Chapter 18 I Closed My Eyes
B r u h , I w a s fuckin’ tight. I stood in the middle of that quiet ass house, jaw clenched. Kassim was halfway asleep in my arms, lips all droopy like his damn mama’s when she mad. My fuckin’ head was bangin’, and I needed a fuckin’ blunt. Shit, a couple drinks too. My patience was gone.
I walked around the house tryna calm myself down, tryin’ not to replay that dumb ass nanny shit over and over.
Tryin’ not to replay Nyomi slappin’ the fuck outta me.
She hit me like I wasn’t the same nigga who stood ten toes behind her through every mood swing and every damn postpartum breakdown.
Like I wasn’t the same nigga who held her through contractions wit’ no medicine.
I ain’t even yell or snatch her ass up like I coulda.
I let her get her shit off and run to her girls.
Sia called me not too long after Nyomi crashed out, so I knew where my woman was, and it was cool.
I knew she needed space, but that didn’t mean I ain’t feel it.
Fuck. I felt like niggas was fallin’ apart lil’ by lil’ when we was supposed to be the strongest ‘round this time. Our weddin’ was two weeks away, and we kept goin’ through fuck shit.
I ain’t have no reason to lie. I really ain’t know Meja was one of the nannies we was gon’ interview.
We fucked around for like a month or so years back.
It wasn’t shit serious; we just linked up and fucked, or I got my dick sucked.
Plain and simple. I wasn’t sweatin’ her ass, and I knew she wasn’t on me.
This postpartum shit had Nyomi trippin’, and I hated it.
Ballin’ up my fists, my phone rang on the coffee table.
I exhaled through my nose and picked up. “What?”
“Ayo, watch your tone, nigga,” Keema said without even breathin’ first. “I’m already aggravated.”
I adjusted Kassim in my arms, head fallin’ heavy on my shoulder. “What you want? I’m not in the fuckin’ mood right now.”
“Granny’s prescription fucked up. Her insurance actin’ up. Some new bullshit ‘bout her coverage not includin’ the dosage. I been on the phone wit’ these people all mornin’.”
I closed my eyes, heat rollin’ through my chest. “Why the fuck I’m just hearin’ ‘bout this shit?”
“Um, ‘cause I just found out, Knuck,” she snapped. “I’m tellin’ you now so you can get ahead of it. The pharmacist said we gotta pay outta pocket this time, and I ain’t talkin’ twenty dollars. Try eleven-hunnid.”
“Aight,” I muttered, already openin’ the bank app on my phone. “I’ll send it.”
There was a pause on her end, then a sigh. “What’s wrong wit’ you?”
“Nothin’. I’m straight,” I lied.
“Keon.”
“Me and Ny got into it again.”
“Keon!” I told my sister what happened, and all she did was suck her teeth when I was done. “You be fuckin’ up.”
“What?” I muttered, watchin’ Kassim’s lil’ lips tremble in his sleep. “You don’t think she forced it? Shit wasn’t even that deep. Actin’ like I planned it or some shit,” I gritted. “Like I’d ever bring somebody I used to fuck ‘round my family.”
Keema was quiet for a second. “…I mean,” she said slowly, “you do got a history of not thinkin’ shit through. And this sounds like a move you woulda made just to say ‘we got help’ without actually vettin’ who the hell she was.”
I tightened my jaw. “I just told your ass Kelly set this shit up.”
“Well, it sounds like you needa be firin’ Kelly’s ass!”
“Exactly…” I sat down slowly on the edge of the couch, eyes still on Kassim’s face. “Now, she’s wit’ her girls draggin’ my name through the fuckin’ mud.”
“She’ll come back,” Keema said confidently. “Let her breathe. The baby got her full-time and her business took a backseat. She’s a boss bitch, so that’s hard as it is. She still tryna find her own rhythm again. That don’t mean she don’t love you.”
“I ain’t tryna lose her, Keem.”
