Just Between Us

Chapter Twenty-Nine Kai

The twins are back home from university for the summer and whilst it’s still pissing rain outside, it’s nice to see them home, like their presence makes everything ten times better. Tonight, they are over at Jenna and I’s flat, and we sit with two boxes of half-eaten pizza on the floor and the final scene of The Proposal playing out on the TV.

I’ve barely been able to pay attention to the movie. I’ve barely been able to pay attention to many things in the last two weeks. Kenny’s threat still hangs over my head like a noose, his menacing voice gripping me tight whenever I close my eyes.

He hasn’t called or messaged since Monaco, but I know he’s somewhere, waiting for the money he demanded. I still have no idea what to do. I have some money saved up, but it won’t be nearly enough.

I’ve considered telling the police, but I can’t predict what he’d do if I did. I can’t put the twins or my mother in danger and now that he knows about Cole and Levi, I can’t afford to make the wrong move.

Guilt eats at me as the credits come on. We still don’t know who keyed Levi’s car. The security footage only showed a hooded figure with a surgical mask on. He had a solid build but there were no other defining traits to him.

It wasn’t Adam either. He told the police he was at a private tennis club and a few people confirmed his whereabouts as well.

There have been a few reported similar incidents around the city according to the police so maybe it has something to do with that or it was just someone having a bad day.

And yet, something in the back of my mind tells me it could have been Kenny. He’s been watching me which automatically means he’s seen Levi and Cole too.

If it was him—my stepfather…

I know I’d lose them, and I can’t risk that. I need to come up with that money, one way or another.

A few days ago, Cole handed me a black American Express card like it was a bottle of water.

I frowned, looking down at it. “Cole, what is this for?”

“A credit card is usually used to purchase goods,” he said, looking particularly happy with himself. I was almost distracted by how cute he looked, like a kid who successfully swiped a few sweets from the kitchen counter.

“I know what it does,” I said, glaring at him. “But why are you giving it to me?”

“Levi has one of mine.” He shrugged. “You should too.”

“I’m not taking this.”

“Kai,” he said, voice level.

I shook my head. “I know what you’re doing. I know you’re using that voice on me and usually it would work but no.”

His mouth quirked to the side in a half smile as he inched closer to me. “Do you think you can say no to me, princess?”

Princess.

That name shouldn’t have the effect it does on me. I’ve always been comfortable with my masculinity but Cole calling me princess always makes me disturbingly pliable. More pliable than I usually am around them. I don’t want to think about what that really means for my kinks.

“Fine,” I said after a second because he wasn’t going to change his mind. “But I won’t use it.”

“I really don’t care what you do with it, baby,” he whispered before leaning in and planting a quick kiss on my mouth. “It’s yours.”

It now sits in my wallet, and I know I can access the kind of money Kenny is demanding through just that card alone, but I can’t—I won’t do it. I know Cole wouldn’t blink at the thought of a hundred thousand pounds, but Kenny is my problem. The last thing I want Cole or Levi to think is that I’m somehow in this for their money. I won’t ask them.

Firstly, because my mother would undoubtedly slap me.

Secondly, I can handle Kenny. I’ve done it before. I can do it again.

“More wine anyone?” Zara asks pouring the supermarket-bought Pinot for herself.

The real reason I asked them to come over is because I want to tell them about Levi and Cole. It’s pretty obvious that something is going on and keeping it from them has been torture.

“So,” I start, looking at them huddled up on the emerald, green sofa Jenna and I thrifted. “I wanted to tell you both something.”

Zoe lifts an eyebrow. “Let me guess, you’re bisexual?”

Zara bursts out laughing, falling into Zoe as they both giggle.

I roll my eyes. “Fine, I guess you don’t want to know about who I’ve been seeing then.”

Zara’s mouth falls open. “Shut up!” she says. “You mean the mystery fuckbuddy.”

A self-satisfied grin spreads across my face. “The very one, well ones.”

“No fucking way,” Zoe says, eyes bulging. “You’re seeing two people?”

I nod once, still unable to get rid of my grin because I can barely believe it myself. “They were together when I met them, and one thing led to another and now we’re all together.”

Saying it out loud feels strange.

“And you went to Monaco with them?” Zara clarifies.

“Yes—”

“Nope,” Zoe cuts me off. “I need a picture. I won’t believe this until I see it with my own eyes.”

I knew this was coming so I pull out my phone and swipe to a picture of the three of us that Kez took on her film camera. It was on our second night, my birthday, right before Anant convinced us to go swimming. We are sitting down, and Levi is leaning into Cole whilst I’m laughing, the ocean in the background. I’m not looking into the camera, but they are, and their eyes sparkle. I look so happy; everything was perfect before Kenny called.

