28. abbi #2
He closes the final distance between us and cups my face with both his hands as if I’m made of porcelain.
His eyes flit between both of mine. “I haven’t abandoned you.
I needed to sort out my thoughts after my discussion with Harry last night.
I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up.
It was never my intention for you to wake up alone.
I got lost in my head and ran for longer than I intended, but I always planned to come back to you. ”
My breath rushes out of my lungs, and the heavy weight sitting on my chest lifts, leaving me feeling lighter than I have since I woke alone.
But I still don’t understand why he has another room.
“Having separate rooms feels like abandonment, Nix. I don’t want to go back to sleeping in separate rooms because of what happened last night.
” I pull out of his hold. “Don’t you understand?
It doesn’t help. All it does is put distance between us. ”
He shakes his head, his hands forming fists by his sides until his knuckles turn white.
“I’m not arguing about this, Abbi. It’s my job to keep you safe, and this is the only way for now.
For now,” he clarifies. “It’s not a permanent solution because I want to sleep with you every single night.
” He steps into me, using his knuckle to lift my chin until our eyes lock.
His breath ghosts across my lips like a caress, and I get caught up in the sincerity I see staring back at me.
He’s come a long way since he started speaking with Harry.
He’s opened up more and more since my request to end our marriage, which has given me hope we can overcome these hurdles.
But sleeping in separate rooms can’t happen.
I won’t let it. “I refuse to let you sleep in another room, Nix. I know you think you’re doing the right thing, but it won’t help.
Not in a positive way. All it does is erode our intimacy,” I breathe.
“I can’t go another night without you next to me,” I sob.
I wish I could keep control of my emotions, but they’re just too big. I hate how it makes me appear weak and unsteady when I need to show Nix strength and conviction.
Nix ducks low so we’re at the same height and cups my cheeks again, wiping my tears away with each swipe of his thumb.
“Hey, hey.” He presses a kiss to my forehead.
“I don’t want to spend a single night without you in my bed either, but I can’t risk it, Abs.
You’re too precious to me, and I know without a doubt I won’t survive if I do something worse than I’ve already done to you.
” I open my mouth to interrupt, but he slides his thumb across my lips, pressing it there as he shakes his head.
“This is temporary. I promise. Harry said there are things I can do, but I have to wait until we’re home to see a friend of his who specializes in night terrors caused by PTSD.
” He leans in, pressing his mouth to mine.
“I’m going to do whatever it takes, Abs.
I don’t want to lose you.” His lips brush mine with every word, as though he’s imprinting his promise onto me. “I don’t want to lose your love.”
The room stills in a way that’s different from the stillness I experienced this morning.
This stillness is about us finally being in the same place emotionally as well as physically.
It’s an acknowledgement that we both want this marriage to work.
That we both want to fix what’s broken. That we’re deeply committed to the same purpose.
My body melts into his, and our lips meld together.
Soft and slow. Tears coating our lips and promises filling our hearts.
We linger with our breaths blending, our lips touching, and our hearts reaching for each other.
I feel the strength of Nix’s promise … that he’s heard me and felt my pain.
That he feels it too. For the first time in a long time, I feel optimistic about our future.
Both of our phones vibrate, breaking our quiet moment. “I bet that’s Prue,” he whispers against my lips.
“Probably.”
We pull away and I grab my phone. Sure enough, Prue’s smiling face fills my screen, and I press the button to accept her FaceTime call.
Her worried expression fills the screen.
“Any news about Murph?” She leans in closer, her eyes moving around the screen as she obviously studies my face.
Her eyebrows pinch together, and I watch her eyes grow glassy.
“What’s happened? You’ve been crying. Is Murphy okay? ”
Her questions pour over me in a rush, and it takes me a moment to respond, deepening the worry lines across her forehead.
Nix moves close behind me, blanketing me with his warmth and rests his chin on my shoulder.
“Hey, slow down, Sweet Pea. He’s still unconscious.
There’s been no change, and we’re about to head over to the hospital.
We’ll be able to give you a better update then. ”
She blows out a long breath, nodding as she does. “Then why has Mom been crying?”
I force my lips into a comforting smile.
