Chapter 20
There was one kid left in line and then the day was over. Thank Santa! My feet were sore from all the standing and my arms were sore from all the lifting. It was fun to watch Ellis work his magic with the kids up close and personal, though. Unfortunately, the last kid in line didn’t resemble a blonde-haired, blue-eyed little girl from the night before. I could see Santa’s eyes were disappointed, but considering her parents just got married last night, they probably weren’t in the mood to visit Santa. I know I’d rather be lounging in bed relaxing. Then again, can you do that with an eight-year-old demanding food and activities? Probably not.
There was a tug on my tunic and I glanced down at the little boy, probably around Holly’s age, who was staring up at my face. “When is it my turn?”
I patted his shoulder. “As soon as the little girl on Santa’s lap finishes,” I promised. “Won’t be long. I’ve already taken her picture.”
We both turned our heads to watch Santa with the girl since it was my job to lift her down when she was done. Santa was handing her a candy cane when the little boy spoke again.
“My daddy says elves can’t be girls and they can’t be black.”
My head swiveled back to the boy at my side. “I guess your daddy must be wrong then since I’m both,” I said, smiling widely.
“He said you’re a fake elf.”
Well, duh.
“What’s your name?” I asked the boy who waited patiently on the line.
“Cameron.”
“Okay, Cameron, let me tell you a secret about Santa’s elves. They’re everywhere,” I said motioning around me. “He has them working in all different parts of the world to watch over the little kids he’s making toys for. How else do you think he knows who has been naughty or nice?”
Cameron contemplated this for a moment. “Like at the grocery store?” he asked, tapping his chin.
“You bet, and the school, diner, and even in this park.”
He held up his finger. “What about the Elf on the Shelf?”
“Now that’s a fake elf,” I said, taking too much joy in ruining his dad’s fun.
“I knew it,” he said, slapping his leg. “I saw my dad moving it to the marshmallow bag the other day!”
I held my fingers to my lips. “Just play along. Adults are crazy like that.” I rolled my eyes and he giggled.
“You’re a nice elf,” he said, reaching his hand out to shake mine, so I took it and shook it once.
“Thanks, Cameron, and you’re a nice boy. Would you like your turn on Santa’s lap?”
He nodded eagerly and I held my finger up for him to wait. I helped the other little girl down, then motioned for him to come over. He was swooped up at the last minute and plunked on Santa’s lap by a dude smaller than Ellis. “I got this,” he said toward me without making eye contact.
I stepped back to my spot on the X so I was in the right place when it came time to take the picture. A hand came down on my back and I jumped, surprised when I turned my head to see Mel standing there with Holly. Holly’s face wasn’t happy as she glared at the scene around Santa.
“Just ignore him,” Mel whispered. “Holly says the dad is always starting problems with the teachers at school. He’s a jackass.”
Holly yanked on her mom’s coat. “Mom, language,” she hissed and I bit my tongue to keep from laughing.
“You get all kinds here, trust me. It’s fine. Did you come to see Santa?” I asked, tweaking Holly’s cheek. “I thought you’d both be too tired to be at the park today.”
Mel gave me half a lip tilt. “She didn’t give us a choice. She said Santa expected to see her today.”
“How come you’re his elf, Addie?” she asked, quite curiously I may add.
I held my hands out. “His elf from the North Pole caught a bad cold, and since there are only fourteen days until Christmas Eve, they needed all their worker elves up there to make toys.” I played along since I had no clue if she actually believed Santa was real or not. “I volunteered since I own a business in town. It made sense.”
Especially if you know who Santa really is.
“I hope the other elf feels better soon,” Holly said, her eyes focused on Santa.
“I’m sure she will,” I agreed, patting her on the back.
“How’s married life?” I asked Mel who smiled as her eyes strayed to the gazebo.
“Oh, just wonderful,” she laughed, her voice floating on air. “I didn’t think it would be any different than living together, but somehow, it is.”
My eyes drifted to Santa and I sighed. “That’s good to know. I guess there’s something about a signed, sealed, and delivered statement that does matter to us emotionally. How did Holly do last night?”
“She was asleep before we got her out of the diner. She never stirred and slept all night. It appears she had a great time.”
“Good,” I said, tearing my eyes from Ellis to check on Holly. She was standing there impatiently bouncing on her toes, tuned out to everything her mom and I were saying. “Is Mason here?” I asked, glancing around. “Or did you come alone?”
