chapter sixteen
noah
I am not jealous of my own goddamn son. I mean, what was he supposed to do, not buy her a gift?
But watching him with her, the way he looks at her. The way she lets him touch her. It makes me want to crawl out of my skin. I don’t believe for a second that he doesn’t want her as much as I do. He was trying to find her that night, during the party he threw for her, but he couldn’t because she was upstairs.
With me .
That was not supposed to happen, but it’s all I’ve been able to think about. The way she responded to my touch, the way she begged me, her fucking taste on my tongue. It’s seared into my memory. We haven’t spoken much since that night, and at this point, I’m not sure who’s avoiding who.
A beeping sound signals that the zucchini bread is ready. Refocusing my thoughts on the task at hand, I pull the bread out of the oven and place it on the hot pad on the counter. The smell of sugar and cinnamon fills the room. Today is Al’s retirement party, and he’s a huge fan of zucchini bread, so I decided that was a better option than store-bought cake.
Soft footsteps come from the wooden stairs, drawing my eyes to the source. I sense it’s her before I even see her. She’s barefoot in a pair of denim shorts and a cropped t-shirt, her honey-brown hair in two braids that fall over her shoulders. Her face hardens when her eyes meet mine, but I pretend I don’t notice.
“ Mornin ’. Sleep good?”
I’m asking because I genuinely want to know. She hasn’t been having as many nightmares lately, but every once in a while, she wakes up in a panic.
She ignores me, stepping past me to grab a yogurt from the fridge.
“Listen, Kira, I–”
“Just don’t. I already know what you’re going to say, and I really don’t care to hear it,” she says, turning away from me.
“And what is it that you think I’m going to say?”
She looks around, probably making sure Jared isn’t within earshot, before taking a step toward me.
“You’re going to tell me that the other night was a mistake. You’re going to tell me that you regret it, and it won’t happen again,” she answers, her voice low. “Was that close?”
“ Kira... ” I trail off. I want to tell her that’s not the case. I want to tell her that If I could, I would take her upstairs right now and prove it to her, but I know better. We can’t do this. It’s not fair to Jared or Kira. She deserves far better than me. She needs someone her own age, like Jared.
The way her expression shifts from anger to disappointment crushes me, but it’s better this way. I would rather have her think I don’t want her than fuck up her life even more than I already have. She doesn’t want this, not really.
“You’re an asshole,” she sighs, grabbing her keys off the counter and heading for the door.
I let her go.
All the guys are there when I get to the fire station. Half of them are on shift. The other half are here for Al’s party. He’ll still be here for the next month or so, but we wanted to celebrate the occasion as soon as he announced the date. He has been planning this retirement for a while, so it isn’t a surprise, but it’s still surreal. He’s been the fire commissioner since before I became a firefighter. It’s hard to imagine what this place would look like without him.
Dave decorates the kitchen with numerous tablecloths, balloons, and a “Happy Retirement” banner. His theme seems to be black and gold.
“Looks good!” I announce, placing the zucchini bread on the counter.
“Thank you, we’re about ready. Does someone want to go find him?” Dave asks.
“I will,” Jeff answers.
I chuckle, shaking my head at them.
Somehow, we manage to get all the guys into the kitchen before Jeff comes back with Al, and we are all waiting there when they come through the door.
“ Surprise! ” everyone yells.
The shock is barely noticeable on Al’s face, but it’s there, and his lips turn up in a small smile.
“Happy retirement, old man,” I tell him.
He laughs, thanking me.
“Is that what I think it is?” Al asks, nodding toward the zucchini bread.
“Of course, what else would it be?”
We spend over an hour eating and reminiscing on the memories we’ve all made here before we’re interrupted by a call. Some guys head out to respond, and Jeff and Dave start cleaning up.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” Al asks me.
“Of course,” I say, following him out of the room.
Al steps into his large office, gesturing for me to close the door. Papers cover his desk but in somewhat organized piles.
“Listen, boy,” he says, sitting in his chair. “Before I leave, I need to know that this place will be in good hands. I need to know that the person who takes my position will prioritize all these guy’s safety above all else.”
I nod, not entirely sure where he’s going with all of this. Of course, that’s what he would want in a new commissioner, but why is he talking to me about it?
“I think that person is you.”
I shake my head, a laugh escaping my lips.
“Thanks, Al. I’m flattered that you think I could do that, but you and I both know there has to be someone better for the position than me.”
“Don’t be an idiot. You’re perfect for it. I know you still beat yourself up over what happened a couple of years ago, but that wasn’t your fault. You deserve this position, and you deserve to let yourself be happy.”
“But–”
“At least think about it. There isn’t anyone else who would be better at this position than you.”
“I will think about it, but I still don’t think I’m the best fit.”
“Well, I know you are.”
