Chapter 3
My behavior was a defense mechanism
Wearing a pair of washed-out jeans and a navy-blue cotton T-shirt that molded to my broad chest with the number twenty-two—my jersey and lucky number—printed in white on the front, I ran downstairs.
I was ready to jumpstart my day and see if Lydia had left.
There were no traces of her in my bedroom when I got dressed, and it erased some of the discomfort swirling inside me.
In the kitchen, Craig was sitting at the island with his girlfriend, Paige, two steaming mugs set before them on the counter.
Just like the rest of the main floor, the room reminded me of a cozy ski chalet with its oak cabinets, cream walls, and black countertops and appliances.
It had vault ceilings and a breakfast nook with a built-in corner oak bench and a square table framed by two large windows covered by dark teal-blue heavy linen curtains.
It opened on the dining room on one side, and the wooden staircase on the other.
“Hey, you guys,” I said, stealing Paige’s coffee and bringing the mug to my lips while taking the stool across from her. “How is it going, babe?” I leaned forward to plant a chaste kiss on her cheek. “When did you get here?”
Paige never spent the night. My parents had strict rules about girls staying over—rules I broke at least once a month. Not Craig, though.
Her clear laughter warmed my insides. She and I had that kind of relationship.
“Good. Got here fifteen minutes ago. Met your friend in the driveway.” She made air quotes around the word friend with her fingers.
“Mase, I won’t repeat what she said. But, geez, some words were not meant for tender ears. ”
I flicked my free hand in a dismissive gesture. “Babe, don’t believe everything you hear.”
My brother removed the mug from my grip and put it back in front of her. “Don’t babe my girlfriend, man. We’ve been over this many times already. Get your own coffee and your own girl and call my girl Paige. Stop flirting with her.”
I winked. “Don’t mind him, babe. He’s grumpy in the morning.
” I took another sip of her coffee, and she let me.
Yes, we were friends, and I shamelessly flirted with her in a non-sexual kind of way every chance I got.
Paige was family. She was a great audience, always laughing at my lame jokes and cheering me on even when I acted like an idiot.
Yeah, my brother had hit the jackpot with his girlfriend.
Paige mirrored my smile, her fingers intertwining with my brother’s, using her other hand to tame his tousled hair in an affectionate manner. “He’s not.”
I lifted one brow, and she chuckled.
“Okay, maybe a bit. Caffeine should kick in and chase his moodiness away. Eventually.”
I smirked, and her grin widened.
“Stop teaming up against me,” my brother complained, unable to keep his face straight as he said it, a smile breaking free when he shook his head.
“What happened with Lydia? I had to put a pillow over my head last night to muffle her moans. She kept screaming Harder…Mase, and I almost puked in my own mouth. You’re lucky Mom and Dad’s bedroom isn’t next to ours; otherwise, you would have gotten caught this time around. ”
We both knew Lydia wasn’t much of a screamer, but Craig loved to mess with me for the sake of it, so I indulged in his game and displayed my cockiest smile.
“What can I say? I have talents, man. Don’t be jealous.
If you ever want pointers, I’m always available to teach you how it’s done in case you lack technique.
” He rolled his eyes, and my humor died down.
“Anyway, that was the last time. She won’t be coming back. ”
“Trouble in paradise?” Paige asked with a knowing smile.
“Well, I may or may not have deserved her anger this morning. I dropped her ass...for good this time. She was getting clingy.”
“Man, you gotta stop doing that.” Craig ran a hand through his hair.
“For some reason, girls like you even though they know you don’t date them, and you take nothing seriously.
Don’t bring girls home if you are going to kick them to the curb the next morning.
If you invite them over and let them spend the night, they’ll expect more from you. Think about it.”
Between us, my older brother was the more responsible one.
The rule follower. Perhaps it was the fact he was older, or he had inherited more genes from our mother that made him super serious and shit—the opposite of what people expected from me.
Cracking jokes—even when I’d rather cry—taking nothing seriously, and acting like I was over everyone and everything had become my way of coping.
All. The. Freaking. Time. Over the years, I’d gotten good at hiding my feelings from the rest of the world, plastering a fake smile on my face.
