25. Chapter 25
Chapter 25
Rose
“Rose. What’s wrong?” Milo’s giving me this look of complete innocence, like he has no idea what he did.
I’m pacing along the living room and into the kitchen. I really hate that I’m like this, a fuzzy-headed stress case, but I can barely contain myself. “I’ve never really had anyone stand up for me like that.”
When he’s still giving me the deer-in-the-headlights look, I sigh. Right now, with kindness oozing off him in waves and him cradling my little boy, who fell asleep in his arms, I can’t make sense of what’s going on inside of me.
“Was it the strong tone I took with your sisters?”
I offer a smile. There’s no need for me to be bothered by his words. They’re just foreign to me. “I don’t need you to stand up to them. I’ve got it all taken care of.”
“I have no doubt about that, but Rose, it hard for me to listen to them say that stuff.” He’s standing, gently patting Callum’s back, looking completely comfortable in this position. Like he does this every day.
I place my hands on my waist and roll my neck to try to get some of the tension out. “I’m so used to it, it barely registered.”
That’s not entirely true. Everything was registering because Milo is here. I was looking at things from his perspective—analyzing everything with a microscope. Maybe that’s part of why I’m so upset by it.
I’m embarrassed. By my family, by our craziness, by how much we’re solidly in a different class than Milo and his family.
I really love my family. Fiercely.
But Milo and I are worlds apart. And now, instead of this fact giving me the resolve I need to avoid falling for him, I’m filled with sadness. And when I feel the claw of bitterness overtaking me, I start to pace again.
“Well, I’m not used to it,” he says. “I think you’re incredible, and to have your family not appreciate you? I’m sorry, but I got a little heated about that.”
“I can take care of it, though.” I fan my face and then yank a water bottle off the table. I swig a drink of water. “It reminds me of how you went rogue during our little prank on Blaine. How you made it about me without warning. Like I was incapable of defending myself.”
Milo’s brows go low over his eyes. He frowns. “I didn’t mean to.” He brings his hand to his chin. “I know our relationship is . . .” He swallows. “Temporary. But it’s a relationship still, right?” He raises his voice, the conviction behind it, giving me a little chill along my neck and shoulders. “And that’s how things work. We take care of each other like that!”
I let out a strangled groan. “I’m just embarrassed, Milo. I wasn’t prepared for them to stop by. All ten of them! They’re opinionated and, and . . .”
“Gritty?” he offers quietly, with a bit of a smile.
I laugh despite myself. “That’s a nice way of putting it. My upbringing has taught me that only the strongest survive. And I’m glad it’s that way because if I’d been a big softie, there’s no way I’d be where I am today. I’m going to nursing school! So I’m glad. But that strength can come across as brash.” I shrug. “The Tates aren’t like that.” I snort at the thought. I’ve seen the family photos at the resort, in their perfectly coordinated outfits under professional lighting. I’ve read the plaque that talks about their origin story. They might as well be from another planet.
“Like I’ve said before, we have so many of our own problems, Rose.” He’s frowning, not making eye contact.
“I’m sure that’s true. But it wouldn’t be too far off to say I wish I had your family problems instead of mine.” I smile faintly and shake my head. “Want to trade?” Of course I’m not expecting him to answer that, so I keep going. “And while I greatly appreciate the support from you . . . Can I ask you to maybe tone it down a little? They’re going to think that . . .” I bite my upper lip. “They’re going to think we’re a lot more serious than we are. They’re going to be on my back constantly. ‘He’s going to break your heart, Rose. Here are the red flags to watch for, Rose.’”
Milo’s mouth bunches up, his jaw ticking.
But I keep going. “I didn’t know they were coming, and I would have texted you telling you not to come, but I literally couldn’t with all that was happening. Callum gets so wound up with his cousins around, and he was hungry, so I fed him, and next thing I knew, you were at the door.”
“I’m sorry if my coming was a problem.” His retort startles Callum. He doesn’t wake up, but he stirs, rotating his head to the other side. Milo gives me a look of regret and mouths, “Sorry,” patting Callum’s back.
