Chapter Nineteen #2
I want to spill all my secrets. I want to tell her so fucking bad because she’s my best friend, but I don’t even know how to start the conversation. She’s already doubted Robert so much that this would only add fuel to the fire. Not to mention, I cheated with her brother.
Gemma
I’m just…I dunno. Questioning everything again.
Everleigh doesn’t reply for a little while, but she’s also in the process of closing the boutique.
Everleigh
Want to hang out and talk about it?
Gemma
I’d rather drink myself stupid and go to bed.
Everleigh
Adulting at its finest.
I want to ask her if she knows if Tyler’s dating someone or that there was a woman at her house, but I don’t want to start anything.
Gemma
I’m a hot mess.
Everleigh
What did Robert do now?
Honestly, I haven’t talked or texted him all day.
It’s proof that he’d rather do other things than be with me.
I didn’t sleep over last night like usual since he had a late business meeting, and I didn’t want to be at his house alone.
Normally, it wouldn’t bother me that there’s been no communication, but it’s like the filthy curtain covering our relationship has been removed, and I’m noticing all the things I don’t like.
Gemma
Nothing. He hasn’t done anything.
The alcohol is swimming, and I type out another message.
Gemma
It’s Tyler. I thought I’d be okay being around him, but I was wrong.
Everleigh
Do you want me to talk to him?
Gemma
No! Absolutely not. Please don’t. I don’t need things to be any more awkward between us. It’s just…I don’t know. I’m dumb.
Everleigh
Dumb? Or you realized there’s still something between you and my brother?
I suck in a deep breath and frown.
Gemma
There can’t be, though.
Everleigh
You’re right. Robert already hates him. And he kinda has that serial killer vibe, so it’s probably best you keep them away from each other.
Gemma
Gee, thanks. Now I’m marrying a future murderer. Great!
I lock my phone and stare at the TV. After ten minutes, it dings twice. I have a text from Everleigh and one from Robert. When I see his name, I expect to feel some sort of excitement, but all that remains is a suffocating feeling of dread.
It’s not supposed to be like this.
I think back to Dad telling me how in love he was with my mom and how they never wasted a single moment together.
Then I think about Robert, and how he puts me on a pedestal but only when it’s convenient for him.
Perhaps some women would be into that, but it makes me feel like a prize he’s won and wants to show me off like a trophy.
I check Everleigh’s message first.
Everleigh
I’ll keep my mouth shut and won’t talk to Tyler, but if you want me to say something to him, I will. Although I’ll always be Team Gyler getting married and having all the babies, I’ve always got your back.
She sends a winky emoji, and I laugh at the ridiculous couple nickname.
Gemma
You’re TERRIBLE!
Next, I open Robert’s message.
Robert
Have you made a decision about moving in? I really would’ve loved having you next to me this morning when I woke up since you didn’t come over last night.
Here we go again. I’m not even surprised at this point.
He refuses to listen to me or validate my feelings.
I set my phone down on the table and open another bottle of wine.
Once my glass is full, I go outside for some fresh air and sit in one of the patio chairs under the small awning.
It’s the middle of September, and even though the humidity hasn’t completely vanished, at least there’s a cool breeze.
The evening silence draws on as I hear the faint sounds of birds and crickets chirping. The sky is a bright pink and purple with the sun sitting lazily in the sky. I take another drink just as my dad walks outside whistling.
“Hey, sweetie,” he says before glancing down at my wine glass, then back at me.
“Hey, Dad. How’s it goin’?”
“I’m good. You okay?” He takes the empty seat next to me.
“Fine, just peachy,” I lie.
Dad glances at me. “Before your mother and I got married, she suggested we run away together and elope.”
I snort at his random comment. “What?”
“Yeah, she couldn’t wait to get married and wanted to start our lives together right away. Plus, planning the wedding with her mother’s input was stressful. She always joked that it’s what caused her first gray hair.”
I smile thinking about it. “Well, Grandma is super particular.”
“Everything became an argument. Chocolate or strawberry cake. Red or white roses. Inside or outside ceremony. I didn’t care as long as we were married at the end of the day.
