Chapter 29
Pace
This was all wrong.
My gaze sought out Sophie even as I led Kaylee away from the dance floor. I didn’t want to talk to this reminder of my past. I wanted to be with Sophie on this incredible night.
Frayed nerves made my actions rough as I moved through the crowd and away from the woman who needed me.
I had always thought Sophie was beautiful.
From the moment I found her wearing those weird eye contraptions in the craft store, but tonight, I saw what had just been made apparent to everyone else.
That Sophie Kincaid was incredible. This transformation she’d undergone was not only physical, but also the way she moved, with her shoulders back and her chin lifted; her confidence glowed around her like a protective aura.
I would love to take credit for it, but it was all her. She’d always been the brave one.
She felt like she belonged here, and I couldn’t be prouder.
Or more in love.
And yet everything was starting to go wrong.
And I was terrified. For weeks now, the growing knot in my chest tightened instead of loosened around her.
I’d gone from only ever feeling comfortable in her presence to overthinking every possible scenario.
I imagined telling her my feelings only to hear that she wasn’t interested in anything after tonight.
That I’d be left all alone. And then my mouth would snap shut, and I’d make a joke.
I needed to talk to her about my feelings for her and put it all out there.
But there was dread in my stomach and a strong voice telling me it was too soon.
That she never planned to or wanted to be with me.
I was only ever a means to an end. After all, I was the guy that people needed for help with the small things, not the real things. Ultimately, I wasn’t enough for her.
I’d tried to be my happy, carefree self as I twirled Sophie around the floor and made her smile.
This was the last item on the list, and it needed to be perfect for her.
But then Kaylee appeared, and all the fears and worries I had with Sophie exploded to the surface.
Kaylee was the manifestation of everything I had done wrong in my past.
I was shaken up and scared. What could she possibly need to say to me after all these years? Kaylee’s sudden arrival was a warning sign not to screw up with Sophie. I glanced back to find Sophie, but I couldn’t see her in the crowd. I rubbed at my chest, anxious to get back to her.
“Pace? Did you hear me?” Kaylee asked, drawing my attention back to where we stood at the edge of the dance floor. She seemed a little put out by my distraction.
She made the exact face she had with me a million times before—an arch of an almost-amused, a little-annoyed eyebrow as she tilted her head. I was transported back in time when all I wanted to do was take away her pain and keep her safe by my side.
And when I looked at her at this moment, I found I didn’t feel anything, except the need to turn around and go back to Sophie.
What I had felt for Kaylee back then was adolescent admiration. It was that first connection you felt to someone that was everything, but it was still proximity-based and shallow. It was a real and important childhood love, but it wasn’t even close to the depth of my love for Sophie.
My insatiable quest for her body and mind. The desperation to be around her all the time, and when I was with her, to be touching her, and when I was touching her, to be inside her.
I was a grown man, disassembled and rearranged on every level by my love. I didn’t even recognize myself.
“Sorry. Yeah.” I shook my head. “I mean, no. What did you say?”
“I didn’t mean to interrupt your date,” she said, subtly annoyed. “So, you and Sophie Kincaid. Huh.”
I didn’t want to talk about Sophie with Kaylee. I didn’t want to hear Kaylee’s shallow, decades-old impressions of her.
“She always danced to the beat of her own drum. I admired that about her,” she went on when I didn’t respond.
Sophie and Levi were lost in the crowd, blocked by a big group of dancers.
I had my hands deep in my dress pants pockets, arching my neck to find them.
There was a stirring among the people around us, a few more looks than necessary.
The drama of me dancing with Sophie in public at the first major event since we became .
. . close was news enough, and now Kaylee was here—
“I mean, she wasn’t one of the popular kids, but who cares about that now? Very shy though.” Kaylee’s head tilted. “How does she handle being with such an outgoing personality?”
Handle?
I was defensive. There was no way Kaylee could talk about Sophie without me feeling protective. She wasn’t hers to talk about.
“Kaylee. What is it that you want?” I asked, turning back to her.
She flushed and looked down at her toes. “I don’t want you to be mad at me.”
Her response surprised me, and I let out a breath to relax some of my tension.
“I’m not,” I said honestly. I didn’t even think about her, but I remembered her well enough to know that she wouldn’t like that answer. “Things are just new with Sophie, and you know how this place is.”
