Chapter 64
Gabriella
From where we sit, we can see the cliff of Blackrock disappear into the dark sky, like a painter blended the colors to create an optical illusion.
The stars are bright, and the three-quarter moon is a subtle shade of orange, reflecting off the ocean.
All I can see around us are giant palm trees and some shrubs. It’s so quiet and secluded up here.
When we were stationed here years ago, Vic and I used to come here on date nights when we wanted some time away from the kids, but didn’t want to be around people.
Sometimes it was like a high school make-out session.
Other times we would talk so much shit about the dirty things we were going to do to each other when we got alone.
But then we would just pass out from exhaustion and end up sleeping in the car holding hands.
Either way, most memories in this spot bring a warm feeling to my belly. Not tonight, though.
“Vic, can you please talk to me? You’ve been completely silent since we left the bar.” I feel this gaping hole between us, like a split in the earth that’s only growing wider. My whole body is rumbling with anxiety, grief, and frustration.
Vic closes his eyes and lets his head fall back against his headrest. His chest is rising slowly with deep breaths, and his hands stay on the steering wheel, fingers still holding on tight.
Reaching over, I rest my hand on his thigh, “Vic, it’s me. Talk to me, please?” I try to keep my voice calm, even though not a single cell in my body truly feels it. I give his leg a squeeze when I see his closed eyes squeeze tighter.
I’m starting to think he won’t talk, but after a few more minutes of silence, to my surprise, he opens his eyes, drops his hands, and looks over to me.
“Gabbi.” My name is barely audible on his lips.
After another moment, he clears his throat, licks his lips, and tries again.
“Gabbi, I don’t know what to say at this point. ”
“Anything, Vic.” The frustration in my voice is slipping out without permission.
“Fucking say anything.” I know he can hear my exasperation.
Come on, baby, talk to me. Don’t hold this shit in.
I know him. I know he’s pulling away. It doesn’t help that the air in the car makes it feel like we’re sitting in cement.
More silence. Fuck, if he doesn’t talk, he’s going to implode.
“Vic, I know you’re upset, but I’m not going to pretend like I have a single ounce of an idea of how you feel, so I’m going to just tell you what’s going through my mind.
” More silence. Okay, I’ll take that as a yes.
I can either tiptoe around, or I can just release the dam holding back the Niagara Falls of word vomit forming in my brain.
Finally, retracting my hand from his leg, I place both my palms on the dash in front of me and drop my head.
Pushing on the dashboard, I let out a guttural noise of rage, loss, heartbreak, and desperation.
The squeeze on my chest loosens a bit, and fresh tears begin to fall.
I sense Vic’s eyes on me, but the dam is already breaking.
I can feel it. I don’t know what he’s thinking, but really, at this point, it doesn’t matter.
“I’m mad, Vic. I’m so fucking mad.” I finally say it after I take a minute to regulate my breathing.
“Cookie just left us. He just left his family behind. His brothers, his kids, his sister, his parents, his wife. I mean, Sheila? Jesus, how will she…I don’t even know…
Fuck, Vic, I don’t know what I would do in her position.
My entire world would cease to exist without you. ”
Opening my eyes, I let my lungs fill rapidly with air and fall back against my seat.
A few more breaths, then I let my head loll to the side, making eye contact with my favorite human’s icy blue orbs.
Defeated, I ask, “I mean, what was he thinking? How could he think that they would be better off without him? How could he just fucking…leave?”
Vic’s face falls into a look of…pity? He reaches his hand out, cupping the side of my face and wiping a tear away. His face looks sad but resolved, like he understands something that I never could. “G. He didn’t want to leave. He just … couldn’t stay.” I can feel my brow furrow at that. What?
Dropping his hand to my thigh, Vic shifts his face to stare out the windshield before he continues, “He hurt her, Gabbi.” My breath catches at his words, and Vic closes his eyes once more, laying his head back against the headrest, and placing his hands back on his legs.
“He was drunk and had a flashback. He hurt Sheila. He hurt her really fucking bad. D was there to stop it, but he was almost too late.”
“But... he stopped drinking, how could that have happened?” I’m confused.
“He stopped after that, but the drinking is what kept his demons quiet, baby.” His statement immediately brings back the memory of Vic’s letter.
Then why separate myself? Why let my demons win? Because sometimes it’s hard to pull away.
“He let them win.” I don’t mean to say it out loud, but I do. Vic snaps his eyes open, shooting daggers at me.
“He couldn’t fight them off anymore, Gabriella.” Instantly, I regret opening my mouth. “He’s been fighting a long time.” Vic’s bravado weakens a bit, “Sometimes it’s just too much.” I inhale sharply at this. Knowing that he may not just be talking about Cookie.
For people like me, in the places I’ve been, there were times when my demons were the only things keeping me alive.
No. He’s not doing this. Rage starts forming inside, tension filling my muscles.
Without another thought, I shoot across the console.
I settle on his lap, my legs on either side of his thighs, my chest pressed to his, and our faces mere inches apart.
At this moment, I’m so thankful that Vic rented a Chevy pickup truck; otherwise, this position would be hella uncomfortable.
Vic’s eyes are wide in shock at my presence on his lap. “Gabbi, what the hell?”
