Chapter 63
Jamie
When I get to Ryan’s house, I find him and Evan out in the front garden, deep in conversation.
“Hey, kids,” I say. “Looks like one of you finally grew up.”
“Fuck you, Jamie.” Ryan grins.
“What are you doing out here?” I ask.
“Hiding from the family,” Evan replies.
“Already?”
“Being the centre of attention can feel suffocating.”
“I thought you liked the spotlight.”
“It depends on the situation, and this isn’t one of the good ones.”
“The little boy becoming a man?”
“Exactly.”
“Did they try to give you the speech about the birds and the bees?”
“I can teach you a thing or two as well, if you want, mate.”
I laugh and shake my head. “I doubt it.”
The front door opens behind them, and someone steps out. “Evan, your mother is looking for you to…” The unfinished sentence hangs in the air, and I suddenly stop breathing.
I know you’re mad at me, Doctor. You have every right to be. I didn’t want to come with you. I kept you hidden again. You felt rejected, and it’s all my fault.
“I’m picking up some awkward tension,” Ryan says. “How about you, Evan?”
“I feel like we’re in the middle of a fucking mess.”
“Evan,” the Doctor says through gritted teeth.
“Maybe we should avoid getting dragged into this new leap of shit. Agreed?” Evan asks Ryan.
Ryan and Evan stand close together now, almost inseparable; they’re like twins.
Ryan glances at Evan, then turns to me. “Can we leave you alone?” he asks.
“Will you fuck off, Ryan?” I reply.
“Only if Evan shows me the way.”
“What the fuck does that have to do with me?” Evan snaps.
“You’re always in on it, kid. I’m sure this is your doing. You haven’t minded your own business this time either, have you?”
“Piss off. Both of you!” the Doctor snaps.
Ryan spins towards the Doctor. “Excuse me?” he says, as Evan bursts out laughing.
Am I really about to start a fight in Chris’ garden to defend his honour?
“Piss the fuck off.”
“Are you serious, Doctor?” Ryan steps in close, menacing.
“Oh, please. I could take you down with one finger.”
Ryan laughs mockingly. “Careful. You might end up with your death and your son’s birthday on the same day.”
“You see that vein there? The one on your neck?”
Ryan instinctively touches his neck.
“All I need is a few seconds. A little pressure in the right spot.”
I like you so damn much, Doctor, when you don’t hold back.
Evan grabs Ryan’s arm. “Come on, Ryan. Let’s not fuck up today, or Mum will never forgive us.”
“We are not finished, Doctor.”
“Anytime.”
“And you two,” Evan turns to us. “No bullshit, or I won’t forgive you.”
Ryan and Evan go inside, leaving the Doctor and me alone in the garden.
“The kid’s coming along well,” I say, trying to lighten the mood.
“He’s got his mother’s influence, plus a bit of Ryan’s unpredictability. It’s a great mix.”
“There is something of you in there, too.”
“Fortunately not, or it would be a fatal mix.”
“Do you underestimate yourself?”
“I’m a realist, at least most of the time.”
I can hear the bitterness in his voice, and I know it’s meant for me.
“Is there something you need to tell me?”
“No. Do you?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Jamie, you’re here!” The front door opens again. “Oh… sorry. I thought it was your voice. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“You didn’t interrupt anything, Riley. I was just leaving.” The Doctor walks away, and I’m left with my sister, already certain I’ve messed up.
“Is everything okay between you two?” Riley asks right away.
I try to slip past her and head into the house.
“We’ll never talk about it, will we?” She says quietly.
“Exactly.”
“But with him, you will?”
Why can’t you just live your own life, Riley, and let me deal with mine?
I turn to her, and my expression answers for me.
“Jamie.”
“It’s not worth it. It’s just casual, okay? You know me.”
“Does he know it’s just casual?”
“If he hasn’t picked up on it by now, he must really have some problems.”
“One I actually have.”
I turn around, and the Doctor is outside again.
“Don’t look at me like that, Captain. I wasn’t eavesdropping. Chris asked me to call Riley. Jamie woke up.”
“Sure. Thanks. I’ll go now,” Riley says.
My sister steps through the doorway and closes it behind her, leaving me to my fate.
The Doctor raises a hand. “Please, don’t say anything. You’ve said enough already.”
“What did you expect me to do? You wanted me to tell my sister that we… we…”
“That we fucked? Go on, say it. This’s what you were after, isn’t it?”
“No… I don’t… I don’t know.”
“Are you back to play the handy answer?”
“It’s my business, okay? I don’t want to shove it in everyone’s face.”
“You’re talking about your sister. Your family.”
You don’t know anything about my family, Doctor, and you shouldn’t even mention it.
“It is not for you to tell me how to deal with it,” I say.
“You’re right, it’s not my place. But you know what? I don’t have to stand here and listen to your reasons, or understand, or justify anything. I’m not obliged to do anything at all, because, as you said, it’s just casual. It’s time for you to move on to the next.”
The Doctor is hurt, but he refuses to show any anger. He isn’t mad at me; he’s disappointed in himself for believing it. I can tell by looking into his eyes.
He’s like a puppy that knows it’s about to be left behind in the countryside, but still won’t bite its owner’s hand. He thinks he did something wrong. He blames himself, as if he deserves it.
And this is all my fault.