Chapter 21
Pace
I had expected that Sophie would retreat after our almost kiss—God, what had I been thinking? But I knew. She was irresistible. I was growing accustomed to having excuses to be around her.
Going against every single instinct to check in with her every moment of every day, I gave her space as I did with Levi.
As I probably should have done with Kaylee, looking back.
It wasn’t about my need to be needed; it was about their needs, or specifically, Sophie’s.
As much as I missed her and wanted to be in her presence constantly, the last thing she’d want was to be smothered.
To my immense pleasure, only two days later, she reached out to me.
She messaged me a GIF of a trembling turtle’s head poking out of its shell.
Sorry, I’ve been retreating.
I gave her a winky emoji back and asked how she was.
Ready for my next task. With a strong-arm emoji. Of course, she was, because she was resilient.
That was all we needed to start a constant flow of conversation. For all that Sophie seemed to hold back in person, her texts came at all hours on all topics.
We chatted back and forth the whole week and the next. It was a thrill to see her reach out to me when I woke up, and she was the last person I talked to each night.
Things were getting busy around town, and with the start of the holidays, which seemed to start today with Halloween, I provided various services in addition to the long shifts at the firehouse.
And yet Sophie made her list a priority without me even having to bring it up.
After the epic failure at the bank, something in her shifted.
She was still herself, anxious and thoughtful, but she was more determined than ever.
She really wanted to make progress. Things were being marked off the list left and right.
And I was there for it all.
I was with her when she called to make a dentist appointment.
She tried to book it online, and when it didn’t work, they called her back, almost causing her a panic attack.
But she answered the phone and talked to them.
I wasn’t sure if she realized she was squeezing my hand as she made the appointment. But I held it right back.
I held her trembling hand during the dental cleaning too, and chatted with the dental hygienist so she didn’t have to.
I even got her to join me for a morning run.
Not one with all the guys, I didn’t want to traumatize her, but we walked/jogged around all of Cozy Creek and then got a smoothie.
She was pleasantly surprised by that activity, and it made me glow when she said, I liked how much it brought me out of my head when I was focusing on not collapsing from exhaustion.
This may be something I try again. I need a better bra though.
I had to look at the bright blue Colorado sky, not at where she winced and tugged at her bra.
I did not, however, go in with her to the lady doctor. Nobody wanted that. I did wait for her in my truck though.
Her face and neck burned bright red when she hopped into the passenger’s seat an hour later.
“Are you—?”
She shook her head once. “We don’t need to talk about it.” She buckled herself in, face forward, as I checked to make sure she was okay. Her hands were clasped in her lap. “Just know that my last boyfriend didn’t see as much as she did. Oof. Any boyfriend,” she mumbled.
I had a few follow-up questions after that comment. First and foremost, when was her last boyfriend? How did she feel about boyfriends in general? When could I ask her to be more than friends?
Instead, I said, “But, hey. You did it. Another item off the list.” I held up my hand for a high five.
She finally turned to me. Her chest rose and fell in a deep breath before she smacked my hand weakly. “Yeah.” She smiled for the first time today. “Thank you, again. Always.”
“We are moving right along the list now.”
“Just a few left,” she said, holding my gaze.
We both turned away to look out the windshield.
I clenched my jaw, biting my tongue, and shifted the gear to leave.
Like so much of the time lately, I found I was too afraid to burst this bubble of friendship to ask for more. She hadn’t put me on a pedestal, per se, but she certainly didn’t seem to contemplate us being together as a couple like I did. She’d mentioned “different species” at one point.
If only I could show her how compatible we could be . . .
It wasn’t just that I craved her touch all the time, constantly finding easy excuses to touch her and brush against her, but I missed her constantly too.
Physically and emotionally. She was the first person I thought to tell about the new raccoon babies.
Even though I did scold mom and dad raccoon for bringing them into the dumpster.
They reached for me with their little grabby fingers when they saw me, and all was forgiven.
She was the person I sent pictures of pretty flowers I saw on my runs.