“I’m okay. I just got a little overwhelmed,” I whisper, trying to project my voice, but I sound like I have laryngitis.
“Dad and I have been spending every waking minute with Murphy, and we’re worried and exhausted.
How about we call you back when we’re with Murphy and you can talk to him.
Maybe you can get him to wake up,” I suggest.
“Why do you sound like you’ve lost your voice? Are you sick? And what happened to your eye?”
Sometimes our daughter can be too observant. I’m not sure how she hadn’t noticed the distance between Nix and me over the last few years, but sometimes I think we’re blind to what we don’t want to see. “I’m not sick. But I have been stressed, so it’s probably that. I’m okay. Promise.”
She nods, but her expression is incredulous. “Okay. How long until you’ll be with Murphy?”
I glance at Nix over my shoulder. “I just need to shower. Give us thirty, okay?”
“Okay. Talk soon.” She blows us a kiss and ends the call.
I blow out a stress-filled breath. “Sometimes our daughter is too observant,” I murmur.
Nix kisses my temple. “Yeah, sometimes.” He moves away from me to grab a change of clothes, and I miss his warmth. “I’ll be quick.”
I watch him disappear into the bathroom, then busy myself tidying up our room.
We stride into the hospital, hand in hand, each with a fresh cup of coffee, ready for another long day.
Even though last night was horrific, I feel stronger somehow, as if Nix and I can deal with anything that comes our way.
It’s a fantastic feeling after how shaky our marriage has been—one I plan to hold on to with white-knuckle force.
The elevator doors open, spitting us out on Murphy’s floor, and we’re suddenly hit with a flurry of activity.
Medical staff rush toward the end of the hallway where Murphy’s room is, and my heart gallops in my chest, then falls to my feet.
Nix pulls me forward, which is for the best, seeing as I’m frozen in place.
Terror traps my breath in my lungs as we rush toward our son’s room.
“Please let him be okay,” I whisper on repeat, my throat burning with each word. Nix squeezes my hand, reminding me I’m not dealing with this alone. “Maybe we should have been here earlier?”
Nix stops, dragging me around in front of him.
“We got here at exactly the right time for visiting hours. You know how strict they’ve been.
They wouldn’t have let us up to see him any earlier, so stop those thoughts right now, Abs.
We’re here now. And we’ll be with him for as long as they’ll allow, and then we’ll come back tomorrow and do it all again.
” His voice is kind but firm and snaps me out of my spiral.
I nod quickly. “Okay.”
He raises his eyebrows. “You good?”
Licking my lips, I nod again, or I’m still nodding.
I can’t be sure. “Yeah. Let’s go.” It’s not like I’m going to admit that I’m scared out of my brain that something terrible has happened, and Murphy’s condition has worsened.
We need to send only positive energy into the universe when it comes to him.
We reach his door and it’s impossible to see our son with all the people working around him.
I’m too frightened to step over the threshold, but Nix has it in hand and pulls me with him.
We stand apart from the chaos so as not to interfere, but when I hear a masculine groan, I can’t stop my feet from carrying me forward.
Pressing my hand to my heart to keep it from bursting out of my chest, my spirit soars that Murphy’s finally awake.
I glance at Nix, and his wide eyes meet mine.
We’re both full of hope. It’s written all over our faces.
A gap finally opens up, and I see Murphy’s face scrunched up in pain, and my stomach rolls and swoops to my feet.
I can’t stay back any longer and push my way between a couple of nurses to take his uninjured hand in mine.
He slowly turns his head in my direction as I squeeze him gently. “We’re here, Murph. We’re here,” I whisper as I lean down to press my lips to his cheek, my tears dripping onto his unshaven face.
“Mom? Dad?” he groans.
A keening sob tears up my damaged throat and bursts over my lips.
I thought I’d never hear his voice again.
I never thought I’d hear him say Mom. I’ll never admit out loud the darkest fears of my heart.
Not to anybody. Not even to Nix. I drop my forehead to his as my heart soars while tears, full of relief, flow.
My body shakes with each sob, and I feel Nix’s reassuring touch stroke down my back as he folds himself over Murphy too.
“We’re here, Son,” he confirms.