21. abbi
ABBI
I observe my husband silently as he sets out our picnic.
In the early years of our relationship, we’d often stay up late talking about everything from our plans for the future, our hopes, the things that bothered us, and what made us happiest. But life started life-ing, I guess, and those discussions were replaced with updates on the kids, asking him to take the trash out, and him asking what I was cooking for dinner.
The regular morning check-in about how we slept replaced lingering touches and kisses.
Conversation became superficial and practical regarding logistics, scheduling, and organizing.
Gone were the discussions where we could be vulnerable and open with each other.
But tonight, I feel as if we’re starting to find those types of conversations again.
I feel as though I’m learning who my husband is today, what drives him, and what makes him tick.
Hope warms my body, radiating outward from my heart, and lightness replaces the weight I’ve been carrying across my shoulders. It’s strange after all this time to feel as if I can talk to Nix about anything.
With a smile, he passes my pie on a plate. “Enjoy.”
“Oh, I will. My tastebuds have been salivating since we entered Mr. and Mrs. B’s store.” I bite into the pastry, and as soon as the filling hits my tongue, the flavors explode. “Mmm. It’s been too long.”
Nix nods as he swallows his own bite. “It still tastes exactly as I remember.”
“It does. The creamy chicken … the vegetables … the flakiness of the pastry … it’s perfect.” I take another bite, and another, and another. We’re both silent as we enjoy our pies, the only sound our soft moans of pleasure.
Night’s fallen, and the twinkling lights of the city surround us like a glittering skirt, showing us exactly how much it’s grown over the years. It feels incredible to be back up here.
“I love this city,” Nix announces.
“Me too,” I respond. “I can’t imagine living anywhere else.”
“Me neither.” He wipes his fingers and mouth with a napkin. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”
He moves the items that lie between us out of the way, then moves closer and wraps his arm around my shoulder, tugging me into him.
His warmth soaks through my clothes and into me as I relax into him, leaning my head against his shoulder.
His lips press against my beanie, and I release a deep sigh of satisfaction.
“This is the only place I ever want to be,” I murmur.
He kisses me again, and I feel his body rise and fall with a deep breath, then the tightness in his muscles release. “Do you remember the first time I brought you up here?”
The memory is a little hazy. “Sort of. I remember thinking this was the perfect place for us to make out.” I chuckle, and Nix joins me.
“That was more than thirty years ago. Too long to remember anything well.” He squeezes my shoulder, and we sit quietly, admiring the view.
I try to drag my memories from that time forward, but it was so long ago.
I remember every time we came up here, we’d get hot and heavy in the backseat of Nix’s old car.
A burst of air, half chuckle, half snort, puffs over my lips.
“Remember that time you forgot to turn off your headlights, and the battery went flat, so we had to push-start your car down the hill?”
His body shakes against mine with laughter, and my giggles start to take on a life of their own. “Fuck, I’d forgotten about that.” It takes us both a couple of minutes to get our laughter under control. “We’ve had some good times,” Nix says with a sigh.
I snuggle deeper into him, and his arm tightens around me, his thumb stroking me through my thick coat.
“Yeah, we have,” I reply, a sense of wistfulness overcoming me.
It’s so easy to forget the good when you’re caught up in everything you think you’re missing.
But really, the good in our marriage far outweighs the bad.
I guess I forgot for a while.
He peers down at me, and I get lost in his loving gaze.
“We’ve been through a lot together, and I know being married to me hasn’t always been easy on you.
I’ve been absent more than I’ve been home, and my attention hasn’t always been where it should be, but you’ve always had my heart.
” He strokes my cheek with his thumb as his eyes delve into mine.
I literally melt into the blanket spread out beneath me. With his words and the way he’s looking at me beneath the starlight, how could I have lost sight of how much this man loves me? “Nix,” I murmur.
He leans down and presses his lips to mine.
I wind my arm around his neck and open my mouth, inviting him to deepen our kiss.
His tongue dips inside and rubs against mine teasingly, then he pulls back enough to kiss and nip my top and bottom lips in turn.
He mixes soft kisses with deep, all-consuming kisses, sending sparks flying through my bloodstream and creating a beautiful ache in my core.
