Chapter 20 #2
She dropped her hands from her face. “There’s no way you should have warned me about concrete columns three times as wide as me.
I have eyeballs and depth perception.” She gave me a warning look, and I sucked in my lips.
“In theory.” Her head fell back into her hands.
“Not this time though. I smacked right into it with my face.” Her arms and neck were flushed.
Heat emanated off her from her shame. “I was so shocked that it took me a second to realize my nose was bleeding. I heard the gasp of somebody nearby, and Vicky said something like ‘oh, dear’ but in a shitty, amused way. Then I just ran out of there. Probably only a trail of laughter and blood behind me.”
“Shit,” I repeated. I don’t think I’d ever felt so frustrated on behalf of someone. I knew I should have gone in there with her. Anger toward Vicky overwhelmed me, but I wasn’t about to throw out the B-word again. Though maybe Sophie would allow it in this instance.
“It could not have gone worse,” she said.
“You could have accidentally peed your pants,” I offered.
Her body stilled. Suddenly, her shoulders started to shake.
“Crap.” I’d remembered her dark humor from before and thought it would be okay. “I’m sorry, Sophie. Too soon. I shouldn’t joke.”
Her shoulders shook harder. “It was so awful.” She sounded so mournful. “I will end up online and go viral. I probably already am.”
“Fuck. I’m sorry.” I put my arms around her and pulled her to me. She grabbed my shirt and pulled her face into it. She made a sound I didn’t recognize, and I lowered my head to make sure she wasn’t hyperventilating.
“Wait. Are you laughing?” I asked, rearing back.
She made a louder sound, shaking more. “I don’t know,” she wailed. She looked up, eyes red and spilling tears, but her mouth was pulled back in a grimace? A grin? I honestly couldn’t tell. “I think both.” This just made her laugh-cry harder.
I couldn’t help the tentative smile that spread across my face. “You’re okay?”
“I don’t know. I might have cracked finally,” she said, but she had definitely been laughing. After a minute, she took a steadying breath as I handed her a tissue from the first aid bag.
“It sounds rough,” I agreed.
“That was awful. Like so much worse than I could have planned.” She had stopped shaking.
“I’m so sorry. I need to stop helping.” I was lower than I thought, despite her outburst.
“What are you talking about? I feel alive. More than I ever have.”
“What?” I asked in disbelief.
“I didn’t die.” She tossed her hands out to the sides like it was obvious.
“I thought that I might. I mean, for a few seconds I left my body, but I didn’t die.
I thought I was dead when I woke up here, but nope, I’m still here.
” She smiled up at me. Her color had returned mostly, just some pink left around her eyes. “And that is all thanks to you.”
I didn’t know what to say. I felt like I’d been making everything worse since I’d decided to help with this list.
“I feel like, maybe we really can do this,” she said. Her big, dark eyes gleamed hopefully up at me. “I feel almost excited? I mean, I don’t think things could be worse.”
“Good. Yeah. You set the bar really high.” I smiled in amazement at her. She was incredible and resilient.
She threw her head back to laugh and then stopped short. “Ouch.”
I squeezed to activate an ice pack wrapped in a towel before I held it to her lip. I was overwhelmed with the desire to kiss her.
I had never been more thankful for a split lip because otherwise I would be pulling her into my lap.
Knowing that it would hurt her was the only thing that stopped me from leaning in to press my mouth against hers.
That and the complete and utter fear of rejection.
She had made many comments about my body, but she also made it seem like my physique wasn’t necessarily something she valued.
What did I have to offer her? What would make her want to kiss me?
I had a bad feeling that wasn’t the last time I’d have that thought.
Maybe my desire was written all over my face after all. Because she slowly lowered the ice pack from her lip, mouth parted. Her body swayed ever so slightly toward me.
I could not kiss her, not after the day she’d had.
“Sophie,” I said, my voice so much quieter than I meant.
Her eyelids seemed to take more time to open, and she looked at my lips when I spoke.
But I didn’t have a plan for what to say next.
I wanted to kiss her so fucking bad. I wanted to tug her into my lap and feel her writhe against me as I showed just how desirable I found her.
I wanted to spend hours showing her that she was the most irresistible woman I’d ever met.
That this heat was burning up my back every second I spent with her.
I had to shut that shit down. I was here to help her. Not take advantage of her in a vulnerable situation.
“Is it weird to hear that and not move into action?” she asked, and for a terrifying second, I worried maybe my thoughts had been out loud.
Then I realized she was referring to the blaring alarm going off throughout the firehouse.
I hadn’t even heard it.
I stood up instantly. I was two steps away when I realized I wasn’t on duty right now and, in fact, my interfering would only risk a complication or a mistake. And these were the seconds that mattered most. The rest of the guys knew what they were doing downstairs.
“Yeah. I’m struggling. I feel like one of those trained dogs who are tested with live squirrels,” I joked.
We heard the bustle of the guys rushing into gear as a woman’s robotic voice called out the emergency code and the address.
“Is it bad?” Sophie asked, concerned.
I shook my head. “Sounds like it’s a minor collision, so it should be routine.”
After less than two minutes, the blaring siren of the truck had faded into the distance, and the quiet was palpable in the now-empty firehouse.
Sophie and I.
Beds all around.
It would be so easy to lay her on the bed. To lavish her with kisses.
God, when had this switch been flipped in my brain?
Was it really because I saw her boobs? Was I that simple a machine?
But no. If I was being honest, it started when her gaze burned into me as she sketched the lines of my face in her notebook.
Or maybe when she shared the hidden treasures of her home like they were her deepest secrets.
Or when I laid her out on the mats at the gym, her ankle on my shoulder.
Or maybe, just maybe, this feeling of connection wasn’t only physical, and it began when I found that list. Something inside of me sat up and paid attention when the list was delivered to me.
Maybe this was really something.
I swallowed. My heart beat so hard in my chest, I worried I’d swoon worse than she had.
I stood up and stepped away from her. I was here to help her, not lust after her.
“Thank you for taking care of me,” she said as her gaze burned into the side of my face.
“Of course.” I couldn’t meet her eyes. If I looked at her now, she would see all my inner turmoil.
I’d been about to kiss her. Had that alarm not gone off, my hand would have been finding its way up that skirt to squeeze her ass while we made out.
I wanted to make sure she was safe, not make her moan on one of these cots before the guys got back.
That’s not true. I did want both things. But I would only do one.
Take care of her. I would always want to take care of Sophie.
“Let’s get you home. I’ll get your sweater back to you next time I see you.”
“Okay,” she said in a small voice.
Hopefully, by the time we meet again, I’ll have gotten my act together and be able to look her in the eyes.
When this started, I had thought I could be better for her, but this was somehow so much worse.
Not only was I responsible for quite possibly the worst day of her life, but I’d gone and developed deep, unrelenting feelings for her.