Chapter Eleven - A.J.
We say we're friends, but I'm catching you across the room
It makes no sense 'cause we're fighting over what we do
And there's no way that I'll end up being with you
But friends don't look at friends that way
That Way - Tate McRae
“I wasn’t expecting this mess…” I rub the pasty cream on my face, pressing harder than I probably should.
But if me kissing a guy would be reason enough to cause a big fuss at any time, the fact that I kissed a random guy – and not someone picked by Alexandra, as happens throughout this tour – has all the tabloids claiming we’re fighting and that I did it just to provoke her.
Seriously, how do people jump to these conclusions?
“Dude, relax. Didn’t she say she doesn’t care?” Daniele shoots back like I’m making a mountain out of a molehill.
“She did, Dani. But it’s still annoying.”
“I think you’re putting too much ‘don’t-touch-me’ on this girl, she’s famous, she’s gonna be all over the tabloids.”
I open my eyes and stare at the tablet on the bathroom sink, wondering if she’s my friend or my hater. But the coolness of the vitamin C on my face reminds me to breathe.
“Alex loves singing, Dani. And it bothers me seeing her name on gossip sites because of me… I didn’t want it to be like this.
I like being with her, having her around.
” I run my hand over my neck and let out a sigh.
“I’ve barely hung out with the guys. I say it’s because Rick only talks about you, Gui’s all about Bia, and Thomas…
well, Thomas barely talks.” I rest the tablet on the second shelf of the dark wooden bathroom cabinet.
“But that’s a lie. I just… like being with her. ”
I lower my head, wash my face, and let the water wash away the scrub, hoping it might wash away some of the guilt too.
“Stop it. You’re not in love, A.J., you’re just… enchanted by what you can’t have,” Dani warns, but it only makes sense to her and huffs afterward.
“I didn’t say I was in love.” I lift my still-wet face.
“You’re acting like you are. For the last two weeks our calls are all about her, come on.”
“She’s one of my best friends, and she’s leaving in a month, don’t you remember?” I ask, grabbing the skincare towel and gently pressing it against my face.
“I’m your best friend, let’s not confuse things here.” Dani tries to make an expression, but the dark mask covers all her face.
“Even though I don’t look at Alex the way you look at Richard, I never complain when you spend hours talking about him.”
“It’s different.”
“How?”
“He’s my boyfriend, and I’m obsessed with him. You’re not like that. You’re A.J., you sleep with a guy, and the next morning, you’re talking about a girl on the phone with me! You don’t date, you don’t call the next day, you don’t care enough…”
I hold back the urge to roll my eyes like a teenage girl as I put the moisturizer on my face, and just a second later, she takes off the mask and shoots me a dirty look.
“Have you thought about the fact that maybe you and Richard being a couple, Gui having Bia, and Thomas isolating himself more and more has pushed me straight into the arms of my second favorite Brazilian?”
“Alright, you’re lying to me too.” She figures it out when I repeat the excuse I tell everyone.
“So… do something to keep her with the band. Talk to her, tell Victor you two are a success, which is truth,” she points out with her finger raised, “only I know what I had to delete and the comments I had to silence these past few months…”
I hold back a laugh, thinking about the nonsense the Vagabonders have posted on our pictures.
“I think you’re right, I’m just too enchanted.
” Dani doesn’t respond, she just blinks twice and keeps putting moisturizer on her face.
I almost explain that I would never do that, that Alex has her career and her priorities, but the truth is, this conversation has run its course.
“And you and Richard, how’s that going?” I try out the Portuguese Alex’s been teaching me over the past months on the road.
My best friend looks at me for a few seconds before she moves and smiles.
“I’m gonna die. I’m literally gonna die if I have to be away from my Big Bear for another two months.
Seriously.” She dramatizes, leading me back to her bed.
“I did what I could for this tour, gave you guys a career when you didn’t even believe in TikTok, and now…
I have to be away from my man for six months? ”
“You’re not banned from coming to see us on the tour, Dani,” I remind her, turning off the bathroom light and heading back to the room.
“I know, but I don’t want to keep hiding, pretending, or running away because ‘someone might see us’… I can’t keep acting as if there’s something wrong with what I have with Richard anymore. I don’t want to hide that I love the man I love, A.J.!”
“And what does he think about this?”
“Rick agrees, obviously.” She laughs, raising her eyebrow like I’m crazy. “Now he’ll be flying back and forth to his parents’ house when there’s no show. And since I’ll be turning 23 soon, let’s wait for him to come back and for me to have my birthday to tell everyone. Then…”
The doorbell rings, and I ignore it, motioning with my hand for Dani to continue.
“What really gets to me is that…”
“Anthony, it’s me. Can we?” Alexandra ’s voice, muffled by the door, sneaks into my ears across the room, and I move the chair away.
“I’ll be right back, it’s Alex.”
Daniele rolls her eyes and mimics me mockingly: “I’ll be right back, it’s Alex.”
“Hey, neighbor.” I open the door and find her in formal attire.
“You said you were going to take me to the meeting with Victor, remember?”
“Of course I remember.” I quickly scan the room and spot my leather jacket and cargo pants. “Let me just get dressed.”
“It’s unbearable that you’re always in your underwear, you know? Not everyone wants to see you naked.”
“Afraid you’ll fall into temptation?” The voice comes from my tablet, in Portuguese.
I may not speak perfectly, but the time with these two has made me understand most things, and I slip into the pants wanting to punch Daniele.
“Stay out of this, Dani,” Alex yells from the doorframe, doing justice for both of us.
“Well, since the couple has a date, I’ll hang up…” my best friend says in English. Which makes me widen my eyes and feel awkward, but when Alexandra just holds back a laugh, I know everything’s fine.
“We were talking about the news…” I start carefully, throwing the jacket on my body and pulling my hair out from under it, but Alexandra passes by me and interrupts.
“You know, from yesterday…”
“I don’t know why you look at that stuff if it affects you so much, seriously.”
“So, you’re good?”
“I wasn’t really cheated on, A.J., of course I’m good.” She laughs, crossing the room with a lightness that annoys and fascinates me at the same time. Before I can say anything, she grabs the cap thrown on the couch and tosses it at me. “Now let’s go, I don’t want to be late.”
The way Alexandra casually ignores the tabloids makes me feel like an idiot, because every gossip that comes out sends a chill down my spine.
I’m scared she’ll decide to distance herself, ignore me, or something like that, because our friendship is the lightest thing I have right now.
And probably my desperation is also because of this “right now,” since in a month, Alexandra will go back to Brazil and follow her own path.
I’ll follow mine too, but far from her, and I don’t feel even remotely ready to lose my partner.
“Nervous?” I ask, shaking the thought out of my mind as she turns my cap backwards.
“I’m not nervous, just confused,” she assures, leaving the suite. “What does he want with me, I wonder?”
“I don’t know, Alex.” I pull the door open and sigh, meeting her eyes. “But I’m dying to find out.”