Chapter Six Cole
22 YEARS AGO
Black beady eyes stared back at me, the damp pink nose twitching with fear. Maybe the little rabbit could sense what I was even before I could.
Nick hadn’t gone anywhere without Socks since his eighth birthday but now, he was outside swimming and Socks was stuck with me. I gripped him in my hand, tight enough so he couldn’t escape, his heart racing so fast that it was making his furry little body quake violently.
I stared at myself through the mirror. It was July, the humid air stifling, and the lack of A.C. had my black hair matted onto my flushed forehead. I swallowed, watching my neck bob as I tried to calm my own racing heartbeat. But unlike Socks, I wasn’t terrified. This was the most exhilarating thing I’d done all summer.
I would be starting first grade in autumn and the idea of a new school, and new children didn’t make me feel as excited as everyone said it should. Pre-school had been a bore, and I doubted primary school would be much better. Just more snooty kids with equally snooty attitudes.
Socks continued to struggle in my grip, threatening to leap at any second. It was now or never. My eyes fell on the serrated gardener’s knife that I’d found in the old toolshed at the edge of the estate. The same toolshed I’d been locked inside for what felt like days.
With blood rushing through me, I gripped the knife just as the rabbit let out another mewl. I could see myself through his beady eyes. I should have been disgusted. I should have let him go. But I wasn’t and I didn’t.
I wanted to see what was inside, so I sliced through him, cutting him open from top to bottom. Blood gushed out of Socks and into the sink, the warm crimson liquid covering my hands and splattering on the mirror in front of me.
A strange feeling came over me, one I wasn’t sure my almost six-year-old self had ever felt before, not when I got all those books for Christmas from Nanny, not even when Mum took me to the aquarium, and I saw a real shark.
No, this was something else, undiluted blinding excitement.
***
I was born missing some important emotional switch and if I didn’t get a handle on it, I would turn into the Dahmer type, get a documentary made about me and everything. At least that’s what Doctor Phillipe said.
Perhaps he was right. Perhaps I don’t feel as much as I should, which is why meeting Levi felt like some sort of religious revelation. From the moment I laid my eyes on him, it was like I could breathe for the first time. Every emotion I’d never felt before unfurled and bloomed in that moment. I no longer had to hold my breath and pretend I was just like everyone else. He was so easy to fall in love with, so easy to want that I’ve never thought I could desire anything or anyone else.
Which is why kissing Kai and wanting to do it again is strange.
The idea of sharing Levi makes me borderline homicidal but looking at Kai who is standing in our living room in that sheer shirt that shows off his trim waist has me questioning a few things about myself.
He’s pretty, that’s obvious, with long eyelashes and a full mouth, but there are pretty guys everywhere in this city. There’s something else I can’t figure out yet. It’s both frustrating and exhilarating and it seems Levi feels the same because since the first time Kai ambled into his office, his eyes sparkle when he sees him.
I should be jealous of the way Levi looks at him—like he wants to ruin him and watch tears spill from his eyes, but I can’t seem to find that emotion inside me. Maybe it’s because it’s the same way I look at him too.
When I kissed him on the rooftop, he melted into me, surrendering to me completely. I think I want him in a way that’s completely different to how I want Levi. I tilt my head, looking at Kai and it hits me.
I worship Levi.
I want to ruin Kai.
“You have an insane house,” he says, eyes the colour of amber under the soft light of the living room. He’s not drunk, I can tell but the little alcohol he had has made him slightly more confident.
“It belonged to my grandparents,” I say. “And it definitely didn’t look like this when she gave it to me.” It looked more like an English period drama had vomited in here.
He nods appreciatively. “Well, you did a good job.”
“Anything to drink?” Levi asks. “Eat? I’m sure Aleeta left something.”
Levi, ever the gracious host.
“Aleeta?” Kai asks.
“Oh, she’s the house’s caretaker. She keeps us both alive,” Levi explains with a smile.
Kai’s eyebrows lift slightly then he nods once. “Um, I’ll have wine, please.”
Levi grins. “Red or white?”
“Red.”
“Coming right up. Cole?” Levi’s eyes land on me. I can tell what he’s thinking. His pupils are slightly dilated, and there’s a permanent smile on his face. He wants this as much as I do.
“Yes please,”
Levi disappears and I watch Kai who is still scanning the room with his eyes like he can’t quite believe he’s here right now.
“Wanna play a game?” I ask, an idea coming to me. Both Levi and I want more than just a kiss from him.
His eyes snap to me, and he parts his lips. I walk up to him and in a few steps, I’m standing right before him. He’s a little shorter than me, but not by much so we’re almost eye to eye.
“What are we playing?” Surprisingly, his voice doesn’t shake which is slightly disappointing because I badly want it to.
“Truth or dare?”