“No. You listen to me right now, Victor Scott.” I grab his face with both hands.
“You will not pull away from me. You did it before when you thought you were saving me and the girls from who you became.” His eyes widen at my words.
“Yes, I found your letter. I know all of it. I don’t fucking care if we have to fight your goddamn demons every second of every damn day.
We will do it together.” I slide my hands into his hair, bracing his forehead against mine.
I can’t stop the shiver that rocks my body.
“We never stopped needing you. Never stopped loving you.” Vic’s hands squeeze my hips.
It surprises me since I didn’t feel him move them.
“I could hurt you, G.” His words are low and vibrate my chest.
“You won’t hurt me.” It comes out harsher than I mean. His body stiffens, and his eyelids brush open slowly, revealing the tears clinging to his lashes.
“I already have.” The whispered words crack like a whip against my ribs. It’s true, he has.
“That was a long time ago, Vic. We talked about this. It was an accident, and you know it.” He starts shaking his head. I can feel his fingers dig into my flesh and his head push forward against mine. An aura of anger is building around him.
“I fucking hurt you, Gabriella!” He grits through his teeth, the tears streaming now.
“What if I didn’t stop Gabbs? What then?
” His voice lowers, “What if it happens again, baby?” Vic’s heart is racing, and his body trembles.
I have no idea what to say to that, so I just sink into him, wrap my arms around him, and bury my face in his neck.
Both of us stay silent for several moments, breathing heavily against one another.
It’s at that moment that I become hyper-aware of where all of our body parts are.
My breasts are pushed into his hard pecs, my arms around his neck, one hand buried in his soft waves, his nose resting against my throat.
I don’t know what comes over me, but, without a second thought, I press my lips against his warm neck and start moving my hands.
One hand dragging across his broad shoulders, the other fondling his hair.
I feel, more than hear, a grumble emerge from Vic’s throat.
“Gabbi…” His voice is rough and deep. “What are you doing, baby?”
I lean back slowly, enough to slip my hands down to his hard chest and meet his gaze. “Vic, don’t ask questions you already know the answer to.”
“Gabbs, this is not the time. Everything that we’ve talked about…”
“Please, Vic.” I run my hands up his pecs, his neck, his face.
If he doesn’t start touching me, I might die.
All of this is too much. The funeral, the letter, the distance between us.
I can’t fucking take it anymore. “Please, I need to feel you.” His eyes are on me, looking like he’s going to stop this.
But I need it. I need him so badly. I feel so empty and so goddamn far away.
Come on, baby, bring me back down to earth.
I grind my pussy against his growing erection.
I wore a dress tonight, so there’s only a thin piece of fabric covering me.
“Please, baby, I can’t be without you right now.
I need to feel something good, Vic, I…” He must get tired of my whining because just then he crushes his mouth to mine, and I feel the press of his fingers into the flesh of my thighs.
Our teeth clash, tongues lash, and lips frantically mold together.
Hands flying, grunts and growls erupting.
It’s like we can’t get to each other fast enough.
Vic reaches behind me with deaf hands and unzips the back of my dress, pulling the front down, exposing my bra-clad breasts, all while never lifting his mouth off mine.
A long, loud moan falls from my lips when Vic breaks from the kiss, rips down the cups of my bra, and latches his soft, full lips onto my nipple.
A growl emerges from deep within his chest when my hips involuntarily grind down on his lap in response to his delicious sucking.
His mouth pops off my nipple and flies back up, meeting my lips.
Grinding down on him harder, I pull my mouth from his, begging, “Please, Vic. Baby, please…” The desperation in my voice is loud and clear.
I am fucking desperate. Desperate to feel anything other than grief and anger.
Desperate to not feel the gaping, growing space between us.
“Fuck, Gabbi.” Vic drops his head back against his headrest, eyes on me. “What do you need, Rockstar?” His gaze drops to the spot where my teeth sink into my bottom lip. Eyes hooding as I continue grinding my pussy against his hard length.
“You. I need to feel you inside me.” His fingers slide lower, squeezing my knees, “Please. I just want to feel something good. I need to be close to you. I want you to fill me up. Vic, make me forget, just for a minute. Make me,” my words are abruptly silenced as his hand tangles roughly in my hair, his lips crash fiercely against mine, a feral growl vibrates through my chest, and his fingers plunge inside me all at once.
My head is spinning from all the sensations.
Arousal gushes from between my legs. He must notice it too.
He slows our frantic movements as my back arches and legs shiver.
“Oh, Gabbi.” Vic’s voice is so deep and raspy, goosebumps spread across my skin.
“So wet for me. Mmmm…You know what else?” Moving his fingers in and out of me while sliding his lips along my jaw.
“I can smell you.” He takes a deep inhale next to my ear while stroking his fingers against my G-spot.
Jesus, my body is convulsing. “That’s it, baby.
Come for me. Soak my lap. Leave your mark on me, Gabriella.
” His fingers move faster, my moans rapidly becoming louder.
It feels like an electric current is running through my body.
When my orgasm hits, I feel the liquid surge from my body, and it feels like a bright light explodes inside of me, reverberating through my soul. I come back to the present when I feel Vic pull his fingers from me, gripping my panties and ripping them apart.