Chapter 26
Anger radiates off Parker’s stiff frame, his eyes cold and hard. “Anytime, Sloan.”
“Lyla, I’ll call you back."
“Of course,” she says quickly, and from her tone, I can tell she heard Parker interrupt. “We’re okay, though, right?”
“We’re good. Promise. I really have to go.” We hang up, and I turn my attention back to Parker for damage control. “I promise that wasn’t as bad as it sounded.”
“Which part?” he asks flatly. “Me meaning nothing and being a mistake, or the part about you leaving?”
Okay, so it’s as bad as I feared, and Parker did hear most of that conversation, or at least my half of it. I know how bad it probably sounded, and I can see the hurt in his face. I immediately want to wipe it away, to explain.
“None of those things are true, Parker. Let me explain—”
His face twists as he barks out a laugh. “You just said you were always going home. Were you planning on telling me before you had me drive you to the bus station?”
A flash of annoyance breaks through my need to comfort him. “That’s some hell of timing you have. Did you miss what I said right before that, about how you and I are starting something?”
“Something you called a mistake two seconds later.”
“No, I didn’t! Caleb was a mistake. Lyla wanted to know if I posted that picture of us to make him jealous, but—”
“Did you?”
I press my lips together. “It was a mistake. That’s why I told Lyla that he doesn’t mean anything to me anymore.”
He dips his head, shaking it at the ground beneath his boots, before he pulls his eyes back to me.
And they’re nothing like the ones I’m used to.
Where there’s been warmth and humor, now there’s nothing.
They’re closed off, and I can feel the rest of him following suit.
The realization sets my heart skittering as my mind races, too, trying to figure out how to fix this.
“That’s not what I asked.”
We stare at each other, cold wind biting my face. Be honest, I tell myself. He cares about you, he’ll find a way to understand.
“Well, yes, but—”
He’s moving away before I can finish my sentence, brushing past me and making his way around to the other side of the barn.
I don’t even think twice before I bolt after him, leaving the booth unattended.
I catch up with him quickly, but don’t manage to drag him to a stop for several steps, stepping in front of him so we’re toe-to-toe.
“Don’t storm off like a five-year-old who just got told he’s not getting ice cream,” I fume, angry with him for not hearing me out. “Speak, Tarzan. Why are you mad at me?”
He glares at me, but I don’t shrink back. This is good, I think, for a second. This is familiar, this is us. But then he does what I asked. He talks. Turns out I’m not prepared for what he’s about to say.
“I’m mad at myself,” he says, his voice rising, “for letting myself think this was anything more than a detour for you and your perfect image.”
“Excuse me?” I demand. My feelings shift from anger at him for jumping to conclusions, to being defensive of myself.
I haven’t done anything wrong here. Why am I under attack?
With anyone else, I would probably let it roll off my back in a moment like this and focus on the bigger issue of sorting out this misunderstanding.
But with Parker? There’s no way I’m letting him get away with that.
Hell, he’s the one who taught me not to.
He leans towards me as he lifts an arm, jabbing a finger towards the barn.
“We stood right there two days ago, and you practically begged me to tell you that you were more than just a fling. But that’s all this ever was to you. You used me.”
My skin grows hot, anger boiling inside my veins. My emotions are still running high after my conversation with Lyla, and the fight-or-flight response in my body has been completely obliterated. “That’s what you think? Based on half an eavesdropped phone conversation?”
Somehow, it’s worse than him fully glaring at me.
He feels further away than ever. I can feel him slipping away, wrenching free of me.
Already prepared to stop trying. The walls around my own bruised heart start to rise, but I keep them from locking into place.
Not now. Not yet. There’s still a chance that we can figure this out.
And even if I’m reaching for someone who won’t be there to catch me, I can’t help but try.
“I meant what I said when I told you how I feel about you,” I say, my voice catching as the walls of my throat constrict painfully, tears pricking the backs of my eyes. “Do you honestly think I would lie about something like that? And for what? What could I possibly get out of that?”
“What do you get out of any of it?” he snaps back, his voice sharper. “Validation for five seconds that you matter. That everybody loves you.” His words sting like a slap, but he doesn’t stop. “I have enough to deal with without being your freaking puppet to go along with your games.”
“It’s not a game, Parker!” I cry, furious and hurt and hardly able to believe what I’m hearing. “None of this has been, I swear!”
“Well, whatever it is, it’s too complicated for me.”
I choke on a sob, though I’m still glaring at him through my tears.
He rakes a hand through his brown hair, over and back, then shakes his head like he’s trying to clear something from it that won’t budge. “This is exactly why I don’t date. I don’t have time for this. Not when I have people depending on me.”
Right. Other people. As in, not me. Cass, Mason, his dad—they’re all that matters to Parker. He’s anchored to them so deeply that he’ll never budge so much as an inch in any direction. Not even to make room for me.
No matter what I say, Parker will find a way to turn it around and throw it back in my face.
There’s no point even trying to explain any of it.
I’d be screaming into a void, and I’d still end up heartbroken.
I can already feel the crack forming right through me.
Despite Lyla’s warnings, it’s too late for caution.
Parker already has my heart. I realized it before as I watched him across the yard, imagining a future with him.
One better and more real than any other dream I’ve ever had.
And I know it to be true as that image shatters into a million tiny pieces that fall through my chest, cutting me once, twice, a thousand times until I’m ripped completely open.
We stand for a few moments in silence, my hammering heart ringing in my ears.
“Here.”
I blink, then look down at his hand, holding out a handful of bills.
“Cash from the ticket sales so far.”
My voice is raspy, coming out like gravel. “Keep it.”
“I can’t take your money, Sloan.”
“It’s not mine,” I snap, my voice suddenly firm.
Because if there’s anything that matters right now, it’s this.
“It was never mine. This,” I say, waving my arm back towards the market, “was a job, and that’s what you earned.
You can think the worst of me, Parker, there’s nothing I can do about that.
But I won’t let you give me that money to prove a point when your dad’s safety is at risk.
When your safety is on the line. You never have to accept anything from me again, but just …
please. Pull your head out of your ass long enough to do it this once. ”
His hand drops to his side and he stares at me now, his mouth set in a grim line. For several beats, we’re both quiet, the sounds of the crowded farmer’s market still drifting around from the other side of the barn like nothing ever happened.
“What now?”
“I’m going home, remember?” I say, my words cold and empty, realizing it’s my only option.
I’m not going to drive him out of a job, nor am I about to put Tabitha in the middle of this.
Though why should he believe me? I’m not trustworthy.
No, worse than that. I’m not real about anything.
And any fight left in me to prove otherwise has entirely drained after this.
The tears are still burning my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall in front of him.
If he wants to hurt me, fine. But that doesn’t mean I have to let him see how much.
“But I guess you won’t believe me until I’m gone, huh? ”
The muscle in his jaw tenses, and his eyes bore into mine one last time. But this time, I know he’s looking at a stranger. His eyes pull away, and he nods before turning his back on me and walking away.