“I wish you hadn’t met them under these circumstances,” I mutter.
“I’m glad I met them. They’re great people, they’re just really protective.”
I nod. “Yep. It didn’t help my emotional state that Blaine’s mom came to see me at work.” I remember her sad eyes. I think I’ll always remember them. Still, I have little patience for her unhealthy insertions into my life.
“Why did she come?” His forehead creases and his jaw is rigid. “Is everything okay?”
“Honestly, she needs to work on boundaries. Her own and respecting others.” I shake my head and massage my temple. “It’s not too much of a problem, but she’s having a hard time accepting reality. I just told her for the hundredth time that Blaine and I are not getting back together.”
“Best news I’ve heard all day.” Milo’s face is wistful.
“You knew that already, Milo!” Impatience flares within me. I set my water bottle back down on the table.
“Hey.” Milo’s tone is guarded and defensive. “I mostly did. Can’t say it’s never not worried me. I really do not like Blaine, especially since finding out he’s Callum’s father . . . and that you had the kind of relationship you did with him.” He shoots out a quick breath. “I gotta be honest. I sorta hate him.” He tilts his head to one side. “It’s okay, but I don’t exactly like it. And I’m sorry if I came on too strong with your sisters. I don’t want them to try to talk you out of . . . this.” He motions between us, his gaze settling on me. His expression has a touch of hope across it, along with frustration and caution. He sits down on the couch, but his posture is rigid.
“Blaine means nothing to me. I have to protect my privacy when it comes to
my sisters. What you and I have is . . . temporary. And I’m sorry I can’t make it be more. But that’s all I can do.” I throw my hands in the air, and they fall back down onto my thighs in a satisfying slap. “That said, I do really, really like you, Milo. I want to spend as much time with you as possible, and I want Callum to enjoy his time with you, too. Randall, my former stepdad? He was in my life temporarily, but I’ll never forget all he did for me, his kindness and positivity. I don’t want to deny Callum that.”
He glances at the floor, chewing on his bottom lip, before looking back up at me. I still can’t stop my pacing. “And I said it before and I’ll say it again,” he assures. “A temporary relationship is not what I want, but it’s better than nothing. I’ll take whatever time I can get with you and Callum. As far as your sisters are concerned, I’ll try to not come across as a love-sick crusader next time.”
That garners a laugh from me.
“They’ve already made assumptions about us, and I can’t control that,” I insist. “And the Hawkins family is used to high-energy situations, so they’re going to forget the tension soon enough.” I give up a bitter laugh. “We play hard, we fight hard, we love hard.”
He meets my gaze, a smile of wonder playing across his lips. There. That’s one of my favorite things about Milo: his sense of wonder. And to think that it’s directed at me?
Mind-blowing.
“My family being like this has it perks but definitely its downsides, too,” I admit, sinking down next to him, sharing the same cushion and facing him. My voice has managed to calm down some. “I am glad you came.”
“Me, too. I’m sorry if they left because of me.”
“They didn’t. They like to hang out with Leila’s ex-mother-in-law sometimes. She lives in Tollark and since it was on the way, they stopped by, without warning, as per the usual.”
His face holds anguish. “I’m sorry, but I can’t not say something, you know? I’ll try to rein in the tone moving forward.”
Moving forward? I want that. I want that so badly.
“I’ve never had a man defend me before, so it feels foreign.” I sigh, rub my eyes, and try to smile. There’s so much Milo and I disagree on or find a lot of discomfort discussing, and the tenseness in my body is begging me to take a break from it all. “You hungry? I could make us some PB and Js. I’m low on groceries so that’s all I got.”
“I can grab some groceries for you.” He motions his head towards a sleeping Callum. “I’ll try to lay him down without waking him. Not that I’m saying no to a PB and J because that would be criminal.”
I lightly run my fingers across Callum’s back. “He typically doesn’t fall asleep this early. This might mess up his sleep tonight, so I’m not sure what to do.” I smile. “It’s kind of cute, though, seeing you two like this.”
“I like that he fell asleep on me.” Milo’s gaze is guarded.
