Chapter 21
I filled a glass of water in the kitchen and carried it to the couch, handing it to him and kneeling in front of him. “It’s okay now,” I whispered, checking his pulse again. It was steady and not too fast, even if slightly elevated. “You’re okay now,” I promised again.
He finished the water and I took the glass before I climbed up next to him and rested my hand over his chest. He no longer quivered with anxiety, which was a relief. I was worried he was going to get a jolt that would aggravate his heart again.
He put his hand over mine and smiled. “Thanks for the water. Is it weird that I feel lighter already? I know people say that when they stop holding stuff inside, but I didn’t believe it. I just figured all it did was burden someone else and weighs them down.”
“Sometimes,” I said, kissing his cheek, “spreading the burden around makes it less for everyone to carry.”
He chuckled and nodded, his eyes going closed. “Apparently, you’re right. My chest doesn’t feel like it has a fist around it anymore.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Ellis.”
“I know,” he whispered, “ultimately, that doesn’t make it any easier though. When you wake up in a hospital with wires holding your sternum shut and a pacemaker stuck in the other shoulder, a cast on your ankle and a priest in the corner, you know it’s bad. My father was dead and I would never be the same. That’s a lot to handle for a nineteen-year-old kid.”
“That’s a lot to handle for anyone, Ellis. You’ve done extremely well with it.”
“Not in the beginning, admittedly. I buried it all. Pretended it didn’t happen. Buried my father and then buried his farm. I took the money from the farm and paid off our bills, bought a ticket to California, and never looked back. I worked myself into the ground there, taking every class offered to me to teach, but it wasn’t enough.”
“Which is why you moved to this little out of the way town where life is slower and people are friendly.”
He laughed and nodded, shrugging his shoulder. “I had to get out of the big city, I wasn’t cut out for it. I picked a bunch of random places on the map without yoga studios that had reasonably priced property. Then I visited them all and checked out the town, the people in the town, and the atmosphere.”
“And you picked Bells Pass from how many?” I asked, curious about his thought process.
“Six, and Bells Pass was the fourth. I didn’t visit the last two. I didn’t need to. I stopped in at the Nightingale Diner the first day I was here and knew I’d found what I was looking for. I left the diner, walked into the real estate office and rented the studio that day. I flew back to California and put my life in order then drove back here. I knew there weren’t a lot of rental properties, but it was February and I figured stuff would open up over the summer. Nothing did, but by then it was too late.”
I patted his chest. “You aren’t the only one to run into that. I bet you didn’t know both Shep and Mel had the same problem, and Shep has lived here his whole life.”
“Really?” he asked and I nodded.
“Really. Shep was living in an old hotel here in town because it was cheap but nice. Then it was sold and it became more of a drug haven. He got out at the right time and moved in with Ivy.”
“What about Mel?”
“She was living there just last year when it burned down. It was a complete hellhole by then, but she had nowhere else to go when the place she used to rent was sold. She ended up moving in with Mason when he found her there the night it burned down.”
“Wow, sounds like strings being pulled by the universe,” he said, shaking his head.
I grabbed his chin and held it. “And the same is said for us. You needed a place, and I had one. I still think you made the right decision moving to Bells Pass. We needed you and you,” I said, tapping his chest, “needed us.”
“True story,” he whispered, his forehead on mine. “Absolute true story. I love you, Addie.”
“I love you too and I’m going to take care of you tonight,” I promised, standing and shutting down the lights and taking his hand. He stood and I walked with him to my bedroom, clicking on the bedside lamp. He hesitated in the doorway.
“I’m, uh, not sure I can,” he motioned at the bed. “I’m exhausted.”
I shook my head and took his hand. “I know, baby. We’re going to climb in my bed, and I’m going to hold you for a while until you fall asleep. My bed is bigger than yours,” I said, laying my finger on his lips when he tried to argue. “Nothing will happen. Neither of us slept last night and today has been trying. We need each other right now. It doesn’t have to be sexual. We’re healing each other’s hearts, nothing more. Okay?”
His shoulders slumped and he nodded, running a hand down his face. “More than okay. Just tell me if I’m holding you too tightly. The fact you’re still standing here is more than I expected. The fact that you want to hold me is more than my heart could hope for.”
His hand caressed my face for a moment and then I pulled the blankets back and he climbed in, patting the bed for me to join him. I clicked the light off and the streetlight below my bedroom illuminated my room enough to see his face. My hand caressed his cheek tenderly as he rested on the pillow. His eyes were half-open, the lids heavy and his breathing even. “Sleep, Ellis. You don’t have to carry this burden alone anymore,” I whispered. “That’s why I’m here now.”
A smile tipped his lips and his eyes closed the rest of the way. That was enough for my heart to settle again in my chest.
I crawled back into bed chilled nearly to the bone. The clock read two-thirty a.m. and I pulled the blanket over me carefully so I didn”t wake my bedmate.
”Why are you freezing?” he asked. His unexpected voice filled the room and I jumped, a hand to my heart.
”Sorry to wake you,” I whispered, settling in. ”I got up to go to the bathroom and heard a noise.”
He sat up instantly, all the sleep gone from his eyes. ”Addie, Gabe told you to call them!”
