Chapter Thirteen #2
“So, yeah,” Dara said, sounding timid. “I guess you guys are probably at Mom and Dad’s place. She probably told you I never went to Pennsylvania.”
Blaze’s expression kept shifting, keeping German’s gaze locked on him. “No. I mean, yeah, she told us. But no, we’re not in Maine. We chose not to go after Mom demanded we hand over custody.”
“But you still have Ben, right?” She sounded panicked.
“Of course.”
“Good. Thank God. No offense to Mom, but you know. I want him with German and you, and I was scared as hell she would use her connections to get him.”
Blaze’s chest expanded as if he drew a deep breath before releasing it. “So I guess this was your plan all along, huh? Just pass him off and disappear.” German knew it wasn’t a question.
Thankfully, Dara still treated it as one. “He knows I love him. Ben is a lot smarter than kids his age. I swear he’s like a little adult with an old soul.”
“Yeah, because you left him no choice by constantly choosing Brian and addiction over him.”
Despite the rage in Blaze’s voice, Dara didn’t take the bait.
“I sat him down before we left, and we talked. He knows this is his mommy putting him first, for once. I’m sorry if you feel tricked.
There was a small part of me that still held on to hope I’d get my shit together one day.
Then Ben stopped speaking, even to me, when I came home from the hospital the last time.
I knew then I had nothing left to offer.
When I watched you and German sign those papers, I was proud of myself for the first time in years.
I knew I had done right by him in the end.
” Her final words came out shaky, like she silently cried.
“You’re the only one who’s ever understood me.
I know people think I’m selfish and dumb.
Maybe I am, but I’m not one of the strong ones.
When I hit rock bottom after losing my dream, and then everything with Brian, I couldn’t get back up.
” An uneven breath came through the line.
“I can’t see the other side of this, no matter how hard I try.
Some people can’t be fixed. Sometimes there’s no happy ending.
Life doesn’t work out for everyone, and hoping things could be different does no good. ”
“Dara.” The plea in Blaze’s voice hurt German’s heart.
Dara didn’t let Blaze try to sway her. “No. Ben is amazing and beautiful—an absolute miracle. He deserves a life that doesn’t include me.
” She hesitated. “But maybe still talk about me sometimes. Make sure he knows how much I love him and that this was done out of love. Maybe a miracle will happen for me someday, and Ben will let me back into his life in some small way, but he needs to be with you. You have the means to give him the life he deserves, and I know you’ll never let Mom run roughshod over you.
You’ll never let her break Ben. Is German there? ”
Even though German didn’t want to cut in if Blaze still had things to say, he wouldn’t pretend he wasn’t there. He needed Dara to know he would always be right here, between the world and Ben. “I’m here.”
Another shaky breath brushed the phone. “Good. How’s my baby?”
German smiled. She loved her kid, and that was all that mattered to him. “You wouldn’t even recognize him.”
Blaze jumped in. “You really wouldn’t. Without the fear of always being in trouble with Mom, he talks all the time. He’s acting like a kid.”
German took over. “He hasn’t completely lost the adult edge, though. We woke up this morning to him having left us a present from Santa. He filled a pair of my socks with peanut butter sandwiches.”
Dara laughed. For once, she had a smile in her voice. “That’s my angel. He’s always had a kind heart.”
German smiled, trying to keep the conversation as upbeat as possible. It wasn’t right for her to worry. He wouldn’t punish her good deed. “Yeah. I’m pretty sure it was the same socks I wore on our jog the other day. They hadn’t been washed.”
A loud laugh roared through the line. She immediately stopped. “Wait. Did Ben actually jog?”
“Nah. I mean, he wants to, but only for about thirty seconds, and then he ends up on my shoulders the rest of the way.”
Blaze lifted one eyebrow at German’s words.
“I knew you’d be the perfect dad for him.”
German’s breath caught at the claim. “I do my best. You should still call him occasionally.”
Silence followed his statement.
German stole the chance to push the subject.
“He won’t forget you exist just because you did what’s right.
You’re still his mom. He misses you. There’s no reason you can’t have some relationship with him.
Like you said, he’s smart. He understands why he lives with us.
I don’t think he’ll resent you for that, but I can’t say the same if you walk away like he never existed. ”
German fully intended to keep arguing until she gave in, but the bedroom door opened. Ben padded in, dragging his blanket behind him.
“Can I sleep with you? My tummy hurts.”
“Oh no, baby. Did you eat too much candy?”
At the sound of Dara’s voice, Ben dropped the blanket and ran to the bed.
“Mommy! I knew you would call.” He grabbed the duvet and used the blanket to haul himself up onto the mattress.
“Granny said I shouldn’t get my hopes up, but I knew.
” He hovered over the phone and bounced on his knees. “Santa came to see me. I got a plane.”
“A whole plane, wow!”
Ben giggled. “It’s a toy plane.”
“Oh. Of course.”
German and Blaze held each other’s stare.
“It’s still big enough for me to sit in.”
“That’s super cool, baby.”
An entire conversation passed between German and Blaze while the pair spoke. There was a good chance they might screw up a lot, but they weren’t failing Ben. They sure as fuck wouldn’t fail each other.