“He’s at home making dinner. Holly wanted his homemade blueberry muffins and eggs tonight.” She leaned in closer to my ear. “I think she’s just keeping him busy because she didn’t want him to come with. She told me I can’t listen in on the sleigh either.”
“Weird,” I whisper agreed. “If it’s too cold and you want to wait in the car, I can bring her over when she’s done.”
She glanced down at Holly. “Hol, would it be okay if I wait in the car? My feet are sore and it’s getting cold.”
Holly looked up at her mom with love in her eyes. “Of course, Mommy. Addie will take care of me. Would you like me to text you when I’m done?”
I bit my bottom lip to keep from laughing at the girl, but it didn’t escape me that she wasn’t bothered by her mom going to the parking lot and leaving her here alone.
“Addie said she’d bring you to the car when you’re done. Is that good?” Mel asked and Holly nodded.
Mel patted my shoulder and thanked me, then headed back the way she came, obviously hurting after the long night on her feet last night.
Cameron’s dad pulled him off Santa’s lap and they gave Holly and I wide berth as they left. Cameron waved at Holly, but I noticed Holly withheld any greeting whatsoever.
“You ready to talk to Santa again?” I asked, taking her hand as we walked to the sleigh. “I’ll lift you up onto his lap. No one else is waiting, so take as much time as you need.”
She put her arms up and I lifted her, sitting her next to Santa instead of on his lap since I wasn’t sure if she was feeling the sit on a strange guy’s lap vibe.
“Hi, Santa,” she said shyly to Ellis who beamed with happiness. She pointed at the bench opposite the one Santa sat on. “Could Addie sit with us?”
“Ho-ho-ho, of course,” he answered, patting her head with his gloved hand. “Anything you’d like Holly.”
He offered his good hand and I took it, using the one iron step to hoist myself up into the sleigh. It was comfy there and Santa offered me a blanket to put across my lap. I shared it with Holly to keep her warm.
“I have a problem, Santa,” she said extremely seriously. “I thought we might need Addie’s brainpower to figure it out.”
Mine and Santa’s brows went up at the same time and I bit the inside of my lip to keep from laughing.
“See, she knows my dad, Mason. I know you know him too, but she lives here, so I thought maybe she could help you once we figured out a plan.”
Santa nodded along as if he knew exactly what she was talking about. “Sure, that makes sense. Way to think that out, Holly. Tell Santa what the problem is first.”
She twisted her hands on her lap and stared over my left shoulder toward the gazebo. “Last night, my mom and Mason got married.”
“Ho-Ho,” Santa said. “I was there. It was so fun to watch Mason all grown up and starting his own family.”
I worked hard not to roll my eyes because holy lay it on thick, Santa.
“You were here? I didn’t see you!” she said downtrodden. “You said anyone who believes in you can see you.”
Santa patted her shoulder. “Of course, and that’s true, but I was hiding over there,” he said pointing to the woods beyond the tree. “I stayed hidden so no one spotted me and got too excited. After all, it was Mason’s day. Or was it your Dad’s day? I’m not sure if he’s Mason or your Dad.”
She tossed her hands up in exasperation. “He’s both, silly!”
Ellis gave me a brow and I mouthed go with it before she noticed.
“Okay, so Mason is also your dad. I don’t understand what the problem is yet,” Santa boomed.
She glanced at me and I did the palms up because I didn’t know either.
“Yesterday was exactly one year since I moved here to Bells Pass,” she said and Santa nodded.
“That’s what Mason said last night at the wedding. He said it was the day he would remember forever.”
She nodded her head up and down like a puppet. “He said it was the day we brought our daughter home.”
I reached out and took her hand that was fidgeting on the blanket. “Why does that specific sentence matter, Holly?”
She puffed out air and it circled around her head like smoke. “Because I blew it.”
“You blew it? Blew what?” Santa asked, caring and concern filling his voice.
“I was still sad last night when we got to the park,” she said and I squeezed her hand.
“We talked about how that was okay,” I said, “remember? I thought you had a pretty good night, though. You remembered to laugh at least once and smile at least twice.”