My sisters stare at the picture for a long moment and my heart falters for a second before Zoe looks up at me, her brow furrowed. “Are you sure these people are real and dating you? I mean no offence, Kai but they are…”

“Hot. Like terrifyingly so. They look like they stepped out of some internet edit,” Zara half shouts.

I laugh because that is the perfect way to describe them and the anxiety that had pooled in my stomach dissipates in an instant.

“They are real,” I say.

And they are all mine, I think. Which is why I must do everything I can to keep Kenny as far away from them as possible.

“Does Mum know?” Zoe asks.

I shake my head. “Not yet, I want it to settle down first. We’re still figuring it all out.”

Zara is still looking at the picture. “Okay we need details, Kai. Names. Ages. Do they have single friends or cousins between the ages of nineteen and twenty-six?”

I frown. “No way you’d date a twenty-six-year-old.”

Zoe shrugs. “To be fair, it’s a tough market out there. We have to expand the search.”

A laugh ripples through me because no one makes me laugh like them and when they shoot rapid-fire questions at me, it’s easy to answer. By the end of it, I’m excited for them to meet each other. I have a feeling Zoe and Cole would get along really well.

Whatever happiness I’ve managed to store inside me completely dissolves when my phone vibrates, and I see the number Kenny has been using to call me.

It’s a warm Friday evening, a gentle breeze blowing in from the open French doors that lead into the garden. I’m sitting in the living room, an episode of Pointless playing in the background as I wait for Levi to come back downstairs after his shower, a new book from Cole sitting in my lap.

For a second, I consider ignoring him, but I need to know whether he keyed Levi’s car even if a part of me already knows he did. I press answer and my stomach falls when I hear his heavy breathing on the other end. It’s like I can smell the stench of beer on his breath from here.

“Hello, Kai,” he says, the smug smile obvious in his voice. “You got my money yet?”

I swallow. “Maybe,” I lie.

He tuts. “Don’t fuck with me.”

I look up, in case Levi comes downstairs but there’s no sign of him. “Was it you?” I whisper. “Levi’s car?”

Kenny’s laugh is as loud and obnoxious as it has always been, and I feel like an idiot for bothering to ask.

“Oh, did you like that? It hurt to do it to such a nice car. That’s always been my favourite model, you know?” he says. “I thought I’d send you a little message. Next time it won’t just be the car I slash through. Kind of poetic, right?”

I swallow, a cold sweat running down my back. “Okay, fine,” I say. “Let’s meet.”

“Oh?” Kenny says. “You have my money then?”

Not quite, but I need to buy some time, and I need him to leave them alone. “I do,” I lie.

“Impressive,” he says. “Tell me where and I’ll be there.”

Levi and I are attending Anant’s hotel opening tomorrow but maybe I can meet Kenny during the week. Hopefully, by then I’ll have a real plan.

“I’ll send you the details,” I say, my scalp prickling.

“Looking forward to it,” Kenny says. “Good night, Kai.” And then he cuts the call, and I’m stuck with the phone against my ear, unable to breathe, for what feels like hours.

By the time Levi comes back downstairs, I’ve managed to calm my racing heart a little. I know I should tell him the truth; I should tell both of them. I almost do but then I’d have to tell him what I did. I’d have to tell him I stole Kenny’s life because I was afraid he would send me away. I’d have to tell him that I’m not as good as they think I am.

“Kai?” Levi says, pulling me out of my thoughts.

My eyes focus on him, and I blink like I’m waking up from some deep sleep. He’s frowning slightly. “Yeah?” I ask.

He tilts his head to the side slightly. “What are you thinking?”

I try to come up with something believable quickly. I know they can probably tell something has been up with me.

I smile. “Oh, nothing, just how I’m going to tell my mother I’m dating two guys,” I say brightly. It’s not a lie exactly. I’ve been thinking about how to tell her because Zara won’t be able to keep her mouth shut for too long. “I told my sisters about you two though.”

Levi smiles. “What did they think?”

“They didn’t believe me for a second. Not to stroke your ego but they thought you two were unreal.” I move closer to him, resting my arms over her shoulders.

He gazes back at me, brown eyes gleaming.

“Did they?” he asks quietly.

I nod and his mouth spreads into a grin.

“Well, consider my ego stroked.”

He kisses me deeply, capturing my mouth in a deep kiss that has me moaning against him and Levi humming. He pulls back and grips my chin in his hand, his eyes searching my face again.

