Chapter 15
I was parked behind the yoga studio when Santa’s sleigh pulled in, jingle bells swaying from the rearview mirror. He saw me, and his eyes strayed to the travel trailer parked next to the building, electric hooked into the wall. He climbed out of the truck, his Santa coat open, the big belly gone, but the pants and boots still in place. He’d lost the beard and wig, which was probably in the duffel bag he’d grabbed and tossed over his shoulder.
I climbed from my car and walked right into him, pushing him up against the truck and holding him tightly. “You’re the best Santa ever,” I whispered.
His arm came around me and he nuzzled my neck, his breath warm against my skin. “I’ve missed you.”
“We just saw each other yesterday,” I said, still holding him tightly to me and rubbing his back.
“With an eight-year-old in tow,” he teased, kissing my neck. “Let’s go inside where it’s warmer.”
I released him and followed him to the studio door where he unlocked it and pushed it open for me. I followed him in and he tossed his bag in the office. “If you want to wait a minute, I’ll change my clothes and then we can grab some dinner, or maybe go to your place and watch a Christmas movie on that giant TV screen?”
I sidled up to him, determined to get the truth about his living situation. “We could go to my place and have dinner and a movie. I have to stop eating out or I’ll look like Mrs. Claus,” I said, patting my tummy.
He smiled and kissed me, with tongue, until I couldn’t breathe and my arms were wrapped around his neck. “You can be my Mrs. Claus, no matter your size,” he promised, when he ended the kiss. He nipped my lip again and then released me to rub his chest.
“You okay?” I asked when he grimaced, but he nodded.
“Yeah, I’ve had heartburn since we ate that pizza last night. I’ll be fine.”
“All those kids climbing up and down today probably didn’t help,” I teased, running my hand up and down his scar through his shirt. “Imagine my surprise when I realized I’d been kissing Santa Claus.”
He laughed, his lips on mine instantly and he pushed me up against the wall, hidden from the window by the office. His hands were everywhere, and mine were under his shirt, planted firmly on his chest, which quivered with pent up passion. He broke the kiss and bent over, his breath coming in slow bursts while he rubbed his chest.
“Okay, something is wrong,” I said, my hand on his back, but he waved his hand at me.
“My ICD just kicked. Apparently, kissing you is hard on Santa’s heart,” he joked, pecking my lips again when he stood up.
“Does it hurt?” I asked, following him to his office where he took a bottle of pills from a drawer and swallowed one, dry.
“It doesn’t feel great, but I’m used to it. I get shocked a lot, it comes with the disease. These are pills to regulate my heart. I was late taking it since I stayed longer at the park than I planned.”
I made him sit and sat across from him, planting a hand on each leg. “To make sure a little girl discovered the magic of Santa.”
He shrugged. “Honestly, I didn’t see her at first. I noticed you in the gazebo and was coming over to say hi. When I saw her little head, I knew I couldn’t let on I wasn’t the real St. Nick.”
“Why are you St. Nick? You didn’t mention that you were going to be the man in the sleigh when you told me about this.”
He leaned back and shrugged out of his coat. “I wasn’t planning on it. The Santa they’d hired to do the job broke his leg in a work accident on Thursday. They called me in desperation last night wondering if I’d ever played Santa. Considering my business and all,” he said, motioning at the other rooms.
I grinned and let out a laugh. “I guess when you need a Santa, you go right to the Rudolph Express.”
He nodded and grinned. “I promised them it wasn’t a problem, changed a few things around, and like that, I’m Santa until Christmas Eve. I have to say, it was a lot of fun. I love kids and how innocent they are. It was fun to spread the Christmas spirit. Sometimes we get lost in that as adults,” he admitted, rubbing his sternum.
I eyed him, unsure about what I should do. His color was almost as white as his hair, but I decided to keep him talking and see if the medicine improved the situation.
“You sure did that with Holly.”
“Again, I was just playing the part.”
I shook my head and leaned back in my chair, crossing my arms. “No, you weren’t. You were showing her that you cared about her feelings.”
