26. Johnny
Johnny
I was buzzing. Luckily, Beth was able to grab me a button-down and some slacks from home, and she got here in enough time for me to change and prep with Greg.
I wasn’t completely comfortable leading an event I was just thrown into, so I asked him to join me onstage during the introductions.
That way, he could schmooze with the donors when I did the auction.
Show time.
As I stepped up on stage, I realized how large the tent was.
The sea of people in front of me were decked out in long dresses, button-down shirts, and some of the guys even had sport coats on.
I’d been here the last few years, but I felt a jolt of nerves as I adjusted the microphone and Greg joined me.
Almost as if she planned it, Beth caught my eye in that moment, waving before taking a spot at the back at the room. Her smile lit up, and she instantly calmed me.
“Good evening, Port St. Clair!” I said through the mic.
“Hi everyone,” said Greg, standing next to me. “It’s great to see some new faces along with some very old faces.” He chuckled to himself, and the crowd ate it up. “But seriously, thank you for being here on such a special night for our town.”
Greg and I went back and forth for a few minutes doing a bit we’d come up with. He announced the upcoming fall and winter activities, and I stood there, keeping the smile on my face.
As I looked out into the crowd, trying to find Beth, I didn’t see her. Finally, I noticed her through the entranceway, standing under the giant balloon arch the decorated around the door. I couldn’t figure out what she was doing there. Then I saw him.
The man was a little younger than me, but I didn’t recognize him. He was dressed up but not compared to Beth or the rest of the people in the room. He had on boots with jeans and a plaid shirt. He stood there, talking to Beth.
I couldn’t tell what was going on, but as soon as I glanced back at Beth, she caught my eye. I just looked at her, trying to decipher what was happening, unable to.
“Now, Johnny will thank all of our sponsors for this evening.”
I blinked, and I felt Greg nudge my arm.
“Yes, thanks, Greg. As you know, this is a huge event to undertake, and it takes more than just a few people to make it happen. Huge thank you to all of our town and community volunteers, our sponsors, and of course, you, our guests,” I said.
I went through my list of sponsors, making sure I didn’t forget anyone, and when I looked up, Beth and the mystery man were still under the archway. She had guided him farther out of the tent though, and it was more challenging to see them from my spot on the stage.
What was going on? Who was this guy? They looked like they knew each other and well—too well. That’s when it hit me.
Michael.
That’s who that was. I could tell from how he stood there, so comfortable with her and how she described him that it must be him. She had mentioned he reached out a few weeks back but nothing since.
I couldn’t help my brain from spiraling as I watched them.
The festival moved around me, and I heard Greg’s voice talking, but everything in me flashed back to three years ago when everything went sideways.
The pain. The betrayal. The lies. My skin prickled, and I shook my head, trying to take myself out of the memory that caused so much pain.
I had told myself I would protect myself going forward, and I did a pretty damn good job up until Beth stepped into my life, causing me to throw all my rules out the window.
The familiarity between Beth and the man she was talking to was obvious.
They looked like they belonged together.
It didn’t matter how she made me feel. I couldn’t risk being trampled on again.
I wasn’t risking it. Besides, I was working on something I had pushed so hard for. I didn’t need a distraction.
“And so, folks, enjoy dinner. Johnny here will be up shortly to start the auction. Enjoy your night!”
Greg stepped off stage, and I followed him, numb to the event at this point. I followed his lead.
“You okay?” he asked, eying me. “You look pale. Hopefully you’re not getting sick too.”
“Nah, I’m fine.” I shook my head.
He continued on, talking about what to expect and when to go up to actually start the auction. I nodded, but my brain wasn’t in the conversation. It was behind the balloon arch where I saw the mystery man lean into Beth, wrapping his arms around her, then her returning the gesture.
They stood like that for a moment, just holding each other.
He rubbed her back, her head leaning against him, and he brushed her hair back from her face, then lightly kissed the top of her head.
My throat thickened, and my ears burned and the heat radiated down to my neck and chest. I took slow breaths, watching them. I’d never had a panic attack, but I was pretty sure that’s what was happening.
I heard a murmur in the background that I knew was Greg, but my mind was across the tent.
I felt out of my body, and it kicked me right back into how I felt when Anne left.
Leaving me for another man—one that fit better into her life, someone more successful, someone that wasn’t me.
Even though I knew things between Beth and I were only supposed to be temporary, I couldn’t help the pain that shot through me.
I swallowed, forcing myself to calm, telling myself that she didn’t need me, that I didn’t need her.
It wasn’t worth it.
She wasn’t worth it.
Even though everything in me felt like running to her.
She pulled back from him and looked directly into my eyes.
Hers widened, and I couldn’t tell what she was thinking, but there was an ever-so-slight wince.
Our eyes locked for a few seconds. Disappointment clouded me, and I took a deep breath, trying to forget being in love with this woman, trying to forget what I wanted and instead focus on what I needed.
The rest of Starlight Night went on as planned.
