Chapter fourteen #2
She laughed softly. Then took Spencer’s hand and led him out of the room, snagging the baby monitor on the way.
She wanted Zoe in her room with her, but that wasn’t fair to her daughter, not yet.
For all Zoe knew, she was a stranger. Maybe one she’d seen in pictures or heard a few stories about, but a stranger, nonetheless.
She’d compromised on setting her up with Adrian and Clara in one of the larger rooms, designed to hold women with children, two doors down from her own.
Eventually, they’d make the change, or give Zoe one of her own, but for now, it was too soon.
When they entered the lodge room, more of the Falcons had arrived, filling the space.
Stone stood talking with Mantis, Sherman seated at his side, his tail swishing across the floor.
Philly and Callie sat on the couch, turned toward each other, looking at something on her phone.
At five months pregnant, Callie looked adorable with her growing bump.
Maybe not a word Amber should use to describe the five-foot-nine former FBI agent, but she’d die on that hill.
Superman and Marley emerged from the kitchen, carrying snacks, and Einstein and Wesson followed with plates and cutlery.
She needed to thank Dottie. She needed to talk with Dottie. The woman was both a friend and like a mother to her, but they hadn’t had a chance to talk, really talk, since she first saw the picture of Zoe.
“Excuse me for a sec,” she said to Spencer before everyone noticed their arrival. He raised a brow in question. “I want to check in with Dottie.” He nodded, lifted the back of her hand, and kissed it before letting her go.
She smiled at a few folks, holding up a finger to let them know she needed a minute. Spencer’s weren’t the only eyes that tracked her, but when Mantis nodded, everyone continued with whatever they were doing.
Pushing through the kitchen door, she found Dottie refilling the coffee grounds. “Thank you,” she said, striding over.
Dottie looked up, the tips of her purple hair swaying in the movement. “For?”
Amber stopped beside her and leaned her hip against the counter.
“For being the quiet machine that keeps everything here running, for being my friend and my mentor, for being you. I don’t know why I’ve never said it, and I’m sorry for that, but I couldn’t have made it through this past year, especially those first few months, without you, without your steady presence, your gentle nudges, your laughter.
When I think about what’s ahead of me, when I think about Zoe and parenting, if I can make her feel as secure, as brave, and as grateful to be a part of this crazy thing called life as you’ve made me feel, then I’ll know I’m doing a good job. ”
Dottie blinked away a tear, then reached up and brushed one off Amber’s cheek.
“You are going to be a great mom,” Dottie said.
“It won’t always feel that way, I’m sure.
There will probably be days you question your sanity and your decisions, but you’re going to love her fiercely.
You already do. And she’ll learn to love, to laugh, and to be brave from you.
” She paused, then flashed a watery smile.
“And it won’t hurt that she’s not just getting you as a mom, but that whole crowd as her family, too.
” She jerked her head toward the lodge room.
A wobbly laugh bubbled out of her chest. “I both shudder and can’t wait to see what it will be like for Zoe and other babies that are sure to come along and grow up around them.
I’m guessing they’ll learn everything from car restoration to tracking to shooting to espionage to fashion to whatever Juliana throws into the mix with her crazy breadth of knowledge. ”
Dottie smiled. “So she’s going to grow up around them?”
Amber hesitated. Her new job meant more to her than just a paycheck.
And while she was new to this mother thing, she was pretty certain that giving it up and sacrificing so much for her child, when it wasn’t a life-or-death situation, wasn’t the message she wanted her daughter to grow up with.
She wanted Zoe to grow up around strength and love and knowing that sometimes life required hard choices.
But even through those, there could be joy.
And most importantly, she wanted her to grow up knowing she had a community to turn to, to rely on, for help when needed.
Then there was Spencer. Everything was too new between them now to know what to think. But even if it ended in heartbreak, she’d rather Zoe see her try and fail and survive than never try at all.
“I don’t know what it will look like,” she said. “But I know it’s important for both of us to stay a part of this community.”
Dottie smiled. “I agree. But I’m biased.” She paused, then reached out and set a hand on her shoulder. “I know the work in Napa is important to you. We’ll figure things out. It might look different than you originally thought, but we’ll figure it out.”
Amber let out a deep exhale. “Seems there’s a lot I’ll be figuring out over the next several months.”
Dottie laughed. “Several years,” she said. “That’s the thing with kids, they keep changing, surprising you. You’ll be on your toes for the rest of your life, hun.”
Amber laughed. “I suppose you’re right. And to kick off all this fun, I guess I should join the others and see exactly what we can do to keep Clara and Adrian safe and Zoe where she belongs. With us.”