I grabbed his arm before he could get up. ”I did. it was just a bunch of kids out throwing snowballs at the buildings. By the time I finished talking to him I was freezing.” I sighed. ”And now I can’t remember if I shut off all the lights.”
He lowered his head and kissed my lips right before he scrambled over me. ”I”ll go check. Stay here.”
I didn”t mind staying in a warm bed. I snuggled in closer to his side until I had taken it over completely. He slipped back into bed with me and yelped from the cold sheets.
”I know what I”m getting you for Christmas,” he said, shivering. ”Flannel sheets.”
I giggled and poked his side. ”If you’d put some meat on these bones you wouldn’t get cold in the winter.”
”Old wives’ tale, baby. Muscle produces more heat.”
I snuggled down into the bed and moaned. ”I don”t know, I”m pretty warm and I have a little extra padding, that’s all I’m saying.”
”You”re warm because you stole my spot!” he teased, tickling my ribs, which had me wiggling under the covers.
His hands stopped and stayed on my side. ”You are warm. Maybe I”ll just let you warm me up.”
I saw his move instantly but there was nothing I could do to block it. I was squealing as he wrapped himself around me, his feet cold when they collided with my legs. I swatted at him, but he was stronger than me and could hold my arms above my head with just one hand. He was on top of me and he slid his knee between my thighs to brace himself, then lowered his lips to kiss from my collarbone to my chin and then to my lips. His greedy and demanding tongue slipped through the opening mine gave it and danced around with mine until we were both mewling and writhing. His lips left mine and I cried out, still unable to move my hands to touch and explore him.
His lips moved down my neck and across both clavicles like butterfly kisses in the night. His warm, wet tongue slid down from the hollow of my throat to delve into my cleavage. Taking advantage of his distraction with my breasts, I wrenched my hands free and slid them right into his hair. I tugged him upward to my lips again then sucked, nipped, kissed, and licked his lips until I was drowning in need and desire like I never had before.
He grasped my face and held me still, both of us panting as we jockeyed to get closer to the other. ”I”m desperate for you, Addie,” he whispered, nipping my jaw with his teeth. ”I’ve never wanted a woman the way I want you. You’re mine, right?” he asked, surprising me with his fever and demanding seriousness.
“I’m yours,” I promised, sliding my hands up his cheeks to hold him the way he held me. “All of you. All the parts that you love about yourself and all the parts you hate are mine now. I’ve got you, forever.”
His lips attacked mine as he moaned yes over and over into my mouth. I stroked him through his thin yoga pants, reveling in the thick outline that greeted me. He grasped my hand and held it still, my fist still gripping him. “If you want me to stop, tell me now. I’m already a goner. I don’t think I can stop on my own.”
”Don”t think then,” I whispered, flipping him onto his back and straddling him. ”Just feel, Ellis.”
I brought the tank top up over my head and his sharp intake of breath filled me the moment my breasts fell free.
”You”re incredible,” he sighed. His gaze never left mine when he slid his hand behind my neck to bring me down for a kiss. When our lips met, they were a frantic melding of skin, but more so of hearts. His hand steadily and rhythmically caressed my breast until the goosebumps made me shiver.
”I want this to last all night long,” he begged. His hips bucked under me, his desire strong and overpowering. He stripped his shirt off and I ran my finger over the black stitches still in his shoulder.
”I don”t want to hurt you.”
He grasped my hand and held it in place before he thrust upward to press his hardness into my flesh. ”Does that feel like I”m hurting?” he hissed, his eyes clouded with passion and desire for me. That was the part that made my heart hammer in my chest. He was looking at me like he could get lost in me for the rest of his life.
I sat up on his waist and rocked, my head thrown back in pleasure. ”No, unless that hurts,” I teased, stroking him until he groaned loudly into the quiet room. I wickedly worked myself out of my sleep shorts and his eyes never missed a moment of it. His eagerness and desire to be one with me was evident in every twitch of his body.
”Come here, baby,” he encouraged, lifting my bottom until I was at his side. He rid himself of his pants and his aching desire for me was evident instantly.
”Ellis, I never saw you coming,” I whispered when I lowered my lips to take a tour of him. I wanted to know the way he felt under me, all of him, everywhere. I wanted to recognize his love for me by touch for the rest of my life.
He thrust upward, picking a rhythm that pulled ragged moans from his lips until he freed himself carefully and brought my face to his. His tongue tangled with mine again, both of us hungry and desperate to complete each other.
”Trust me?” he whisper-asked, the mood in the room changing from passionate to reverent.
”I do,” I promised, watching his lithe body move upward until he was situated against the headboard.
I crawled toward him, his hardness between my lips again before he could blink. His thighs quivered with the willpower it took to hold back and not give in to the feelings coursing through him. He growled, grabbed me, and lifted me over his lap, his fingers straying to my center. His hips thrust instinctively when he felt how ready I was for him.
”Addie,” he said on a sigh as I lowered myself over his lap, but it quickly turned to a moan of heightened pleasure neither of us expected. I buried him deep and leaned forward, our gazes locked in love and trust. His lips found mine and our emotions took over, showing each other what it meant to love someone completely and without judgment.