“I know what it’s like to be stuck in there and feel like you don’t have a way out, but you can always talk to me. Whatever it is. You know that, right?”

My face burns because, of course, he knows something is wrong. I thought I could protect them by keeping this to myself—handle Kenny like I always have—but I put him in prison and there’s no telling how far he’s willing to go to make me pay for it.

Levi holds me closely and I swallow, the truth on the tip of my tongue but Cole is in New York, and he’ll only be back on Sunday. I’ll talk to them both then, I decide.

I swallow, “I do.”

Levi’s jaw clenches and unclenches once before he stands. He looks down at me for a long moment, before reaching out his hand.

“Come with me,” he says levelly.

It’s easy to do as he says.

We end up in Cole’s office. The shelves of books that I have barely begun to make a dent in loom over us as Levi switches on the desk lamp.

“What are we doing in here?” I ask, looking at him as he rounds the desk and leans against it, crossing an ankle over the other. A look I recognise falls over his eyes and my entire body flushes with heat.

He is intimidating in a way that is completely different from Cole.

If Cole is ice, then Levi is fire, but they both have my skin rippling with goosebumps, the anticipation of the promise of something dangerous moving through me.

“Getting you out of your head,” he says simply.

I stare blankly at him; the lamp casting shadows over his face.

“You know before I started dating Cole, I had a thing for guys like you.”

I’m not sure why exactly I feel so turned on by Levi looking at me like that. Maybe it’s because he’s usually sweet, even in his dominance but right now, there’s something different in the way he’s looking at me, something that has my skin buzzing.

His jaw ticks and I can’t tell if he’s angry at me, but I stand still, trying to keep my breathing level.

“Guys like me?” I ask.

“Pretty boys who are desperate to lose control.” His smile is short. “I want to strip you completely of that control you keep holding onto, Kai.”

Everything Cole does is because Levi lets him. After watching them for a while now, I understand their dynamic a lot more. Our dynamic. Levi only gives up what he wants to but he’s the one in control. He lets Cole take charge because Cole gets off on it, but the truth is that if Levi told Cole to burn the world and everything in it, Cole would do so without any hesitation. I realise I am dangerously getting close to that too. The feeling that I’d burn anything down if he asked—if either of them asked.

My teeth sink into my bottom lip. “And how will you do that?”

He looks at me for a second, his lips spreading into a smirk.

“Kneel.”

I’m in grey sweat shorts and whilst the rug under my feet is plush, my knees will start to burn after a few minutes, but I do as I’m told anyway because not thinking about things too hard is incredibly easy and I’m becoming terrifyingly accustomed to it when I’m around them.

He gazes at me, arms crossed and his muscles strain against the plain black t-shirt he’s wearing. I eye his tattoos that span his entire arm, and his hair is messy in that perfect way it always is, wondering where this is going exactly. The anticipation could kill me.

“Did you like it when Cole cut you?” he asks.

My mind flashes back to the day Cole pulled out a switchblade and cut just under my pectoral muscle. I liked the sting, the fear and the rush that coursed through me. I liked the way he looked at me like I was something to possess—own. I liked the idea that I was his to do whatever he wanted with.

I nod. “I did.”

Levi smiles like he’s particularly proud. “Tell me, how did it feel?” he asks, voice level.

I don’t miss the way my knees have already started to sting slightly from the kneeling, but I do my best to ignore it.

“Good,” I say, trying to think of the right words. “I don’t know, it felt like he wanted me to see him completely, like somehow, he was letting me into who he is. I felt good. Special.”

Levi nods and walks over to me, his feet softly padding on the carpet. I watch him and look up at him through my eyelashes, my heartbeat picking up pace. My mouth waters, anticipation and something akin to fear rollicking inside me. He runs his thumb over my lips and looks down at me.

“Cole craves control and so do I, just in a different way. And I know what you crave, Kai. You crave surrender. That’s why you liked Cole cutting you, that’s why you’ll like whatever I’ll do to you. You belong to us, baby and you can’t hide, no matter how hard to try.”

I swallow, my heart rate increasing.

Levi laughs quietly. “The irony of you looking like pure sin when you’re on your knees for me.”

I watch him, trying to read anything in those brown eyes but just like with Cole, they show nothing they don’t want to. Levi is right. All my life I have had to be in control even when I was desperate not to be. That desire for control spilt into every relationship I had.

“So, fuck me,” I whisper.

I want to forget Kenny.

I want to forget what I did.