Maybe it’s slightly juvenile to do all of this. I’m pretty sure I could tell him to get on his knees right now and judging by the way he completely surrendered to me during that kiss, he would do it. But he doesn’t know us, and I don’t want to push too hard yet. This lowers the stakes; gives him some semblance of power and we can only go as far as he takes it.
Kai’s eyes widen and he wants to say something but a second later, Levi appears, wine glasses in hand. Kai looks at him and then back to me as if trying very hard to decide on something. He does that, looks like he’s thinking very hard. The frown on his forehead tempts me to smooth it out with my thumb.
“Okay,” Kai says to me after a second, then turns to Levi. “We’re playing a game.”
Levi raises his brow. “What game?”
“Truth or dare,” I say with a smile.
My boyfriend’s eyes burn into mine. We haven’t talked about this. We didn’t talk about the kiss either. I wanted to show him the view and he asked if he could bring Kai with him. We didn’t talk about bringing him home with us but here we are. This is another line we’re about to cross, and I don’t know if it’s a bad thing or not. But it seems none of us are willing to stop.
It’s almost midnight and we sit on the plush cream-coloured couches. Levi is sprawled out next to Kai and he takes a sip of his wine, eyes focused on me. He is beautiful in that way your parents tell you to steer clear of.
Anticipation simmers inside me, hot and urgent. “Before we start,” I say because this is important and I don’t want to fuck this up with Levi or Kai, no matter what happens. “Kai, do you want a safe word?”
He frowns. “What?”
“Safe word,” I repeat. “We’ve all been drinking and neither of us want you to be uncomfortable. If anything does, you can just say your safe word and whatever is happening stops, no questions asked.” I pause. “Levi’s is raspberry but a simple no also works.”
He thinks about it for a second and it’s interesting to watch, like everything dawns on him all at once, that he’s here and we all kissed, and we might do it again. Conflict dances in his eyes and I wonder what he’s conflicted about exactly. Being here or something else?
“What’s yours?”
I grin. “Don’t need one.”
His cheeks flush and he averts his gaze slightly. “Okay, I’ll go with vanilla,” he says, focusing his eyes back on me.
I almost laugh at that because, of course, he would choose that.
“Do you want to go first?” Levi asks, turning to look at him.
He bites his bottom lip and nods, eyeing Levi. “Truth or dare?”
Levi thinks about it for a moment, humming quietly then, “Truth.”
“When did you first want to kiss me?”
Levi’s lips spread into a smile. I’m curious too. I know it was probably at Mulligans for me when Kai didn’t know where to look like he was appalled with himself for finding both of us attractive.
“Mulligans,” Levi says, matching my thoughts. “That’s probably when I realised it.”
Kai laughs quietly and shakes his head. “You could probably tell I had the worst crush on you both from the beginning. It’s been painfully embarrassing and tonight has been—” he pauses, unsure how to continue. His eyes meet mine and he shrugs a shoulder. “Weird but at least it wasn’t all in my head.”
I don’t think I have a crush on him, I think I just want to fuck him. “Truth or dare, Kai?” I ask.
He meets my eyes, licking his lips. “Truth,” he says.
“Do you want to do it again?” I ask.
“Kiss you?” Kai asks, quietly. “Yeah, definitely.”
We go another round and this time, Kai dares Levi to kiss him. I watch, heat pooling in the pit of my stomach. My cock twitches watching them. It should be illegal how good they look, Kai’s hands in Levi’s hair, a quiet moan spilling from his mouth as Levi’s hand wraps around the base of his throat.
By the time it’s my turn again, I can see the lust in both Kai and Levi’s eyes. Everything around me feels heightened. “Truth or dare, Kai?”
His lips are tinged red from the wine and his eyelashes sweep perfectly against his skin. “Dare,” he says, determination in his eyes.
“Get on your knees for Levi.”
And there it is, the thing I’ve wanted to see all night.
The air around us suddenly feels charged. I see him hesitate for a second, that conflict from earlier coming back into his eyes. I don’t think it’s about us exactly. He just made out with Levi. There is something else to his hesitation. His eyes dart from me to Levi and then back to me.
“What’s your safe word?” Levi asks after a second.
Like he comes to some sort of decision, Kai moves off the couch and sinks to his knees. “Don’t need it,” he quips with a playful grin.
Levi looks down at him, a question in his eyes, but Kai seems determined. He unbuttons Levi’s trousers and everything inside me clenches as I watch it all happen. Kai obstructs my view a little but when he lowers his head and Levi lets out a breathy sigh, his head falling back slightly, I almost lose it.
Desire swirls inside me, hot and unbridled but I just watch for a minute, listening to the quiet breaths spilling from Levi’s mouth, eyes fluttering and his hands trying very hard not to push Kai down.
“Jesus, Kai…” he breathes. “That feels so good. How are you so good at this?”
Kai’s head bobs up and down, taking him down to the hilt, fully and slowly. It’s hypnotic and like I’m being pulled by an invisible string; I walk over to them.
