Chapter 3
Jamie
“Ready?” I ask Riley, who is clinging to me.
She nods but doesn’t look at me; her nails dig into my arm.
“It’ll be fine,” I say.
“Do you promise?” She finally looks up at me with her wonderful, sparkling eyes, and my heart clenches so tightly in my chest I fear it might disappear.
For so many years, my sister promised me everything would be fine, that I would have the life I deserved, and that I would get everything I wanted. Throughout her life, she made sure that was exactly how things turned out.
If I am Jamie, the Captain, today, I owe it all to her.
If I have a life today, it’s only because of her.
She raised me, protected me, and loved me. She made me who I am today. Now, it’s finally her turn.
“This is what you deserve, Riley.”
I lean down and kiss her cheek. When I look at Ian, whose hands tremble violently at his sides, I see my sister’s expression mirrored on his face — joy and fear at the same time.
They long for happiness, but the weight of their past, their suffering, and the fear that they are not worthy of a second chance burdens them.
I hope they get everything they deserve, with interest. And if they don’t, I will bring the world down.
My sister deserves everything she didn’t have before, surrounded only by love, joy, and happiness.
I will accept nothing less.
“Come on,” I tell her, squeezing the hand resting on my forearm. “You don’t want to give Ian a heart attack, do you?”
Riley takes a deep breath and nods. We walk slowly towards Ian, the guests standing and watching us with ecstatic, dreamy expressions.
When we reach the altar, Ian steps down and offers his hand to Riley.
I take my sister’s hand and gently place it in Ian’s; the force of their love washes over me the moment their fingers intertwine, and I nearly burst into tears.
Riley looks at me. I kiss her forehead and say, “Just be happy, please.”
Then I walk up to Ian and hug him. I squeeze him tightly and whisper in his ear, “She is my whole life, O’Connor.”
Ian slowly pulls away. “I swear I will protect her at the cost of my own.”
I nod, and they take their places next to the best men. I step aside as the ceremony begins. The celebrant starts to speak, gesturing with his hands as he looks at the bride, the groom, and the guests, while I fight to swallow the tears choking my throat.
I turn my head to the right, and my gaze falls on the Doctor in the first row.
My niece is blissfully asleep in his arms. He holds her like someone who’s used to rocking babies.
He had a child, after all, and I suppose you never forget these things, even when they’re grown up.
Besides, he’s a doctor — he’ll know how to deal with babies.
I sigh and turn back to the couple. Riley looks more serene now that she is next to Ian; he, meanwhile, is on the verge of tears.
God, these O’Connors! Big and muscular, yet crybabies.
Then Ian takes Riley’s hand and brings it to his lips. She smiles, and he looks ready to overflow with joy.
I wonder what it feels like to have someone who is your whole world. I wonder how it’s possible to find someone who can sense your heartbeats and breaths, someone you’d trust with everything.
Someone who gives you the strength to be your best self.
The celebrant talks about promises, respect, and family. Riley listens attentively while Ian looks at her. He can’t stop looking at his woman and smiles more than I’ve ever seen him do. More than is humanly possible or bearable.
Nick and Ryan are doing their best to maintain a semblance of seriousness. As far as I know, James has warned them not to ruin this moment with one of their screwups, or they’ll be stuck tidying up and repainting the garage as punishment.
People around us are murmuring, a few guys from the team are snickering, and someone is crying uncontrollably, but I’m not paying attention to any of it.
I focus on Ian: his dreamy eyes, his smile and his trembling hands.
Riley notices it, too. The moment she realises her soon-to-be husband is shaking with emotion, she gently takes his hands in hers and squeezes, giving him the strength and confidence he needs.
She is telling him she is there for him and always will be, just as she has been for me so many times.
My sister is incredibly strong; we can all learn from her, and I hope to be even half as strong as she is one day.
Without realising it, I turn my head to the right again.
Jamie is awake now, and the Doctor is holding her up.
She faces him; he smiles at her and speaks softly, as if explaining what is happening.
She seems to hang on his every word, enchanted by this almost stranger who is looking after her while her parents promise each other forever.
Something painful and irrational moves quickly through my chest. Too many emotions, all too real, all at once.
Ian and Riley are exchanging their vows, and the celebration continues, but I can no longer pay attention. My eyes remain fixed on him.