She nodded thoughtfully. “Here’s the thing, Addie and Santa, when Mason said those things to me at the wedding, my sadness flew away.” Her hands linked like a butterfly and flew out into the air. “It was just like you said, Santa. It was like the butterflies that kept making my heart tumble around in my chest flew out into the night. I was so happy all of a sudden I wanted to cry. Well, I did cry, but they were happy tears,” she promised.
Santa hugged her for a moment and patted her back. “I’m happy to hear your sadness flew away, Holly. I don’t think you blew it at all. I think your sadness going away last night was just right.”
She shook her head and bit her lip. “But it’s not, don’t you see?”
“We don’t, Holly. I wish we di— oh wait,” I said slowly. “You think you blew it because your sadness took too long to fly away and you didn’t get Mason as your dad last night.”
She nodded, her eyes filling with tears as she sat with Santa’s arm around her. “Yes! It was too late to change my mind because the judge didn’t have the paperwork. I asked him secretly in the corner at the diner. He said he didn’t bring them because we had decided to wait. That means I blew it because he didn’t get to sign the papers on December ninth, which is an important day in our family.”
I was instantly sad and happy at the same time, but Santa was the one who found his voice to speak. “You still didn’t blow it, Holly, let me explain why. December ninth is a special day in your family and always will be, right?” he asked and she nodded. “Those are the three secret words, always will be.” He said, counting to three on his fingers. “If you think of it that way, you already know how special December ninth is. You came home to Bells Pass and now your mom and dad got married that day. Sure, if Mason had signed the adoption papers last night that would have added to the specialness, but wouldn’t you rather pick a day where nothing happened other than Mason becoming your dad?”
Holly cocked her head. “What do you mean, Santa?”
“I mean, December ninth is special for two reasons, but there’s no rule that says December twelfth, thirteenth, or fourteenth can’t be special for only one.”
She shook her finger at the man in the red suit. “You mean I should pick a day that’s special to only him and me.”
Santa bopped her on the nose. “Exactly. Make it your day and that will make it just as special in your family as December ninth is.”
Holly sat and pondered this as Santa and I gazed at each other with goofy grins on our faces. This girl was something else and being part of her journey meant so much to me. I could see in his eyes it meant a lot to him, too. I guess sometimes Santa does have the best job.
Holly gasped and then waved her hands in the air. “Okay, this is what we’re going to do! Santa, I’m going to need your help with Dad, and Addie, I’m going to need your help with Mom!”
We all pinkie swore our allegiance and then leaned in to hatch the plan.
I sat back against the couch with my wine and sighed. “Man, being an elf is hard work,” I said, grinning as he cleaned up the pizza box and set it by the door to take downstairs.
He joined me on the couch and sighed as he lowered his body down. “Being Santa is tedious, most of the time. I have to say, that last kid was brilliant though.”
I winked at him over my wine glass while I finished the pinot at the bottom. “I’ve put my plan into place. Have you?”
He did the thumbs up and I chuckled. We had come back to the salon, taken turns in the shower, then a nap in our respective beds, and finally ordered Pip’s Pizza to be delivered. Charlie Brown Christmas was on the television and we were relaxing while finishing the bottle of wine.
“What is your plan for next week?” I asked casually when the show finished and he remoted it off.
“At the studio?” he asked and I nodded as I drank. “Dawson is staying through Monday so I can have the stitches out and make sure I get cleared by the doctor. As long as I’m cleared, he will head back to Saginaw for the holidays. I plan to use the next three weeks to advertise the new classes, with a start date for the first week of January, and see if we can fill enough spots to keep him gainfully employed. If we can, then he will come back and teach with me.”
“That’s great, Ellis. But, uh, where is he going to live? The drive from Saginaw is too long.”
“Mrs. Tims said he could rent her basement. She lives alone and let’s face it, at her age, she could use the help. Since they have a family connection, she trusts him.”
“Wouldn’t that be wonderful? I would guess if you advertise the classes to start the first week of January, you’ll fill the spots. That’s when everyone makes their fitness resolutions. Yoga is the hot trend right now, too. I bet if you brought in goats you’d really rake in the dough. Goat yoga is all the rage.”
He was drinking and nearly choked on his wine at my suggestion. He waved his hand at me. “Oh man, that’s good. Dawson actually suggested it! I told him I didn’t think the city would appreciate me having farm animals in the studio, but we’ve considered come spring asking some of the local farmers if they’d partner with us for a Saturday morning class. Bonus girlfriend points if you know a farmer with goats.”
“Guess we are both out of luck then.”
