Chapter 16
Martin
I push open the ED door and walk down the corridor, my feet heavy with exhaustion as I try to forget what just happened.
After changing out of my bloodstained scrubs, I head to the nurses’ station and start filling out the medical record, hoping to leave this nightmare behind.
My hand shakes as I pick up the pen. I can’t write about what happened without feeling overwhelmed.
By now, I should be used to this. I’m not just a Registrant; I’m a doctor with experience and a sense of ethics.
But I also have a heart, and I can’t ignore that.
This job hasn’t made me tougher. When I was training, people told me I’d get used to everything, and I believed them.
But as the years have gone by, those memories haven’t faded.
I still remember the names of the patients I’ve lost, and I can still see the faces of their families when I had to tell them their loved ones wouldn’t be coming home.
“Are you all right, Dr Kane?”
“Hmm?”
“Have you been here long?”
“I don’t know; I guess I’ve been here all my life,” I reply resignedly to Gillian, one of the nurses on shift tonight.
“Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Can you tell me if the person I was supposed to meet has been notified?”
“Of course. Meg took care of it as you requested.”
“Did he leave a message?”
“No, Dr Kane.”
I nod, disappointment settling in.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. It wasn’t important.”
Gillian goes back to her work, and I try to focus on mine. There’s no reason to hurry; I can take my time. No one is waiting for me now, no one is watching the clock for my break or the end of my shift. I have no one to share my day with, no one to talk to about what I’m feeling.
We were supposed to meet. I told him I could take a break, but I got stuck, like always. All I could do was ask the nurse to let him know I couldn’t make it. I can only guess what he thought of me. Probably, that Doctor Dickhead couldn’t even send a message himself.
I doubt I’ll get another chance after this, but maybe that’s for the best. Seeing the Captain a few more times wouldn’t help me get over him; it would probably only make it worse.
I say goodbye to Gillian and walk down the corridor to the staff room, hoping to find an empty sofa to crash on. But as soon as I reach the doorway, I see someone leaning against the wall.
I stop in the middle of the corridor, suddenly unable to breathe or think. Maybe I’m just so tired that I’m seeing things, or maybe I’m dreaming. Then he looks up and sees me. He stands up straight and smooths his jeans, like he’s nervous, like he’s been waiting for me.
It’s as if he stayed for me.
“I’m sorry,” I blurt out. “You shouldn’t have waited for me. I’m sorry I had to cancel, and that I couldn’t even call you myself. I can only imagine what you must be thinking.” I run my hands through my hair, nervous.
“Are you done?”
“W-what…?”
“Stop. Seriously. Stop apologising for what you do.”
“I don’t… I am…”
“Don’t say you’re sorry again, or I swear I’ll tackle you, okay?”
I nod like an idiot.
“How are you?” he then asks.
“Oh, I…”
“The woman on the phone told me there had been an accident and that you… well, you…” He sighs, then looks at me again. “How are you?” he asks once more.
“Did you come here to check on me?”
“Yes,” he replies simply.
I feel awful. I just lost two patients, and all I want to do is scream or punch the wall. I feel crushed, hopeless, resentful, and completely alone.
But you’re here. You came anyway. You look at me like you’ve been worried, like I’m someone worth waiting for. And you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in years.
And you’re the Captain, and I’m Doctor Loser.
And still, you’re here.
For me.
And I think I’m falling for you.