Chapter 20 #2
Jag reached across the table and took her hand in his, relishing the freedom to touch her.
In the past two weeks, they’d shared some heated kisses.
He hadn’t pushed for more intimacy and wouldn’t until Steff indicated that she was ready.
“I’m totally okay with you making plans like that.
You don’t have to worry that I’m going to get mad at you for doing so. ”
They hadn’t talked much about their pasts, in terms of family or relationships. They’d kept their conversations in the here and now, so he had no idea if her worry was from how someone treated her in the past.
“Okay.”
“Talk to me, Steff. Were you scared I was going to get angry with you for making assumptions like that?”
Steff put her fork down and pulled her hand away from his hold. He wanted to snatch it back, needing that physical connection with her, but he didn’t. There had to be a reason for her doing what she’d done, and he would wait for her explanation.
“I don’t know. I didn’t think so, but Cynthia—never mind. It’s nothing.”
Now Jag was even more determined to get to the bottom of what was troubling Steff. Not to mention finding out what Cynthia had said or done for her to think he wouldn’t be happy with the idea of going on a double date.
He pushed away from the table and went around to where Steff sat. Her hands were clasped together in her lap, her head lowered. The position was a total submissive one, and he didn’t like seeing it one bit.
He squatted down and placed one hand on the back of the chair, and the other lightly on her knee.
“What’s going on? Have I done something that made you scared of me?” Jag hated voicing the thought out loud, because he didn’t believe he had.
Steff’s head whipped up, her eyes wide with shock. The sparkle of happiness had gone from their blue depths, and he wanted to see it back. “Oh no, you haven’t. It’s just …” Her words trailed off again.
Jag looked at her plate. It was almost empty, another sign that she was healing and eating more than she had when he’d first started staying at her place. “Are you done?” he asked anyway.
“Yes.”
He stood and held out his hand. “Shall we go sit on the couch?”
She nodded and placed her hand in his. He gave a slight tug to pull her up. Once she was standing, instead of moving to the couch, he wrapped his arms around her, and his eyes drifted shut when she melted into his embrace and her arms slipped around his waist.
The hug was everything he needed. To reestablish the connection between them. To show her that he cared, and nothing she said or did would make him angry.
Was that a lofty expectation?
Perhaps, because there would be times when he would do something that would annoy her, and vice versa. But he would never lose his temper with her.
After a few seconds, they broke apart, and he pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Come, let’s sit.”
He settled them on the couch; Steff tucked beneath his arm and her head resting on his chest. He loved sitting with her like this. “I don’t ever want you to feel afraid around me,” he started. “There’s nothing you can say or do that will make me so mad that I give you a reason to doubt my words.”
Did that make sense? It seemed to in his mind, but now that he’d said it out loud, it sounded like a bunch of gobbledygook.
“I know. I don’t know why I let what Cynthia said get to me.”
“What did she say?” He didn’t understand why Cynthia would say anything that would put doubts in Steff’s mind.
He’d only had limited interactions with the woman.
She’d come over a couple of times, and he’d retreated to the room he was staying in, letting them have some girl time.
He’d thought he was doing the right thing, but had he given Cynthia the impression that he didn’t like her being around?
Jag made a mental note to query that with Steff next.
“It seems so silly now when I think about it.”
No way was he going to let her invalidate her feelings. Steff had a reason for them, and he would let her explain them. “Nothing you feel is ever silly.”
“We were having lunch after we found her dress. That’s when I brought up the idea of the double date.
She said she got the impression that you liked to make all the decisions, and that I should maybe check with you before we started making plans.
Thinking about it now, it doesn’t seem that bad.
I mean, she’s right, I shouldn’t have just assumed you’d be fine with me making plans without checking, even though Fox is your friend. ”
Jag didn’t say anything for a few seconds, processing what he’d been told. Cynthia’s comments may have seemed innocuous, but had there been a hint of deliberateness in them? As though she knew that by saying them it would put some doubt in Steff’s mind.
Or was she just trying to be a good friend?
To ensure Steff had some autonomy in their relationship after having her free will taken from her while she’d been held captive.
It was also possible Cynthia had some hangups about it too after what they’d gone through.
Jag could appreciate Cynthia was looking out for her friend.
“Now you’re upset. I knew I shouldn’t have said anything to you.” The distress in Steff’s voice tugged at his heart, and he shifted her so that she was straddling his lap and he could look her in the eye.
“I’m not upset, hon, I’m thinking over what she said.
But I want to reiterate again that I have no issues at all with you making plans for us.
Just like I know you wouldn’t mind if I came home and said that Fox and I were talking about going to dinner all together.
It’s what couples do. They get an idea and then check with the other person before going back to finalize them. ”
“You’re right. At the time I thought it was a bit forward of Cynthia to say that, and I should’ve said so to her. But I let it settle in my mind, and made it into something bigger than it needed to be.”
“Well, now you know that it’s not an issue. Why don’t you and Cynthia work out a plan and then let me know what you settle on? We might be heading out on a trip soon, but that won’t be for a couple of weeks. Which gives you plenty of days to choose from.”
Steff played with the buttons on his shirt, her teeth worrying her bottom lip. He didn’t know how much more he should say or do to reassure her; she had to come to that conclusion by herself. And she would, he knew she would. “Okay, I will. Um, can I ask you something?”
“You can ask me anything.”
“Did you mean it when you said we were a couple?”