Al stands up, disappearing out the door and leaving me to sit in my thoughts. There’s no way I can be the next commissioner. Al is the glue that keeps us all together, and I don’t know if I’m capable of that.
Heading back into the kitchen, I check to see if they need any help cleaning up, but everything is back in its place, and Jeff is wiping down the counters.
“So, you the new boss yet?” Dave asks, teasing me as he pushes the chairs back into the table.
“No, why would you think that?”
“Whatever you say, commissioner.”
I roll my eyes, grab the empty plate that used to hold the zucchini bread, and head for the door.
The next morning, I wake up to music playing from somewhere downstairs. Kira. Part of me regrets not correcting her yesterday. The other night shouldn’t have happened, but it wasn’t a mistake either. I wanted that. I want her.
I run through my mental checklist for the day. We always have a big party for the fourth of July. This year is no exception. Thankfully, all the yard work is done, the lawn freshly mowed, and the garden beds cleaned up, so there isn’t much I have to do other than prep the food. Throwing on a pair of sweatpants, I head downstairs.
She must not hear me enter the room. She’s facing the counter with her back to me, her hair in a messy knot, tendrils of it falling onto her shoulders. The sun shines through the slider behind us, illuminating her body. She’s cutting up some pineapple, swaying to the music in one of her oversized t-shirts that barely covers her ass.
Wait a minute …is that my t-shirt?
I step toward her, trying to get a closer look. I recognize the old, worn Chevy logo.
That is my shirt.
As if sensing me behind her, she spins around to face me, the fear in her eyes quickly fading to relief, then irritation.
“What do you want, Noah?”
“Well, coffee for one,” I tell her, moving around her to take my new favorite mug from the cupboard. “Oh, and breakfast,” I say, taking a piece of pineapple.
“Stop it, this is for later,” she scolds, swatting my hand away.
I laugh and can’t help but steal another piece, and she glares at me. If looks could kill, I would be a dead man.
“Maybe listen to the person holding the knife,” she says, waving the blade in the air.
“Fine, fine. Thank you for doing that, by the way. You didn’t have to.” She really didn’t. Jared never helps with this kind of stuff anymore, so I’m used to doing it alone.
“It needed to be done, plus I was hungry too,” she says, popping a piece between her lips.
God, that mouth of hers. I glance down at my shirt that she’s wearing, her sleep shorts barely visible under it. Did she sleep in it? My gaze follows the curve of her breasts, telling me that she isn’t wearing anything underneath. I can’t help but imagine bending her over the counter, showing her exactly what she does to me.
Fuck. I close my eyes and rub my hand over my face.
Kira goes right back to slicing the fruit, throwing it all into a bowl for later. This woman is going to be the death of me. Letting out a breath, I pour coffee into my mug and grab the creamer from the fridge.
“Nice shirt, where’d you get it?”
She looks down at what she’s wearing, then back up at me, her cheeks flushed. I nod, leaning down to whisper in her ear.
“Careful, princess, you wouldn’t want Jared to see you in that,” I say, my eyes meeting hers.
“Want me to take it off then?” she asks, her hands moving to the hem.
I haven’t wanted anything more in my life.
“Just change into something else before the party.”
I turn and head for the garage. I need to get out of this kitchen before I do something I shouldn’t.
I’m still in the garage when Keith shows up later with a bag of fireworks and a cooler dragging behind him.
“I got the booze and the explosives!”
I let out a laugh, slamming down the hood on the Nova. I take the cooler from him, helping him bring it around the house to the porch. It’s probably around four now, and everyone should be showing up soon, so I should probably put on a shirt.
“I’ll be right back. I’m gonna go change.”
“Alrighty, I’ll be here with a beer.”
Running up the stairs, I throw on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. By the time I get back outside, Kira is sitting with Keith on the back porch, still wearing my shirt , except now It’s tucked into the front of her fitted denim shorts, the strings of her green bathing suit poking out from the top. She notices my eyes trailing over her body, a smirk on her face. She knows what she’s doing to me.
“McDreamy, Keith here was just telling me how you used to be quite the party animal. I wonder when that changed.”
“Keith,” I sigh.
Kira lets out a laugh.
“I’ve got to go finish the lemonade, but I’d love to hear more about Fun-Noah later,” she says, standing and swiping a beer out of the cooler.
“Drop it,” I demand.
She groans, opening the cooler and setting the bottle back inside before heading into the house.
I take her spot in one of the wooden chairs facing the porch swing. Memories of that first night play in my mind. Her in that fucking dress. The feel of her body on mine. It felt so right, but then Jared came home, and it reminded me why we can’t do that.
“Wasn’t that your shirt?” Keith asks beside me.
“Yup.”
I have half a mind to go inside and tell her to take it off, but part of me likes seeing her in it.