Chapter 19
“What a night,” Ellis said as we trudged up the steps to my apartment.
I unlocked the door then flipped on the light. He followed me in and closed the door behind us, leaning on it for a second. “It was beautiful but exhausting,” I agreed. I set my purse and phone down on the table and kicked my shoes off, happy to be comfortable again. He snagged me around the waist and I pushed against him. “I’m going to go down and shower. Then I’ll help you get your stitches covered so you can,” I promised.
He nuzzled my neck. “Not yet,” he whispered, “I never got to dance with you tonight in this breathtaking gown.”
I glanced down at the forest green lace and silk dress. It was long, which made kneeling to take pictures in the gazebo easier than a short one would have been. It made walking in the snow to the sleigh slightly harder though. My lips turned upward as I turned my gaze to his. “I’ll admit, when I bought the dress, you were on my mind.”
“Oh yeah?” he asked, his lips kissing their way up my jawline. “How’s that?”
“The saleswoman said the color brought out the natural reds of my hair,” I explained, my voice going up an octave when he bit down on my earlobe.
His hand went up into my hair as he held me with his other. “And you know how much I love your hair,” he whispered, kissing my temple. He tugged my head backward to position my lips and by the time he was finished with me, I was whimpering and moaning. My fingers dug into his back and only the sound of our heavy breathing filled the room.
“I thought you wanted to dance,” I gasped out when I could breathe again.
“I do,” he said, swaying me into the middle of the living room. He grabbed the remote and flicked the television on to a radio channel that was all Christmas, all the time. He snugged me up against him and swayed me back and forth, his hand holding my head to his chest.
“Am I hurting you?” I asked, realizing it was on the side with his stitches.
“No, you’re healing me, Addie. I don’t think you realize how much, but maybe someday you will.”
“And maybe someday you’ll tell me the truth about why you’re really in Bells Pass.”
“Addie,” he sighed. “Let’s just dance and not talk.”
And we did. I had my head on his chest listening to his heart beat strong and even. He had his chin resting on the top of my head while he hummed to the music.
“Watching you taking pictures by the sleigh tonight took me off guard,” he said, his voice soft in the room. “I had no idea you had skills like that.”
I laughed softly and patted his chest. “It’s a small town, right?” I asked and he nodded against my head. “Which means we have a small school. Everyone wore multiple hats there. I was part of the yearbook team and my job was to take the pictures. I had to photograph every activity and game throughout the year. I got good at picking out the important ones and at staging a scene to make sure they were perfect.”
“As evidenced by tonight,” he agreed. “You caught all the important, and unexpected, moments in the gazebo. You had everyone posing like pros in the sleigh, which by the way, I can’t wait to get a picture of you on Santa’s lap tomorrow.”
I laughed happily. “Maybe we can take a selfie since I’m the elf and no one else will be there to snap pictures.”
“Mmm, good point,” he agreed. “Maybe like the one we got tonight at the diner by the Christmas tree? I loved that one, but the one of you and Holly had my heart singing.”
“She was so happy after the ceremony, wasn’t she?” I asked, reaching up to smooth my hand down his cheek. “It was like Mason’s words settled her heart a little bit.”
He leaned down and kissed my lips once. “I agree. She was a different kid. She sang, danced, ate cake, and visited with everyone in attendance. I don’t think I ever saw her when she didn’t have a smile on her face.”
“I guess she took Santa’s advice to heart. Laugh at least once a day and smile at least twice.”
“And always remember the magic of Christmas is hiding in your heart, even if you think you’ve lost it completely.”
“You sound like you have experience with that,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around his back.
“Addie,” he warned, his body stiffening. “I’m not going to talk about my past with you. It’s over and it doesn’t matter now.”
I pulled away from him and eyed him from head to toe. “That’s your choice, Ellis, but if you can’t, or won’t, talk about your past with me, then you don’t love me the way Shep and Mason love Ivy and Mel. If you’re not willing to talk about the parts of yourself that are damaged and broken, then you can’t expect me to do the same. If you expect me to dance around events that I don’t have a clue about, then you don’t love me after all. You can’t ask or expect someone you love to be part of your present with no insight into the things that made you that person. I told you about my past with Ethan when you asked. I didn’t dance around the subject and pretend it didn’t change who I was as a woman.”
