Chapter Forty-One
Brody
It was almost midnight by the time I landed back at Logan Airport, and I couldn’t fathom how I’d been to Michigan and back in the last twelve hours.
My mind was exhausted. My body was cramped from travel. And all I wanted to do was go home and dive into bed.
But that wasn’t even an option anymore.
The only comfort I had waiting for me was the admittedly soft cushioning of Liam’s couch.
I didn’t know if Maggie had chosen to go back to the apartment, or if she was still at Liam’s. Honestly, I didn’t know which would be worse.
I couldn’t be near her, but I couldn’t be away from her either. It was a hell of a place to be.
My car was waiting in the lot where I left it, and I drove to Liam’s house in a near delirious state, still trying to mentally weigh the pros and cons of uprooting my entire life to go back to Michigan.
I’d looked at a handful of apartments while I was there, but it didn’t matter to me where I lived. It could be a box for all I cared. I always thought it wasn’t the house that made a home but the family you had beside you.
And considering I was going to be entirely by myself, I guess I might as well have chosen a sturdy box to settle down in. It wasn’t like I had any pets, or kids, or even furniture for that matter.
Fuck.
I wiped a hand over my face, willing myself to stay awake. The only Dunkin’ that was open at this hour was the one attached to the gas station, so I pulled in to the drive-thru and ordered a small, hot regular.
It probably wasn’t good to be drinking caffeine this late, but despite the physical exhaustion I felt, I had a lot of shit in my mind to sort through, and I knew I wouldn’t be getting much sleep regardless.
“Can I have a plain donut, too?” I stuck my head out the window, listing off my order to the intercom.
“Yup,” an indifferent voice drawled, apparently not thrilled to be working the Dunkin’ drive-thru at this hour. “Will that be all?”
“Yeah, thanks.”
“You can pull forward.”
I got my order, giving the kid with the half-dead expression a ten-dollar bill tip in the hopes of cheering him up. It might’ve worked, but his expression didn’t really change, so I couldn’t know for sure.
I resumed the route to Liam’s house, sipping the coffee, and shitty as it was, there was something about Dunkin’ that brought comfort to the heart.
Dunkin’ Donuts. Yeah. I needed to put that on the pro column for staying in Boston.
But my family, I thought while driving. They were so happy to see me today. I hadn’t told them I was coming, just surprised my dad at his shop and dropped the bomb that I was thinking about moving home.
Damn, if his eyes didn’t light up with joy at the mere possibility.
When I was a kid, before I got serious about hockey, when I thought about the future, I guess I always pictured following in my dad’s footsteps, taking over the business for him when he got too old for it.
And I guess that time would’ve been around now. There were wrinkles around his eyes that had never been there before. And his hair, once a dark brown, was now starting to gray.
How did that happen?
And did I really want to miss out on these years with my parents?
It was as good a life as any. I had friends back in Michigan. I had family. I could find purpose. And most of all, I wouldn’t be reminded every single day of Maggie fucking Brynn. The almost love of my life.
Because I had to believe she couldn’t be the actual love of my life, because that would be depressing as hell. You were supposed to end up with the love of your life. Not have a brief stint with them in your twenties. Right?
I killed the engine when I pulled into Liam’s driveway, using the spare key he’d given me to let myself in as quietly as I could.
At nearly 12:45 a.m., I was expecting the house to be blanketed in darkness when I walked in.
Not the glow of the television coming from the living room that I’d taken up residency in as of lately.
And I certainly wasn’t expecting to see the couch almost entirely occupied.
“Well, this is cozy,” I said in a whisper to Liam, who was the only one of the three still awake.
Cassie’s head was in his lap as he played with her hair absentmindedly, and Maggie—God, Maggie was beautiful as ever—looking the most relaxed I’d seen her in weeks as she slept soundly, her body curled underneath a throw blanket.
I stared at her, probably with more creepy longing than an ex-boyfriend was entitled to. Damn, was it weird as hell to miss watching someone sleep?
“They fell asleep a half hour ago watching a movie,” Liam said. “I haven’t gotten around to waking them up yet.”
Speaking of sleep, my body was too exhausted to stand up for another minute, so I let myself slip down onto the couch next to Maggie.
“What movie?” I asked, to make conversation.
“The Notebook.”
Liam huffed a laugh.
“Oof,” I winced. “They Notebooked you?”
“It wasn’t so bad,” Liam shrugged. “But it was sort of depressing as hell.”
“Tell me about it. I’ve watched that with Mags like a dozen times.”
That’s what worried me. It was her go-to film when she was at her lowest of lows. But during all those times, I had never been the reason for it. It gave me a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
One look down at Maggie, and I could tell she was in one of her deepest sleeps.
I knew that girl better than I knew anyone else, and over the years I’d seen her when she hit lows like this.
It always worried me. She worked so many hours, tried so hard in every aspect of her life.
