Chapter 19
Rowan
It was Christmas Eve, and I was working in my office, going over our stock for the first week. Would we have enough inventory to get us through the week? Would it be too much? These were things we couldn't predict with any precision.
We might be inundated with customers, or it might be the opposite. Either way, I didn't want the customers who came to have a bad experience. Over the years, I'd learned that word of mouth referrals were ideal for new businesses.
Beck popped his head in the doorway. "You're still here?"
"You're here too." I rubbed the back of my neck.
"I'm going home to see Clara. It's Christmas Eve." He was already wearing his jacket, his brief case slung over his shoulder.
I stretched my neck. "Hattie knows that I've been busy, since the brewery's opening next week."
He raised a brow. "You don't want your fiancée to be alone on Christmas Eve, do you? I can't imagine she'd feel great about that."
I stood, trying to get the kinks out. "You're probably right."
He nodded. "Enjoy the evening with Hattie."
"I will." But my gaze kept flicking to the spreadsheets on my screen.
He hesitated in the doorway. "I've learned that business can wait. We've done everything we can do for now."
"I'll see you tomorrow at Mom and Dad's?" I asked him.
He nodded. "My sister's in town too."
"It will be nice to see her again."
"She's excited to talk to Clara about her store. The online shop has really expanded this year."
"That's great." Eventually, I'd be able to do the same. The only thing was that breweries took longer to get into that safe zone, and Clara had taken the store over from our grandmother. The shop was already established, and the online store was a natural extension of that success.
"When I look back on where I was last year"—he shook his head—"I'm just grateful that I got my head on straight and realized what I wanted out of life.
I was constantly traveling from one place to the other, never putting down roots.
I was willing to walk away from Clara rather than to stay and deal with my feelings for her. "
"You're settled now," I said, wondering why he was bringing this up now.
His expression was pensive. "I just don't want you to make the same mistakes I did."
I tensed. "I'm engaged to Hattie. I know what I want."
He looked at me like he didn't quite believe me. "That's good."
"I promise I won't stay much longer." I just wanted to take one more look at the numbers. Then I'd feel better about leaving.
"Don’t work too late." He patted the doorway, then turned and walked away.
I sank into my chair to check my phone. Hattie had messaged me hours ago to ask when I'd be home. I hadn't seen it when she sent it. I sent her a text.
Rowan: Still working.
I'd work a little longer, then see her at home.
I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, my head was resting on my folded arms over the desk.
My laptop screen had gone dark, and the clock on the wall said it was eleven. I hadn't meant to work this long. Would Hattie be upset with me?
We didn't have any plans.
I closed my laptop, tucking it into my bag. I could probably find time tomorrow to take a look at the numbers again. I grabbed my jacket and my bag, locking up.
I walked home, wishing I'd left when Beck did. Why had I thought I could work longer without falling asleep?
Hattie was going to be upset. That was the last thing I wanted. I only had another week with her before the fake arrangement was over. I thought I'd have time to convince her that we should continue to date. But I wasn't doing a good job of that by working all the time.
The timing on this relationship wasn't ideal. It was only supposed to last until the brewery opened. But I'd be even busier once that happened. I wanted the business to be successful, and I wanted a chance to prove to Hattie that what I felt for her was real. I just wasn't sure both were possible.
At home, the porch light was on, and a lamp in the living room glowed softly. There was a note on the counter about food in the fridge. But I wasn't hungry.
I wanted to get to Hattie.
There was a light on under our door.
When I pushed the door open, Hattie lowered her book. "You're home."
I winced. "Sorry I'm so late. I fell asleep."
She frowned. "You didn't answer my text for hours."
I ran my hand through my hair. "I didn't see your text until later. I'm sorry I didn't check it sooner."
She eyed me cautiously. "You don't owe me anything. This relationship is supposed to help your business. As long as it's doing that, then I'm doing my job."
I didn't like that she thought our relationship was only about the business.
It had stopped being fake for me a long time ago.
The only thing not real about our situation was how soon we'd gotten engaged.
I probably would have waited if we were in a real relationship.
But now that we were engaged, I didn't want to take that ring off her finger or tell everyone that it was pretend.
"You know it's more than that, right?" I asked her as I unbuttoned my shirt.
She set her book on the nightstand. "I don't want you to feel like you need to do anything for me."
"It's Christmas Eve. I wanted to spend the evening together." I didn't do a great job of ensuring that was a reality.
Her smile was soft. "I'm fine, Row."
I pushed my slacks down and off, climbing into bed in just my briefs. "We don't even have a Christmas tree."
"You've been busy."
I hated that I'd squandered the only Christmas I'd get with her. "Let's have a quiet night together tomorrow. I'll plan it."
"You don't have to do anything special."
I got into bed. "I want to."
"Okay," she said before turning off the lamp.
The only light in the room was the moon shining through the curtains. I settled close to her, putting an arm around her middle. I might not be the best boyfriend, but I'd make it up to her.
The only problem was that I was running out of time to prove to her that I was the real deal.
I woke up early and started breakfast. Then I called my brothers and asked them to meet me at the brewery before they went over to Mom and Dad's for the afternoon.