“And, Mase, messing around with Lydia Santos is asking for trouble. The last thing the team needs is to have David Copperman and Jayden Clarke on their backs off the field. The rivalry is fun during football season, but those two will go crazy if they learn you’ve been hooking up all summer with their QB’s girl.
Everyone knows Copperman has a soft spot for this girl.
Even if they’re toxic together. And the fact that she’s Clarke’s cousin makes things even more complicated.
He’s super protective of her. I heard his dad tried to get her transferred to Cowley High, but the school board refused.
Take your player-ways elsewhere. Far from the team.
It’s our last year, and we should make the most of it instead of messing it all up for a girl who, by the way, is using you to make her boyfriend jealous.
This shit will come to bite you in the ass eventually. Take my word for it.”
“It won’t happen. As I said, we’re done.”
“This isn’t like you. Acting like a dumbass. I don’t know why you keep up with the charade. Aren’t you tired of people thinking you’re all looks and no brain? You’re worth much more than who you pretend to be. Since what happened three months ago, you’re even more reckless than usual.”
I made a cutthroat gesture. We had agreed we wouldn’t talk about what had happened at the beginning of the summer.
It was between my brother, my teammates who were present, and me.
Nobody else had to know. No need to alert anyone and make the coaching staff or scouts worry about my ability to throw a ball.
Paige’s attention drifted between us. “What happened three months ago?”
“Relax, bro. It’s no big deal. It’s just a character I’m playing. People enjoy this version of me. And it makes me popular with the ladies.” I could be convincing when I needed to be. I addressed Paige. “By the way, nothing happened. It’s just Craig messing with me. Sibling rivalry and shit.”
She sighed. “Sounds dumb.”
“It is, babe.”
Craig shook his head. “Whatever. I think it’s stupid. One day, you’ll realize you were an idiot for giving high school kids so much power over you. Hiding behind that identity isn’t smart. I love you too much to let it ruin the person you truly are.”
Or maybe I wasn’t as convincing as I thought I was.
His words stung. Craig had no idea about the thoughts invading my brain.
He had no clue I was scared shitless that my reckless jump had impacted my dreams. He also wasn’t aware that I was trying my best to protect my heart from getting hurt.
My outgoing persona was a shield. Because I feared rejection.
As long as I didn’t put my heart on the line and didn’t give a damn, it was safe from getting broken, right?
Sometimes, I still thought about the night my neighbor told me boys were trouble.
I was just an innocent kid with big ambitions and a soft heart back then, but her words had stayed with me all this time.
Some days, I still wondered if she could tell at the time how I’d turn out.
If she knew I’d become trouble for real.
These days, despite the fact I joked around a lot, a big part of me was still that child, scared his dreams wouldn’t come true.
Rejected for the first time. See? My behavior was a defense mechanism.
I didn’t need a shrink to explain it to me.
I was well-aware. Didn’t mean I knew how to break the cycle, though.
And the persona my friends had thrust on me.
I pushed the thought away, not wanting to dwell on the past and not ready to obsess over things I couldn’t control.
“I’m sixteen. Nobody should take anything I do or say too seriously.” My argument was pathetic. Even I could recognize that much.
“You’re about to turn seventeen. In a year, you’ll be an adult. And Paige and I, we were already together at sixteen. Your age shouldn’t be an excuse for using your dick more than your brain. It’s pretty lame.”
Paige nodded. “True.”
“Don’t be on his side, babe. I need you on my team here.”
“Sorry, Mase, but you brought this upon yourself.” She huffed a breath. “You make questionable choices sometimes. And they come with consequences.” Like I didn’t know.
I sighed. I didn’t plan on being on the hot seat this early on a Saturday morning.
I addressed my brother. “Maybe you inherited all the mature genes, and I got the player ones because there were none of the good ones left for me.” My attempt at a joke fell flat, but I would say anything to get out of this lecture.
“Mase, one day, you’ll find a girl made just for you, and you’ll stop pretending you don’t care about anyone else but you.
” Paige squeezed my forearm. I really liked her.
She always possessed the right words to ease the storm unleashing inside me.
“You are one of the good ones. I just wish you would start giving yourself the credit you deserve. The real you is more than enough. You are genuinely a nice guy. Never doubt it, okay? And stop pretending otherwise.”
I nodded. Yeah, Paige was a sweetheart, and nobody could argue that fact.