He sighed and leaned forward, rolling his shoulders. “To be honest, it broke my heart when she said her only wish was for the sadness to go away. Like, I wish that’s something Santa could do.” He shook his head in frustration and sighed.
“If you want my opinion, what you said to her will make it go away. It will take time, but when the sadness creeps in now she will remember that ten minutes today where you gave her hope.”
“I pray you’re right. Kids like that, they break my already broken heart. I hate that they’re touched by such strong pain at such a young age when they aren’t equipped to deal with it. Not that anyone of any age would be, but as adults, we are better able to express ourselves.”
I rubbed his knee, his hands back on his chest. “It sounded to me like you were talking from experience.”
“We’ve all experienced loss, Addie. It’s easy to put ourselves in someone else’s place and tell them what we would have loved to have heard at that time in our lives.”
I held my hands out. “That’s what I mean. I’ve never experienced grief and heartache the way Holly has, and last night, I had no advice for her. Then along comes Santa,” I said, using air quotes, “and he knows the exact right thing to say.” He went to object and I held up my hand. “I’m not starting a fight or arguing with you about this. I just want you to know that Mel was moved to tears. Her mom heart has been breaking for her daughter. I think we’ll see a different Holly once she realizes that her sadness is normal and nothing to be afraid of. You helped her do that.”
He smiled and took my hand. “After last night, when you texted me about what happened, I was praying I’d see her today, and that she wouldn’t recognize me. I was disappointed when she didn’t show up, so when I saw her, I knew I had one shot and one shot only.”
“You’re observant. Guess that’s from spending hours upon hours with kids, and apparently ninety-year-old women.”
He tipped his head and laughed. “Where did that come from?”
“I was cutting Audrey’s hair today and she mentioned Mrs. Tims came on to you. Mrs. Tims told her you said we were dating.”
He snickered and dropped his head into his hand, peeking at me from under his white eyebrows. “I hope you don’t mind. I mean, we had decided we were dating, right?”
I laughed and poked his belly. “I’m teasing you. I don’t mind if you use me to fend off the old ladies. I don’t mind at all.”
He smiled and kissed me, his lips quivering as he tried to keep it closed mouth and light. It didn’t work. In a heartbeat, I was on Santa’s lap and my tongue was in his mouth. I purposely rested my hand on his chest and felt his muscles quivering under it. I ended the kiss slowly and stayed in his arms, happy to see some pink back in his cheeks.
“If the little girl on Santa’s lap would let him up, he’d go shower so we could take this somewhere much more comfortable.”
I slid off his lap and followed him out of the office. “Where are you going to shower? Mrs. Tims also told Audrey who told me, even though I’d already heard it from Ivy, that you’re living in that camping trailer out there.”
His steps paused and he bent over again, his breath coming in a gasp. I grabbed his arm and held onto him. He coughed and then took another breath.
“Dammit,” he hissed, shaking his head. “Apparently, this is going to be a bad day.”
“Does it usually happen this often?” I asked, and he rose to his full height and shook his head.
“Not usually, but it’s not unheard of.”
I grasped his elbow lightly and held it. “Ellis, you didn’t answer my question.”
He spun back around and threw his arms out to his side. “It feels like you already know the answer, Addie.”
I shook my head, biting my tongue to make sure I didn’t say something I couldn’t take back. “No, I don’t know the answer. Rumors aren’t always true, Ellis.”
“Well, in this case, they are.” He slumped against the reception desk in despair. “There are zero rentals in this town. Like zero. I lived at the campground all summer, but it’s getting a little cold for that now. I have a cot I sleep on in my office, shower in the locker room here, and cook in the trailer. It’s working okay for right now, but I have to come up with a better plan soon.”
I sidled up to him and put my arm around his waist, laying my head on his shoulder. “I’ll help. It can’t be good for your heart to be constantly worried about where you’re going to live.”
