Chapter 75
Jamie
As I leave Riley and Ian’s house and head to my car, I see someone waiting, leaning against the door. I walk over, already knowing he’d show up eventually, and there’s no way to avoid him.
“You could have knocked.”
“I wanted to talk to you alone.”
“Oh, so you wanted to wait for me in the dark and hit me with a bat? Chop off my legs? Kill me and toss me into the street?”
“Can you give me two minutes?”
I open the door, and we both get in. I slide the key into the ignition, but he stops me.
“We can talk here.”
I let go of the keys and sink back into the seat.
“Have you come to call me an arsehole? To say I hurt your father, used him, and broke his heart?”
“I think you broke your own heart, Captain.”
This is going well already.
“You broke his, too, of course. But that’s not why I’m here.”
“Then what are you doing sitting in my car?”
“I’d like to talk to you man to man.”
“Evan…”
“Don’t start telling me I’m just a kid, that I don’t know what I’m talking about, or that it’s none of my business. I’m here to tell you about the man you’re leaving behind.”
“You think I don’t know that?”
“I’m not sure. You don’t seem like a very smart guy.”
“Probably so.”
“I don’t know what your problem is, and I don’t even want to know; it’s not for me to judge.”
“It’s not even up to you to fix your father’s life.”
“That is not my intention.”
“Do you think talking to me about him changes anything?”
“Maybe not, but I have to tell you: a man like that, you’ll never find again.”
Like I don’t already know that.
“And he fuckin’ screws it up. He messes up to no end. Look at me, for example. I shouldn’t even be here.”
I can’t help but smile.
“But he does one thing well, and he is the best. He knows how to take care of people.”
“It seems obvious to me. He is a doctor.”
“Don’t be an idiot. You know I’m not talking about that.”
I nod.
“He sees, he listens, he understands. He knows how to heal wounds, big or small. He doesn’t panic like Mum or lash out like Ryan. He thinks things through and finds answers. No matter what, he can’t hold a grudge or hate anyone.
“Why are you telling me all these things?”
“When he got my mum pregnant, he was really confused and went through a lot on his own because of the choice he had to make.”
“How do you know? You weren’t even there.”
“You should know my mother by now. You know she doesn’t keep shit.”
“And you don’t resent him for abandoning you?”
“He didn’t abandon us. He knew this wasn’t the life for him, and pretending would have hurt everyone.
It took my mum years to let go of the idea of a family with him, but she did, and I came to understand it too.
He also had to tell his own family he wasn’t what they wanted.
He’d only just figured it out himself, and you know what happened then? ”
I shake my head.
“They left him alone.”
My jaw tightens.
“And alone he went on. He wanted to be a doctor, and he succeeded; he wanted to be a father, and he’s great at it. He wanted to be a friend to mum, and he’s the best friend mum ever had.”
“What about his family?” I ask.
“His own mother still doesn’t speak to him.”
I nod, feeling the pain of it.
“His father died a few years ago. I went to the funeral with him. He pays for his mother’s nursing home and visits whenever he can, even though she refuses to speak to him.
I’ve never heard him complain or look for sympathy.
He never felt sorry for himself, never gave up, and he became the doctor he is today entirely on his own.
He wasn’t always around, but he was there when it mattered.
And neither Mum nor I ever blamed him. Sure, it wasn’t nice not having your dad around on your birthday, but over time, I understood. ”
“Because you are a smart kid.”
“Did you think he was an arrogant doctor who always had things his way?”
“I didn’t think anything. He never told me about his past.”
“And you? Did you tell him about yours?”
I shake my head.
“He works in the Emergency Department because he wants to help where it really counts. The only reason he didn’t join MSF missions is that Mum and I needed him. We’re his family, and he loves us.”
I look down, not able to meet the eyes of this kid who talks about his father like he’s the best man in the world. I know it’s true. I’m the one who pushed him away.
“He wants to save everyone.”
I sigh. “He wants to save me, too.”
“It’s the first time he’s ever quit.”
“Maybe he knows it’s impossible to save me.”
“You don’t want to be saved. He respects that, even if it means losing you. But now I have to ask, are you willing to lose him?”
Lose him?
I never really had him. I never wanted him. And even if I tried, I wouldn’t even know how to keep him.
“It’s not too late, Captain. He always finds the right cure. I’m sure he already knows exactly what to do with you.”