“Addie,” he said, grabbing for me, but I took a step back and held up my hand.
“No, just forget it. I’m going to shower and then go to bed. We have a long day tomorrow and it’s already late.”
I grabbed my phone and slammed the apartment door behind me as I stomped down the stairs. I flicked the light on in the bathroom of the salon and stripped the dress off, making sure to hang it carefully so it didn’t wrinkle. I wiped the tears off my cheek with my shoulder and cranked the faucet over to hot.
When I stepped under the water, my finger wrapped in a baggie, my heart settled heavy in my chest. I’d celebrated true love with two friends tonight who completed each other, and I thought I’d found the man who did the same for me. Apparently, I was wrong.
The apartment was quiet. I stood at the sink drinking coffee from my favorite mug, it was Tony the Tiger saying, “It’s a greeeaaatttt morning!” But it wasn’t. It was a miserable morning and I regretted the things I’d said last night. When I came back upstairs from the shower, the door to his bedroom was closed and the room was quiet. I had gone to mine and climbed in bed, lying awake for hours wondering if I should knock and apologize. After an hour I heard him leave his room and then the apartment door open and close. I figured he was taking a shower, but when he didn’t come back for over two hours, I knew he was doing something else. He was probably at the studio namasting the hell out of the night.
I set the mug down and sighed. In a few hours, I’d have to get dressed up as a jolly elf and spend the day helping Santa with the children of Bells Pass. I’d do it, but it wouldn’t be easy to keep a smile on my face when I was miserable. Maybe, if he gets up in time, we can find a truce before we go.
At the same time, I struggled with knowing I had every right to say what I said. If he thought he could keep his past from me and still have an open and honest relationship, then he was wrong. I don’t play that way anymore. I’d rather be alone than living with someone who won’t let me be part of their life completely. I silently wished there was someone I could call and talk to about this, but there wasn’t. I wouldn’t call Ivy and dump it on a pregnant woman. Mel was enjoying her first morning as a married woman, and my mom was too caught up in love to see the problem. If Heather wasn’t so lovesick over Gabriel I’d call her, but she would tell me to get off my high horse and enjoy the fact I had a guy who loved me.
My phone rang and I answered it hesitantly. “Hello?”
“Addie, it’s Gabe. I’m at your side door. Come let me in?”
“Sure, be right there.” I trotted down the stairs and checked the peephole before I opened it, just in case. “Hi, Gabe, it’s early.”
He nodded as I was still wearing my Christmas pajamas. “Only if you were out partying all night.”
I laughed and motioned him in, closing the door quietly behind him. “It was a great party, though. I saw you there shoveling in some cake, so don’t try to fool me.”
He bounced up on his toes and then followed me up the stairs to the apartment. “Well, you know, the Nightingale Diner does give on-duty officers free coffee, I just lucked out that there was some of Mel’s amazing cake there last night, too.”
“Man, the raspberry filling was to die for,” I grinned, rubbing my belly. I eyed him suspiciously and he finally sighed. “But you aren’t here to talk about cake. If you’re looking for Heather, she comes in at ten.”
“Why would I be looking for Heather?” he asked, looking anywhere but at me.
Oh, does Officer Gabe have a secret he’s hiding when it comes to a particular blonde-haired cosmetologist?
I just shrugged as if to say he wasn’t fooling me. “Okay, if not Heather then you’re looking for me.”
“And me,” Ellis said, coming out of his bedroom with his hair mussed from sleep. He wore a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt, which told me he probably had gone to the studio last night after all.
Gabe nodded and pointed at the both of us. “I have an update about the car and the bottle-throwing. We got a hit on the car, but it was abandoned and torched. It belonged to a member of the Thunder Vipers.”
I sucked in a breath and Ellis came up behind me. He put his hand to the small of my back as if he had that right after last night. “Jeez Louise, Gabe. The Thunder Vipers?” I asked with my hand to my forehead. “That’s …” I just waved my hand in the air.
Gabe bit his lip and nodded. “Not good is what it is.”
“Who or what in the hell are the Thunder Vipers?” Ellis asked, glancing between us.
