25. Beth
Beth
Tonight was the big night. I was running late, but I was finally here, and the tent looked beautiful.
Twinkle lights lined the ceiling of the tent, and there were giant electric candles in the center of each table.
People were running around trying to prep still, but the place exuded “special night.”
After Megan had texted me earlier from work, I went to her office, driving her home to help get her changed and in bed. She burned up when I felt her, and every so often, she was still running to the bathroom to get sick.
She was missing her big night. It didn’t feel fair that I was here, and she was home, sick in bed.
I tried to put that to the back of my mind though. I wanted to soak up the last few days of Port St. Clair and enjoy what time I had left with Johnny.
Last night, when we were on the Ferris wheel, I couldn’t help but think he was going to bring something important up before we got stuck and I freaked out by the height we were at.
I shook my head, trying to clear it. That was wishful thinking anyway.
Maybe I could talk with him after the festival was over though.
We’d really never had a full adult conversation about what our relationship could look like, and if he was on board, I wanted to give long distance a shot.
I knew he still had baggage from his marriage, but I was willing to put in the effort if he was.
My stomach did flips just giving myself the hope, but I knew it wasn’t the time.
“There you are!” Johnny came up, giving me a quick kiss before raking his gaze over my body. “You look gorgeous.”
I’d taken Megan’s advice to heart when she told me this was the biggest event in town of the year, and if you can’t dress up for that, what could you dress up for?
I borrowed one of her dresses. It was emerald green and went down to my calves with a ruffle on the bottom.
It was low-cut, lower than any of my dresses, but when I’d tried it on for her last week, she squealed, saying I had to wear it and that it showed everything off without looking trashy.
Instead of heels, I wore a pair of wedge sandals that I hadn’t had on all summer, and I curled my hair, pulling back the front.
She insisted I wear a shade of her red lipstick.
When I’d looked in the mirror earlier, I almost hadn’t recognized myself, but my freckles still showed through my makeup, and I felt like it was the glammed-up version of myself that I just wasn’t used to.
“I’m going to get lipstick on you.” I leaned back, before he kissed me anyway.
“You think I care?” I felt Johnny’s hand roam against my back, before giving my butt a squeeze.
“The place looks amazing. I’m sorry I couldn’t help more.”
“You helped plenty. Plus, Megan needed you,” he said, his hand still grazing my lower back.
He, along with Lane, Ted, and Miranda had done wonders in the tent. Last night, it hadn’t looked like this, and I needed to remember to take photos to show Megan how it all turned out.
“Can’t believe you’re tonight’s auctioneer. I might have to bid on something just to get some face time with you.”
“Never.” He chuckled. “I always have time for my girl.”
My heart swelled. I liked the sound of that, and I took deep breaths not to read too much into it. I didn’t need to overthink anything. I could talk with him tomorrow, and we could level set before I took off for Randall next week. It would all be okay.
“You have my clothes?”
I lifted the bag toward him, and he gave me a quick kiss before heading in the other direction to change.
As he changed, I found where all the silent auction items were and placed the bid sheets below each donation. Guests filtered in, and even with my back to them, one voice in particular stood out to me.
The program was getting started soon, and I was set to be stationed in the back of the tent with all the silent auction items. I made my way to the back of the room, and my eyes connected with Johnny’s. I silently whispered, “Hi,” to him and gave him a low wave next to my hip.
The music died down as Johnny stepped onto the stage, and Greg stepped on stage next to him, microphone in hand, booming through the speaker. They were ad-libbing back and forth, and I knew even though it wasn’t the original plan, this would still be a great night that Megan would be proud of.
“Beth?”
Was someone saying my name?
“Beth!”
I looked over my shoulder, and Michael was standing behind me.
“Michael? What are you doing here?”
“Wow. Beth, you look…” His gaze raked over my body, and I felt myself flush. I wasn’t used to being looked at like that by him. “Just wow.”
“Michael, what are you doing here?” I repeated, impatiently. “I told you not to come.” I turned toward him, still keeping an eye on the stage where Johnny and Greg were joking back and forth.
“I see that. I didn’t realize this was such a fancy event.” He looked down at his own boots and jeans. He looked cleaned up compared to his usual work wear, but he wasn’t dressed for Starlight Night.
“You shouldn’t be here at all—no matter the type of event,” I whisper-shouted at him before dragging him just outside the tent but still within view of the stage.