“Because you don’t want girlfriend points or you don’t know any goat farmers?”
“Definitely the latter and haven’t made up my mind on the former.”
He set his glass down on the coffee table and turned to me, motioning out the window. “It’s a Saturday night, it’s snowing, and there’s no place we have to be. Maybe now is a good time for me to tell you the truth about my life in Wyoming?”
I finished my wine and set the glass down while I shook my head. “Not if you truly don’t want to tell me. I’ll walk away before I force anyone to share something they don’t want to, but I also won’t be a doormat. I did that once and I’m never doing it again. I’d rather be alone.”
His finger came down on my lips and stayed there. “Addie, shush. I’m sorry that I didn’t take your feelings into consideration last night. This has been a closely guarded secret of mine for years and I was scared. I’ve told no one and by no one, I mean no one.”
“So you’ve told no one?” I asked, trying to ease him into it because his body was a giant ball of trembling energy. He was shaking under my hand and I dropped my hand to his wrist to feel his pulse. Whatever this was about, his pulse was jumping and he was already filled with anxiety. “Okay, Ellis, you need to relax. We’re not going to talk about this tonight. I’m so not going to be responsible for you getting a shock from that device.”
He twisted his arm over to take my hand and a deep breath at the same time. “It won’t matter when I tell you, Addie. There’s a reason I haven’t done it yet. What I’m about to say is going to change how you see me. Whether you move toward pity or loss of respect, I can’t say, but I do know it will change. Please, promise me you won’t judge me too hard. Know I judge myself harshly every single day in a way no one else can.”
“I’m not going to judge you, Ellis. Unless what you did was a crime and you’re on the run. Then, I might judge,” I teased, giving him a wink. “I don’t think that’s the case. You’re way too at ease with Officer Gabe.”
He shook his head. “I’m not on the run unless you count running from my own past. My demons. My skeletons.” He put his hand in his hair and tugged on it. “This started right after my mom died when I was sixteen.”
“You said she died of cancer?” I asked and he shook his head.
“I lied, again. Sorry,” he said. “That’s the story I tell everyone. The real story is too much for most people.”
“What is the real story?” I asked gently, holding his hand.
“She drove into an oncoming lane of traffic and went headfirst into a semi.”
I reared back in shock. “I’m sorry, Ellis. Did she fall asleep?”
He held out his hands, palms up. “We don’t know. People saw her driving erratically and it was late at night. They assumed she’d been drinking and gave her wide berth. Some think she may have committed suicide.”
“Did they do an autopsy?” I asked. “Maybe she had a medical event.”
He tipped his head to the side. “They would have, but there was literally nothing left to autopsy. The car crumpled to the size of a motorcycle and burst into flames.” He shook his head and swallowed. “In hindsight, Romano-Ward Syndrome is inherited and my dad didn’t have it.”
“Which means your mom probably did?”
He nodded and grasped my hand tightly. “It’s likely. Some people never have symptoms, others, like me, suffer greatly. It’s possible the first time she experienced syncope was while she was driving that night. She could have been going in and out of consciousness and that’s what people were witnessing. We will never know.”
“How awful for you, no wonder you got the pacemaker. Were you tested right after her death then?” I asked and then paused. “No, you thought she’d died by accident.”
He swallowed again and his pulse jumped in his neck. “Right, I still didn’t know there was anything wrong with me. My hair started turning white because I stopped making melanin.”
“People say stress can’t change your hair color, but they’re wrong. It’s not the stress doing it. It’s the lack of proper nutrition and vitamins doing it. Our hair is an indicator of our overall health.” He chuckled and I put my hand over my mouth. “Sorry,” I said around my fingers, “dorky hair girl alert.”
He pulled my hand down to my lap and held it tightly. “You’re not a dorky hair girl, but you are right. I stopped eating and sleeping and all I did was study or work on the farm. We had a huge bison farm in Wyoming and my mom did a lot of the work with my dad. Suddenly, he was without his partner in life and on the farm.”
I lowered my head to my hand. “No wonder you didn’t want the bison burgers.”
He shrugged and closed his eyes for a breath. “I was trying hard to keep cool. When you forced that burger on me, I was like, okay, I’m doing this, or she’s going to think I’m crazy, and I don’t want her to think that. Yet, here we are.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t think you’re crazy. Don’t think that. I promised I wouldn’t judge you and I’m still not. Nothing you’ve told me so far has changed my opinion of you, Ellis. You were a sixteen-year-old kid who suddenly had a lot thrust at him, emotionally and physically. When did you learn you had the heart condition?”
