29. nix
NIX
My heart pounds against my ribs, feeling too big for the space. He’s awake. He’s finally awake, and we have our son back. I know he’ll be forever changed, and he has a long road of recovery ahead of him, but he’s here and he has us. And through his darkest days, he won’t be alone.
Abbi’s body shakes beneath my hand, releasing the buildup of tension that’s been growing ever tighter as each day passed with no change.
It’s been tough on both of us, but there’s a different bond between a mother and her son.
A connection that transcends that of a father and his son.
I wrap my arm around her the best I can in our bent position and study our son.
His eyes are unfocused, but they’re open, and they’re working overtime to take in his surroundings.
When his gaze lands back on us, his bottom lip quivers the way it did whenever he hurt himself as a young boy.
I watch helplessly as he presses his lips together, forming a tight slash across his face as he works to gain control of his emotions in a room full of health professionals.
He blinks away the tears forming in his eyes, and I know this is just the beginning of his struggles.
But I also have every faith in him that he’ll get through this because he’s always been tenacious.
Abbi gently traces each side of his face with the back of her fingers, and I take his uninjured hand in mine to offer him my support.
My knees almost give out and drop me to my ass when he squeezes my fingers, and it takes everything inside of me to lock down my emotions so I can be the support they need.
She murmurs something to him that has his eyes closing and peace washing over his features.
His body relaxes, and he sinks back into the bed.
I snap my head back up to one of the nurses, worried he’s fallen back into unconsciousness.
“He’ll be in and out of consciousness for a while. It takes a while for the body to stay awake. Plus, we topped up his pain medication. The doctor will be in soon to assess him and explain his injuries and what to expect during his recovery.”
I nod sharply. “Okay. Thank you. We’ll be here all day.”
She smiles at me. “He’s lucky to have you guys.”
Shaking my head, I look back at Murphy, lying helpless. “We’re the lucky ones.”
The nurses leave the room, and suddenly we’re alone with our son.
I drag a chair over for Abbi, encouraging her to sit, then hand her the coffee that she placed on the drawers.
She smiles her thanks up at me, and my heart rate finally settles into something more regular.
I blow out the despair that’s been trapped in my lungs and suck in a deep breath, filling them with hope.
As I sit in my own chair, I realize the toll the last few days have taken on me.
Tiredness envelops me, and it takes a concerted effort on my part to sit straight in my chair and not slump as if I have no bones or muscles in my body to hold me up.
I sip my coffee, watching Abbi watch Murphy.
The release of tension from her features makes her look younger.
My phone buzzes, and when I drag it out of my pocket, Prue’s smiling face looks back at me. Shit, we completely forgot to call her with all the commotion. I hold my phone up so Abbi can see. “We forgot about Prue.”
She flinches. “I’m sure she’ll forgive us when we tell her the good news.”
I press the button to accept her call. “Sorry, Sweet Pea.”
“You forgot to call me.” She pouts up close to the screen to ensure we don’t miss it, and I chuckle.
I move my phone around so she can see Abbi, careful not to show Murphy. “Tell her the good news, Abs,” I whisper.
Abbi smiles. “Murphy woke up. We were a little preoccupied.”
Prue’s scream screeches through the phone, and I quickly adjust the volume, so we don’t wake Murphy. “Shhh, he’s sleeping.”
Her shoulders lift and her eyes widen as she covers her mouth, but I can still see her grin. “That’s such great news. Oh, I wish I were there.” She swipes beneath her eyes, and I wish she were here too. It’s been too long since all of us were together. “Can I see him?”
Abbi and I look at each other, having a silent conversation. “How about you wait until he’s awake and you guys can talk to each other?” I suggest.
She frowns but agrees. “Alright.”
Abbi smiles softly.
“Do you guys know how much longer you’ll be there?”
We glance at each other. I know Jase messaged Abbi this morning telling her to take her time, but at some point we need to go home and Murphy needs to navigate his new reality.
Now that he’s awake, they’ll start him on a program to get him mobile again, and while we can support him from the sidelines, most of the work will need to come from him.
“I’m not sure,” Abbi tells Prue. “The doctor explained the process to us, and now he’s awake, they’ll move him stateside so they can work on making him independently mobile. We can’t be with him every step of the way, but I’d like to stay here with him until he’s transferred home.”