She guffawed. “Yes. I’ve been asked at least a dozen times if I’d come and talk to you yet. That’s why I’m doing it here with God and everyone to see, so they can just shut up about it already.”
“They have a long memory,” I said.
“I’m sure half of them want us to get back together.
God, could you imagine? Like our little high school fling was that serious.
” I looked back at her with a frown. Something must have shown on my face because she added quickly, “I just mean, let it go. It was a million years ago, and we were kids, right?”
“We were in love. I proposed,” I said, dumbfounded. Had we been living in two different realities?
I blinked at her. I’d had so much that I wanted to say, so much sadness and anger for years. It had felt like a bomb had gone off when she left, and she mentioned it now offhandedly, as if it were just some funny story we shared.
She sighed. “I know, but I didn’t want to lead you on. You were . . . intense. And I needed to get away from this freaking place. It’s like a black hole.” She glanced around, shifting on her feet. “You and I both knew it wasn’t that serious.”
It wasn’t that serious . . .
Words I had thrown out before, thrown back in my face.
I felt sick. It was like I’d imagined it all. It had been that serious to me. How could I have ever muttered those words to Sophie, even if I had been trying to help.
“I-I—” My heart hammered in my chest. “This isn’t the right time to have this conversation. It should have happened a decade ago.”
Had Sophie thought the same things about me? Was I only the good-time guy, incapable of anything serious? It was too much to hear this right now. I was already so anxious to know about Sophie’s feelings. I couldn’t take this. I knew this had all been a mistake.
“I have to go.” I was already walking away.
“Pace?” She huffed an indignant laugh.
I was dizzy from all the confusing and conflicting emotions, but I shouldn’t have left Sophie.
I should have stayed by her side. That much was clear.
I needed to know where we stood. Every insecurity about the relationships of my life felt like tar seeping out of my skin, sticking down my feet as I made my way to her.
When I looked up again, Levi spoke to Sophie, his face serious.
She listened and nodded, but the familiar signs of her growing anxiety surfaced.
The way she seemed to hunch in on herself, the way she twisted her fingers.
Signs that hadn’t been there earlier. She’d been so confident and sure of us being here together.
I flinched internally, palms sweating to reach for her.
I’d caused her shift. If I were still at her side, her anxieties wouldn’t be taking over.
I would be holding her hand. I would be giving her my strength.
I needed to get back to her. We could reassure each other that what we had was real.
Her gaze flicked around the room, her shoulders rising closer to her ears.
Claire and Levi formed a unit of protection around her as she began to back up, horror growing on her features.
I felt sick with trepidation as I looked around the room, sensing the energy shift in the way it did when there was drama. People whispered with heads close over shared phone screens.
“What’s going on?” I stepped forward and tapped the arm of a guy who was talking with somebody, the phone between them.
He jumped when he registered who I was.
“Uh,” he said.
Then I looked up and saw that mean girl Vicky was talking to Sophie, who’d gone colorless.
“Shit,” I swore.
My body shook as I found Sophie moving to leave the room.
“Sophie?” I called after her.
“Pace, hey, let’s talk outside.” Levi put a hand on my shoulder before I got to her, speaking quietly in my ear.
“No. Tell me. What’s going on?” Every muscle in my body was rigid. I had to help Sophie. I couldn’t let her leave.
Sophie was almost at the doors.
“Sophie!” I yelled sharply, and several people gasped and lifted their heads. “Wait!”
She turned in slow motion toward me. Her eyes were as wide and terrified as that night I showed up with her list. She shook her head back and forth in the smallest motion.
“Where are you going?” I asked, appalled by the time I reached her. I was struggling to control my volume.
“Maybe we should go outside?” Claire said.
I shook my head. “No. No. What’s going on?”
“I-I have to go,” Sophie said. Her voice was whisper-quiet. Her eyes flicked to the crowd behind me, probably to where Kaylee told her with her eyes that I was too intense, warning her to run. This wasn’t right. I needed a plan. The night had gotten off the rails, but I could fix it.
If I could keep Sophie safe, if I could protect her from pain or shame, she would see this was real. That I was serious about us and our future.
That I was worth a future.
“You were just going to leave? Without telling me?” My voice shook.