Chapter 22
Shawn woke up in the middle of the night, shivering.
He burrowed deeper under the covers. The room was cold and damp, as usual, but it was harder to ignore it after weeks of sharing body heat with another person. He missed being warm.
Shawn sighed, turned onto his stomach and hugged his pillow, angry with himself. This was getting out of hand. Enough. Fuck Rutledge and fuck his stupid warm body. Fuck him.
But no matter what he told himself, the ache in his stomach was still there. The hunger. The need that went beyond sex. He wanted Rutledge’s body next to him, big and warm. He even wanted to hear his scathing remarks, feel his breath against his skin—
Shawn tensed and lifted his head. He could have sworn he heard voices coming from the living room. But the girls couldn’t possibly be awake, right?
Frowning, Shawn climbed out of bed, shivering violently as the cold air hit his skin, and padded towards the door. There was light in the living room, but it meant nothing: he had left the lamp on, because the twins were scared of the dark.
Shawn opened the door quietly and froze.
Rutledge was sitting on the floor beside the girls’ bed, one of the twins in his lap.
Shawn’s heart started to thud in his chest.
He was back.
He was back.
“Where were you?” his sister said, rubbing her eyes sleepily with one hand while the other played with Rutledge’s tie. It was Bee, Shawn decided. Rutledge seemed to have a bit of a soft spot for Bee, though it was strange that Rutledge was tolerating this even from Bee.
That was, until Shawn studied Rutledge’s face. Even in the dim light of the lamp, his face looked uncharacteristically unguarded and tired.
“I was visiting my family,” Rutledge murmured.
Bee sucked on her thumb. “I remember your family. Your dad didn’t like us very much.”
A strange look crossed Rutledge’s face. He said nothing.
“Shawn said you’re getting a new family.”
Rutledge stiffened. “Did he?”
Bee nodded. “He was very sad.”
Shawn felt himself flush. Did she have to tell him that?
Rutledge had an odd expression on his face. “Was he?” he murmured.
“I was sad, too,” Bee said. “I don’t understand. Why do you want a new family? You have us.”
Kids, Shawn thought, biting his lip. They had no fear. In some ways, kids were braver than adults.
Rutledge opened his mouth and then closed it. It was the first time Shawn had seen him at a loss for words. Rutledge’s throat convulsed before he told Bee, “Don’t worry, I won’t be getting a new family.”
Shawn breathed out.
“Aren’t you supposed to be asleep, midget?”
Bee studied Rutledge seriously with her big blue eyes. “You’re sad, too. Something bad happened?”
A humorless smile twisted Rutledge’s lips. “You could say that.”
“When I’m sad, Shawn hugs me and I don’t feel so sad anymore. You want a hug?”
Shawn expected Rutledge to reject the offer with a sneer.
He didn’t. He said nothing.
Taking his silence as a yes, Bee stood up and put her short arms around Rutledge’s neck. Rutledge had to steady her.
Shawn stared at Rutledge’s big hands on his little sister’s back and then at his blank, stoic face.
Quietly, he closed the door and padded back to the bed.
About twenty minutes passed before he heard the door open again. There was a rustle of clothing before the mattress dipped under Rutledge’s weight and he slid under the covers next to Shawn.
The speed with which Shawn latched onto him would have been embarrassing if Shawn could bring himself to care; he didn’t. He just needed to kiss him. Needed to touch him. So he kissed him and Rutledge kissed him back just as hungrily, his lips urgent, almost desperate.
Shawn wasn’t sure how many minutes they spent kissing—it felt like hours and seconds at the same time.
When they finally stopped kissing to breathe, Shawn was warm from head to toe. Hooking his leg over Rutledge’s hip, he put his head on his chest. Rutledge’s heart was beating under his ear, strong and fast.
For a long while, there was only companionable silence.
“He died, didn’t he?” Shawn whispered at last.
He felt Rutledge go rigid under him. “Yes.”
Shawn hesitated, unsure what to say. “What happened? Someone said you were getting married.”
Rutledge sighed, something Shawn felt more than heard as Rutledge’s chest expanded under his cheek. “It was Joseph’s manipulations again. I went there because he told me he was on his deathbed. When I arrived, there was a huge gathering.”
“What kind of gathering?” Shawn said, running his fingers through Derek’s chest hair.
“Lots of politicians, rich businessmen and journalists. When I arrived, Joseph made an announcement.”
Shawn’s eyes widened. “He actually announced your engagement without asking you? It’s crazy.” Wow. He knew Derek’s father was a despot, but that was ridiculous, even for him.
Rutledge seemed to hesitate. “I think… I think he hasn’t been right in the head lately.
And he probably hoped I wouldn’t want to make a scene in front of so many influential people and journalists.
He was right—our family would have become a laughing stock if I did that.
I took him aside and told him if he didn’t deny his announcement, I would do it myself.
” Rutledge paused. His voice was flat when he continued, “He got furious and had a heart attack. He was dead by the next morning.”
Shawn closed his eyes. “Did you sort things out before he died?”
Rutledge chuckled, the sound harsh and humorless.
“No. Even on his deathbed, he called me the biggest disappointment of his life. He tried to manipulate me even as he was struggling to breathe. Threatened to leave everything to Vivian’s husband if I didn’t marry that girl.
Of course he didn’t. He’s—he was too old-fashioned for that. ”
Shawn’s lips brushed the warm skin, and he breathed in, feeling the steady beat of Rutledge’s heart against his cheek.
“He’s… I’m not saying that excuses him, but if he didn’t care about you, he wouldn’t have been…
I mean, he’s not a villain. When I talked to him, he was an arrogant asshole, but there was something he said…
He said you were his son, and you were no fool.
I think he’s—he was just too proud to say anything nice, even if he felt differently, you know? ”
Rutledge sighed. “It doesn’t matter now. I don’t care.”
Liar.
Shawn nuzzled against his skin. “I’m glad you’re back, Derek.”
He felt Rutledge’s body stiffen for a moment and then relax against his. A strong arm wrapped around Shawn’s back and pulled him close tightly, almost bruising his ribs.
Shawn didn’t complain. He snuggled closer to Derek’s warmth and fell asleep momentarily.
He slept like a baby, for the first time in a week.