Chapter 39
Victor
“Dear stranger,” Gabbi starts. All of us are silent, waiting in anticipation. “I would like to tell you about a woman, well, agewise, she’s a woman, but often she feels like a lost little girl.” I can already feel my chest tightening, and gather that the tone of this letter is not positive.
“This woman, this girl, is average looking. Brown hair, brown eyes, you know, the typical person who blends in with her surroundings. She has two beautiful daughters that she thanks god for every day. This girl is a manager. She manages everything and everyone that she can for fear of losing control. She thinks that if she keeps everything within her control and gives a strong outward appearance, no one will see the insecure and scared little girl underneath.”
Gabbi pauses when her breath hitches, but doesn’t look up from her paper. Silent tears start to roll down my cheeks. This is crushing me. How could she think so little of herself? Has she always felt like this?
“This girl hasn’t always felt like this,” Gabbi continues as if reading my thoughts. “At one point in her life, she was full of fire, ready to burn the world down and build it back up for her dreams. I bet you’re wondering what happened. She’s not really sure,
actually. It was like at one point she was flying high, tearing through life with flames of ambition and power, then little by little, those flames faded.
“You see, she found her soulmate in fifth grade.” My heart swells at hearing that.
“Have you ever heard of the story of soulmates? Well, in Greek mythology, the story is that humans, once upon a time, had two heads, two sets of arms, and two sets of legs. It’s said that Zeus wanted to punish humans, so he split their bodies in two and cast them to separate parts of the world, destined to forever feel incomplete and looking for their other half, their soulmate. ”
“Well, this girl, she found hers and never felt more complete. The feeling only deepened as the two grew up together. Then, due to circumstances in life, her soul was physically separated several times over the years, always scared it would eventually tear in two if he didn’t return from the danger he was in. ”
My lungs squeeze at her mention of all the deployments and separations.
“It was like each time he left, she drove more into herself, into routine, control, and silence just to pull away from him for fear of the ultimate decimation losing him would cause. Like she was creating a bigger cocoon, all until that last separation.”
My breath hitches at the thought of the Africa deployment.
The deployment that broke us. Gabbi pauses, taking a deep breath, then continues after a rogue tear rolls down her cheek.
“That separation broke her, and now she finds solace in having control; otherwise, what is she doing here? What is her purpose if not to keep checking life’s boxes? ”
“This woman blames herself for where her life is now and is more scared of rising from the ashes than she was when it all burned to the ground. So, stranger, I’m not sure if you’ll like her.
To be honest,” Gabbi’s voice is so soft and hesitant when the last few sentences come out of her mouth.
“I’m not sure I like her very much. I guess all I can say is whatever you choose, be gentle, she’s already lost so much, and sometimes she doesn’t know how she makes it some days.
” Gabbi folds up the paper, her tears continuing to drip on it while she hangs her head over her lap.
I swallow, and it feels like trying to swallow glass. “Gabbi.” It’s a whisper on my lips, but she hears it, and her beautiful, deep brown eyes slowly move up, meeting mine. Her face is one of confusion, as she reaches up to my face and wipes a tear. I swear I stop breathing.
“Vic?” My name whispered on her lips is like a compression to my chest, and I start breathing again.
Instantly, I’m standing up, bringing Gabbi with me, her arms fasten around my neck, her legs around my waist, and her face buried in my throat.
I walk over to the couch a few feet away, turn around, and sit, careful to slide Gabbi’s legs out so she is straddling my lap on the couch.
“Oh, baby, I had no idea. I don’t even know what to say.” I rub my hand in lazy circles over her back. I want to take all of that away from her and make her see what I see. Gabbi nuzzles into my neck deeper as her shoulders shake with silent sobs. Jesus, what am I gonna do with this woman?
Emma clears her throat, and I’m suddenly reminded that we’re not alone. Looking over to Emma and Ty, I see that she’s snuggled into his arms, and both have a familiar red tinge to their eyes. “Vic, why don’t you read your letter to Gabbi? The one where you describe how you see her.”
I give a slight nod, Gabbi moves to get off my lap, and I just tighten my arms around her, pressing my mouth against her ear, “Stay here with me, Rockstar. I want your heart pressed against mine when you hear what I have to say.” Gabbi snuggles in closer. That’s the only response I get.
Ty hands me my folded-up letter. I must have dropped it when I grabbed for Gabbi.
Clearing my throat, I take a breath and prepare to share my thoughts. At first, I felt stupid doing this, but after she read her letter, I could see that she needs this. With her face buried in my neck and her heart pressed against mine, I open the piece of paper.
“Hey stranger, I have a few things I’d like to share with you about my wife, my queen, my soulmate.” Gabbi’s arms tighten around my neck.
“This woman, and I mean woman, is the most incredible human being I’ve ever met.
She’s beautiful with curves I’ve never been able to stop thinking about.
Her gorgeous, chocolate brown eyes can see right into my soul, and I never get tired of letting them in.
Sometimes I think she’s the only one who ever sees me.
Like if she wasn’t a part of my life, I’d be invisible to everyone around me. ”
“My queen is not just looks, though; she’s strong, independent, ambitious, and intelligent.
She can also be a little sassy, and I love every second of it.
” I feel Gabbi’s body move in a laugh. “I fell in love with her in fifth grade when I first saw her walk into Mrs. Edwards’ classroom.
She was wearing a purple corduroy dress, and her beautiful brown hair was in pigtails. ”
“Over the past couple of years, though, I’ve seen the light inside her dim, and I can’t help but blame myself.
You see, I’ve deployed a lot over the last twenty years, and she’s had to create a life of her own at times because I wasn’t there.
She amazingly birthed both of our beautiful daughters…
alone. Well, she had her family and our friends, but I was deployed both times.
I know, what kind of shithead isn’t there for not one, but both births of his kids? Me.”
“Every time I came back, her light was a little dimmer, and I just thought she’d be better if I pulled away and let her have her space.
It killed me to be separate from her physically, then mentally and emotionally when I returned.
It felt like every day, I was causing her light to fade more and more. ”
“Lately, I’ve seen her light start to grow, her fire start to build, and it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Her strength has never wavered, but now she’s starting to own that internal power, and damn, if it isn’t the sexiest thing.
“When my queen walks into a room, heads turn and conversations stop. I love her with every piece of my existence, and all I can do is hope that she’ll continue to walk this earth with me until our dying day because without her, I don’t exist.”
After I read the last word, we all sit in silence.
I stop rubbing her back and place a finger under her chin, making her lift her head to meet my eyes.
“Gabbi?” More tears are streaming down her face.
Her eyes are red and puffy, and so is her mouth; she was probably mashing her lips together to keep from making sobbing noises.
Emma comes over to us and stands in front of me, looking at me with compassion and a small smile on her face.
“Vic, why don’t you take Gabbi upstairs?
I think we’re done for tonight.” I nod and effortlessly lift Gabbi, her legs automatically wrapping back around my waist. Giving both Ty and Emma a small smile, I take Gabbi to bed, where we fall asleep within minutes of hitting the pillow, still wrapped up in each other.