Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
After I closed down our connection, I sank onto my bed.
I had no idea what state the warrior would be in come morning, but I had a feeling the Imperial Council had potions their warriors could ingest for horrendous hangovers.
If not, I could always make him an avose concoction to help.
I snorted inwardly at that thought. Knowing how to make hangover cures had made me quite popular at university, although at the moment, even that silly thought didn’t raise my spirits.
Despite Kole and I both apologizing to one another, I couldn’t bring myself to open the folder Nathaniel had given me. It would have been the perfect thing to read since everyone else slept, but it reminded me too much of how I’d reacted to the lordling and what it’d done to my mate.
Instead, I climbed under the covers and pulled them up, then willed myself to sleep.
As I had the night before, I didn’t dream nor wake up early. Still, I was surprised when sunlight pierced my eyelids just as the feel of Kole’s mistphasing magic flooded my room.
Sitting up, I pushed my hair out of my eyes to see the warrior standing at the foot of my bed. He looked impeccable. Freshly washed clothes covered his body. His jaw was clean and shaven. Even his eyes were alert, not a hint of a hangover anywhere. And he looked absolutely mouthwatering.
Muscles tightened under his long-sleeved shirt. And his aura was powerful, as visceral as the warrior beneath it.
I tried to stop my reaction, but my vampire urges responded. Hastily, I squeezed my thighs together as arousal flooded me as quickly as the rising sun.
“Hi,” I whispered.
Kole frowned, and his gaze roamed over my face and then down my arms as his nostrils flared.
With a start, I realized that it’d been a day since I’d strengthened my glamour or drank one of my uncle’s potions to hide my new scent.
I hastily whipped the covers up and buried my limbs under them, but not before I caught a flash of my pale skin disappearing beneath the sheets. Oh Gods.
“Can you please wait in the hall until I’m dressed?” I said in a rush. I had the covers up to my nose, only my eyes exposed.
He cocked his head, and I could have sworn that he inhaled again. Eyebrows drawing together, he finally nodded. “All right. Let me know when you’re done.”
The second Kole was out of the room, I called upon my magic to replenish my glamour, then I slammed one of the potions that would hide my vampiric stench.
Betsee showed up just as I hid that vial deep in the wastebin. “Good morning, Princess Primelle. Would you like me to choose your outfit for the day?” Her pleasant smile and bustling energy filled the room.
All I could do was nod. I kept thinking about Kole’s expression right before I’d banished him to the hall.
The lady’s attendant sauntered over to the wardrobe and began rummaging through the selections.
Her heart beat swiftly, and the sound thudded through my ears.
It took everything in me not to cover them, not that it would have done much good.
I had a feeling I still would have heard her whooshing blood even if I wore earmuffs.
“What about this one?” Betsee pulled a short-sleeved gown in light pink out of the wardrobe and held it up.
“Um, could you choose a long-sleeved one instead?”
Her eyebrows lifted. “Oh, of course, but Warrior Swordwielder told me that you’d be venturing to the Isle of Song today. He said something about a dillemsill that arrived not too long ago and to let you know that the gargoyle there has found something.”
I perked up, my eyes widening. “A dillemsill arrived from Master Fistideeous?”
She nodded. “Indeed, and since it’s a bit warmer on the Isle of Song, I thought you may prefer a short-sleeve gown?”
I shook my head. “No, long-sleeve is fine. Thank you, though.”
She shrugged and returned her attention to the selections, then pulled out a long dark-blue gown. It was satin, full-body length, and would cover me all the way to my throat.
I breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s perfect.”
Once dressed and entirely certain that my true appearance and vampiric stench were hidden, I invited Kole back into my room.
“Betsee said a dillemsill arrived to let us know Master Fistideeous has found something?”
In my wing’s sitting chambers, Kole looked me up and down, his expression giving away nothing. He finally nodded. “It did.”
I wrung my hands together. The events of last night and then our conversation near midnight—that I didn’t know if Kole recalled or not—rattled around in my head. Perhaps that was why he was so closed off this morning.
I offered him a pensive smile. “About last night—”
“Prim, I—”
I held up my hand. “No, let me talk. Last night was a product of me acting atrociously, and it’s not okay what I did at the Ryderdim House. The way I acted around Nathaniel . . . none of it was okay.”
His mask dropped entirely. Pain and anger rippled across his expression. “You’re not the only one who acted horribly last night. I did too.”
