Chapter 20
Usually Shawn was a light sleeper.
But when the door to his room creaked open that night, Shawn had trouble waking up, his mind groggy. He burrowed deeper into Rutledge’s warm shoulder, his hands tightening around Rutledge’s arm.
The voices seemed to be coming from far away.
“Your brother is asleep,” Rutledge said. “Go back to bed.”
“But I had a bad dream! I’m scared. Shawn always hugs me when I’m scared!” It was Emily.
Shawn tried to open his eyes. It didn’t work.
“Emily,” Rutledge said sternly. “You’re a smart little girl. You can’t sleep with Shawn because the bed is too small for the three of us.”
“I’ll sleep with Shawn. You can go sleep with Bee!”
Rutledge chuckled. “I don’t think I’ll fit in your bed, midget.”
Emily pondered it. “I can sleep on you. You’re big, and Shawn likes to sleep on you.”
Shawn certainly did, though he was disturbed that Emily knew that.
“You can’t sleep on me.”
“Why?”
“Because—because… Fine,” Rutledge bit out at last, to Shawn’s surprise.
Squealing in delight, Emily climbed onto the bed and onto Rutledge’s chest.
“You’re very warm,” she said, yawning.
He really was. The room was very cold, but Derek was very warm. So warm.
“Sleep. And don’t pee on me,” Rutledge grumbled.
“I’m not a baby. I’m big. I don’t pee in bed!”
“Good. Now sleep.”
“You have funny hair on your chest. Shawn doesn’t have funny hair on his chest. Why?”
That gave Rutledge pause. “Sleep.”
“You don’t like me,” Emily mumbled. “You like Bee better.”
A heavy sigh. “Why do you think I like her better?”
“You gave her chocolate yesterday!”
Shawn frowned. Huh?
“Because she asked. You have to ask if you want something.”
“So if I ask, you’ll give me anything? Anything, anything?”
“If I say yes, will you stop talking and sleep?”
“Yeah!”
“Fine. What do you want?”
“I want a puppy! Black and fluffy! With a white star on its forehead!”
A pause. “Choose something else.”
“But you said anything!”
Shawn drifted back to sleep, still smiling.
* * *
“So,” Christian said, leaning back and rocking in his chair a bit. “What’s going on with you and Rutledge?”
Shawn looked up from his plate at him. “Huh?”
Christian laughed softly. “Come on. I’m not blind. It’s been going on for weeks. I thought you’d get sick of him by now, but you still look totally fucked out most of the time—”
“I don’t.”
Christian gave him a flat look.
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Shawn admitted, “Yeah, all right. So what?”
Christian lifted his hands. “Hey, I’m not judging. Whatever floats your boat.” He shrugged with a crooked smile. “It’s none of my business if you have a crush on his dick.”
Shawn slumped back in his chair and looked at Christian grimly.
“It might be a bit more complicated than that.” He ran a hand over his forehead, sighing.
“I’m not even sure how to act around him in class anymore.
It’s like my brain stops working when he’s around.
” He grimaced. “I kissed him yesterday outside his office. I couldn’t help it.
We were lucky it was late and no one saw us—I think. ”
Christian’s eyebrows almost reached his hairline. He whistled. “Wait, are you, like, in a relationship?”
Shawn rubbed the corner of his eye. “No—I mean—I don’t know. I… I kinda gave him a key to my place.”
Christian started laughing.
Shawn kicked him under the table. “Shut up. It made sense to do it. Sometimes he comes very late, and I don’t want him to wake up the kids with his knocking. It doesn’t mean what you think it means.”
“Oh, really?”
Shawn heaved a sigh. “I don’t know. Things have been weird lately. He’s so good to me sometimes, and I feel like… I feel so good with him, you know?” Happy. “It’s so confusing.”
“No shit. Don’t you talk?”
Shawn shrugged. “Sure, we talk, but not about that. He comes to my place in the evening and if the kids are still up, it’s not like we can talk properly. If they’re in bed already, we don’t spend much time talking.” I just want to get him naked and on me. “And he’s not exactly the talking type.”
“Looks like he wants to talk this time.” Christian nodded towards something behind him.
Shawn turned his head and saw Rutledge walking toward him briskly. Shawn stood and took a step away from the table just as Rutledge reached him.
“Something wrong?” Shawn murmured, glancing around. They were attracting curious stares; instructors normally didn’t visit the cafeteria.
Rutledge’s shoulders relaxed a little. “No,” he said, turning around and heading out of the cafeteria, clearly expecting Shaw to follow.
Rolling his eyes, Shawn did.
“I’m leaving for a few days,” Rutledge said once they were outside.
“Where? Why?”
“It doesn’t matter. It’s none of your business.”
Shawn crossed his arms over his chest. “Really? Then why are you even telling me?”
They glowered at each other.
Shawn refused to drop his gaze.
“I’m leaving,” Rutledge said with finality.
“Fine. Go.” Shawn bit the inside of his cheek, trying to hold back dozens of questions. Questions that would make him look like a pathetic, needy teenage girl.
Rutledge took a step to him; their faces were only inches apart now. There was a strange restlessness haunting Rutledge’s dark eyes. Something was shifting between them, and it scared Shawn. And excited him.
A few seconds passed as they just looked at each other.
Some guy walked out of the cafeteria, and they sprang apart.
“Sir,” the guy said respectfully to Rutledge.
“Right,” Shawn said, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I’ll go.” Before I jump on you and kiss you in front of everyone.
Rutledge nodded stiffly and stalked away.
Shawn sighed. Dammit.
Maybe a few-days’ break would do them good. Their relationship was getting too weird.
Or maybe the problem was it wasn’t weird anymore.