“When I passed out the first time,” he answered honestly. “I was almost twenty.”
I did the math quickly in my head. “You said you worked for a couple of years after high school on your dad’s farm and then moved to California.”
“Nothing escapes you, does it?” he joked, but his eyes weren’t laughing.
“Not much,” I agreed. “Was farm work too strenuous so you picked up yoga, or?”
He shook his head once, barely. It was almost like a full-body twitch. “No, I’d been doing yoga already. I started after my mom died.”
“Which is why you and Holly are spirit animals,” I said slowly, the light dawning. “You know of what you speak and do.”
He nodded, this time visibly and heavily. “Right before my diagnosis, I was training to be an instructor on my off time from the farm. Dad was getting close to retiring. He wanted to travel, see the country, and maybe find a woman to share life with again. He couldn’t do that on the farm.”
“And you didn’t want to take over the family farm?”
“Not really,” he answered honestly. “It was never my thing. I did the work, but I didn’t enjoy it and had no interest in learning about it. I lived on a farm and wasn’t even in Future Farmers of America as a kid in school.” He laughed, but it was forced, so I stayed quiet. “That summer it was hot,” he whispered, “like sweltering high temps and humidity that we hadn’t seen in years. Dad had the farm up for sale and we were starting our summer harvest. It was going to be our last since he had a buyer for the place.”
“I thought you had bison. What did you harvest?”
“Oh, we still had fields of hay and corn to feed the animals, and that all had to get picked and cut. It was late June, the first cutting of hay, and I was driving the tractor and hay baler. We were doing round bales, which is automated, so my dad was moving them as I dropped them. It was so hot, Addie, and it was like a hotbox inside the cab. I was sweating and I stopped the tractor, opening the door to yell for my dad to take a break,” he explained, his voice barely audible. “I knew something was wrong and thought I might be sick or something. I was going to jump down out of the tractor, but they say I passed out first.”
I squeezed his hand and held it to my chest, waiting for the blow to come, as I knew it would. A farm story like this never ended well. “But something bad happened while you were passed out, right?” I asked and he nodded, his eyes closing and a tear running from his right one. I wiped it away gently. “Just breathe, Ellis. I don’t want that device jumping your heart this soon after all the ones last week.” I rubbed the center of his chest. “I can fill in the blanks myself. You don’t need to say more.”
He shook his head and opened his eyes, holding mine with a pair of painfully open and honest mahogany ones. “No, I have to tell you this. I have to tell someone this,” he whispered. “I’ll be twenty-six in three days and I’ve held it in for seven years. The time is now if I’m going to face down my next birthday with a renewed sense of who I am as a man. I’m a man who has been hurt, I thought beyond repair, but then you came along and did something no one else could do in seven years. Convince me I was safe to tell this story to someone I love without them being afraid of me or disappointed or,” he tossed both hands up and sighed.
“Or stop loving you?” I asked and he nodded, his chin turning to look out the window.
“Or stop loving me,” he agreed. “I’ve been afraid to love in case that very thing happened.”
I tipped his chin back to face me and held his gaze. “This was not your fault, Ellis. You didn’t know you had a heart condition.”
He slid his hands into his hair again. “No, I didn’t know, and I didn’t know that heat made it worse. Syncope is the first symptom of a heart in ventricular tachycardia. I was in the throes of it and didn’t know it. I was out of it and thought I’d put the tractor in park, but it was in neutral and I was on a bit of a slope. There was still a bale in the baler and Dad was off to the side waiting for it. He heard me yell for him and, the best they can figure, he turned to walk toward the cab. The tractor started rolling backward and he was knocked down and run over by the back tire. I was thrown from the cab and my leg was run over by the front tire. The tractor kept going and my neighbor was out in his field when he saw it hit the road and flip. He knew something was wrong and called for help before he headed for the field. He found my dad, but he was beyond help. You don’t survive a tractor that size rolling over you, even at a slow speed. I was still alive, but before the ambulance got there, he had to start CPR. You know the rest.” He took a deep breath and let it out as though that was the end of it, but it only took one look into his eyes for me to know it wasn’t, not by a long shot.