I laughed humorlessly. “You acted as any mated fae male would in your position.”
He scoffed, then tore a hand through his hair. “That’s hardly an excuse. I fucked you hard, Prim, and it wasn’t out of love.”
“I know.”
His eyes blazed. “That’s despicable of me.”
“Perhaps, but I don’t blame you.” I shook my head, wanting so badly to explain everything to him and wishing that I could.
He stepped closer to me and cupped my cheeks. “I love you. Love you more than this realm, the stars, my life. Did you know that?”
My lips parted, and I covered his hands with my palms, momentarily forgetting about my cool skin.
Before I could respond, Kole added in a quietly tortured tone, “I’ll always love you. No matter what.”
“I’ll always love you too,” I choked.
But his expression stayed severe. His smile never bloomed.
He released me and stepped back, and I didn’t know how to interpret what he just said. Last night, he’d promised to never give up on me, but just now, it almost sounded like he was telling me that he would always love me, even if he wasn’t with me.
My insides tightened, but I was too afraid to ask anything further. Too afraid that he might say that he changed his mind and that if I ever betrayed him again, by blatantly lusting after another male, right in front of him nonetheless, we were done.
I ran a hand through my hair, anything to give myself something to do.
My fingers tangled through my long brown locks, which Betsee had left loose and hanging down my back.
“We should, uh, get Ree. She was planning to meet us at the Whiteolf Academic Library this morning. We’ll have to tell her there’s been a change of plan, and we’re going to the Isle of Song instead. ”
He nodded. “I’ll mistphase all of us there, unless you want to?”
But I didn’t trust myself to mistphase. I didn’t trust myself at all anymore. Kole was my mate, yet he’d avoided completing our bond last night, all because of how I’d betrayed him.
Even though we’d both apologized to one another, I didn’t want to think of the new, ugly reality between us. A wall born of betrayal and pain had formed, and I didn’t know if either of us would be able to scale it.
My shoulders sagged. “You do it, please.”
He held his hand out and clasped hold of my cool dead skin, and then the realm dropped out from beneath us.
Ree was my saving grace. My best friend was so excited to go to the Isle of Song that it helped distract me from the new tension strumming between Kole and me.
At her home, I glued myself to her side, hanging on her every word in order to keep my mind occupied. Siam helped too. My galaxy-nephew was all coos and giggles, and his constant pointing and excitement every time their neighbor’s “mox” appeared through the window pulled genuine laughs from me.
And when we at last waved goodbye to the toddler and Ree’s husband, Bennif, and mistphased to the Isle of Song, some of my optimism had returned. Even though things between Kole and me felt strained, it wasn’t like that with Ree.
When the mistphase ended, and the Isle of Song appeared around us in a dazzling display of swaying grasses and distant crashing waves, Ree’s dropping jaw had another laugh escaping me.
“Stars, moons, and all the galaxies. How incredible is this place!” She gaped.
The university and library on the Isle of Song had been carved from the natural rock that rose from the top of the island, and since it sat at the highest point, in the distance the Adriastic Sea glimmered in the morning sunshine in all directions.
Distant waves curled onto the shores below, and salty wind blew around us. Kole’s expression didn’t falter, and I could feel him studying me, but I focused on my best friend’s wonder, and laughed in joy with her.
“I’m so glad you get to experience this too.” I squeezed her hand.
I didn’t realize what I’d done until her eyebrows slanted together. “Goodness, Prim, you’re so cold.” She took both of my hands between hers and began to rub them, as if friction could warm my dead skin.
Mouth pinching together, I quickly withdrew my hands from hers and said awkwardly, “It’s fine. I don’t feel cold.”
I didn’t dare look at Kole, but the warrior’s gaze was practically burning a hole into the side of my head.
“Anyway, let’s get inside. Master Fistideeous is expecting us.” I rushed up the stone steps, Ree following just as fast.
Kole kept pace, but his aura was still palpable. But I focused again on Ree’s wonder as she gushed over the impressive library, stating again and again how she couldn’t believe she was seeing the most revered library in our land, where our continent’s greatest scholars lived.
“It’s so incredible,” she finished.
I laughed again and nodded. “I agree. It’s absolutely magnificent.”
We stepped closer to the library’s huge entry doors. Magic pulsed from the huge monolith as we approached them.