Chapter Twenty-nine - A.J.
There’s just some things that never change
You say we’re just friends
But friends don’t know the way you taste
Senorita – Shawnmila
Alexandra’s phone buzzes at 9 a.m., vibrating on the worn leather couch.
I open my eyes slowly in the dim room, my back feeling the price of not just sleeping on a couch but having her on top of me.
The smell of old wood and sweat mixed with her perfume lingers in the air, and the walls around us, decorated with old Vicious Bonds logos, feel like they’re watching us, silent witnesses to last night.
I want to throw her phone, but I don’t, because Alexandra stirs on my chest and shuts off the alarm, the phone’s light lighting up her face.
When she smiles at me, still half asleep, my chest tightens.
Her hair’s a mess, and my shirt—or better yet, the shirt she’s wearing now—slips a little off her shoulder, showing some skin I just explored a few hours ago.
“We’ve got a show today,” she murmurs with a lazy sigh, and my fingers keep tracing patterns on her back, feeling every curve.
“We do.”
She hesitates before speaking again, her voice low and hoarse. I reach for the switch, moving her hand for a moment, then go back to touching her smooth skin.
“Can I confess something?”
I nod, and she slides her fingers across my chest, drawing something invisible.
“I really needed this, you know?” Alexandra looks at me, her eyes still half-shut from the light.
“The show?”
“ You .” The word comes out low, like it’s stuck in her throat. “It was unbearable being around since that Brittany...”
I laugh, pulling her closer.
“I found your little jealousy freak-out hilarious, Alexandra.”
“It wasn’t jealousy,” she retorts, swatting my arm.
“You know it was,” I tease, lazy, no rush. “But Britt’s my masseuse. I called her early that day because I was tense, and yeah, I was jealous about you going out alone. Barely slept.”
Alexandra furrows her brows, confused, trying to figure out what I just said.
“So, you didn’t...?”
I let out a low laugh.
“I would never take a girl to my bed with you next door. That’s such a straight guy thing, Alexandra.
She closes her eyes and bursts into laughter, the sound filling the basement.
“Oh my God, how do two horny people manage to be this tragically awkward?”
“I wasn’t awkward,” I laugh, feeling confident about my self-control.
“You spent the whole day away from me yesterday, Anthony. The tiredness and headache excuse didn’t fool me.”
“Yeah, you’re right. It’s your fault for being so intoxicating.” I try to pull her in for a kiss, but Alexandra pulls away and jumps to her feet.
She stares at me for a second, then looks away, turning her back to me. Her hair slides like a dark curtain when she lifts her arms, pulling my shirt up. The movement’s quick but feels intimate. The air in the basement touches her skin before she slips her shirt back on, adjusting it precisely.
Only when she’s dressed again does she turn to me, handing me my shirt.
“What was that?” I ask, grabbing the warm fabric from her hands.
She stares at me, confused, crossing her arms defensively.
“Well, we were burning with desire. That thing of wanting what we shouldn’t... Now we’ve kissed, got that out of our system, and moved on.” She laughs, shrugging and trying to put her hands in her back pockets, but the pajama pants don’t have pockets, so she settles for crossing them again.
I shake my head, processing the information, and run my hands over my face before pulling the shirt over my head
“So you attacked me yesterday for nothing?” I let out a dry laugh.
“I wouldn’t call it nothing...” She gives me one of those shameless smiles that had me all tangled up last night.
I feel like the biggest idiot, and she doesn’t even know why. My chest tightens, and I almost laugh. Flirting with Alexandra at first was just a whim—she was beautiful, and I wanted to be with a beautiful girl.
Time passed, we became friends, partners.
.. But my desire for her? That didn’t go away.
Something tells me that even now, my desire for her won’t fade.
It felt so real, so good, and I could do it for hours, days, months, years.
.. but Alex looks at me like I was just a fling in the middle of the night
I want to understand how she does it, how she can turn off her feelings so quickly.
“And for you, this means waking up, pretending nothing happened, and treating me like a...”
“I’m not treating you badly, A.J.!” she cuts in.
“No?” I take two steps back, stunned by her nerve. “Because it sure feels like you’re just calling me an Uber, Alexandra.”
“Sorry?” She takes a deep breath. “I really enjoyed yesterday. A lot. It was good, amazing... and you really are everything they say.” She pauses, glancing away for a second.