He nodded, resting his chin on my head. “I know I’m breaking the lease by staying here, but there isn’t even a hotel to live in. I’d have to drive twenty miles a day each way. I can’t be that far away from the studio, especially after the break-in.”
“It’s true, the motel burned down last year. Bells Pass isn’t known for its rental properties, but we will find you a place for the winter. I know people, so let me ask around. In the meantime, you can stay with me.”
He shook his head, his eyes rolling around. “No, Addie. Thank you, but no.”
I sighed. “Let me guess, your mother wouldn’t find that acceptable.”
He laughed then and it was so good to hear him laugh at something after the tense ten minutes we’d had. “I’ve stopped worrying about what my mother would think was appropriate. There’s a certain woman in this town who reminded me that I’m the one who has to live my life.” He leaned down and kissed me, his lips warm against mine and I melted into him, my knee braced between his. I whimpered, the sound loud in the quiet studio.
He bit down on my lower lip and then licked the sting away. “She’s an incredible woman, actually.”
“Then why won’t you accept her offer?” I asked, my hand stroking his jaw.
“Mostly, I’m afraid if we’re under the same roof I won’t be able to keep my hands off her,” he admitted. “Besides, I don’t want to get in her way.”
“You wouldn’t. We both work crazy hours, so we’d rarely see each other. I have a private entrance, which means you can come and go as you need to. The bathroom might be a problem since you have to use the one in the salon. I guess you could come here and shower if I had a client.”
He grasped my cheek and kissed my lips again. “I’ll consider it if we can’t find anything else. We don’t want the old ladies’ lips to flap more than they already are.”
“Mmm, as far as I’m concerned, they can flip, flap, and floodle. I don’t live my life by the opinions of the knitting club.”
“Floodle? Did you just say floodle?” he asked, tickling my ribs. I squealed and jumped away and he fell to his knees, one hand on the floor to keep from falling on his face.
I sat without blinking and grasped the arm he was using to hold himself up. He rolled over onto his hip and lay back on me, his forehead covered in sweat. “Ellis, what’s going on?”
He coughed and his voice was unsteady when he answered. “Take my pulse.”
I did as he ordered, counting it out the way my mom taught me years ago when we played nurse and patient. “Jeez, Ellis, your pulse is racing.”
He was slumped against me and rubbing his chest with one hand. “I’ve been shocked five times since we got here and three times in the sleigh. I should have called the doctor after the first three times. I think I need to go to the hospital.”
I pulled my phone from my pocket. “I’m going to call an ambulance. Just hold tight.”
He grabbed the phone and shook his head. “I can’t afford an ambulance. Can you drive me? It’s only a couple of blocks away.”
I took stock of him for a heartbeat and knew it was the absolute wrong thing to do, but I relented and put the phone away. “Let’s get you up and to the car,” I instructed, holding him in place while I stood, then I helped him up. He put his arm around my shoulder and leaned on me, his body trembling. I shut down the lights and got him into my car, then ran back and locked the door before jumping in next to him.
I turned the ignition over and glanced at him. He was gray and sweating profusely. I pulled onto Main Street and pushed the gas pedal down, headed toward Lakeside Hospital.
“Addie?” he asked, his head resting on the seat.
“Yeah, Ellis?” I stopped for a stop sign, impatiently waiting for my turn to go.
“Just in case something happens to me, I want you to know I’ve had a colossal crush on you since I moved to town.”
I smiled and shifted my eyes to him for a second. “The feeling is mutual, but nothing is going to happen to you. You promised me dinner and a movie and I’m going to hold you to that.”
He nodded and swallowed, but I could see how fast his heart was beating by looking at his neck veins. “Okay, but just in case, I want you to know I think I love you. I hope you don’t get sad if something happens to me. I’d want you to be happy we spent time together, not sad it was over.”
He jerked and then passed out in the seat next to me. I reached over, shaking him as I yanked the wheel into the parking lot for the emergency room. My fingers felt for his pulse and I screeched to a halt at the ER entrance. His heart was beating a little bit slower, but he was out cold.
