything, I’ll be over there on that sleigh again next Saturday. Though I bet you’ll be pretty busy since your mom is getting married the day before.”
Holly gasped. “You know my mom, too?”
Santa shook his head, disappointment washing across his face. “I told you, Holly. I know all the little ones, even when they aren’t so little anymore. Your mom loved to bake when she was a little girl.”
“She still does! She made those cookies you ate a bunch of!”
Santa put his hand to his chest as if to say, who me? “I didn’t eat any cookies,” he insisted, denial lacing his tone.
Holly put her hand on her hip. “Santa, I watched you eat three before you came over here.”
Santa patted his fake giant belly. “I do have to maintain my figure, and those were some excellent sugar cookies. I especially enjoyed the candy cane ones. The peppermint was a nice touch. Very tasty.”
Holly grinned up at her mom. “Maybe I’ll see you again before Christmas, Santa,” she said, running and hugging him again for barely a second before jogging back to Mel.
“I’d like that, Holly. Just tell my head elf you’re Holly Hadley and you have an update for Santa. She’ll get you right through the line.”
“Holly Murano,” she corrected him, her voice oddly unsure when she spoke.
Santa gave himself a forehead slap. “I’m sorry, Holly Murano, of course. I know Mason and I got all confused.”
“You know Mason, too?” she paused and then did a forehead slap herself. “You know everyone.”
He pointed at her again with a twinkle in his eye. “I do, and Mason always wanted a baseball glove every year until one year he asked me for running shoes. I was really confused that year.”
“That’s because he loves to run!” she laughed and clapped excitedly. It was then that a little bit of happy peeked through the sadness for the first time in too long. “He’s a great runner, he runs around town all the time.”
“Well, I’m glad he still runs. He asked me for running shoes for years, up until last year. Last year, he had a different wi—”
Santa paused and waved his hand. “Never mind. Anyway, have a Merry Christmas!” he called, his jingle bells jangling on his sleeve.
“Santa, wait,” Holly called, running down the stairs. “What did Da—Mason wish for last year?”
“I’m not sure I’m supposed to say,” he said, leaning down close. “It’s kind of an in-confidence thing.”
Holly nodded thoughtfully. “Like, did he come to sit on your lap?”
Santa threw his head back and laughed a few ho-ho-hos. “No, he’s a little too big for that. He’d break my legs!”
Holly giggled and slapped her own leg in pure amusement. “You’re right. He’s really big,” she said, her hands stretching tall. “He can carry me. How do you talk then?”
“Email,” Santa said without hesitation. “The really special ones who truly believe in my magic, they have my email. I can tell you last year he sent me a picture of a woman and a girl and he wished for them to be his.”
“Me and Mom?” she asked, her hands folded in the praying pose.
He winked at her. “You do look a lot like that little girl in the picture,” he answered vaguely.
“I guess he got his wish then because Mom is going to marry him in six days!”
Santa did a thumbs up and gave her a high five. “I know Mason must be over the moon happy about that. I don’t know for sure because he hasn’t emailed me this year.”
“He hasn’t?”
Santa shook his head slowly. “I think maybe he’s a little sad, too.”
“Why do you think that?” she asked, her head cocked again.
“I saw him in the diner, that one that looks like a train car.”
Holly clapped excitedly. “The Nightingale Diner! He works there.”
“Right! The Nightingale Diner. He was flipping hotcakes and he looked right at me, but it was like he didn’t see me. He put the hotcakes in the window and turned right around.”
“Maybe he just didn’t see you.”
“I was leaning on the window. Everyone else who believes in me saw me standing there, but not Mason.”
“Why, Santa? Why couldn’t he see you?’
Santa shrugged and sipped from his hot cocoa again. “If you want to know my guess, I think it’s because he doesn’t feel the Christmas magic this year. You have to be filled with Christmas magic to see me.”
Holly frowned and scratched her head. “But I can see you, and Mom and Addie can see you, so we must have Christmas magic in us?”
He nodded, solemnly, but with genuine dedication. “You do. It’s hiding in there somewhere,” he said, tickling her belly. “I think it’s because of your name. Your name is Holly, so you always carry the Christmas magic with you, even when you aren’t feeling the jolliest. Maybe you can share some of it with Mason.” He glanced up at Mel. “If you see Mason, tell him I’m checking my inbox.” He winked and Mel played along.
“I sure will, Santa!” she called, waving.
Santa patted Holly’s shoulder. “I must dash now. Be a good girl and I’ll see you real soon.”
Santa waved and strolled off down the path humming Santa Claus is Coming to Town. I watched him disappear through the woods and Mel put her arm around me, her lips near my ear.
“Seriously, Addie, don’t let that Santa get away.”