Chapter 41
41
Bryce - 32 years old
M y smartwatch lights up every few minutes, the notifications popping up that someone is looking for me at work. I take it off and put it in my jeans pocket. Haruki deserves all of my attention. Fucking God only knows how I have never given her that in the last stretch of our time together.
“I’m ready for all the Q&As now, Haruki. I’m all yours,” I state.
Like she always did all those years ago, every time I said something ridiculous, Haruki rolls her eyes. I said a lot of stupid shit back then, but she fell in love with me, anyway. Maybe she’ll fall in love with me again. Maybe she’ll think that I haven’t matured at all. Talking to your estranged wife doesn’t exactly come with a manual.
“You’ve kept your silence since you picked me up,” she says with narrowed eyes. “Why start now?”
I was playing our happier times on repeat in my head. I was trying to figure out why we ended up here . “I’ll start. Why do you live in Denmark now?”
This one seems to be a happy story. By the way she smiles and looks up at the ceiling, I can tell she’s pulling out happy memories from her brain. There are a few fine lines near her eyes that weren’t there when she was younger, and I don’t know why, but looking at them makes my mouth move upward and my heart stammer in my chest. She’s still a stunner, but I love how she doesn’t try to hide her natural beauty and imperfections.
“The beach is nice. My best friend is also living there.” She shrugs as she plays with the cup of hot tea in her hands. “I did a second master’s degree and decided to stay. Now I’m waiting to be eligible for permanent residency.”
“Permanent residency, huh?” I ask, cocking an eyebrow. “You like it there?”
“I do. The coastal lines are to die for.”
“You haven’t changed much, then.”
“No, I guess not,” she says, her cheeks blushing. “What about you? You ended up making Berlin your permanent home. I kind of expected it, but it’s still kind of wild that you actually did that.”
“It is, isn’t it?” I tap the table a few times with my fingers. “In fact, I love it so much that I’m applying for German citizenship.”
I never understood why Haruki clung so hard to her Japanese citizenship when the answer to our problem was so easy. She could have just moved while she had the chance. The fact that she never budged upset me more than I had cared to admit. I only realized how hard it was to let go of your identity once I had to take it into consideration myself. Where Lily was happily swapping her passport after she met the time requirement, I just stalled and stalled. Thank fuck the German government changed the law and is now allowing double nationalities for naturalized individuals.
“How did your dad take it?”
The mention of my dad makes me laugh. A genuine laugh that stems from my stomach. She wasn’t there when it all went down. It’s funny to look back at it now. “My dad wasn’t nearly as upset about me staying in Berlin as he was when I told him I got married to you without a prenup.” He was livid about that one. Still is. I think the exact term he used was, “thinking with your dick.” Once Haruki and I both calm down from finding humor in our situation, I brace myself for what’s to come. “Probably not as angry as yours was when he found out, though.” When Haruki doesn’t answer and looks away instead, I tread carefully. “Did he ever forgive you?”
I feel like an ass for even asking her the question, knowing that I brought the chaos her way in the first place, but I have to know. If I want to earn her forgiveness, I have to know what my next move is. Just like when closing a business deal, the pipeline has to be clear before I move forward.
Lucky for me, Haruki answers my question. “Not for a long time, no.” She offers a small smile to go along with her statement. “We finally made up once I was in Denmark. A year ago, maybe?” Four fucking years. Mine took six months before he finally talked to me again. “That’s actually why I’m here. Why I want to finalize it.”
The divorce. Us. She wants to wrap everything up and give the papers to Haruto Sano as a present of redemption.
“I see,” is all I manage to say.
She inhales, exhales, and continues. “Why didn’t you sign the papers, Bryce?”
Crossing my arms over my chest and leaning back on the chair, I decide to tell her the truth. “I didn’t know how to let you go.” I still don’t. Aside from Birdie, Haruki Sano is the only person who was able to make me feel like I could do better. Haruki Sano is also the only woman to ever see me at my happiest—those months we spent together when we were eighteen. I know I’m a selfish fuck, but it’s not like she hounded me after I refused to sign. She just let it slide. “Why didn’t you push me for it?” I ask, throwing the ball back in her court.
“I didn’t really have the energy,” she answers in a sad tone. “I was processing what happened with my dad. And…I was working out the courage to do it…You’re not the only one who has trouble letting go, you know.”
“God, Haruki.” Her name comes out as my hand reaches for hers, knowing I played a huge part in the trainwreck. I don’t even deserve to touch her. I don’t even deserve to try and win her back. “I’m so fucking sorry. For everything. Every single fucking thing.”
“Although you punching Lorenzo in the face didn’t help, it wasn’t entirely your fault, Bryce,” she says, her eyes sincere. “I’m to blame, as well. I remember you wanting to tell our parents and deal with the consequences when we realized that what we had was more than what we admitted it to be. It was me who didn’t want to. Because of my own stupid fears.”
“We both had a lot of growing up to do,” I say the truth.
“Yeah, we did,” she says before dimming whatever fire for her is still burning inside me. No. She’s pouring water on it. “We were doomed from the start. Weren’t we? We were just two fucked up, immature kids. We never had a chance.”