The doors swooshed open and I was already screaming at the attendants. They wrestled him out of the car and I gave them the specifics before they ran with him to the ER, leaving me standing by my car, my own heart racing, and tears in my eyes.
He loves me? What the hell do I do now?
I paced the waiting room of the hospital, impatiently waiting for any word from anyone about Ellis. Since I wasn’t family, and he didn’t have any information on file about who to talk to, they couldn’t update me without his permission. Considering he was out cold when they brought him in thirty minutes ago, I didn’t see that happening anytime soon.
A woman walked toward me and I sagged in relief when she took me in her arms. “Mom,” I cried. “What are you doing here?”
She held me tightly and patted my back before she released me. “I’m on call and had a case earlier. I just finished when one of the nurses came to tell me you were here with Ellis. What’s going on?”
I did the palms up. “I have no idea. They haven’t been out to talk to me at all and said they can’t give me any information about him.”
“Right, because you aren’t family, but honey, tell me what happened to bring you here.”
I put my hand in my hair and sighed. “Oh, right, sorry. I’m flustered. I told you about his ICD,” I said and she nodded. “We were at the studio and it kept going off. It went off five times in maybe thirty minutes and then once in the car. He passed out after the last one in the car. I took his pulse and it was so fast I couldn’t even count it.”
She held my arms gently. “Okay, so his rhythm was off and the ICD was trying to fix it. That’s what it should do, but six times is too many shocks in a row.”
I nodded and swallowed, my throat parched. “He was playing Santa today in the park and he told me it went off three times in the sleigh during the afternoon. He never said anything or I would have brought him in sooner,” I promised, lowering myself to a chair. “Do you think he’s going to be okay?”
She smiled and put her arm around my shoulder. “I think he will be just fine with a little bit of help from the doctors here. I know it’s scary but take a deep breath. You did the right thing getting him here.”
I did as she instructed and breathed deeply. “I wanted to call an ambulance but he wouldn’t let me. I should have done that.”
“What matters is you got him here, baby. He’s in good hands,” she promised.
A nurse walked into the waiting room and waved at my mom. “Hey, Loretta, just the gal I need to see. We have a consult for anesthesia. Addie, Ellis is asking for you.”
I jumped up so fast I almost fell over. “Is he awake?”
She nodded and offered a comforting smile. “He is, so if you’d follow me, the doctor will explain it to both of you at once.”
“Oh no,” I whispered to Mom, “Ellis is the one who needs surgery.”
She patted my shoulder. “Just relax and let’s wait to hear what the doctor says.”
The nurse pulled the curtain back and we stepped in, Mom going to the side where the doctor stood while I went to the other side and took his hand.
“Hi,” I whispered, kissing his forehead. “I’m so glad you’re awake.”
He gave me a weak smile and squeezed my hand. “Sorry about passing out in the car. I couldn’t catch my breath.”
“It’s okay, don’t apologize, I’m just glad you’re here where they can help you.” I glanced up at the doctor. “You can help him, right?”
The doctor reached across the bed and shook my hand. “Hi, Addie, my name is Dr. Morgen and I’m a cardiologist here. This guy has been pretty worried about you, so I’m glad you could join us. I was quite confused when Santa showed up in my ER, but it sounds like his reindeer got him here in a jiffy, which definitely helped his heart.”
I let go of his hand and offered a weak smile. “His pulse was so fast I couldn’t count it.”
“That’s what we like to call going haywire. I know, awfully technical medical term there, right?” he joked and I cracked a smile as did Ellis.
My mom cleared her throat and I glanced up. “Oh! Ellis, this is my mom, Loretta. I would have preferred you had met at dinner, but I guess that option is out now.” I was nervous and he could tell, so he reached his good arm across his body and my mom shook it.
“Nice to meet you. Sorry I missed dinner the other night. Someone decided to firebomb the studio.”
Mom dropped his hand and patted his leg. “It’s nice to meet you, Ellis. I’m sorry it’s under these circumstances, but we’ll take care of your heart before I put you through the paces about my daughter. Deal?”