My entire body sings under his attention, and before I realize what I’m doing, I climb into my husband’s lap, straddling his firm thighs. The seam of my jeans rubs against Nix’s zipper and the unmistakable bulge trapped behind it.
I unzip his coat and mine so we can press tightly together, sharing our body heat, then unwrap my scarf, tossing it to the side. His hands drop to my ass and he grips it firmly, rubbing my core against his hardness.
Once, twice.
A soft moan stumbles up my throat at the beautiful friction he’s creating. With each grind of our hips, my panties become slicker, and the ache in my core grows more insistent.
Our kiss slowly turns frantic, and my body is all sensation and heat.
His fingers dig into my ass, and I briefly wonder if I’ll have bruises the size of his fingertips tomorrow.
I hope so. I want evidence that this is really happening …
that it’s not just a dream. Pleasure hums through my body, tightening my muscles and sending sparks shooting through my veins.
I close my eyes, soaking up every sensation.
“Open your eyes, Abs,” Nix rasps softly, his hot breath ghosting over my kiss-swollen lips. “I want to see you when you fall apart.”
I peel my eyes open and lock my gaze on my husband’s. The lust I see there almost steals what’s left of my oxygen. Our panting breaths kiss with each exhale, and our lips touch with each grind. Soft moans fill the quiet between us, and the rapid thumping of our hearts resonates through our chests.
The connection I share with Nix is beyond comprehension in this moment—it’s a primal bond that I don’t think will ever truly be broken.
He increases the speed and pressure, building the intensity in my core and pushing me ever closer to my release. “I want to see you fall apart with me,” I whisper.
He shakes his head a little, a soft huff puffing over his lips. “Too messy for me.”
“Nuh uh. If I have wet panties, then you can have wet boxers,” I counter.
He shakes his head again and takes my mouth in a scorching kiss that makes me light-headed. His fingers dig into my hips, and he jerks me against him faster and harder. My core tightens and Nix swallows my moan.
“I’m almost there,” he grumbles, then he thrusts his tongue into my mouth like he’d thrust his cock into me if we were naked.
The muscles in my core tighten, and I shatter.
Every part of me splinters into a million brilliant pieces.
Moments later, Nix’s arms wrap around me impossibly tight as he holds me still, groaning through his own release.
He grits his teeth, tensing his jaw as I feel his cock pulse beneath me.
I rub my hands across the back of his shoulders, feeling his muscles relax, then bury my face in the crook of his neck, suddenly exhausted.
Nix’s body shakes beneath me, and when I pull away to check if he’s okay, his expression catches me off-guard.
The crinkles around his eyes and bracketing his mouth are so damn attractive.
I cup the back of his head as my smile grows to match his.
His silent laughter turns into soft chuckles, and before I know it, he falls to his side in uncontrollable laughter.
He takes me down with him, and I can’t help but start laughing too.
It feels odd.
Unpracticed.
Strange.
But welcome.
Oh, so welcome.
Tears escape, tracing down the side of my temple into my hair, and I don’t want to stop. It feels cathartic after the heaviness of the last couple of months. We used to laugh all the time. Over the most stupid things.
We manage to get ourselves under control, but we don’t move from our prone position on the blanket. Watching each other, our smiles remain. “That wasn’t quite my intention when I planned this trip down memory lane tonight.”
He sounds pleased, even though tonight hasn’t followed his plan. “No? What was your intention?”
He brings his hand up to slide my hair away from my face and adjust my beanie, his eyes never leaving mine. “I wanted to recreate the night I first told you that I loved you.”
My heart bounces around in my chest, and the memory from all those years ago rushes back to the surface. “I remember,” I whisper, pushing the words past the lump of emotion caught in my throat. I cup Nix’s jaw. “I felt like the most special girl in the world that you loved me.”
He scoffs. “I was no prize.”
I lock my eyes on his so he can see my truth. “To me, you were. The best prize I’d ever won. I had no idea what I’d done to garner your attention, but I wanted to hold on to it for as long as it lasted.”
He closes the distance between us and kisses my lips softly. His arms tighten around my body, and I relish the feeling of being held in his embrace after so long without it. “I couldn’t believe you agreed to go on a date with me. I swore then that I’d do everything I could to keep you.”
We smile softly at each other. “How did we get so lost?” I wonder aloud.
“I don’t know. I’m such a fool.”