Chapter 62
Martin
I peek into Casey’s room.
“Dr Kane, what an honour! To what do I owe this pleasant visit?”
“Why is everyone complaining?” I lean on the doorframe. “First Chris, now you. Was I too involved before? Now that I’m keeping to myself, is that a problem?” I sit on the lounger across from her. “I can be busy too, you know.”
“Sure. Does your ‘busy’ involve the hottest player in the world?”
“You’re not talking about O’Connor, are you?”
“I can spot a hunk, too. It’s not like I’m blind.”
“I don’t know, you chose an O’Connor, after all.”
“One you like a lot.”
“I just appreciated his photos like everyone else.”
“Photos you kept under your bed for your lonely nights?”
“Let’s not exaggerate. There are better options than Nick O’Connor.”
“Better… like your Captain?”
My cheeks grow warm as Casey bursts out laughing.
“Well then…” She flops down next to me. “Tell everything to your friendly physio.”
“First, you’re not my physiotherapist. Second, I should tell this to a shrink.”
“Then tell your dear old friend Casey all about it.”
“I didn’t come here to tell you anything.”
“Oh no?”
“I came to see how you are.”
“I’m fine. Now spit it out.”
“It’s just a doubt.”
“Tell me about this doubt.”
“Tonight there is this dinner…”
“And…?”
“And I’m not sure if I should ask him. I mean…”
“To go with you?”
“Yeah, something like that.”
“What stage are you at?”
“What do you mean?”
“You go out, see each other, hang out, have sex…”
“Uh… all of them.”
“Good for you!”
“Casey…”
“In my opinion, you should ask him.”
“Isn’t that too much?”
“Why should it be?”
I snort. “The other night, he stayed over at my place.”
“Uh…”
“And the next morning, he didn’t want me to drive him to his sister’s house. He took a taxi instead.”
“Ouch.”
“Ouch? Do you think I should be worried?”
“I don’t know. You two were together, and then he took a taxi. Maybe he just didn’t want to bother you.”
“Or maybe he didn’t want them to know he spent the night at my place.”
“Trust me, everyone knows by now.”
“Oh, great. Just what I needed.”
“The new couple is the latest gossip for O’Connor and outsiders.”
“I’m not even sure we are a couple.”
“Ouch.”
“Again?”
“I’m sorry. Why don’t you just talk to him honestly?”
I shrug.
“Are you afraid?”
“I don’t want to pressure him. We’ve only been seeing each other for a short time, and he’s so hard to read…”
“Then start with this dinner. See how he responds, and then decide if you want to ask for more or…”
“Or...?”
“I don’t know, Martin. You’re not someone who settles for scraps.”
I sigh.
“And you don’t deserve that. You deserve someone who’s all in, whether it’s for sex, dates, or family dinners.”
“What if he only wants something casual?”
“Would that really be enough for you?”
“Probably not.”
“See? Talking to Dr Madigan really helped you.”
“I smile at her. “I have to go now. Break’s over.”
“Are you going to make that call, or are you going to chicken out?”
“See you later, Casey.”
I leave her room and walk down the corridor, my stomach in knots. Casey’s right. There’s no use putting things off or pretending. I shouldn't keep torturing myself over this. It’s just dinner. No big deal.
I pull out my phone and call him.
“Hey, Doctor.”
“Hi.”
“Are you at the hospital?”
“Yes. I was on a break and so…”
“Did you already miss me?”
“Fuck you.”
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
“I called you because there’s this thing tonight, at Chris’ house, you know, for Evan. He turned eighteen.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I was wondering if by any chance, you…”
“Ryan invited me.”
“Oh. Of course. And will you come?”
“Yes.”
Come on, Doctor.
“Do you want me to pick you up, or maybe you could come to my place and then…”
“I think it would be better to meet there.”
I know it sounds fine, but try telling that to my stupid heart.
“O-okay.”
“Anything else?”
I try not to overthink it, but now it feels like there’s ice between us.
“No.”
“See you, then.”
“See you and…” And nothing. The call ends. He hangs up before I can say a proper goodbye, slipping away again, still avoiding being seen with me.
I’m back where I started.
Still his dirty little secret.
Maybe I always have been.