Ellis smiled and nodded, but his face was still ridiculously pale and every movement he made was weak.
“Probably the best idea all the way around, considering what I found,” Dr. Morgen interjected. “After some tests and talking to Ellis, I think I know what the problem may be.” He pointed at Ellis’s chest which was covered in wires and leads like a robot. “This bruise right here?” the doctor asked and I nodded. “It’s right where the leads that go into his heart attach to the ICD.”
My mom groaned and the doctor laughed. “Exactly, Loretta. I think the device is malfunctioning for one of two reasons. If the battery is dying, it’s common to see the device continue to fire, even when it doesn’t need to. That only irritates the heart more, resulting in an endless cycle. It could also be that one of the leads has broken off the device due to the kick he took. The way his chest is quivering, I’m leaning toward that. Also, this specific device has been recalled by the manufacturer for lead breakage issues. I’m surprised you didn’t get a notice.”
Ellis shook his head. “Not that I’m aware of, but then I have moved around a lot in the last few years.”
“I checked and they did send notice, but it went to an address in Wyoming.”
Ellis sighed with resignation. “Wyoming? That was years ago. They won’t be forwarding from that address anymore.” He waved his hand. “Doesn’t matter, what happens when it gets recalled?”
“You get a new one, free of charge if we can prove it was defective because of the manufacturing. Just relax and we’ll take care of you and everything involved with the recall.”
“Why was his heart racing though? I mean it was fast,” I said, watching the machine to the side of his bed.
The doctor nodded and pointed to where it said his pulse was ninety-six. “I’m pretty sure that was just a result of the constant shocking. It’s uncomfortable and eventually, the heart muscle gets aggravated. We tried to interrogate the device, but it wouldn’t respond, so we shut it off and we’re managing his heart rate with medication for now. We need to get this replaced immediately.”
Ellis squeezed my hand and spoke to the doctor. “Can you do it here or do I need to go out to a different hospital?”
“No, we can do it here and when I say immediately, I mean as soon as Loretta can scrub in with me.”
My eyes widened and I glanced between the three of them. “Right now?”
Doctor Morgen nodded in all seriousness. “Right now. The device worked well for him and every hour that it isn’t pacing him is more medication we have to give him. I’d rather he was being paced than rely on the medication. If he goes into an arrhythmia the medication can’t control, I don’t want to open his chest again to do heart massage with those leads in there.”
“Will you have to replace the leads, too?” Ellis asked. “They told me when they put this one in that the device change was a simple procedure unless the leads had to be changed.”
He held up his finger and grabbed a tablet on the bedside table. “The CT scan tells us that the leads are still in the right place.” He showed us Ellis’s chest and it was shocking to see the entire device and the leads in his heart. “What this can’t tell us is if the lead is broken here,” he said pointing where it plugged into the device, “or further down the line somewhere. It may not be the lead at all. It may be a broken connector on the device, in which case we can leave the lead in and just replace the ICD.”
“You’re saying you won’t know until you do the surgery,” Ellis said and he nodded.
“We’re going to give you general anesthesia in case we do have to replace the leads. I want you to be comfortable and Loretta will make sure of it. With any luck, we can change out the device, sew you up, and get you out of here. I would suggest in the future, you avoid toddlers with snow boots.”
Ellis laughed and nodded at the same time. “Freak thing, right?”
Dr. Morgen rested his hand on his shoulder. “I’ve seen a lot of freak things in this business. We can take care of this and get you back on your feet in a few days.”
My mom did her assessment required by anesthesia before handing the clipboard back to Dr. Morgen to sign. He held the pen out to Ellis.
“You’ll have to give permission for both the device replacement and lead replacement.”
“You really think I broke a lead, don’t you?” he asked, hesitantly taking the pen.
“It’s possible it’s just a bad battery since we couldn’t get any information from the device, so let’s not borrow trouble until we get in there and look at the parts as a whole. This consent form has everything on it we might have to do when we get in there. We can’t wake you up in the middle of it to ask you if it’s okay. Make sense?”