Whatever she wanted was good enough for me.
” He grins as he reminisces. I know he misses her every single day, and I do too. They were soul mates.
“But you didn’t elope, did you?” I ask, wondering if they got married before the date we celebrate as their anniversary.
“No, but she nearly had me convinced when she complained about her mom wanting her to wear her wedding gown. It was awful looking.” He looks up at the fluffy clouds in the distance just as the cicadas start.
“That’s funny.”
Dad chuckles. “I guess my point is, if you’re nervous or stressed about this wedding stuff, I understand. It can drive a woman crazy. Your mother, who loved tradition, was ready to throw in the towel and book us a flight to Vegas.”
My heart aches that he thinks my bad mood is because of the wedding.
“Robert wants to move up the wedding to November,” I tell him for the first time. “That means we’d be getting married in two months.”
“Wow. That’s coming up. But what do you want?”
I shrug. “It feels too soon. I’m not sure if I’m ready for all those changes right now. I think I need more time.”
“Oh, Gemma.” He pats my hand. “Out of my two kids, you were always the critical thinker and people pleaser. But sweetheart, you have to follow your heart. It always knows the right thing to do before your head does. So if it’s telling you to wait, then wait, but if not, it wouldn’t hurt to move the date.
I wished your mother and I had because we would’ve gotten more time to be married.
But we’d already sent the invitations, and RSVPs were coming in.
Robert’s the perfect guy for you, and he wants to make you happy, which I know he can for the rest of your lives.
I’m positive he’ll do whatever you want. ”
Dad twists the dagger that’s been lodged in my heart since that night with Tyler. Dad really likes Robert, but I’m no longer confident he’s the right man for me. Can he truly make me happy for the rest of my life when it feels like he wants to control it?
“Dad, I have a question for you.”
“Go on.”
“Did you still get butterflies from Mom after all those years of being together?”
His lips tilt up into a toothy grin. “Yes. I never once stopped feeling that spark when I was with her. Even when our arms would brush, I’d get goose bumps.
I think that’s how you know it’s real, pumpkin.
When you wake up in the morning or when you go to bed, that’s the person you think about.
And it’s who you want to spend all your time with. ”
I listen to his words and take them all in, realizing I’ve not felt that way about Robert in a long time. He proposed so quickly into our relationship, and I said yes but haven’t taken the time to really think any of this through until now.
When I woke up this morning, the only person on my mind was Tyler. I feel like such a piece of shit, and unfortunately, this conversation hasn’t helped. But I don’t give my insecurities away and keep sipping my wine, trying to enjoy this time with my father.
“Man, I miss your mom so much,” he admits.
“Me too.”
The mood turns somber, and I finish my drink. When Dad stands, I do too, and he pulls me into a hug.
“Marriage is supposed to be the happiest time of your life, sweetie. Don’t let all the small things ruin this moment.”
I squeeze him tight, wishing I could tell him everything but keep it buried deep inside. Maybe one day, he’ll know the truth, but that’s not going to be today.
“Love you, Dad.”
“Love you too,” he says before turning and walking inside the house.
I go into the cottage and grab my cell phone to see another text from Robert. Maybe this is all in my head, and I’m creating issues that aren’t there? Maybe I need to give him another chance to prove himself?
Unlocking my phone, I read his message.
Robert
I know I’m being pushy, baby. I just think about you all the time and miss you so much. Want to come over tonight?
I look up at the clock and realize how tipsy I actually am, but I could sober up in a few hours.
Gemma
Sorry, I was chatting with my dad. I’d like that a lot. What time?
The best thing I can do is get Tyler out of my mind and replace all those thoughts with Robert. He’s going to be my future husband, and I can’t allow what happened between Tyler and me to ruin my plans.
Robert suggests I come over around seven, and I tell him I’ll be there.
At least he’s trying. I should too. Relationships are full of ups and downs. Robert wants to marry me more than anything, so the least I can do is give it my all to see if that’s what I want too.
Tyler’s reaction today might be the closure I’ve so desperately needed, and since he felt nothing, maybe I’ll finally be able to move on without him.