Chapter 42
42
Haruki - 31 years old
I can tell that what I’m saying is not sitting well with Bryce. He looks at me like I just punched him in the gut. But we need to have this conversation, because this is our last meeting. It has to be. We need to end us once and for all. It’s the only way Bryce and I can move on. Untethered .
Bryce clears his throat, his blue eyes still pinning me to my seat. “Was it all bad for you? The time you spent with me?”
I shake my head as I make sure that the expression on my face shows how I feel. “Bryce, you were one of the best things to happen to me. And I know you, you’re going to kick yourself over us. Don’t. You gave me love. You forced me to grow. You believed in me. We had a lot of bad times, but we also had a lot of good ones.” I force myself not to cry. “When you remember us, I want you to remember the happy memories, because that’s what I do.”
“Yeah?” he asks as his lips form a lopsided smile. I have missed that smile and I’m going to miss that smile . “Are you sure you want to divorce me, then? It sounds like I’m the ultimate package.”
I know the years have changed him. He might have not changed that much physically, but the series of unfortunate events that kept on piling up must have toughened him up and opened his eyes to some of the things he wasn’t aware of in his younger years, living in his Elsham Cove bubble wrap. In another universe, some other version of Haruki would say no, and we would get back together, giving both of us a second chance. But this is real life and I have to deal with the consequences of my actions, and Bryce has to deal with his.
“I do,” I say. The tears start making their appearance and I do nothing to stop them. I don’t care if people can see us. They need to be let out, because this is what people do when they’re mourning—they cry. And I am mourning the loss of my happy ending. “Maybe if I was different. Maybe if I was someone else. I’m sorry, Bryce.” I fidget with the sleeve of my sweater. “This might sound really stupid to you, especially since I’m in my thirties, but the Japanese…we’re really big on family, and we’re really big on trying to make our parents happy. What we did…what I did…it was disrespectful. Even though my father and I are back on speaking terms, he doesn’t look at me the same way. I went home last year and saw how he lit up when my brother and his wife visited him. All of them are at ease with each other. My dad is proud of my brother. He is proud of my brother’s choices. And I want the chance to be able to make him proud, too.”
Bryce nods in understanding. He takes his hands away from me and I immediately feel the emptiness. My fingers itch to intertwine themselves with his, but I force them to stay planted on the table.
“What kind of partner would make your father proud, Haruki?” he asks me, toying with the plastic lid from his coffee cup.
“Someone who is big on formalities,” I say with a half-assed smile. The irony is not lost on me that under different circumstances, my father and Bryce’s father would have been the best of friends. The best in-laws .
After finishing our drinks and paying the bill, we stand up and start to walk out the door. I try not to question why both of us are dragging our feet, each movement slower than the previous one.
“Haruki, can I ask you something?” he asks as he holds the door open for me. “But you have to be honest with me.”
“Ask away.”
“If you could have a do-over. If there was a magic door that could transport you back in time, would you still marry me? Would you still have gotten in that car with me the night we met? Would you still have extended that date with me and gone with me and Cameron to the bonfire?”
“Without a doubt,” I answer, not hesitating even for one second. “Just because the ending isn’t what we thought it would be, doesn’t mean there weren’t happy memories, Bryce. Like I said, I’m sorry. I should have prepared you more. I should have been more brave. If I were someone else, it might have been different.” I was playing the role of a teenage runaway when we met, but deep inside, I was a chronic parent-pleaser. I’m in my thirties and I still am. I’m desperate for my father’s seal of approval. Sad, but true.
Bryce goes in for a hug and plants a kiss on my forehead. “If you were someone else, I wouldn’t have wanted to be with you,” he whispers. “Have a safe flight, Haruki,” he says with a smile, as if we’re just two friends saying goodbye. “I’ll send a courier with the divorce papers to your office.”
My throat goes dry, trying to make sense of the tragedy unraveling before my eyes; Bryce Randall Simmons is walking away from me. And we are over. For good this time. People think I’m weak, that I bow down to my family for nothing. But they can’t say that I didn’t fight for this man once upon a time.