Chapter 28
Sophie
“This doesn’t feel real,” I mumbled, staring at my reflection in the full-length mirror of my bedroom.
I pressed my shaking hands against my abdomen, where butterflies were partying. I focused on feeling the velvet of my wrap dress against my fingers and took a deep breath in and out.
Do it scared, I pictured Pace whispering in my ear.
“You look incredible,” Claire said as she patted my shoulder tenderly but quickly.
She’d offered to come over today so we could get ready together, and it still boggled my mind that I had a new friend who wanted to hang out with me.
“That gown suits your coloring perfectly,” Grandma El added. “You’re like an old Hollywood starlet. Just beautiful.” She wasn’t one for emotion, but she held my gaze in the mirror, and if Claire wasn’t here, I suspected she’d say she was proud of me.
But I felt it in her gaze. I felt proud of me too.
I couldn’t believe this was finally happening; we were already to the night of the Winter Ball.
Every once in a while, a massive wave of anxiety threatened to knock me down and keep me home as I got ready with Claire.
But every time it felt like I would pass out from nerves, I just checked in with my anxiety, the emotionally needy friend, and told her to get her shoes on. And I kept moving.
As Pace and Levi waited downstairs, Grandma El buzzed between us like a pollinating bee, bringing drinks and words of encouragement.
Claire chatted happily about the complex engineering involved in the world’s only computer chip manufacturing machine, or something like that.
It was among a hundred other facts, and I listened contentedly, happy not to feel any hint of awkwardness with her, as we did our hair and makeup.
I even managed to talk a little because being around her felt almost as easy as being around Pace.
She was earnest and authentic, and even though I had a hard time following her rapid-fire subject changes and incomplete sentences, I loved every second of it. I never felt judged by her.
Unfortunately, neither Claire nor I was an expert in all things beauty, but we were efficient enough at internet searches and found the perfect tutorial so that in just a few short hours, we were ready to go. Now we both stood in front of the mirror, examining our handiwork.
She wore a beautiful floor-length satin gown in a rich eggplant, and I was in a black velvet wrap dress with a plunging neckline that hugged and displayed every curve. I wondered what Pace would think of how my breasts looked and flushed.
“Ready?” Claire asked.
I shook my head no, but said, “Yes.”
Claire laughed, and we headed for the door.
Grandma El went down before us and made a loud, cheesy announcement, so the guys were waiting at the base of the stairs as we descended.
I was distantly aware of Levi grumbling something about Claire, but one hundred percent of my focus was on Pace and clocking every single reaction as his gaze locked on me.
His throat moved on a swallow. His eyes were wide and flicked from my face to my hair to my body, lingered on my breasts—called that—and moved back to my face.
He opened and closed his mouth, but nothing came out.
I glanced down to make sure I didn’t fall in these heels I wasn’t used to, and when I looked up again, he had composed himself.
Unfortunately. I had liked seeing him dumbstruck.
Levi gently elbowed him, and he finally moved into action, stepping forward to meet me at the base of the stairs. He looped my arm through his, bending to softly brush a kiss along my cheek. “You look incredible.”
I lifted my chin and held his eyes. “I feel incredible. Transformed.”
“Nah. Now you see what I do every time I look at you,” he said, and the earnestness in his gaze made my heart turn over in my chest.
Pace looked gorgeous too, and I told him as much. He always did, but tonight he wore a black suit that complemented his supreme figure and matched my gown. With every new outfit, I was amazed at what he could make my new favorite look.
The four of us headed out with great fanfare from Grandma El.
Just before we were out of earshot, she shouted something like, “Make fun choices.”
“Just keep walking and ignore her,” I mumbled, pulling Pace along faster.
“Youth is wasted on the young,” she grumbled.
It was a short but tense ride to the community center, with my nerves suddenly firing up. I couldn’t do this. Who did I think I was?
I breathed slowly in and out, fists clenched in my lap. Pace and I were in the back seat. I felt him studying my face, and when I looked at him and caught his stare, he flustered his way through an apology.
“You’re so beautiful, I can’t stop staring,” he confessed.
Tension melted from my shoulders as I reminded myself that I wasn’t alone.
