Chapter 28 #2
His arms moved up and down my back, gently feathering my exposed skin.
“Oh, yeah? You like that more than the slutty little running shorts?” he asked.
I pursed my mouth in thought and sucked in a breath. “Hmm, maybe tied for you shirtless and in sweats.”
I bit my lip and gave him a cheeky smile.
He groaned and looked up. “Be careful. We’re in public, and I’m thinking about you in my shirt and bottomless.”
His hands continued to move restlessly. I couldn’t believe how used to his touches I’d gotten.
Our frequent adventures in the bedroom had done little to tame his need to be always connected to me.
Instead, he’d gotten freer with his affection, holding me longer.
The other morning, he’d come into the kitchen and just hugged me, head resting on mine, neither of us wanting to be the first to let go.
Even in that moment, quite literally being held by him, I felt him holding back.
“You’re such a toucher. How are you so comfortable touching me all the time?” I asked in awe.
His gaze moved around my face, jaw clenched as he looked at me, perplexed.
“I don’t touch you half as much as I want to,” he said.
If I hadn’t already been madly in love with him, I would have fallen again.
That’s all I did around Pace, fall and fall, and yet he was always there to catch me.
How was this so good, so intense? He was so open with his affection toward me, and though we hadn’t officially discussed our status as a couple, there was no sign that he hid it or was ashamed.
I knew that on the night of Friendsgiving, when he’d not let me out of his sight for more than a few minutes and found any excuse to brush his hand against me.
It was a beautiful thing to be claimed by Pace Leigh.
But even now, as wonderful as these last few weeks had been, as my notoriety had increased, and I was sure that my unlikely union with Pace was the talk of the town, I still felt a distance from him.
There were quiet moments in the middle of the night where I’d be lying in his arms and could feel him thinking.
I’d ask him if something was on his mind, and he’d transform into the gregarious, easygoing version of himself that everybody expected him to be.
Except me. I wanted him to show me every side of himself as I had done with him.
But maybe he was being honest, and he was fine.
Or maybe he just needed more time. Even though these last couple weeks had somehow felt like a lifetime of knowing him, I had to remind myself often that two months ago, we were all but strangers to each other.
“So. The list is completely done,” I said.
“And not a moment too soon. You were this close to running through town with all your clothes off,” he said as he moved me to the music.
We got through so many of the items within the first few weeks, but somehow, we’d managed to stretch this last item for over a month.
“I know, so close . . . to that never happening,” I joked. “It’s funny that you think that was ever a thing I would do.”
“I am imagining it right now.” His eyes closed even as he kept moving me in his arms, a grin spreading over his features.
“That doesn’t sound fun for me at all. I’m way too curvy.”
“Fine. Then, in one of those bras that strap you in. Somehow, in slow motion. Yes. I’m imagining this now too.”
I laughed and felt the question on the tip of my tongue.
What are we?
But then again, when I overthought us coming to the ball together, he’d made it seem as though it was a given.
Could I be so lucky that Pace saw us as an inevitability?
I thought I’d feel different with the list complete. I thought I’d wake up to some magic side of myself.
But I was starting to worry it was just a piece of paper, and I was still me.
I was about to open my mouth to ask the question that had been weighing on me when Levi and Claire danced their way over.
Levi’s features were as hard to read as ever, but it was Claire’s look of concern that made Anxiety sit up and ring her alarm bell.
I glanced around the ball, and if I wasn’t mistaken, a few people who had clearly been watching us looked away.
“She’s here,” Levi said when he was close enough to whisper it.
I barely heard him, but he wasn’t trying to keep it secret. He assumed that I already knew whatever he was trying to say.
“Who’s here?” I asked, keeping my tone light, a soft smile on my features in case anybody was trying to read lips from across the room.
The look that Levi and Claire shared told me they had assumed I already knew who this mystery she was, and I had an awful sinking suspicion that I did know.
Pace wouldn’t look at me. Instead, he just shrugged and said, “Okay?” As if he wasn’t bothered by the information.
But there was only one woman from Pace’s life who would take the title of “she” and not need to be spelled out.
“Is Kaylee back in town?” I asked nonchalantly.
Pace pulled us to the side of the dance floor. The music made it hard to hear clearly, and the fact that we’d stopped dancing was beginning to draw attention. Claire and Levi followed.