Ellis nodded and signed the form before resting back on the pillow. “You have to get me up and running again by next Saturday.”
Dr. Morgen gave my mom a copy of the papers. “Next Saturday? Big date?” he asked, a grin on his face.
Ellis nodded and his eyes twinkled. “Yeah, with about four hundred kids from Bells Pass. Santa doesn’t get a sick day.”
My mom and the doctor both left the room chuckling, promising the nurse would be in to get him ready for surgery. I pulled the chair up to his bed and rested my hand on his chest over the wires, tape, and pads, my other hand holding his.
“I’m so glad you’re okay,” I whispered, my gaze holding his. “You scared the crap out of me.”
His hand came up to trace my jaw. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. The whole thing took me by surprise.”
“Don’t apologize,” I whispered. “You didn’t know. I’m resilient, I’ll be okay. I’m worried about you right now.”
“You heard the doc, a simple in and out. I might need to take you up on that offer of a room, though. The last time I had this done it took a couple of days to sit up without help.” He pointed at the long scar on his chest and winked, which meant even as he faced surgery again, he was joking with me.
“You got it. I’ll get a bed in there and you can stay as long as you need to. We can’t have Santa worrying about where he’ll lay his head at night.”
He smiled and caressed my face. “Don’t go to any trouble. I can sleep on the couch. I’m more worried about my business. If I can’t teach, I can’t make money.”
I leaned down and kissed his lips gently. “Don’t worry about that stuff right now. One step at a time. If the doctor is right, you’ll be back in business by the middle of the week. At least you’ll feel well enough to run the classes, even if you can’t do all the moves yourself. I know for a fact we could get one particular little girl in to help her friend Ellis demonstrate the poses.”
He smiled and closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again to stare into mine. “I meant what I said in the car, Addie.”
I held his hand to my cheek and kissed him again. I needed to be touching him to make myself feel better. I hoped it made him feel better, too. “I’m not going to hold you to that declaration, Ellis. You weren’t in your right mind.”
“On the contrary, I was. I was aggravated and crabby and you didn’t walk away from me even after the first two jolts.”
I shook my head, my hand gripping his shoulder. “I wouldn’t have walked away from you when you needed me.”
“A lot of women would have,” he whispered. “Instead, you realized there was a problem and I could see in your eyes you were trying to work out a plan to convince me to go to the clinic. Then you were on the floor holding me, keeping me calm, and staying cool. I was watching you as you drove me to the hospital and I had more clarity in that few minutes than I’d ever had in my life. Life is short. Taking chances is necessary. Love is everything.”
“Life is short,” I said, my voice cracking, “but you better not be planning on checking out on me, Santa.”
He shook his head, taking a shaky breath. “Not on your life, sweetheart.”
I took a deep breath and thought about what he said. Life is short. Taking chances is necessary. Love is everything. “I fell in love with you last night watching you with Holly, and again today. I could picture you as a loving father to our children, and that’s when I got a jolt to my own heart,” I whispered, taking his hand. “Okay, full disclosure?” I asked and he nodded, his finger still tracing the line of my jaw. “I fell in love with you this summer during that picnic in the park, but I denied it for months. I came to realize I couldn’t deny it any longer when you passed out in my car and I thought my own heart was going to stop beating.”
The nurse bustled through the door talking about getting him ready for surgery. He held tight to my hand and brought my face down to touch noses. “Will you be here when I get back?”
“I’m not going anywhere, Ellis. I’ll be right here when you come out. If you can’t be in my hands, at least you’re in my mom’s hands. You’re going to be okay. Just relax and let them take care of you,” I soothed, rubbing his shoulder.
The nurse unlocked the bed and a second orderly grabbed the head of it, getting ready to push it through the door. Before he released my hand, he mouthed I love you and I kissed his forehead, uttering the words I’d never said to a man before. “I love you too.”