“I don’t mind,” I said, and our hands found each other on the seat between us.
I thought of Levi and Claire in the front seat, quietly chatting as we drove. Of Grandma El, shuffling back and forth between us all night.
And Pace. Pace, who has been here for every step of my transformation.
My heart ached with so many feelings, and as though he sensed it, he squeezed my hand in his.
“It’s going to be great,” he said before we got out of the car and moved to the building.
I nodded and desperately wanted to believe him.
The city hall convention center had been transformed.
It was impressive how this small town could take this shabby, squat cement building and change it completely into a grand winter garden.
Frosted glass and sage-green centerpieces.
Soft twinkling lights were strewn around thin pine trees placed in groupings and tucked away in corners.
It smelled of pine and a mix of fancy perfumes and colognes.
A man and woman, also sitting to the side, strummed acoustic guitars, adding a festive, happy vibe without being too holiday.
After a quick meal and some speeches to thank all the donors, a dance floor was erected. Pace wasted no time.
“Ready?” he asked, extending his hand, a hesitant smile on his face.
As if I could say no to him. As if I ever wanted to. I swallowed down any remaining nerves and let myself be swooped to the dance floor to complete this list once and for all.
He brought me into his arms as a soft, slow song filled the air. He smelled incredible, and I nuzzled him, studying the depths of colors in his eyes. His hand on my lower back pulled me closer and seemed unable to be still, gently playing with the fabric of my gown. It sent chills up my spine.
Even as I tried to stay present in the moment, this whole day moved too fast. I wanted to be in his arms forever.
I wanted to remember the way he held me until I was old and gray.
I wanted to remember what it felt like to be young and beautiful if only for one perfect night, with one incredible man.
It was something out of a dream. The good sort of daydreams I had when I was younger, not the stress dreams I had now, where my teeth fall out, or I’ve forgotten to go to my college math class for the entire semester, and now there was a test.
This was the stuff of fantasy. Things I hadn’t let myself imagine since age nine, when I started to understand that I didn’t look or act like the other girls around me.
I felt like a beautiful person on the arm of the most handsome man.
The way he looked down at me now made me feel even more beautiful.
The final item of the list had been checked off. And I was changed.
I checked in with my body to see if I felt different.
I stopped the worry before I could spiral.
Around us were the soft murmurs of other couples on the dance floor, the clinking of glasses, and music playing, but all I wanted was this bubble of perfection with Pace.
I wanted to hold him tight, have him squeeze me to remind me this was real and happening.
To my thrill, Pace carefully spun me out, my elegant dress swishing appealingly against my ankles, before twirling me back in. I grinned up at him.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked me. His gaze flicked back and forth between mine, as though trying to read every thought swirling there.
“That this is my wildest dream come true,” I said.
He smiled down at me and tugged my hips closer.
I saw us from the outside, floating above, and we looked like the Pretty People.
The sort of couple that I never thought I could be a part of.
Him in his amazing tux and me in this gown.
But I was still me, I still felt like me, awkward and often ruled by the broken bits of my brain, and yet I looked like I fit.
Maybe everybody walked around with broken parts, and we were all pretending to be okay.
I never knew that I could switch sides like this—that all it took was faking it until you made it. I’d be exhausted for the next week, but I was at least normal passing for tonight. I wouldn’t be able to live like this all the time, but I felt hopeful that I could find more of a balance.
I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Pace. I owed him my life.
More than that, I owed him my future. It spread out before me for once, overflowing with hope and possibility. It felt as though I was on the precipice of a new life.
How did I thank him for giving me access to a part of myself that I thought I’d never find? How could I possibly express how much I’d grown to care for him? I opened my mouth, hoping the right words would come.
His body tensed, and we stumbled to a note of the music. When I looked up, his easy smile had slipped momentarily.
“What’s wrong?” I asked instead.
“Nothing. I just thought I saw someone.” He looked back to me and smiled, but now that I’d memorized all of Pace’s many types of smiles, this was the one that I knew didn’t reach his eyes.
“Not a thing,” he repeated. “You look incredible. Have I mentioned that?” he asked as he tucked me back into him.
“Thank you,” I said. “You’re giving the fireman suspenders and tee a run for their money.”