Chapter Eight
Troian
"Holy shit," Corey says, striding toward the bleachers where I'm hiding out instead of attending class. "Do my eyes deceive me, or has Little Miss Valedictorian turned into a rebel?"
I snort, leaning back on the metal bleacher and turning my face up to the sky. There's very little sun today, but I like the feel of the wind on my face and the smell of the ocean in the air. It's soothing.
I need that right now. My whole body is a mess of anxiety and contradictions. My mind is even worse. For a minute in the library, I let myself believe that Gage loves me. I let myself believe that he wants me the same way I've always wanted him. And then reality intruded and I just…freaked out.
I thought about someone catching us back there, and what they'd say, how much worse things would get for me if they knew that I let him get me off. Victoria would never leave me alone if she knew.
Instead of being an untouchable leper, she'd make me a whore.
"Why aren't you in class?" Corey asks, climbing the bleachers to sit beside me. "You finally decide your grades are already so good that the rest of us will never catch up?"
"You aren't far behind," I remind him. If I weren't the Valedictorian, it'd be him. We're only 0.3 percentage points apart, scoring-wise.
This time, he snorts. "Girl, please. Ain't nobody got time to even try catching you. You make A's like people breathe."
"I wasn't allowed to run or do the things most kids could do, so I spent my time with books instead," I murmur, my voice soft.
"You weren't allowed to run and play? Why the fuck not?" He narrows his eyes on me. "Should I be calling the cops on your parents right now?"
"No, it's not like that. My parents are amazing." I hesitate and then sigh. "I had to have a heart transplant when I was ten."
"Damn," he whispers, and I feel his gaze on me. "Why haven't I ever heard about this? Does anyone even know, Troian?"
"Gage knows." I shrug. "I guess I wanted to know what it was like not to be treated differently because of it for once, you know?" A soft laugh burbles from my lips. "I guess I got my wish. Victoria and her friends treat me like they hope I drop dead."
"Jesus," Corey mutters, his expression hard. "I hope those vicious bitches choke on their own misery."
I crack my eyes open, stealing a glance at him. "You're good people, Corey. Don't let them change that."
He eyes me seriously. "You're too good for all of them. One day, you'll realize that you've always been bigger than this shithole."
"I know." I give him a soft smile that wobbles on my face.
We sit in silence for a minute, staring out at the football field together, before my mind invariably drifts back to Gage.
"Can I ask you a question?" I finally ask.
"Shoot."
"Do you think…" I hesitate, licking my lips. "Victoria said…"
"I heard," Corey growls. "Marnie was laughing about it in PE. They were lying, Troian. They didn't see Gage with anyone last night. Victoria saw him alone, going through the drive-through at Snokey's. They just wanted to hurt you because he embarrassed Victoria this morning."
"Oh." I stare out at the field, not sure what to say to that. "It must be exhausting to hate someone as much as she hates me."
"Victoria doesn't like to lose, and she's been coming second to you for years."
I glance over at him, startled.
"Don't look at me like that, baby girl. You know it's true.
That boy loses his shit if anyone even smiles at you.
" Corey smirks at me. "She's been trying to get his attention for years, but he never even looks in her direction.
As far as she's concerned, you've got everything she thinks she deserves. That's why she hates you so much."
I wrap my arms around myself, afraid to let myself hope, afraid to let myself see what he does. "He said he's never been able to see past me," I whisper, my voice so quiet it barely carries. "He said…that there's never been anyone else for him."
"Well, it's about damn time he said it."
I bite my lip, staring at the dirty bleacher at my feet. Someone spit their gum onto the metal at some point, leaving it to seal into the grooves of the metal. It's little more than an ugly black blob now, worn smooth.
"I freaked out and ran off after he said it," I admit. "Some…stuff…happened, and I just…panicked."
"What kind of stuff?"
I shoot him a dirty look, my cheeks pink, which makes him chuckle.
"Well, okay then," he says, grinning at me. "Good to know one of us is getting laid."
"I didn't!" I squeak. "I mean, we didn't. I mean, it wasn't…" I bite my tongue, forcing myself to shut up as he cracks up beside me, his laughter booming across the empty field.
"You were definitely up to something, judging by the way you're squirming right now," he teases.
I just huff in response, refusing to even look at him.
"First time?" he guesses.
I shrug in response.
"You're allowed to panic." He hauls himself to his feet.
"You're allowed to freak out, stress, and worry.
That's natural, Troian. But do yourself a favor and don't shut him out.
He's always the first one to put her in her place when she starts her bullshit because he loves you.
And you only get so many chances with someone before things break in ways you can't fix. "
I stare up at him, something in his tone making my heart clench. I see the same thing on his face—sadness. Grief, maybe. Like he lost something he can't ever get back. "Corey, did you…" I place my hand on his arm. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Nah," he says, shaking his head. "It wouldn't change anything.
I ran a few too many times. Now, there's nothing to run back to.
He moved on, said he couldn't wait around for me to decide if I wanted him more than I wanted to keep pretending I'm not what I am.
" A laugh rumbles from his lips, but there's no humor in it.
It makes my heart ache for him anyway.
I jump to my feet, wrapping my arms around him in a fierce hug. It catches him off guard, and he tenses for a minute before returning it.
"You're good people, Troian," he whispers, his voice rough. "You deserve happiness. If Gage is that person for you, reach for it. Fuck these bitches. They don't matter."
"You deserve happiness too," I whisper. "You deserve love and acceptance, no matter what. I hope you know that."
His lips curve into a tiny grin as he pulls back. "I'm finally figuring that out."
"Good."
"You going to be all right now?" he asks. "I can hang out if you need me."
"No, thank you. I think I'm good."
"Yeah, I think you are." He grins at me and then jogs down the bleachers.
I watch him until he's just a speck in the distance and then reclaim my seat, my thoughts loud. But, perhaps, they're clearer than they have been in a long time.