Everyone but Malcolm was on board. He was spending the morning with McCoy, since he went to his mother's in the afternoon. So that was understandable.
With a plan in place for tonight, I stacked the blueberry pancakes on a plate and got out the syrup. I poured coffee into a mug for Hattie, and OJ in a glass for me.
I was just sitting down to eat when I heard the footsteps on the stairs.
She appeared wearing a white tank top and flannel pants in a green check. She smiled softly when she saw me. "Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas to you too," I said, feeling content in a way I hadn't before.
Her eyes widened when she saw the stack of pancakes. "You cooked."
"I woke up early. Thought I'd make you breakfast." It was the least I could do after not coming home last night until late.
She slid onto the stool next to me, and I handed her a plate. "I'm going to miss someone cooking me breakfast when I move back to the apartment."
My stomach sank. "Have you heard anything about when you can move in?"
"My landlord said it would be ready in the New Year."
"That's good." It wasn't remotely acceptable.
I wanted her to stay here in my cabin where I could see her every day.
I'd have to step up my game, starting tonight.
I'd have to show her how I felt. I'd been doing a poor job of that.
I'd done little things for her, like always digging out her truck, stopping by to bring her lunch, or even stepping in to help with her customers, but it wasn't enough.
I'd ruined whatever good grace I'd received for those deeds last night by failing to show up. We hadn't even had sex last night. That had to be a first. I couldn't remember a night when we weren't intimate. In bed was the one place that we were completely compatible.
She grabbed a few pancakes and poured syrup over them. "Are we going to your parents later?"
"That's the plan. We always head over sometime in the afternoon and have a big meal. McCoy might be there for a bit and then go to his mom's." I cut into my pancake, preferring the sweetness of the berries to the syrup.
"That's nice that McCoy sees both of his parents on Christmas day."
"Yeah, they get along good, and it seems to work for them."
She speared a piece of pancake with her fork. "Do we have plans for this morning?"
"I need to head over to the brewery—"
She looked away from me.
"I'm not working. It's a surprise for you," I rushed to explain.
She lifted her head. "Oh?"
"Remember I said I wanted to do something special tonight?"
Her nose wrinkled. "Yeah, but that's not necessary."
"I want to." I wanted to make up for last night. But this was part of my plan to win her over. To convince her that what we had was real.
"I'll stop by my mom's. Take her some food I picked up for her."
"You want to invite her for dinner?"
"She's more comfortable at home," she was quick to say.
My throat tightened. "How's she doing?"
"She was doing a little better when I visited the other day. She was happy for me."
"Because you started a business?" I asked.
"No," she said, dragging out the word. "She was happy that I'm engaged. I didn't want her to be upset when we broke up, so I told her the truth."
"It's fine." I'd never tell her to lie to her mother.
She nodded and took another bite. "I love blueberry pancakes."
"I prefer them over chocolate chips. That's usually what Mom makes these days for McCoy. They're his favorite."
"You ever thought about having kids?" she asked.
"I assume I'll have kids one day. After the brewery is established. What about you?" I asked her.
She cupped her mug. "I didn't exactly have the best childhood."
"You won't be anything like your father." She didn't appear to have an addictive personality, except maybe when it came to my body. But I wasn't saying that out loud.
"I'm not avoiding alcohol, but I'm aware of how much I drink. I never want to fall into addiction."
"And you won't." I'd never been surer of anything. She knew the consequences.
She smiled at me. "Thanks for believing in me."
"I think you'd be an amazing mother. Look how much you care for other people."
"I'd have to find the right person too."
I fully intended to be that person for her.
I just needed to get a better work-life balance.
I was supposed to talk to Malcolm about butting out of the business, but I'd chickened out.
I should be all in on my business now. But at the same time, it was my only chance to prove to Hattie that this thing between us was real.
"I'm going to take a bath and do some reading. I haven't had any time off in weeks."
I put my arm over the back of her stool. "I can't wait for tonight. I'll have you all to myself."
She smiled. "I'm looking forward to that too."
I sighed. "We just have to make it through a Hart holiday dinner."
Her brow furrowed. "Is it that bad?"
"It's just loud and crazy. If you can handle that."
She relaxed. "I think I can."
My family already loved her. I just needed her to see how much I cared for her.
When we finished eating, I said, "I'll clean up. You take your bath."
"Are you sure?"
"I'd rather get in with you. But I want you to relax and enjoy your morning. Besides, I have some things to take care of for tonight." Then I kissed her, slow and sweet. I was going to do this right.
By the time I pulled away, her cheeks were pink, and her eyes glossy.
I smirked. "Enjoy your bath."
"You're too good to me," she said.
I grunted. "That's not true. I fell asleep on my desk last night."
She paused at the doorway and looked over her shoulder. "You're a good man, Row."
My throat tightened, and before I could formulate a response, she was gone. It felt like a goodbye, as if she was mentally pulling away already, even though we had more time.
It was too soon for creating distance or protecting our hearts. It was too late for me anyway. I wouldn't have her giving up on us or dismissing our relationship as fake or pretend. We'd moved beyond all that nonsense.