Dear God, what is it? My stomach twists into knots and a wave of nausea rolls through me.
Maybe I still haven’t recovered from Friday’s excesses. Or maybe I’m coming down with something — the flu, mono — because I feel like I’m going to throw up, and I can’t think of any other explanation.
Then his gaze lifts, slow and deliberate, and settles on me.
I must turn away, go back to my business, and forget this insane moment. I should be focusing on my sister and my brother-in-law, but I can’t. Or maybe I just don’t want to.
I hold his gaze for as long as possible; there’s no way I’m going to be the one to look away first. I’m Jamie Murray, and I won’t bow to anything or anyone.
Go ahead, Doctor. You have no effect on me.
But then the Doctor smiles at me. It’s a genuine smile, and I’m not even sure it’s meant for me.
Maybe he’s smiling at the occasion, the bride and groom, the baby, or something else entirely.
He lifts only one corner of his mouth — the left — and it feels like a superhuman force slams into my stomach.
I’m tempted to bend over and collapse onto the grass, but I can’t do that in front of everyone. I resist, just as I do when I’m on the field when my muscles are screaming in pain, but I have to hold my breath, afraid that breathing too deeply might break me in two.
Then the applause erupts, chaos following close behind. People stand up, blocking my view of the Doctor.
I should now be able to breathe again, away from that tempting smile and those magnetic eyes. Instead, I still can’t breathe; it’s worse — it’s like having both my lungs removed or being a goldfish out of its bowl.
And that is a problem.
A huge disaster.
A fucking mess.
I’ve just realised I like the Doctor, and I really shouldn’t.
I know what happens when I want something.
I know what happens when I finally get it.
Whether I like it or not, I’m now part of the O’Connor clan, and as such, I’m entitled to a seat at their table.
I don’t think there’s a worse seat than this one.
I like the brothers, and I quite like Chris and Casey, too, but spending a whole day with them without a break is really unnerving.
I can’t wait for the party to end so I can retreat to my hotel room.
Luckily, my beautiful niece is also at the table, but she seems to have fallen asleep.
Perhaps she is exhausted, too. The whole family is difficult to deal with, and since she can’t tell them to fuck off yet, she has chosen to take a nap instead.
The waiter weaves between the tables with a tray laden with drinks, but Ryan immediately stops him and has him leave the whole tray at our table.
“What are your intentions, O’Connor?” I ask as he hands me one.
“What kind of question is that? We’re celebrating the first O’Connor to finally get the fuck out of the way properly.”
“As if the wedding ring on his finger were enough,” Nick cuts in. “Besides, don’t forget we all live in the same neighbourhood now.”
“That’s another reason I need a drink.”
I finish my drink just as Ian and Riley make their official entrance, holding hands like Mr and Mrs O’Connor.
Spontaneous applause fills the hall as the guests welcome the newlyweds, who happily make their way to the table next to ours.
“Poor woman,” Ryan comments, taking the second glass.
“Look who’s talking!” Nick shoots back.
“None of the women in this family has this much luck, you know?” I say. “I really feel sorry for them.”
“All envy,” a voice behind me says.
“What are you doing here? Has your wife dumped you already?” Ryan turns to Ian.
“I came to see if anything disastrous was already happening, you know.”
Ian sits down next to me and takes a glass.
“Are you calm now?” I ask.
“Fuck you, Jamie.”
I laugh, but Ian quickly turns serious.
“I almost lost my shit,” he whispers.
“Afraid she wouldn’t show up?”
He shakes his head. “Afraid it wasn’t true. I still can’t believe that woman actually married me.”
“I don’t believe it either,” Ryan says.
“I believed it from the start,” Casey chimes in.
“That’s because you’re not like them,” Nick replies.
“Hey, family,” Riley says as she joins them at the table. She throws herself onto Ian’s back and wraps her arms around his neck. Leaning over his shoulder, she waits for him to turn around. “It seems our moment has come.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Our first dance.”
Ian immediately stands and wraps his arms around his wife’s waist. “I’m damn ready.”
She smiles, then turns to us. “I expect to see you all on the dance floor for the next one. You too, Jamie — don’t be a smart arse.”
It sounds like a threat.
The bride and groom move to the centre of the reception room, where there is enough space for them to dance. As the music starts, Ian immediately pulls Riley close, marking his territory and making it clear to everyone exactly where things stand.