His thumb pulls down my bottom lip. “You’re so lucky I brought you in here for that very reason.” He looks around the room. “Do you know what Cole’s favourite book is?”

I look at the shelves, the rows and rows of books. I think I’ve read about five of them so far and he says each of them is his favourite but there was a slasher horror among them that had my skin crawling and had every second paragraph highlighted in yellow.

“Chariot of Death?” I say quietly.

Levi grins and walks over to the shelf, pulling out the thin book and holding it up. “Come here,” he says, and I do, ignoring my aching knees. He opens the book on a random page and places it on the desk.

“Tell me yes,” Levi whispers against the shell of my head.

I nod quickly. I constantly want this, but I know why they always ask me first. “Yes,” I say quietly, anticipation rippling through me.

“If you stop, you get punished. Understood?”

“What’s the punishment?” I ask, swallowing down my nervousness.

“Be good and you won’t have to find out.”

Goosebumps lift off my skin and I shiver, looking down at the book. I feel his hands mess with the drawstring of my grey shorts before pulling them down with my boxers.

“Start reading,” Levi instructs.

I spring into action, picking a randomly yellow highlighted paragraph. “Claudia walked through the empty hallway, her footsteps padding on the floor…”

He bends me down and my breathing is already ragged and laboured when I feel a cool finger prod inside me, stretching me open. It doesn’t take long, and my dick is already hard by the time he lines up against me. I bite my bottom lip, hard enough to bleed when he slides in, his hips snapping forward and grazing my prostate. The stretch is delicious and for a moment, I’m lost in delirium when I feel a sharp slap on my ass bringing me back.

“Kai,” Levi’s voice is full of warning. “Keep reading or I'll stop.”

Inexplicable panic rises inside me, and I start reading again, fighting through my moans as he pushes inside me. I moan again, powering through the words, trying to keep myself up with my hands splayed on the desk.

“…There is a creaking sound that comes from Mrs. Halin’s room down the hall before the door quietly creeps, ah!”

Levi’s rhythm is relentless. His hips snap forward at a punishing pace, coaxing all sorts of sounds from me.

“Enjoying the book?” Levi asks. But my vision blurs with tears and when Levi lets out a pitying groan, he tugs at me, gripping my hair and forcing me to my knees again. “Didn’t I tell you to keep reading?”

Shadows dance in his eyes and I’m completely lost in the darkness that clouds his eyes. “I’m sorry,” I whisper.

Levi rubs his thumb against my cheek and smiles warmly. “I know you are,” he says. “But you still deserve to get punished, right?”

I nod quickly. I want it. I want whatever he plans to do to me because I know I’ll like it. “Yes,” I say.

He grins, gripping my chin between his thumb and his index finger and before I can react, I feel the sharp crack of a slap against my cheek and then again. The sting prickles my skin and for a moment, I’m afraid that I’ll be transported to a place where I don’t want to be, but the memory doesn’t come.

I’m just here with Levi. I’m safe. His palm slowly rubs the area he hit, soothing the sting until it completely disappears and despite the tears that dance in my eyes I smile up at him sweetly.

“I’ll do better. Promise.”

Levi leans down and kisses my mouth gently as if reminding me he doesn’t want to hurt me. “I know. Let’s try again, okay?”

I’m bent over the desk, my arms shaking and Levi pushing into me until he’s fully buried inside me. I whimper helplessly, a litany of swears leaving my mouth as he snaps his hips forward, grazing my prostate until precum is leaking out of my dick and onto my thigh.

“You’re so beautiful, baby. Cole deserves to see you read his favourite book whilst you’re getting fucked, don’t you think?” Levi asks the breathiness of his voice the only sign that he’s as far gone as I am. I let out a quiet whimper, trying to make out the words that blur in front of me.

Behind me, he switches on his phone camera and begins to film me. The idea of Cole watching me like this powers me through. “…The wind sways the t-trees outside…”

“Fuck Kai, I’m going to come if you keep clenching your tight little hole around me like this,” he murmurs.

I’m hot all over, I think I might explode. The words drown in the tears forming in my eyes and I know what comes next because I’m no longer reading, letting myself get lost in the punishing rhythm of his hips.

“Please Levi,” I whisper, but he’s already stopped and I’m on my knees, staring up at him and his phone. Shame and desire wash over me, my cock sad and ignored

“I thought you promised to do better,” Levi’s voice is deceptively soft. His eyes are dark, filled with dangerous lust. “How many hits do you think you deserve for breaking your promise?”