“A violent gang from Saginaw,” Gabe answered for me. “They’re known for racially motivated attacks as well as attacks on LGBTQ community members, Jews, Muslims, and anyone from a different ethnicity.”
“Which is why they’re after us,” Ellis finished.
Gabe tipped his head in agreement. “They think he’s an albino and you’re African-American. Both of those are demographics that set them off.”
“First of all, he’s not an albino, and second of all, I’m half white!”
Gabriel held up his hand in acknowledgment. “I know, but they don’t know that and they wouldn’t care anyway. You’re black enough for them.”
“And from a distance, I could be easily mistaken for an albino,” Ellis admitted. “If you can’t see my eyes, the hair and light skin would fool you.”
Gabe nodded in agreement. “Which is why they yelled what they yelled. They specifically used albino and the N-word together to prove a point.”
I raised a brow. “The N-word?” I asked and he put his hands up.
“I’m not about to use that word in front of a woman I’ve respected my entire life. You know exactly what I mean, Addie.”
I tipped my head in return. “Appreciated. What now?”
Gabe sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Now we have nothing. The car was ditched and the owner had reported it stolen.”
I waved my hand in the air. “Wait, if the car was stolen, then you don’t know it was the Thunder Vipers.”
Gabe leaned against the table and crossed his ankles. “Yeah, it wasn’t stolen, you and I both know that. That’s just what the gang member said. It’s initiation time and he’s covering his tracks.”
Ellis leaned over my shoulder. “Christmas is initiation time?”
We both rolled our eyes, but Gabe spoke. “This gang holds their initiations at Christmas to fuel their fear factor. Also, if kids are trying to join the gang and can’t hack being away from their parents this time of year, they know they’ll never make it as a member.”
Ellis pursed his lips. “I guess that makes more sense than anything, but what a bunch of disgusting, soulless people.”
Gabe pointed at him and sighed. “My job is definitely glamorous, but I’ll keep doing it. I’m here to warn you not to be out alone together after dark. Don’t have your studio or salon lights on and be visible together behind the windows.”
“You’re saying no PDA,” I translated. “It won’t be a problem,” I finished coldly. Ellis stiffened behind me, but I didn’t take my words back.
“That will make my job easier. Just lay low other than in places where there are a lot of people. The Thunder Vipers never get themselves in a situation they can’t get out of. I’ve also talked to Stan and Loretta about this,” Gabe said, dropping his brow. “They aren’t on the gang’s radar, but that doesn’t mean they won’t find them accidentally.”
“Agreed,” I said, tightly. “Is it safe to be at the park doing Santa and his elves?” I asked, glancing behind me at Ellis who was looking at the ceiling rather than us.
“As long as you’re out of there by dark. We have extra patrols through there during the day and no one knows he’s Santa anyway. As far as anyone knows, you’re just doing your part to help the Chamber with the holiday activities.”
Ellis finally tore his eyes from the ceiling. “We’re always done at two. I won’t take my costume off until we are back here.”
Gabe grabbed the door handle and paused. “I’m sorry it has to be this way right now. I’m sure you’d like to be out without worrying about someone coming after you, but until we catch them, this is the only way to keep you safe.” He pointed back and forth between us. “If anything happens here or at the studio, do nothing but call us. Do not engage. Do not go investigate the sound of breaking glass. Call us before you breathe, got it?”
We both nodded solemnly and he slipped out the door. I followed him down, locked the vestibule door behind him, then jogged back up the stairs and locked that one, too. Ellis was sitting on the couch, his head in his hand as he worked to wake up. He rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hand and I felt bad for him, so I went to the kitchen for coffee.
“Can’t have coffee,” he said before I could pour it. “Caffeine gets my heart pumping more than kissing you does.”
I slammed the pot back into the machine and took a deep breath. “Good to know.”
“Not what I meant, Addie.”
