CHAPTER 37
Palmer
Bailey’s dark eyes search my face as if he’s not sure when he’ll see me again.
My mind races, asking a million questions for which there aren’t any easy answers.
Me? He loves me? But why? Is he sure? Is it just because of the sex?
Is he just trying to secure someone to sleep with when he gets back?
Why bother? He can have anyone he wants.
He doesn’t need me. He doesn’t actually want me.
Why would he say that? It’s barely been two months! He doesn’t even know me that well! Why?
Why why wh—
Bailey’s hand against my cheek brings the racing thoughts to a screeching halt.
“Palmer,” he murmurs, his voice soft as tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear, the movement slow and deliberate, savoring the sensation of his skin against mine.
“I didn’t think I was worth loving. Because of who I am and…
what I’ve done. I didn’t think I deserved love, not anymore, but then—” He pauses, an easy smile spreading across his face, the smile he reserves only for me. “Then I met you.”
My heart leaps into my throat. Even if I had the words to say, I wouldn’t know where to start. Bailey takes a small, tentative step toward me, then another. I lean my face into his calloused touch as his other hand skates down my arm to intertwine his fingers with mine.
His eyes are locked on mine, and he brings my hand up to his lips, brushing them across the knuckles before bringing it to rest on his chest. Bailey’s voice is quiet when he speaks again.
“You have shown me kindness beyond what I’ve ever experienced.
” He scoffs a humorless chuckle. “Frankly, well beyond what I deserve. I just wanted—no, I want you to know that you are worthy and deserving of every good thing that happens to you. I couldn’t leave without you knowing that.
More than anything, I need you to know that I love you, Palmer Jade.
I think I always have, even before I knew you, and I know I always will. ”
I look at him—really look at him. This good, sweet, kind man.
The man who, for reasons beyond my understanding, loves me.
The man who has no obligation to me, who never has, but has been willing to do things for me that other men who claimed they loved me wouldn’t without a promise of anything in return.
The man who would walk away from me right now if I asked him to. Why? Because it’s me.
And he loves me.
I close the gap between us, and his arms are around me before I can take a breath, like a missing puzzle piece snapping into place, something I hadn’t realized I was missing before.
Two parts of a whole.
Burying my face into his neck, I hold on to him with everything I have, trying to make him feel everything I can’t say with my words. “I can’t…” I whisper. “I—I’m not…”
Bailey kisses me softly, my tears dripping against his cheeks. “It’s okay, baby,” he soothes.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, the droplets falling faster, my breaths heaving against his chest, but I hang on tighter. “I’m just… I can’t.”
He pulls his face back slightly to look at mine, understanding written all over his face. “It’s okay, baby. I just wanted you to know, and I’ll wait as long as it takes and even longer if that’s what you need, Palmer. I’m not going anywhere. Well—” He pauses.
Laughter bubbles up through my tears.
“Okay, fine, I am going somewhere, but—” Bailey smiles at me. “You know what I mean.”
I nod.
Bailey’s hands rest on both sides of my face, his thumbs rubbing circles against my skin. “You are my north star, Palmer. Always pointing my way back home. Wherever you are, that’s home for me.”
Closing my eyes, I lean into his chest, just listening to him breathe, his heart thudding against my palm. Without opening them, I ask, “I haven’t done this before. What is it like? What do I do? Can I talk to you?”
After clearing his throat, Bailey answers, “No, we won’t be able to talk this time. I won’t be able to message with you or anything. Not on a regular basis at least. There might be some times when I can call using a satellite phone, but even that is iffy.”
“Okay.” The knot in my throat begins to swell again.
“But I would love if you messaged me while I’m gone so I can read up on everything I missed when I come back, and then you can tell me all about it.”
My eyes open, and I watch him for a moment before agreeing. “I can do that.”
He smiles, but I don’t miss the sadness in his gaze. “I can’t wait to hear everything.”
Barely above a whisper, I confess, “I don’t want you to go.”
Pain flashes across Bailey’s features, and his smile turns into a grimace.
“I don’t want to go either, but I promise I’ll be back soon.
And when I am—” He presses his lips to mine, parting them with his tongue, which intertwines briefly with mine before continuing.
“You will be my very first call. I promise.”
As Bailey’s truck pulls out of the parking spot and down the road, I step out onto the asphalt, waving until I can’t see him anymore.
His truck pulls out of view, and my body shakes as I realize I’m going to have to figure out how to function with half my heart walking around outside of my chest. Once the crying subsides, I stand up off the curb and straighten my spine then turn to go back inside.
My phone vibrates, and the screen lights up with a message from Bailey.
Bailey: I miss you already.
I smile, despite the aching in my chest and type out a response.
Palmer: I miss you more.
I don’t need to get through the next few weeks; I just need to figure out a way to get through the next minute.
And the one after that.
And every single one after that until he comes home to me.