I swallow, not knowing what to say but he makes the decision for me, and I feel that familiar sharp sting again. It’s blinding but before it can settle in, his thumb is drawing soothing circles on my skin, making it all better.

“You look a little pathetic like this, Kai,” he says. Sleek humiliation and heat blaze through me, my blood rushing to my dick. I’m so lost in him. “I don’t think you even deserve to be fucked anymore.”

I panic, shaking my head immediately. “No,” I cry. “No, please, please.”

I do sound pathetic, but I don’t care. I don’t care that he’s filming me like this either. A grin spreads on his mouth. “Okay, baby,” he whispers and places the phone on the desk. “Stand for me?” he asks.

I get on my feet, my knees wobbly and my body on fire. Just then, Levi sinks to his knees and looks up at me with a smile. My eyes snap open, realising what he wants to do.

“Lev—ah!”

He takes me in his mouth, hollowing out his cheeks and sinking fully. My head falls back, my hands braced on the desk. He sucks quickly, his head bobbing up and down. I’m desperate to watch but my eyes keep rolling back.

“Oh my God,” I cry. “Levi I’m gonna c—”

He sinks further until I’m lodged in his throat. As my orgasm rips through me, I let out a shattered cry, my hand carding through his hair. And when he spins me around again, to fuck me, I’m lost in a dreamy haze that I never want to leave.

I sit in the warm bath, my back flush against Levi’s chest. I’m floating, caught in some in-between realm of being awake and dreaming. Levi runs a soothing hand down my arm, and I focus on it, trying to tether my mind to my body. I let out a pleased hum, trying to lean further back into him, warm lavender-scented water splashing around us.

I feel a gentle kiss on my shoulder, and I close my eyes, trying my best to stay here and not drift. But I feel it creeping in, the inky black icy hands reaching for me. I recognise the feeling now, the hopelessness like maybe I might never be able to find myself in the darkness again.

Even if I know what’s happening, I know it’s a sub-drop, it still takes me by surprise. I feel the dread and the inexplicable sorrow coming over me. I know what just happened between Levi and I was pretty intense. He hit me but I enjoyed the intensity of it all, just like I enjoyed Cole cutting me. A part of me is terrified that I let him do it, that I enjoyed it despite everything that happened with Kenny.

“Hey,” Levi’s voice is gentle. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

I struggle to come up with something. I’ve let them both hurt me and not once did I think of my safe word. They’ve embedded themselves so deeply inside me, and I’ve let them because I’ve been in love with them for a while now.

What if they don’t love me?

What if they find out what I did to Kenny and think they can’t trust me?

“Kai?”

“Just you and Cole,” I say quietly, fighting the lump in my throat.

“What about us?”

“I’m scared…” I whisper, my voice thick with tears.

Levi is quiet for a terrifyingly long moment then, “What are you scared of?”

The lump grows bigger, making it difficult to speak. I swallow, ignoring the sting in my eyes. “Letting you both in completely. I’m scared you won’t want me anymore and by then there will be nothing left of me. What if you see the ugly parts of me and…”

He moves my head, making me look up at him and rubs his thumb on my cheek. It’s so gentle and his eyes are so soft, with no hint of the darkness from earlier that I can’t imagine him hurting me.

“Kai,” he starts. “You’re dropping, baby.”

I nod. I know what’s happening and it fucking sucks. “I know. Don’t pay attention to me.” I try to look away, but he holds me in place.

“No, my entire life now is paying attention to you and what you need,” he says firmly. “You’re afraid of giving yourself up completely because you think we won’t like what we see? Kai, you know everything about Cole and I. You know every disturbing detail and yet here you are when many people would have left. There is no version of this story where we will ever let you go. You’re a part of us and that means we will have you completely just as you have us completely.”

I look up at him, my eyes misting over.

I love him.

I love him so much.

I open my mouth to tell him, but I can’t—not yet at least. When Kenny is gone, I can let go completely. I can let them have me.

So, instead, I nod and kiss him quickly. “Can we go to bed?”

Levi looks at me for a second longer, like he knows there is something more than just a sub-drop to this, but he doesn’t push. Instead, he helps me out of the bathtub, and he applies a moisturiser to my face, rubbing soothing circles on my cheeks where he hit me. The area is a bit red, but it won’t welt or bruise.

When we settle in bed and Levi holds me closely, I still feel a little spacey, but my fear still grips me.

I am terrified of losing myself in them and them deciding they don’t want me.

I am terrified of Kenny and what he’s capable of.

For now, Kenny is the only thing I can control, and I have to figure out a way to get rid of him for good before he destroys everything I’ve built

.