My breathing stutters watching them. Together, they are sin personified. A dangerous desire sparks inside me as Levi leans back to look up at me with daring eyes. I kiss him, letting his tongue sneak into my mouth, the sound of Kai’s slurping filling the air.
Levi’s tongue sneaks into my mouth and I’m so hard it’s almost painful. I’m so desperate to fuck them both, maybe watch them bleed.
Against my mouth, Levi lets out shortened breaths and he pulls away, looking down at Kai. “You have to stop,” he says but that only seems to encourage Kai. Levi tenses against me and his hand goes to grip the back of Kai’s head. Kai looks up at both of us, swallowing and swirling his tongue in the most sinful way.
Whatever conflict he had earlier has completely disappeared and he dips his head, licking down Levi’s length once more, making a whole show of it. I think it might drive me insane.
My cock strains against my jeans, begging for attention. I ignore it for now and lean down slightly, wrapping my hand around Kai’s neck and pulling him up to my mouth. This is my second time kissing him and this time, he tastes like Levi mixed with wine and something that is quintessentially him. Kai holds his kisses back a little I realised on the balcony, but I like the control, invading his mouth, making him take whatever I give him.
He pulls away, eyes glassy with moisture. There’s a tense beat of silence then he blinks, as if waking up from some kind of dream. That strange tension returns to his shoulders, almost like he forgot about it for a second and immediately needed to put it back on.
“Everything okay?” Levi asks.
“Um,” he begins, standing up, his eyes looking at a random spot on the couch. “I should go. It’s getting late and I told Jenna I’d be home tonight.”
Something is stopping him and no matter how much I want to push; I know I shouldn’t. The whole point of this entire game was so that he could stop it whenever he wanted to. Next to me, Levi seems to understand that too.
He nods and stands. “Let us take you?” he says.
Kai shakes his head, trying for a smile. “It’s okay. It’s not that late. I’ll just call an Uber.”
Something about it makes me twitch but I keep my mouth shut. He doesn’t belong to me, and this was all just a little bit of fun.
It’s way past midnight when Kai leaves and Levi makes a cup of tea and watches me from across the kitchen counter. “You think we took it too far?” He gnaws at his bottom lip. “He left pretty abruptly.”
I thought so too but I think there’s something more to it, like he realised he shouldn’t be here.
“You think it's because I’m technically his boss or because your father owns A-EYE?” Levi continues.
I barely speak to my family, but maybe that’s it. In theory, this could be very complicated for him, and I understand not wanting to jeopardise his career just for sex.
“Do you want to do it again?” I ask my boyfriend.
My want for Kai clearly hasn’t been sated by a few kisses and I could see the heady desire in his eyes, the bursts of confidence as he swirled his tongue over Levi’s cock. He wants this just as much as we do.
Levi shrugs but I know it’s a yes. He doesn’t hide his feelings well. I never want him to. “What would that mean?” he asks. “We’ve never done anything like this. I don’t want to do anything that fucks up what we have but…” he trails like he can’t figure out the right word.
“I don’t like sharing,” I say.
On the other hand, I know I want Kai. I want to see him fall apart under me. It’s strange, all my life I spent chasing some spark of passion for something, some way to replicate a high I’d only ever felt once. Then I met Levi, and just like that, I didn't need to go to any extremes to make me feel something.
Levi smirks. “But you didn’t mind sharing me with Kai.”
“No,” I admit. The thought is uncomfortable. Kai stokes up something inside me that I don’t understand yet.
Levi tries to hide his smile by drinking his tea. “Do you want to do it again?”
“Maybe. But like you said, I don’t want to do anything damaging to us. You’re the most important thing to me, Evie,” I say. “And we don’t know if he’d even want to do anything.”
Levi stretches over the counter and plants a light kiss on the corner of my lips. “I love you,” he says. “But to lay all the cards on the table, I know you want to fuck him which I don’t mind because I want that as well. I also know he wants us too, and despite his hesitations, I think we should propose it and see how he feels about it.”
“Propose what?” I ask.
Levi’s smile is full of that playful mischief, like Kai said, it’s like he’s in on a secret no one else is. “We fuck him, but we stay as us. If it’s a no, that’s fine, we move on, but something tells me it won’t be.”
I lift an eyebrow. “Because this kind of arrangement always works out.”
Levi laughs quietly. “So, we have good ground rules and clear communication.”
I think about it for a moment. He makes it sound so easy but maybe he’s right. We’re all adults and maybe all we need to do is to fuck Kai once to get rid of this intense feeling.
“You’re sure about this?” I ask.
Levi shrugs. “Only if you are.”
Am I? No.
Do I want to? Fuck yes.
“Okay, let’s ask him,” I say after a moment.
Levi’s lips spread into a grin. It’s been clear from the moment I met him; I’d follow him into the dark if he let me hold his hand
.