Chapter 27
Pace
“Is it safe to say that Pace is smitten?” Claire asked in a loud whisper at my side.
“We could ask him if he ever stops staring at her,” Levi replied.
“I can answer and keep staring at Sophie,” I said in response to their blatant attempt to bait me.
Across the firehouse mess hall and into the galley, Sophie smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear.
Lifting her gaze to catch mine, she sent me a flirty little eyebrow raise before focusing on the people in her immediate vicinity again.
I swallowed and gripped my bubbly water, feeling its effervescence through my whole body.
I warned my feet to stay in place, where I leaned against the center island in the kitchen. She was doing great.
It was Friendsgiving at the firehouse. It had been packed with friends and neighbors.
The main table where we normally shared our meals was extended, and chairs were added to accommodate all the visiting guests.
Cole and Madi, Claire and Levi, Luanne and Noah, Jeff and his wife, even Mason and the others on duty, took the time to eat and help out.
Thankfully, no calls came in as food was passed around.
The conversation was loud and bright as the couples shared the sometimes ridiculous stories of how they all met.
Now, we were all full, standing around, digesting as the party grew rowdier even as there were fewer people. The younger families had long gone home, but the atmosphere was festive and fun.
While I had been hesitant to leave Sophie’s side, as the night wore on, I felt her grow more comfortable.
She squeezed my hand under the table in reassurance when a couple of women asked her to join them for a game of darts while the guys cleaned up.
She sent me a quick, shy smile before following after.
Now, she seemed to be impressing them with her hidden talent for the game.
When she shot me another look, I gave her a thumbs-up and grinned like an idiot.
“Smooth,” Levi muttered, and Claire hushed him for teasing.
A flush burned my ears. It had been a painfully dorky gesture, but I was a man lost to feelings.
With one week until the Winter Ball, and the holidays keeping everyone busy at their jobs, this night had been carved out as a chance for all of us to gather and be grateful.
I had been nervous she wouldn’t want to come, but watching her here, meeting all the other people in my life, and trying so hard despite a wave of nerves, I had never felt more grateful.
Since Sophie and I had decided on going to the charity ball together, we’d used it as an excuse to spend even more time with each other, discussing how to cope with her anxieties and things like what we were going to wear.
But now with the added bonus of full access to each other’s bodies.
I couldn’t get enough of her. The firehouse had always been home to me, but now every shift stretched longer than it should, my mind somewhere else entirely.
With her.
It wasn’t the emptiness I used to fight anymore. It was the distance. Every hour away from Sophie felt like time misplaced. It was time I could be spending with her.
“I’m going to go talk to Sophie,” Claire said, leaving Levi and me behind.
The four of us had hung out a few times in these last couple weeks too.
We had to, otherwise my friends probably wouldn’t see me, lost in Sophie as I was.
But it worked out since they wanted to get to know her more.
As much as I loved that they got to see the protective side of Sophie the night of the warehouse fire, it was important to me that they saw the other sides of her too, how incredible she was.
“It’s going well—”
“I’m in love with her,” I said instantly. “Pretty sure,” I added, scared and excited, pressure building in my chest.
Levi opened his mouth and closed it. Did he remember that he’d said those exact words to me a little over a year ago about Claire? I had been grateful it was him and not me. He’d seemed so wrecked and lost. Some might call that karma.
“I’m not sure though. I thought I was in love with Kaylee.
I thought I knew what love felt like, but I was a different person then.
I didn’t expect love to feel like this,” I barreled on before he could respond.
“I want to be around Sophie all the time. I want to make every single one of her problems go away. I want her to feel safe with me. These all-consuming thoughts of her, I didn’t know that love could feel like the instant bond of friendship but—” I shook my head, looking for the words.
“Lit on fire,” I said. Levi nodded, looking down at the drink in his hand.
“Like someone who knows you instantly but who you also can’t stop touching,” he said.
“Or thinking about touching,” I added.
We both looked over to the women we loved—God, loved—and redirected the train of thought. They must have felt it because they both looked up at us. Claire laughed with a little eye roll, but whatever Sophie saw on my face made her bite her lip with a blush.
Levi chuckled and took a sip of his bubbly water. “Yeah. Sounds about right.”
“Was that how it was with Claire?” I asked him.