I leaned my hip on the counter and drank from my own, it’s not greeeaaatttt mug. Nothing is great. Everything sucks. My life is suddenly not what I thought it was. I set the cup down and ducked my head, waiting for that Christmas magic to work its way into my heart, but it was a no go. I’d lost the magic, or at the very least it was hiding somewhere I couldn’t access. A tear dripped onto my sock and I bit my lip to keep from making a sound. I strode to the door, getting it unlocked and closed again before he could get off the couch. I took the stairs two at a time and skidded into the salon, slamming the door of my private bathroom where my clothes were waiting. Instead, I sat on the toilet seat and let the tears fall. Tears for the sad state of our country where skin tone and religious beliefs were more important than who we were as a person. Tears for the broken heart I had. Tears for a relationship that died before it began. I rubbed my chest and realized after four years of being with Ethan, I never shed a tear when we broke up. I was far too angry and embarrassed. Tears never crossed my mind. Definitely not the case with Ellis.
I went to the sink and washed my face, forcing the tears back even if my lip was trembling. I brushed my hair, forcing anger into my actions so it would overpower the heartbreak. I threw some green leggings and a tank top on, knowing the elf tunic would be heavy and Sherpa lined. I flipped a flannel shirt over the tank top and sighed, my head hung and my hand on the doorknob. I had to be a grownup and talk to him, but right this minute, I wasn’t feeling strong enough for that. It didn’t help that I was tired and dreading the next five hours of my life. Hard to be a merry elf when your life is in shambles.
I finally forced my hand to turn the knob and leave the bathroom before Heather showed up and noticed I wasn’t myself. I took a step and walked directly into a brick wall, or in this case, a hard chest. Arms came around me and held me to him.
“It’s going to be okay,” he promised in my ear.
“Not so sure,” I admitted, my voice hoarse. I stepped out of his arms and my eyes shifted to the window where the sun was streaming in. “Not here.”
Once we were back in the apartment, he sighed. “I’m sorry,” he said, his hand on my shoulder and his voice reticent and sad. “You were absolutely right about everything you said.”
I shrugged and ran a hand over my face. “It’s almost ten, Ellis. We don’t have time to worry about this now. There are already little ones lining up to see Santa.”
He turned me to face him and held my shoulders, and my gaze. “Then they can wait a few minutes longer. We have to talk about this.”
“Not right now. I don’t have any happy as it is, okay? There’s a gang out there trying to hurt us and my boyfriend, or at least the guy who said he wanted to be my boyfriend, is lying to me. I have to play a jolly elf in less than an hour and I just spent thirty minutes crying! I’m not exactly in the mood to talk!”
He held up his hands and then lowered them to my shoulders to rub my arms. “Okay, relax, please. I know Gabe’s visit just added more to an already crappy morning, but I am going to protect you, the way a boyfriend protects a girlfriend,” he said pointedly. “We can fight and be mad at each other, but I would still give up my life for you if the time came to make that choice. Do you understand me?” he asked, his fingers gripping my arms painfully tight.
I nodded slowly and his hand cupped my cheek tenderly. “For the record, I love kissing you and it gets my heart pounding in a very good way. Your lips are like a drug and I spend half the day wanting nothing more than to have my tongue laying alongside yours. Caffeine, on the other hand, gets my heart pounding in a very bad way. It doesn’t massage my heart the way your kisses do. It aggravates it like a feather tickling the bottom of your foot over and over. What does your foot do when that happens?”
“My toes curl,” I answered, barely breathing.
His eyes melted before mine. “That’s right, and when my heart curls like that, we have a problem. Does that make sense?”
“Caffeine makes your heart curl, but my kisses make your toes curl?”
He growled right before he attacked my lips, his tongue pushing my lips open to lay alongside mine in the way he described. I grasped his face, holding his lips to mine, his soft, needy moans making me forget I was mad at him. His hands gripped my ribcage while his thumbs lazily traced the edges of my breast. I ripped my lips from his and rested my forehead on his chest.
“We have to stop. I’m mad at you and Santa has a gig.”
He was breathing heavily and I noticed a prominent bulge pressed up against my leg. “Santa needs a moment before he goes anywhere.”
It was hard not to smile. Even though I was mad at him he was awfully cute.
He tipped my chin up with his finger to gaze into my eyes. His were sad, but determined, when he spoke. “Promise me that tonight you’ll let me make this right, and in the meantime, you’ll enjoy being Santa’s special elf today.”
“As much as I want to hold onto my anger toward you, I can’t. I’m not even angry. I’m hurt, but I’ll put it aside for today and give the kids the best damn Santa experience they’ve ever had.”