“Me too,” I add.
“Yeah, that makes sense. And maybe Luke and I can spend some time with him once he’s in the country again,” Prue offers.
My chest warms. Prue and Murphy have always been close. Murphy took his role as the older brother very seriously and was always protective of his younger sister. This will be a good opportunity for Prue to return the favor and watch over her brother.
Abbi and I smile at our daughter, and I know she’s as proud of her as I am. “That sounds perfect.”
We say our goodbyes, and our focus returns to Murphy. His chest rises and falls evenly as he sleeps. The machines monitoring his stats beep steadily, and I return my phone to my pocket.
“He’s going to be okay, isn’t he?” Abbi murmurs without taking her eyes from our son.
“Yeah, Abs. He’s going to be okay.” I murmur as I take her hand in mine. “We’ll make sure he has the support he needs every step of the way. When he stumbles, we’ll pick him up, just like we did when he was learning to walk for the first time.”
She turns her head, studying me. “This is going to be different from then. It’s not just learning to walk again, Nix. He has to relearn who he is as a person and deal with his demons.” She gives me a meaningful look.
I dip my chin. “I know something about that, Abs.”
“I know you do.” Her bottom lip trembles, and her eyes grow shiny.
Reaching out, I tug her into me the best I can with the arms of our chairs between us. “I promise I’ll make sure he deals with them straight away. I can surround him with people who have been where he is, and I can introduce him to Harry.”
She smiles at me. It’s tremulous and small, but I’ll take it. I’m asking her to put her faith in me to get our son the help he needs, and she’s trusting me. It’s more than I deserve. I won’t let her or Murphy down.
Not this time.
Not ever.
Hours pass with Murphy in and out of consciousness. Every time he wakes, Abbi immediately flips into momma mode, ensuring he has water to drink and the nurses’ attention if he needs it. She fusses over his bedding and pillows, and she fusses over him. She’s always been such a great mom.
While she cares for our son, I look after my wife.
Her body needs to heal from the trauma it was dealt last night at my hand, so I ensure she takes her pain medication for her throat and eats and drinks regularly.
Guilt almost drowns me as I watch her struggle to hide a wince every time she swallows.
Abbi’s always been good at concealing her physical and emotional pain.
I forgot that for a while and thought everything was okay between us.
I force her to take short walks up and down the hallway to stretch her body and encourage her to nap while Murphy’s napping.
The lights in the room appear to be brighter, and when I look out of the window, the sky is considerably darker than the last time I looked.
Climbing to my feet, I wander to the window and look down at the street below.
The streetlights have been switched on, and cars are driving with their headlights on.
It’s so easy to lose track of the day when you’re stuck inside four concrete walls.
A staff member brings in a tray of food for Murphy. “Dinner,” he announces, then leaves to deliver dinner to the person in the next room.
Abbi looks across at me. “Do you think we should wake him?”
“I guess they want him to eat, so maybe we should.” I shrug and head over to the table and lift the lids off the dishes.
Soup. I lean down to sniff. Pumpkin, I guess.
Steamed fish, soggy beans, carrots, and mashed potatoes. It doesn’t look that appealing, but I guess it’s nutritious.
I lift the last lid. Pudding. Judging by the dark brown color, I guess it’s chocolate. He’s always been a fiend for chocolate, and if he only eats this, I guess it’s better than nothing.
Abbi gently rouses him, but he’s not happy about it. The furrow between his eyebrows takes me back to when he was a toddler and Abbi would wake him from his afternoon nap so he didn’t oversleep. She was always good at keeping the kids on a schedule.
“It’s time for dinner, Murph,” Abs coaxes him softly.
“Just wanna sleep. Tired,” he grumbles.
I grab the pudding and wave it close to his nose so he can smell the chocolate. “There’s chocolate pudding.”
He cracks one eye open, and Abbi rolls her eyes at me good-naturedly.
When Murphy shifts his hand to push himself up, I rush around to the other side of his bed to assist him.
Abbi presses the button on the bed to raise him into a more upright position, while I support his body until he can settle against his pillows that Abbi’s readjusted.
While I’m happy for Murphy to just eat his pudding, Abbi puts her foot down to ensure he has some of his soup and main meal first. “You need to eat properly, Murph.”