“Pretty much from the second I ran into her. Or she ran into me. Actually, it was like she pulled me into her orbit, and maybe I thought that I didn’t want it at first, but I didn’t fight from falling that hard. My love for her came easy. The other stuff was harder.”
This was the side of things I didn’t want to talk about.
“The stuff with your mom?” I asked softly, knowing that he struggled to let Claire in all the way with the loss of his mother so fresh.
“Yep.” He shifted on his feet. “I had to work out some things before I could really be what she needed.”
I didn’t look at my best friend. I didn’t like how his words hit me square in the chest.
I’d thought about that first night with Sophie a hundred times. How she’d been lying in my arms, waiting to hear reassurance of a future between us, but something had held me back. Even now, knowing how strong my feelings for her were, I couldn’t understand my hesitation.
Why did I still hold back?
“Does she know how you feel?” Levi asked.
“Not explicitly. We haven’t declared anything official.”
“Why not? What are you waiting for?”
I rubbed at my chest, and I saw him noticing the action, but he didn’t say anything.
“After the Winter Ball. I think. When the list is completely done, and she knows I want her and not the to-do list,” I said, deciding at that moment.
The list was the catalyst that brought us together, but it didn’t make us what we were.
I wanted that to be off the table completely before we decided to move forward as a couple.
“Why wait to talk? I’ve found it’s better to be honest as early as possible.”
“Sophie and I are nothing but honest,” I said defensively, even as I thought about her lying in my arms while the words were stuck in my mouth, unable to come out.
“Is this about Kaylee?”
My focus shot back to him. “Kaylee?”
“Because she’s in town.”
“No.” I shook my head. “No,” I repeated. “I forgot you even told me she was back until just now.”
And it was true. The last time I’d even thought about her was the night that Sophie and I finally crossed every line.
I had been dreading the fact that if we went to the Winter Ball, people would probably ask if I had talked to Kaylee yet.
Much like Levi just had. Everybody assumed, despite over a decade of us not knowing each other, that Kaylee and I were in contact.
But we weren’t.
Kaylee left me, and I hadn’t spoken to her since. I didn’t even know her.
And there wasn’t even anger there. There was nothing. I looked at Sophie and felt amazement at the multitude of emotions that unfurled in my chest.
“Really?” Levi’s brows shot up.
“I’ve been preoccupied.”
“Yeah, but it’s Kaylee.”
I shrugged.
“Are you going to talk to her at all?” Levi asked.
“No. Why would I?”
I stared again at Sophie. She was actively listening as Claire chatted, arms flailing wildly and features twisting in entertaining ways as she shared her story.
“Okay. I was just wondering. What if you run into her? It’s a pretty small town.”
“I don’t know.” I waved away his question.
I didn’t like how this felt. I didn’t like this line of questioning.
Things with Sophie were so good. And sure, there were some things I hadn’t shared with her yet—but we were still so new.
I wanted to give her my best impression.
It wasn’t about a woman I once loved that I wasn’t enough for.
Who’d I’d given everything to, only to watch her walk away.
That would have Sophie retreating back into her shell, thinking I had some massive red flag.
When I didn’t say anything, Levi let out a long breath. “Just don’t wait too long to tell her how you feel. Don’t let her think she’s alone in these feelings. It’s just as scary for her too.”
I felt a conversation coming up that I didn’t want to have, so I made an excuse to leave.
I walked up to Sophie and caught the tail end of what she said to Claire.
“The realization that he puts himself in actual danger for his job puts some of my fear in perspective,” she explained to Claire.
They both turned to me. Sophie beamed and it made me trip up. Then I stepped to the side to reveal a machine behind me.
“What is that?” Her face went colorless, and her warm smile fell. I stepped close in case she actually passed out since she liked to do that.
“Oh nooooo,” she moaned.
“Oh yeah,” I said, nodding and smiling. “You thought I forgot, but I didn’t.”
It was a small karaoke machine that we had in the game closet. The guys liked to sing Broadway hits from time to time. “Do karaoke” was on the list.
“With all these people here?” She looked around nervously, though there were less than a dozen of us left. Even the guys on duty had gone back to watch TV.
“If you start, I’ll go next,” Claire offered. “You’ll be a trendsetter.”
“I’m nervous. I don’t sing well.” And as I watched, Sophie seemed to remember our talk because she added, “But I’ll do it anyway.”
She really was the bravest person I knew.
I would share everything.
Eventually.
Just not yet.