With slightly more room to talk, Pace looked at me with a flat nod. “She’s back in town. I don’t know if she’s here here,” he explained.
The loaded looks made more sense. “Okay,” I said, staying neutral, not jumping to any conclusions.
“She is,” Levi said to Pace. “I’d heard she was looking to talk to you. Maybe she thought you were avoiding her and knew that you’d be here.”
Avoiding her.
The implications of her arrival sank low in my gut. Just how long had she been here?
“How long has she been back?” I asked.
I didn’t even try to hide the confusion in my voice.
Claire and Levi looked considerably uncomfortable. “I’m sorry, I thought you knew,” Levi said, looking pointedly at Pace.
“You guys are making a huge deal out of something that doesn’t matter,” Pace said with a laugh.
I kept my features serene even as my chest felt tight. I didn’t think that Pace still had feelings for her. It was my fear early on, but he had never mentioned her. Not once. But now I wondered if the fact that he so carefully avoided reference to her meant more than a casual mention now and then.
We hadn’t been going out around town. We’d been inside and become homebodies. I thought that was because we were in some feverish honeymoon phase of sexual exploration. I never guessed it was because he was avoiding her.
Pace must have seen the worry shifting my features because he turned to me and grabbed my hands. I was sure that if he had his baseball cap on, he’d have it off and twisting in his hands.
“I knew about her being back for weeks. Since the night of that warehouse fire,” he said. He shared it as though this information would make me feel better.
“Oh. Okay.”
I could see that he tried very hard to implore how little this information meant to him, but it had me re-investigating every interaction since then in a new light.
The night I went to his house, he didn’t want to go out.
Since then, we almost never went out. I had thought that he liked being more of a homebody than he’d realized and was leaning into that side of himself.
I thought we were just really into all the lovemaking, but what if he’d been avoiding her?
If he were actively avoiding her, then he must still have feelings for her. People who genuinely didn’t care didn’t go out of their way to avoid their ex.
I had felt the eyes on us all night. I had wrongly assumed that people were intrigued and curious about our coupling. I thought maybe, pathetically, that they were thinking what a “handsome couple” we were, like Grandma had.
Now the sinking sensation in my stomach told me that they all knew. The whole town must have known for weeks, so why had nobody told me? Well, because why would they? Most of them didn’t even know who I was. They especially wouldn’t think it was any business of mine.
This was why he was hiding out.
Suddenly, the music was too loud. The people around me stood too close. The smells of perfume and sweat, cloying. I couldn’t take a deep breath in, and all my thoughts skewed negatively. Every single fear I’d pushed down now bubbled to the surface.
I wanted to cover my eyes and take myself away. My fears weren’t real. Feelings aren’t facts. Just breathe.
“Sophie, look at me,” Pace said, blocking everything else from view but him.
Was my overreaction to this news written all over my face?
Was I embarrassing him? “I promise you this isn’t a big deal, okay?
I didn’t tell you because I didn’t care.
It makes no difference to me,” he said, holding my gaze.
I wanted to believe him. I so badly wanted to let this night be magical and life-changing.
But when I looked up, my heart fell. Over his shoulder, a gorgeous woman was walking toward us.
I recognized her instantly. She was stunningly beautiful, having grown even more so with time.
Long, shining black hair, modelesque cheekbones, and a tall, lithe figure that made me feel full potato-mode.
Wasn’t there supposed to be some karmic balance that if you were beautiful when everybody else went through an awkward puberty stage, then you would age faster as they found their stride?
But no. She looked incredible. That wasn’t fair.
Her easy elegance always struck me. Even as teens.
When I saw myself in videos, it was as if I held myself the wrong way, unconsciously signaling to others that I was not like them.
She was always elegantly smooth in her movements.
It made me seem almost robotic by comparison, but a defunct machine, outdated, and several updates behind.
She smiled cautiously, gaze flicking to the small group of us. “Hey, Levi. Hi, I’m Kaylee,” she said to Claire and me, obviously having no idea who either of us were.
We all mumbled various awkward responses. Even Claire was unusually tight-lipped as her wide eyes flicked between the two of them.
“Pace,” she said.
“Hi, Kaylee,” Pace said.