After dinner, I jumped back up onstage and unenthusiastically read the scripts Beth and I had put together.
Greg was front and center at one of the round tables with the big donors, and by the end of the night, we brought in a record amount of donations for the town.
It should have been the best night, but I couldn’t let myself feel the emotions after watching Beth in the back. I needed to tamp them down.
Greg came up to me after with a wide grin on his face, shaking my hand with his hearty mayor handshake, thanking me for filling in.
The entire night only lasted a few hours, but after what I saw with Beth and the man I assumed was Michael, I didn’t notice the time passing. I felt numb.
During dinner, Beth must have wandered back in and taken a seat in the back.
The man was nowhere I could see. During the auction, I saw she had pulled up a chair next to Mary, and they spent most of the time silently sitting next to each other, listening to the auction around them, occasionally whispering back and forth.
Once the crowd died down, I helped the guys clean up a bit, and after saying goodbyes, I took off to sit on one of the benches by the marina. I needed to give myself space. The air was thick with the summer humidity, and the smell of the lake wafted around me.
“Hey! I’ve been looking for you.” Beth trudged up the small hill. It was dark, but I’d know her voice anywhere, and I could make out the outline of her flowing dress.
“Hey,” I said, not looking up at her.
“You did such a great job up there.” I felt the smile in her voice. “Greg said it’s the highest earning auction we’ve had. That’s amazing. I already texted Megan. I know she’s bummed she couldn’t be here, but I know she’ll be thrilled with how it went. I already texted—”
“Who was that?” I asked, unable to keep the clip from my voice. My skin was still clammy, and my stomach still turned, unable to close the door on the past.
“Who was who?”
“It was Michael, right?” I asked.
“Outside the tent? Yeah, that was Michael.” She stood there, waiting for me to respond with a blank look on her face.
“Figured as much.” I scuffed my foot into the dirt before turning to her. “He come back to declare his undying love for you?” I half laughed, trying to hide the fear that radiated out of me.
She flushed, starting in her face, and it radiated down to her chest. “He said he needed to talk.”
“Tonight? Of all nights?”
“Yeah, he asked to come down here when he texted last week, but I told him not to. Obviously, he came anyway.” She bit her lip.
“What did he want to talk about?” I tried to remain calm, my heart clenching.
She shook her head. “He doesn’t think I should be here. Thinks I need to get back home where I’m needed. Wants to get back together.”
“That makes sense,” I said, focused on ending this conversation as quickly as possible.
She reared her head back. “No, that’s not what I want—at least, not him.” She shook her head. “I don’t think of him that way anymore. It’s been years since we were really good together. I told him it would never work.”
“You look good together,” I said. “Clearly, he still has feelings for you. Otherwise, he wouldn’t make this big effort.”
“What are you talking about?” she asked.
“In a few days, you’re moving back to Randall. It’ll be pretty convenient for you both since you’ll be living in the same small town. He already works for the farm. You have the history. You should tell him you’ll give it a shot.”
It pained me to say this, but I needed to push her away. I needed to protect myself. It was the only way.
Beth narrowed her eyes at me. “It’s not what I want. I thought—”
“Thought what? That we’d stay together? How would that even work?
Your work and family are up there. Mine is here.
There’s no way around that. Even if we tried staying together, it would just prolong the inevitable.
It’s ridiculous.” I knew I was being callous and gruff, but it needed to be this way.
I couldn’t have any questions about it. I needed to rebuild my wall that had dropped the last few months. I watched as she took in my curt words.
She snapped her head back. “It’s not ridiculous. I know we didn’t mean for this to happen with us, but it has. I have feelings for you. Strong feelings. I don’t want to give that up. Do you?”
Her eyes were wide, with tears threatening to fall behind them.
Her pink lips parted. Of course, I didn’t want to give that up.
But I didn’t have a choice. I wasn’t going to go through the same thing as I had three years ago when, clearly, she had an easy choice in front of her, and she needed to take it.
“I think you should take him up on his offer.” I stood up and put my hands in my pocket. “Sounds like a good plan. You’ve got it all figured out up there.”
“No, I don’t want that. I want this.” She took a breath, and one silent tear rolled down her freckled cheek. “I want you.” She paused, clearing her throat. “I’m tired of people telling me what I should and should not want. I decide—not him, not you. Not my parents.”
My heart pounded, and I took a step back. “I can’t do this, Beth. I’m not going to stand in the way of what you need—what your family needs. This was only a summer thing, anyway.” I needed to push her away before something worse happened to me.
“But—” She reached out her arm, and I took another step back.
“Goodbye, Beth. I’m sure everything will work out at home.”
I turned, leaving her in the dimly lit marina park. My breath hitched in my throat. This was what was best for both of us.
Even if she didn’t see it now, it was the right thing to do. There was no use stringing each other along.
As I made it to my truck, I rested my head against the steering wheel. In a few days, she wouldn’t live here anymore, and I could move on.
It would be easier. Simpler. I was sure of it.