I couldn’t imagine the strain that it put on her mind.
She was probably exhausted every moment of the day.
And I knew that the last few weeks had taken their toll on her, too.
With my arms stretched across the back of the sofa, I tilted my head back and let out a groan of frustration, letting the pent-up energy leave my body all at once.
“Should I even ask how it went today?” Liam asked, keeping his voice low.
Maggie slept like the dead, but I wasn’t sure how light of a sleeper Cassie was, so I matched his volume when I responded.
“Shit.”
“Michigan’s shit? Or the day was shit?”
“Both. Everything’s shit. I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do.”
“What do you want to do?” he asked.
“What I want is irrelevant because it exists on an alternate plane of existence where none of this ever happened in the first place.”
“I’m sorry,” Liam said honestly. “You’re right. It’s a shitty situation either way. How did it feel to be back there, though? Is it something you could live with?”
I blew out a breath.
“I mean, honestly?” I asked. “Yeah. It did. That’s why I feel so torn right now. Half of me was thinking I’d go there, think, this fucking blows, and know immediately that I couldn’t move back there. But it didn’t.”
“It didn’t?”
“No. It felt normal. Not right, I guess, but familiar. Like it could be right again someday. I could make it my new normal.” I felt like I was rambling, but I didn’t care.
I needed to bounce my ideas off of someone, and I knew Liam was the last person in the world to tell me what I wanted to hear.
I knew I could count on him to give his full, uncensored opinion.
“So my dad, he owns this hardware shop in town. I practically grew up in it. Did my homework on the counter. Worked the cash register on weekends. I know the ins and outs of that place like the back of my hand. My plan was always to take over for him when I was old enough. I think now he’s sort of scrambling to figure out what to do with the place now that he’s getting up there in age,” I said, trying to piece my feelings about it together.
“I mean, he doesn’t need to keep working.
I’ve got them covered for life and they know it, but—Liam, it would kill him to sell it.
It’s been in the family for years. His grandad opened it and passed it to his father, who passed it to him, and now here I am, ruining the family legacy by playing some stupid game. ”
“I doubt your dad sees it that way, Brody,” Liam said. “He’s probably just happy you’re following your dream.”
“But that dream has an expiration date,” I exhaled again, “and it’s really fucking soon.”
“I get it, man,” he said. “I’ve been in your spot. And you know what Cassie told me when I was freaking the fuck out the way you are right now?”
I raised my brows, waiting for him to continue.
“She told me that I should think of it as an opportunity to… what did she say? Find a new dream?” He laughed to himself, staring down at her sleeping form with a fondness he reserved solely for her.
I looked away, giving him that privacy, and jerked my gaze when I found myself staring down at Maggie. She was beautiful, dark hair fanned out on the couch, face relaxed—for once not on guard or ready for the next battle she might have to face.
That was the thing about Maggie. She always had her armor on. Sword at the ready. Sometimes I think she was so braced for attack, she forgot some of us were on her team.
Find a new dream.
Maggie had been my dream for so long. Or at least, she was always at the forefront of the picture. Everything else could take the back burner as long as I could have her. But it was too late for that now.
I cleared my throat, trying to bite down the thick swell of emotion to no avail.
“Cassie’s pretty wise sometimes, huh?”
“She’s wise all the time,” Liam rolled his eyes affectionately. “She’s just so bubbly that people sometimes overlook it.”
“So, what do you think Maggie’s plan of action is now?”
“You know Maggie,” Liam said. “She does whatever occurs to her that moment. Kinda plays it minute by minute.”
“That’s a hard way to live,” I said, looking down at her again. I couldn’t help but look at her. Always.
“Her choice,” Liam said. “She’s always been that way.”
But I didn’t think it was a choice at all.
I think it was the result of trauma. Of the fear of everything being taken away from her eventually, until she learned to just be content with what was in front of her at that present moment and let go of the rest.
“I’m gonna take Cass up to bed. You can take the guest room if you want, since Mags is out here,” Liam said.
I moved to stand up, but Maggie shifted, and I froze, terrified to wake her up and see those sleepy green eyes look up at me the way they used to every morning.
But they didn’t flutter. Instead, she just moved closer, as if sensing my presence even in sleep. And then, before I knew what was even happening, she curled up against me and exhaled a contented sigh.
I looked down at her, holding my breath in fear of breaking the moment.
Do I wake her up? Do I let her sleep? Do I wait a few minutes and see if she moves on her own?
I looked to Liam for guidance, but he just smirked at me and shook his head.
“On second thought, you look pretty cozy here. Good night, Brody,” Liam said over his shoulder, carrying Cassie out of the room.
“Good night,” I said.
And before I could overthink it, I sunk back into the couch, letting myself feel the warmth of Maggie’s body so close to mine again. I could have this, just once.
Because in all likelihood, this would probably be the last time.