“Obviously I didn’t realize what I was walking into.
” He looked in through the doorway of the event, his head on a swivel, hands on his hips.
Even though he was completely out of place, confidence radiated off him.
“It’s time we had a talk, face to face.” Michael wore that smug look that he sometimes had, and I didn’t want to go there.
My attention was split between Michael and the stage. It looked like Johnny and Greg were wrapping up, and I caught Johnny staring at us.
Shit. I’m sure he was wondering what I was doing out here.
“Michael, now is not a good time,” I said through my teeth. “We can talk when I’m back home.”
“No, we can talk now. I drove all the way down here, and you’re blowing me off again,” he said gruffly, shaking his head. “I don’t get you, Beth. What’s Port St. Clair have that we don’t have back home? You’ve had your fun, and now it’s time to get back to real life.”
“I told you not to come down, and here you are, not even listening to what I have to say. You never listen to me. It’s always about you. What about what I want?” I asked, holding my ground.
“Of course I listen, but this is about us,” he said through his teeth, clearly trying not to make a scene.
“There is no us.” I backed away from him. “There hasn’t been for a while.”
He reached out to grab my arm, and when his fingers made contact, the ice-cold of his touch sparked a realization.
I didn’t need this.
I didn’t want this.
I was tired of everyone else being in control of my life except for me.
This was my time, and if I didn’t take advantage of it, I would lose my opportunity.
I wanted to be in Port St. Clair, and I’d figure out how to make that work, even if it meant figuring out another solution for my family. Deep down, I knew my parents wanted me to be happy.
“Come on, Beth. Be realistic,” Michael said. “You don’t fit in here. You’re a Randall girl through and through. You belong back home, not in some tourist trap.”
My blood ran hot through my body as I looked up at the man that I’d loved years ago, a love that had clearly run its course.
Right now, all I cared about was the man standing on the stage. The man I needed to tell I loved him, and I didn’t want to spend any more time talking with Michael.
“I know you think you know what’s right for me, but I’m telling you right now, you don’t. This is my time. This is about me, not you. So stop trying to make everything about yourself.” My chest puffed out as I spoke.
“Beth, please, can you just listen to yourself? Don’t throw this all away,” he said, talking more gently now that I was finally getting the upper hand.
“We’ve run our course, Michael, and it’s about time you realized that.
Sure, we were good, and at some point, yes, I loved you, but I haven’t for a long time.
We’ve been growing apart for years now.” I took a deep breath.
“And as much as I appreciate everything you’ve done for my family, we’re done. ”
“Beth, come on. You can’t possibly mean that. I know you.” He eyed the stage at Johnny looking down at us. “This couldn’t possibly be what you want.”
“How would you know?” I took a step back from him, and he followed, closing the gap again. “You don’t listen when I tell you what’s important to me. You knew this summer was special to me, what my plan was for the farm, but it was all just a big joke to you, wasn’t it?”
His mouth ticked up for a beat, and he caught himself.
“It’s not a joke, no. But if I’m being honest with myself, I think you’re in over your skis with some of the changes you’re trying to make.
” He shook his head. “But if that’s what you need.
If that’s what’s going to make you come home for good, I’ll support you. ”
It was clear that would never be the case, and now that I’d had more distance from Michael, I couldn’t believe I ever thought he was a good idea.
I’d outgrown him a long time ago. He was a good man, but he wanted something completely different than I did.
He would never truly support my dreams in the way I needed.
“I’m done, Michael. I hope you find what you’re looking for, but it’s not me.”
He tried interrupting, and I cut him off, holding up my hand.
Finally, he nodded, hanging his head. We stood there for a few moments in silence, the whirl of the festival surrounding us, the realization of what was happening hitting both of us.
He cleared his throat before reaching out again and placing his hand on my shoulder, this time with less force, before pulling me in for a hug. It felt awkward, both of us knowing that this was it and both unsure how to navigate with each other.
“Bye, Beth.” He turned around, walking toward the other end of the festival.
I took a deep breath. Did I really just say all those things to him?
As I turned back toward the tent, I looked around the room, feeling a heavy gaze on me.
Johnny stood offstage. Greg talked with him, probably about more logistics as people ate, but Johnny wasn’t paying attention to him.
Instead, Johnny’s gaze was fixed in my direction.
His eyes didn’t leave mine, and I felt the sadness and confusion in them as he watched me make my way back to my seat.
Shit.