“And more,” she adds with a soft breath that makes me scratch the back of my neck.
“But I don’t want things to get weird between us, I told you that yesterday.
I didn’t want to see you upset with me.”
“I’m not upset, Alexandra. And there’s no weird vibe,” I lie blatantly. “But we kissed, you said things, we did things, and now you’re telling me to act like nothing happened. I’m just processing...”
“Think of yesterday like... a fan in One Last Kiss,” she suggests, sitting beside me.
“I can’t do that, you’re not like them...”
I gather my hair into a bun, unable to believe I just got played by a pocket-sized human.
“That’s not a compliment as good as guys think,” She mutters.
“You’re no different in this way, girl. You’re... my friend, and I like you, you’re important.”
“And that’s why I’m glad we sorted out the tension between us.”
“So for you, that was it? A moment?”
She sighs, and for the first time, she seems uncertain. Alex walks around, almost staying in place, hugging herself. My shoulders slump. I don’t want to fight with her. I just wish we could’ve decided this together.
“A.J., I’m going to be really honest with you, really,” she warns before swallowing.
“You’re right, I was jealous of Brittany, I wanted you yesterday, and maybe I still do now.
” I open my mouth to argue, but she silences me by raising a finger.
“But I told you at my house, months ago, that I’m not the girl of the band guy, remember?
I married music, and it’s the most important thing to me.
.. So yesterday was just a moment, yes. But not because of you. ”
“Oh, Alexandra, I don’t know what ‘the girl of the band guy’ means to you, but in case you didn’t notice, you’ve been the Vicious girl for a long time.
” I cross my arms, breathing deeply under her unreadable gaze.
“Everyone talks about us. So that story won’t fly, it’s easier for you to say you didn’t like it. ” I laugh, shrugging.
But Alexandra walks toward me and pulls my arms down, breaking my posture.
“All of this is amazing, A.J., really,” she says, getting close, looking into my eyes.
“But aside from our friendship, how much I care about you and your family... nothing is real. My career is back in Brazil. When I read those headlines, I laugh because they’re speculating about something they don’t know. ”
“They treat you like my girl, and that doesn’t seem to bother you.”
“If it made a real difference, it would bother me. But, in six months, you guys will still be the biggest band in the world, and I’ll be performing at my shows, for one, two, or five thousand people at most..
. back in Brazil... Your fans won’t even remember I exist. This is a dream, but that’s it, my real life is elsewhere.
” She shrugs and touches my face with tenderness in her gaze.
“You’re an amazing guy, I want to keep you in my life forever, really. But love, for me, is a solo career.”
I swallow hard, nodding. If the only way to have her close is as a friend, then so be it. I’ll swallow every word, every want, and try to hold on to what we still have. Because losing Alexandra would be an irreparable pain. Still, I make one last attempt.
“I didn’t talk about love.” I get up again and walk toward her.
“And I don’t see any reason to be in an empty relationship.”
“Are you sure?” I approach slowly, touching her face and bringing it closer to me. “Yesterday you seemed very interested.”
Alexandra blinks a few times but doesn’t look away.
“If you kiss me now, we won’t be able to stop, and I’d hate to be late for breakfast.” She sighs, placing her lips on my hand. “Worse: I’d hate to have this conversation again, A.J.”
“Isn’t there a chance this could be our little secret?” I ask, caressing her face, which is completely in my arms.
“When we leave this basement, it will be like last night never happened, and you know it. That’s the only way things won’t change, as you said they wouldn’t.”
I cross my arms, staring at her with an incredulous expression.
She gives love a bad name, and she enjoys it!
But trying to squeeze anything out of a stone-cold heart has never been my strong suit.
“So, we’re not going back home on Monday, cooking together, getting our noses dirty, exchanging giggles and kisses, and then sleeping in the same room?” I ask theatrically, and Alexandra laughs, taking my hand.
“I hate you so much. The silver lining is that tonight I’m picking a really beautiful girl to comfort you,” she says, pulling me toward the door.
“Girl? I’m traumatized by them. They use you and toss you aside. You’d better pick a hot guy, or I’ll be forced to knock on your hotel room door looking for another night to forget by the next day.”
Alexandra stares at me, mouth agape.
“A.J., stop it! And if anyone asks, we were rehearsing,” she says, climbing the stairs ahead of me.
The only thing on my mind right now is: I really hope that was just a rehearsal .