“You won’t, nigga. Relax. Matter fact, hire me. I’ll take good care of my nephew! You know that.”
“Oh, hell nah,” I laughed and hung up on her ass, then sat there in silence. I looked down at my lil’ man. My son. My peace. “Daddy got us,” I whispered, kissin’ the top of his head. “Daddy gon’ fix this shit.”
???
T w o h o u r s l a t e r , the front door finally opened, and Kassim wiggled against my chest. I heard Nyomi pause in the entryway, like she was tryna decide whether she really wanted to come in.
After a few minutes, she stepped into the livin’ room playin’ wit her keys.
Her eyes went straight to Kassim before lookin’ at me. Her eyes were puffy and red as fuck.
“I don’t wanna keep fighting with you,” she finally said, sighing heavy as shit.
I just nodded, pickin’ Kassim up to put him in his bouncer. She sighed again, not movin’ no closer to me. Leanin’ back against the couch, we had a fuckin’ starin’ contest, not sayin’ shit ‘til I spoke first. “C’mere.” I leaned forward, elbows restin’ on my knees.
“Keon…”
“Don’t make me say it twice, Nyomi.” She chewed her bottom lip like she always did when she wanted to stay mad.
Her body had already forgiven me, though.
It was that fuckin’ stubbornness holdin’ on for dear life.
Shoulders dropped, she walked over slowly ‘til she stood between my knees. “I would never ever intentionally have you or my son ‘round a bitch I done fucked wit’. On my soul, it was just a fuck up on my part for not really checkin’ in wit’ Kelly.
I apologize and Kelly’s ass is already cancelled. ”
She folded her arms across her chest, her pissed off face goin’ soft now. “I believe you. I just… snapped. I shoulda known better.”
Pulling her onto my lap, I rubbed her back. “I ain’t mean to come at you, baby, but you… you gotta go talk to the doctor. For real, for real.”
Nyomi swallowed hard. “I know. My hormones are fucked up, and sometimes I don’t even feel like myself. When that chick walked in here smelling like your past, I just…”
“I get it. I read up on a lotta shit when you was pregnant. Mood swings, anger, cryin’… all that shit’s tied into postpartum. So, we’ll get you checked. Whatever you need.”
A tear slid down her cheek as she laid her head on my shoulder, wrappin’ her arms ‘round my neck. “Are you sure we’re doing the right thing by getting married?”
I tightened my arm ‘round her waist and slid my other hand up the back of her neck ‘til my palm fit under her hair. I forced her to lift her head and look me dead in the eye. “Why you even askin’ me some shit like that?” My voice dropped to a quiet growl. “You think I claimed you, put my seed in you, and moved you out here just to play house wit’ your ass?”
“I… I just don’t want us rushing into something and then…”
“Then what, Nyomi?” I shook my head. “Nah, we gettin’ married.
We ain’t rushin’ shit. We been locked in since the first night I slid up in you.
It just took you a minute to realize what you had.
I chose you then, and I’ma always choose you.
So, don’t ever question shit ‘bout us.” She sniffed, tryna to look away, and I caught her chin again. “Do you love me?” I asked.
“You know I do.”
“Do you trust me?”
She hesitated just long enough for me to feel it. Then she whispered, “With my life.”
“That’s all that matters.” I kissed her forehead. “All that other shit, we fix together.”
A shaky breath left her chest before Nyomi kissed me. “I don’t ever want to lose you,” she whispered against my lips, makin’ my dick hard.
“I ain’t goin’ nowhere.” Her body melted against me, all that fight drainin’ outta her. I held her ‘til her in my arms, and we both watched Kassim sleep in front of us. “We gettin’ married, baby,” I said.
“Okay,” She wiped the last tear from her cheek. “I’ll make the appointment.”
“Good,” I laid her on the couch. “Now, lemme remind your ass why you got my last name on the way.” Whatever came next… doctors, therapy, medication… I would handle that shit. ‘Cause I wasn’t losin’ my family for a muthafuckin’ thing.