She’d unlocked something in me that made me pay attention to the little things, and now whenever I noticed them, I wanted to share them with her.
When I finished my newest paperback, I gave it to her to read.
I hadn’t had a person in my life that I talked to everyday in a long time.
I hadn’t even let myself miss it, but now that I had it again, I already worried about how fast we were working through the list. Why had I given us a hard stop for these tasks?
Why couldn’t I drag this out just a bit longer?
Maybe until we were old and gray.
I shook that thought away sharply.
We were happy to learn that we both had Halloween off tonight.
Though there were only several firefighters in Cozy Creek proper, so I never felt like I was ever really off, on the rare chance something big went down.
We agreed that the Halloween Bash and costume contest would be a great way to knock a few more items off the list.
Then just the Winter Ball remained. The big event I was working up to asking her out to. I mean, it would be assumed, right? That she and I would go together?
I told Sophie I’d meet her after the trick-or-treating on Main Street.
Even though I wasn’t working, I’d still agreed to hand out candy in my uniform.
We decorated the old truck out front with marigolds and pumpkins, skeletons and webs.
And few things made me happier than seeing all the kids in their costumes, looking up in awe at the fire truck.
She’d been sending hints as to what her costume might be, but each one was more confusing than the last. After her latest text, I decided to stop guessing and let myself be surprised. It was three emojis: a little hand making an okay sign, a padlock, and a little house.
This is how I find out you’re bad at riddles, she said.
Or you’re bad at clues, I’d teased back.
When the flow of younger trick-or-treaters melted into groups of older kids, I told the guys I was headed out.
I had looked forward to meeting up with Sophie all week, and handing out the candy to cute little kids has been as fun as always, so I couldn’t explain the weird mood I was in. A funk I couldn’t shake.
As I changed into my costume of a leopard-print loincloth and a tooth necklace, I recalled the conversation I’d had with Sophie a few weeks ago about the costume.
Secretly hoping she’d try to match mine.
But she’d been tight-lipped in her response.
All she said was, “Everyone is going to think you’re Tarzan. ”
“Trust people to know the seminal role of Brendan Fraser’s George of the Jungle.”
There was a beat of silence, and I wished she’d tell me what she’d been thinking. “Aren’t you going to be cold?” she asked.
“Fireman. Naturally hot-blooded,” I’d responded.
After putting away my clothes in my locker, I headed down to the street and rubbed at my chest as I noticed a growing sense of dread I couldn’t identify.
Was it just that I wanted to be here with Sophie in a couple’s costume?
Was I thinking of doing something stupid like asking her out on a date?
The chest pain tightened. Maybe that was it.
I didn’t want to be just friends. I wanted to see where this was going.
I needed to know if she felt this pull too.
It was as though we were connected, and I never noticed the rope that tied us together.
Now that I was aware of this connection, it forever pulled me back to her, like a lifeline tether between two firefighters in a particularly smoky fire.
Last week, sometime after we walked into and then back out of the tattoo and piercing shop, I’d decided that I was going to need to do something about these feelings for her.
I thought about it again after we’d left her doctor’s office.
Every time we were set to leave each other’s side, I felt the need to double knot this bond.
I stood on the precipice of something important that I wanted to tell her. If I could see her, then I was sure that the words would come to me. My instincts would take over.
I stepped out into the night, the town center bustling with families.
“Damn,” I swore.
I was freaking freezing and equally as determined not to show it as I made my way to the town square, where Sophie and I were set to meet. My nipples could probably cut glass, the tooth necklace frigid against my skin.
A large, lurking shape emerged from the shadow to block my path.
“Gah!” I clutched at my chest and stumbled back as I heard Claire giggle.
“Hi,” Levi said from behind a white mask that vertically covered half his face. He wore a long, dark cape with a high collar over a dark vest and a white, frilly shirt.
Claire was at his side in a lacy, white corseted dress. Her long, dark hair was styled in many tight curls.
“You guys look great,” I said. “Who are you?”