“You were his anchor in the storm. He loves playing with his cousins because he’s very social. But I think the noise got to him. He’s used to it being just the two of us and Thorin.”
Milo softly kisses the top of Callum’s head.
I maneuver closer to them on the sofa and wrap my arms around both of them. “Thank you for standing up for me. My family’s wild.” I nestle in closer, breathing in his warm, spicy scent.
“Hey, it’s okay.” He bends to kiss my forehead. “Every family has issues.”
I swallow down the stone in my throat and ease in even closer to him. He’s right, but I doubt his family was ever on food stamps or other government assistance. I doubt he grew up in an environment where fresh fruit was sometimes a luxury and where all his clothes were from the second-hand store. “True. But add it to the list of why Rose Hawkins can’t date.” I laugh, but it comes out bitterly.
I feel bitter about it because I want Milo in my life. Maybe it was his defending of me, maybe it’s how bonded Callum is to him. I don’t know. All I know is, I want him. As much as I hate to admit it, I want a lasting relationship with him.
Several minutes later, the tension in the room has tempered. I lounge on the sofa, watching Milo gently rock and pat Callum’s back. Callum’s getting slobber on Milo’s shirt. And I’m laughing at Milo explaining his and his brothers’ summertime fun befriending a donkey named Maverick, boating on the lake, and all the barefoot playing they did in the wilds of Longdale.
Callum stirs, wiping a drool-stained cheek off with his chubby fist.
“Hi, Bubby,” I coo, standing to rub his back. His cheeks are rosy from sleep, his dark eyes content. I reach out my hands to take him and he pushes me away. “Okay. You want to stay with Milo?”
Milo beams and pats him on the back. “I’m honored. Should we go grab some groceries? And then when we get back, we can put the crib together?”
“Yeah, and we need diapers, too.”
Thirty minutes later, I realize I’m totally attracted to this man while grocery shopping. Grocery shopping? It’s usually a high-pressured situation for me . . . all these thoughts about money and how much of it I don’t have. I always seem to be at war with the opposing forces of my needs and my resources. It’s stressful.
But with Milo? The grocery store is a magical playland.
He tells me stories of going shopping here in the summers with his aunt Stella and how he got caught shoplifting gum when he was three. Stella made him work to earn the money to pay the store back.
I love her instantly for it.
When he comes walking up to the cart with a wrench, I’m confused.
“They have those at the grocery store?” I ask.
“I had to ask around, but yeah.”
“I told you I have the tools to put the crib together.”
“I know, but this isn’t for the crib. It’s for your leaky faucet.”
I’m pretty sure my jaw drops open. I move to protest, but he cuts me off.
“I thought I’d try fixing it. But don’t thank me yet. I could make it worse.” He winks and suddenly I’m torn between worrying about him causing a flood in my apartment and melting into a puddle right here and now.
This man is a dream.
“This is the best orange juice,” he says a few minutes later, grabbing the bottle and putting it in the cart. He pulls a funny face to make Callum laugh.
I snatch it out of the cart and put it back.
“It’s on the list,” he says, frowning at his phone. I’d texted it to him so that, theoretically, we could go in two separate routes and shorten the shopping time in two. We hadn’t wanted to part ways, though, and somehow, we just ended up going along the aisles side by side.
I prefer it this way.
“I buy the frozen concentrate,” I tell him. “It’s cheaper.”
“I sort of thought I could buy the groceries, since I’ve been hanging out at your place.”
“Milo, no. I got it.”
“But it’s only fair with how much I eat.”
I scrunch up my nose. “You do eat kind of a lot.”
It all feels like we’re a family. Like if I could wander the aisles of the Longdale grocery store with Milo for the rest of my life, I’d consider my life a massive success.
He shrugs. “Might as well take advantage of it while I can.”
I shake my head. “You have the metabolism of a god.” I pull him into my arms. I cannot get enough of his broad, hard muscles and clean, musky scent.
Somewhere in between walking through the automatic doors of this little grocery store and standing next to the marinated artichokes, I know exactly what I want.
My pulse jumps like the wick of a candle, illuminating the truth I’m pretending not to see.
I want Milo.