Chapter 21
Rutledge didn’t return in a few days.
Nor did he call. Shawn knew he could call, but the mere thought made him cringe. He didn’t want to seem clingy.
By Friday, Shawn didn’t know what to think. It didn’t help that Emily and Bee kept asking where Mr. Rutledge was—the question Shawn had no answer for.
Where was he?
There was a niggling thought at the back of Shawn’s mind that Rutledge was a commitment-phobe. Maybe he’d left because this thing between them freaked him out. If that was it, well, fuck him. Shawn would be damned if he let himself be the clingy one.
“What’s wrong with you, man?” Christian asked on Friday morning as they took their seats in Rutledge’s class.
“Nothing.”
“You look like shit.”
“Didn’t sleep well,” Shawn muttered, rubbing his eyes. It wasn’t a lie. “I’m just—” He cut himself off, noticing the professor who walked into the classroom.
It wasn’t Rutledge.
His heart sank.
Professor Newland took the seat behind Rutledge’s desk and smiled at the students.
“Good morning,” the woman said cheerfully. “I’ll be substituting for Professor Rutledge until further notice.”
A cheer went through the room.
Shawn lifted his hand.
“Yes, Mr. Wyatt?” Newland said.
“Where is Professor Rutledge?”
She raised her eyebrows. “I don’t think it’s your concern, but if you must know… Professor Rutledge is absent due to family circumstances.”
“Yeah,” the girl sitting on Shawn’s other side murmured. “I’ve seen in the news that he’s marrying some politician’s daughter.”
Shawn stared at her numbly.
Christian put a hand on his shoulder and said something, but he could barely hear it.
Married? Derek?
“It can’t be true,” he whispered, more to himself than to the girl. “He’s gay. And he’s…” Mine.
Except he wasn’t, was he? He didn’t have any right to be angry. They were nothing to each other.
“Are you okay?” Christian said, looking at him with a frown.
“I’m fine.”
“Shawn—”
“I’m fucking fine!” Shawn inhaled deeply and said, softer, “Sorry. I’m fine.”
* * *
Shawn returned home early, dismissed the babysitter, sat on the couch, and watched the twins play.
Their dresses were worn out and too small for them. They needed new clothes.
He closed his eyes and thought of how much that would cost. Christmas wasn’t far away, and Christmas was expensive, so he needed to save money. New clothes for the girls would have to wait until he found a better job.
Shawn sighed, rubbing his face. Yeah. That was what he needed to focus on. No more distractions. The kids depended on him.
The couch dipped as the girls suddenly climbed onto it.
“You’re sad,” Bee said.
“We don’t like when you’re sad,” Emily said.
Shawn smiled brightly and wrapped his arms around them, pulling them close. They were warm and smelled of soap and sweets. Of innocence.
“No,” he said. “Of course I’m not sad.”
“When is Mr. Rutledge coming back?” Emily asked once again, her blue eyes wide and glistening with tears. “He promised me a puppy! With a white star on its forehead.”
Bee sucked on her thumb. “Yeah, when is he coming back?”
Shawn’s heart clenched. At that moment, he hated Derek Rutledge more than anything. The girls had no one but Shawn; of course they’d become attached to Derek, since he had been practically living with them for the last couple of weeks.
Shawn smiled, but it felt like a grimace. “It doesn’t look like he’s coming back, sweetheart.”
Emily’s brows furrowed. “Why?”
How was he supposed to answer that?
Shawn averted his gaze. “Because he has his own family. And it seems his dad asked him to marry.” At least that was the only explanation he could think of. “He’s going to start a family now.”
“Why?” Emily said.
Bee’s lower lip trembled. “Why?”
Shawn looked between them and didn’t know what to say.
“I don’t know, baby,” he murmured, pressing his lips to Bee’s temple and pulling Emily closer. “I don’t know.”